Acknowledgment
by fair01will
Summary: Hermione goes through her life lying, Sirius hiding. Then they meet and he breaks down all the thick walls she's built around herself. Day is cruel and night won't let you rest. At the brink of war, more terrible than the one before, will they learn how to find the light they both need, or will they succumb to darkness and misery that surrounded them all their lives? - Part 1/3
1. Prologue

**A/N: I own nothing, all credit goes to J. K. Rowling and Warner Bros. **

**Welcome dear readers,**

**I've finally decided to publish my new fanfiction story. The first 17 chapters of my Acknowledgement, Rediscovery and Bond Trilogy are already written so don't worry, you will have something to read for quite some time. I will post a new chapters twice a week. **

**My story is mostly about Hermione and her relationship with Sirius. However I tried to make the characters realer, wittier, etc. so it isn't according to the books nor films and I do like to mix those two a lot. Even though I have the whole plot already laid out, I'm open to suggestion so do leave a comment if you have an idea you think should be included, I'm not saying it'll be there but it is nice to read your thoughts.**

**This prologue is nothing long but it will give you the general idea. I really hope you'll like it. Happy reading.**

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><p>Hermione Jean Granger, or was it Hermione Mary King? Nobody really knew and cared enough to find out. On a rainy September night a small girl was left and found on a doorstep of suburban orphanage in Richmond. She had light brown hair and honey-coloured eyes. No identity, no letter, only a card with her birthday pinned on a white silk blanket with the name Hermione sewn onto it. This blanket grew as Hermione did but nobody ever seemed to notice.<p>

Hermione was trying to hide her story all her life. No, she wasn't ashamed; nevertheless she hated the pitying stares she always got when a family arrived to pick up a child that would get a new and loving home. However it was never her. So she created a story where she wasn't a poor orphaned girl but a daughter to Mr. and Mrs. Granger, dentists living in London. When she was 5 years old and became more aware of herself than she already was, strange accidents began to happen.

It started on a playground. A boy was running around trying to catch a ball his friend was throwing at him when suddenly it hit a girl sitting on a bench. This girl, Hermione, was a loner. She didn't mind most of the time. She got used to the bulling of her fellow charges. She always used to daydream about her 'ideal' family. But when this ball hit her she got very angry, so angry that the ball exploded. From then on every child in the orphanage was afraid of her, nevertheless they bullied her even more. But she didn't worry about that. Notwithstanding her fear, she was curious about her newfound powers every day and after some time she even managed to control them.

When it was a month before her twelfth birthday a strange old man came to visit her. He claimed he was a wizard, a Headmaster of a school of magic and wizardry named Hogwarts. She immediately jumped at the chance of escaping that hellhole but on one condition. ''Nobody can know I'm an orphan. I have parents, they are dentist. Even the teachers cannot know.'' she said. To say the truth, Dumbledore wasn't much surprised.

He has dealt with enough young wizards and witches that he fancied himself to understand their young and capricious minds. And most of the time he used their confusion and innocence to his purposes. But as he was sitting with this bushy haired girl who seemed constantly on edge, he started to think whether it was a good idea to bring her to the wizard community. He did know things about her that would change the world, but well… His mind sped up as he thought of pros and cons and was only brought back to reality by her waving hand in front of his eyes.

''Sorry my dear, that happens to an old man like me. I or professor McGonagall, who's one of the heads of the four houses there are in Hogwarts will pick you up tomorrow at 10 o'clock sharp and we'll go shopping for school supplies with you. Oh and I almost forgot. Here's your letter. I must be off now. Good luck Miss Granger.'' with that he gracefully got up and left her room.

Hermione just sat there, staring at the wall. To an observer it might have seemed she was asleep for her eyes were closed. But no, her mind was running a mile a minute. A witch? If she hadn't seen professor Dumbledore perform magic she would have thought someone was trying to play a very sick joke on her, a very sick joke indeed. However then it clicked. She could go away, do something more demanding. She could start a new life in a world where no one knows her or her life story.

The next day was her visit to Diagon Alley. She could spend an eternity in the Flourish and Blotts bookstore. However her allowance was low and she was left with hand-me-downs. As Dumbledore explained to her that morning (it was he who picked her up) there was a school fund for students from unfortunate background. When he mentioned that, she got furious. Unfortunate background? What is he playing at? Lights started to flicker and Dumbledore felt her power swelling around her. Once he might have been impressed. But after a rather bad experience with Tom Riddle he wasn't going to risk it again. As Hermione was putting on her light summer jacket he discreetly pulled out his wand and silently cast a complex spell that limited her powers to an enormous.

Unbeknownst to Hermione this incantation also changed her magical signature which then consequently led to a different wand choice. Maybe, if she knew this piece of information, she would have understood why it felt so wrong to hold that certain wand made of vine wood with a dragon heartstring core. But she assumed she wasn't quite used to the sensation and Mr. Ollivander seemed happy with the choice. But somehow the words 'a weak wand for a weak girl' made their way into her mind. Unsatisfied she left the shop with many packages from other shops in her hands.

As she looked around she could easily see she didn't fit in. Everyone around her was wearing strange cloaks, no normal cloaks she corrected herself. She was the strange one, the intruder. She then spent two years hiding behind book. One could say she even made some friend. Harry and Ron, maybe even Ginny but they were never her true friends. Nobody ever found out about her lies. And at times she caught herself wishing they would find out. They never had a clue and the desire to tell them made the words in her head even louder. 'A weak girl', she didn't want to be a weak girl who was caught off her guard too many times.

She felt empty most of the time, trying to fill the void in her chest by the knowledge she found in books. At night, when she couldn't sleep, she stole one of the school brooms and flied around the Hogwarts Quidditch pitch. The lies seemed to grow and grow and in her third year the weight upon her shoulders was enormous.

With the time-turner thing and Sirius Black on the loose she just waited for the moment she'd break. But she never did. However upon meeting Sirius Black something went right for the first time in her life. His grey eyes seemed to pierce her soul and look into her heart she never knew she had. It wasn't only Hermione who felt the lightness from looking into the other's eyes. Sirius, after 12 years in Azkaban was exhausted to say the least, but when he looked into her honey coloured eyes he felt some of the exhaustion and wariness melt away. And that is where the story of Hermione begins.

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><p><strong>So how did you like it? Next chapter will be on Sunday so don't worry I won't keep you hanging for long.<strong>


	2. Chapter One

Hermione was sitting on her bed in her tiny room in the Richmond orphanage. She has already done all her homework and with giving up some subjects due to the exhaustion she felt from using her time-turner all year, it wasn't that much work. Thinking of last year she found a blank piece of parchment and a quill. She was thinking about him a lot. How could she not. He seemed to be permanently etched into her mind. Maybe, just maybe he would understand. But what could she write?

Hermione stared at the offensive piece of parchment. She just couldn't write 'Hey Sirius, how are you? 'But then again, it is the polite way to start a letter. She wasn't the brightest witch of her age and a Gryffindor only to be scared of writing a letter. With some newfound resolve she dipped the quill in black ink and started to write.

_Dear Sirius,_

_I suppose I should apologise. You may ask for what. Well, I was always more than suspicious about you even after I knew you weren't guilty. And if there is someone who should understand your position, it's me. Sure, I helped to save your life but that doesn't mean I haven't felt that way. Let's just say that life has taught me to be doubtful of most situations I've found myself in. I'm sorry for that._

_Nevertheless I wanted to ask you how you were doing. A free man, it sure is be quite a change. The magical world has changed quiet a lot in the past 12 year, I'm certain… But then again I'm not a part of it for a long time. However, if you ever need anything during the summer I'd gladly help._

_Take care and good luck,_

_Hermione_

Being fairly content with the letter she called her borrowed school owl and tied the letter to its leg. ''Take this to Sirius Black for me. Be careful! Now go!'' With that the middle sized brown owl took off into the night. After that Hermione lay awake for a long time, wondering about her next year and about the prophecy made by Professor Sybil Trelawney. 'The Dark Lord will rise again with this servant's aid, greater and more terrible than ever he was.' She should be afraid, she should react somehow. But she didn't and the more she thought about it, the more confused she felt. She didn't understand her reaction either then or now. She fell into a restless sleep, thrashing around on her hard bed.

On the other side of the world Sirius Black was wondering how to go on with his life as an Azkaban escapee. He had to be there for Harry, it was his job as Harry's godfather. But what could he do for him from here? He promised him a life with him and now he is stuck in the Andes. It was a tough place but for a skilled wizard like him it is bearable and with the help from Dumbledore he's also quite safe there.

He started to think about Harry. He was the exact replica of James, his best friend. Except for the eyes, they were startling green shining with resolve as were Lily's. His thoughts strayed from there to a certain bushy haired girl. She was different from them all, he could tell. The war has taught him to read people well. Even though her face and behaviour revealed nothing strange, it was her eyes that betrayed her. She was like an animal trapped in a cage, he could tell pretty easily since he felt like that for the better part of the last 13 years. Even when Lily and James were alive, it wasn't easy for him.

Nevertheless he survived and now he must do all he can. It was in the first days of August that a brown owl tapped on the window of his cottage. He warily took the letter from it and started to read. He had to laugh when he finished. The young witch really knew her way around words. However he was glad that she wrote to him since his escape from Europe; he received quiet a lot letters from Harry. However he couldn't say much in the replies.

He knew how James was and from what he witnessed, his son was like him more than he could say. So he omitted the truth and concentrated on asking how he was doing and what did he miss in the last 12 years. Sirius regretted not being able to be honest but such a conversation should be held I person, not though letters.

However, Hermione was a different matter entirely. She was clever, practical and from what Harry wrote about her incredibly skilled. Maybe it wouldn't do much harm to let her get to know him and vice versa. Aye, there was something about her and he was set on finding out what. After he thought about it, he had to ask himself what he really knew about her.

Firstly, her knowledge as a 3rd year was incredible, he would even go as far as to say unbelievable. But she was a muggle-born. Not that he was prejudiced; in fact he was a mudblood-lover as his 'beloved' cousin Bellatrix once called him. Nevertheless years of experience taught him that muggleborns are usually not that powerful. Sure there were some rare exceptions when there was a squib in their family now and then but the rule was that even though he wished it immensely, muggleborns will never be as powerful as purebloods.

Secondly, she had this gracefulness about her. The way she held her wand in her skinny fingers or the way she walked was almost aristocratic. But there was no resemblance to any ancient family what so ever. So yes, she seemed to be the exception to the muggleborns. Despite his persuasive arguments at the back of his mind he was still unconvinced. 'These are speculations, not facts!' he reminded himself and went on to another point.

From the few times –two to be exact, he'd seen her he could tell she isn't rich, he would even say she was very poor. Her robes were baggy and without any colour, almost shabby. She had unkempt hair and honey coloured eyes. How he remembered that he wasn't sure. That was all he knew about her.

As he looked at the owl he saw a small white H on its front. A Hogwarts school owl then... He took out a piece of parchment and wrote a reply to her letter. He wasn't known for his modesty so he wasn't bothered that it may be a wee bit inappropriate or impolite. Even though he used different owls when writing to Harry, he saw nothing wrong with sending this one. It was inconspicuous and the Ministry didn't bother to check school owl.

It was the third week of August when flustered owl tapped on the window of Hermione's room. It looked bone tired and immediately flew into its cage. Hermione carefully took the letter from it. Sitting on her windowsill she rolled out the parchment and started to read.

_Hermione,_

_I hope your owl made the journey unscathed. She was exhausted when she arrived. I have absolutely no idea why did you have to apologise but I'll do the polite thing and accept it. Everybody has their right to their own opinion. I'm doing fairly well, not being around those horrid monsters has made wonders for my health but I'm not the man I once used to be. You've gotten yourself in a bit of a predicament you know… You intrigue me and that seldom happens. _

_I haven't gotten a chance to get to know you and the only information I get are through my godson. He praises you quite a lot I must tell you that. Even though I assure you the broom was harmless. No worries, I'm not mocking you. However I cannot help but wonder how much of the things you tell him are actually true. _

_The situation I find myself in is not comfortable. Without any contact with the outer world for so long I'm used to the solitude but being free without shackles makes you crave it more than you can imagine. I can't write that to him though. Some things are better left as they are. _

_But tell me. Does that apply also to you?_

_You seemed as a smart girl with a concept of reality. So how come you look so lost? You can tell me what books you like of course. But why don't you tell me the real story because there's more to you than meets the eye. Think about it._

_I wish you good luck at school,_

_Padfoot_

_P.S.: It might be safer to use my nickname, still 'wanted' you know. And why are you using a school owl?_

'The nerve of that man? I write to him offering my help and he flirts with me and wants my life story?'Hermione was furious and if anybody was as unfortunate enough as to enter her room she would probably hexed them into next week screw the consequences. She crumpled the letter and threw it into her school trunk. But her logic part of mind made an appearance and started to pick certain parts of the letter and analyse them.

He was very observant, that was for sure. Not only did he notice that there was something off about her, he also guessed she wasn't telling the truth. Suddenly, she grew afraid, almost panicky. 'Nobody can know; nobody at all!' This brought tears to her exes. How is she supposed to live like this, creating lies and having to relish in them lies if it was the most wonderful bubbly bath she's ever taken? Hermione's main concern was if she would tell someone about his suspicions or not. She then realised she craved to tell someone about everything. She wished that there would be one person in the whole world who'd understand.

In her third year she realised Dumbledore was acting strangely around her. He always seemed to be more observant of her. He watched her more often than he did Harry, she was certain about that. That's why it was out of the question to discuss anything with him. However, Sirius could be the one whom she could talk to. If only she wasn't so scared and suspicious all the time.

She didn't have time to dwell much longer on the issue. The head-carer called her and she had to deal with her. Putting the letter in an imaginary box in her mind she concentrated on being calm as she prepared for whatever task her head-carer seemed to think of.

''Since you'll be leaving in two days, I think it is time you did all the work you missed by being at your school.'' the head-carer Susan spat at the young girl. Hermione was used to it by now. Cleaning bathrooms, sweeping floors, doing laundry, you name it - she did it…

Exhausted she entered her room at three in the morning and as soon as her head hit the pillow she was asleep. She didn't think of the letter till Harry's scar started to burn after the Quidditch world cup fiasco.


	3. Chapter Two

**A/N: I'll be posting new chapters more often that I originally intended to. Some of my story will be through letters and both Hermione and Sirius are a bit OOC but I think you'll all like it. So read on!**

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><p>Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting in their common room, Hermione buried in her school work while Harry and Ron playing wizarding chess. '' Who do you think they'll choose for Hogwarts?'' asked Ron while Harry thought hard about his next step. Ron always beat him in chess and today was no exception. ''Queen to G5!'' the pieces moved back and forth and after five short minutes Ron exclaimed ''Check mate! And you didn't answer may question mate.'' ''Well I don't know… What do you think?'' Hermione ignored the whole conversation. The only positive side of the whole Triwizard Tournament was getting to talk to someone who has at least a mild interest in things that actually mean something.<p>

Even though most of the girls from Beaubatons Academy of Magic were annoying, some of them were actually nice. She could discuss her Charms essay with them, well after she finished it that is. Right now she was checking it for any mistakes and it seemed better than she expected. She was disturbed from her work by someone calling her name. ''Hermione!'' Ron almost shouted trying to get her attention. Hermione finally responded but snapped at him ''WHAT?!'' ''Don't get your knickers in a twist! It's time for dinner and they're going to choose the champions!'' 'Oh the tournament, almost forgot about that!' Hermione cursed in her head.

Ron always teased her about her interests or their lack of. However she was used to it by now. Malfoy calling her mudblood every chance he got, Ron teasing her about her appearance and using her for copying her homework. Sometimes she wondered what he would do if she wasn't there. 'They'd probably all fail, I suppose' Hermione thought following her fellow Gryffindors to the Great Hall. However the evening ended unexpectedly. Harry got chosen as a fourth champion, had a falling out with Ron, and if it weren't enough Professor Snape accused her of stealing his potion ingredients.

What would she do with them? Sure, she enjoyed brewing potions and in their 2nd year she successfully brewed a Polyjuice potion but why would she brew it now? Strange… After a week of Ron and Harry not speaking to each other she had to let out the steam somehow. No not emotions, she just needed to tell someone, put the weight off of her shoulders.

'Now would be the time to write to him you know…' her inner-self told her.

'I suppose you're right. But not too much…'

'That's up to you, you know that. Just don't get caught up.'

She took out a parchment and her quill, put a book on her knees and started to write, her neat handwriting covering the page.

_Dear Padfoot,_

_You shouldn't have come, but Harry needs you now more than ever so I suppose you made the right decision. Surely you are aware that he was has been chosen as another Champion. I have absolutely no idea how that has been accomplished but I suppose it has something to do with the death eater(s) at Hogwarts. Yes, I know about Igor Karkaroff being a death eater. I've read quite a lot about the War and his name came out fairly often. Even though from the things I've gathered he doesn't strike me as the type of wizard who'd be able to put Harry's name in the Goblet of Fire. But I may be wrong. Ron's currently not speaking with Harry. Please do try to cheer him up._

_I received a letter from the Ministry recently. Apparently I was using my time-turner last year much more than I've realised. My birthday has been altered – to a year earlier so I will turn not 14 but 15 next week. Now, it would be nice to know that you won't share any information you get from me with anyone. I trust you, which I may say about almost no one. Don't abuse my trust please. Bad things happen to those who do._

_Last year I had to use a time-turner because I took on too many classes. So McGonagall obtained a time-turner for me to get to my classes on time. It was quite exhausting so this year I have the officially allowed number of classes. Pity really, nevertheless I still have it in my possession. It's too much precious to just give back._

_Be careful,_

_Shadowpaw_

How she came up with the nickname she didn't know. Subconsciously she just wrote it down at the end. Quickly she went to the owlery and sent her letter. She finally overcame her anger at Sirius, finally understood that he might be that way.

'But that doesn't mean he had to act like a smug bastard.'

'No it doesn't. However look at yourself you're living a lie.'

'Oh shut up will you!' She mentally screamed.

The longer she spent in the wizarding world the more a certain inner voice made it its point of existence to annoy the hell out of her. Two weeks went by and still no answer from Sirius. Sometimes she was afraid that he was found out but then Harry would get a letter from him and Hermione grew furious. She hated it when someone intentionally ignored her. Not that it happened often, mind you, she didn't have the friends who would ignore her but with Sirius it bugged her incredibly. The third week she almost went off on a broom to fly to the cave he was hiding in but caught herself from being a fool. Finally after a month of waiting she got her answer.

_Shadowpaw,_

_Frustrating isn't it? Waiting for an answer that just doesn't come. Got that idea from you by the way. In those times not answering usually meant that a family's going to get a black envelope. In the last war Ministry had the habit of sending black crows with them. So please don't do it again, especially after what happened at the Quidditch World cup and Triwizard Tournament. I know Harry has been getting dreams about Him. It worries me but I can't do much from here. _

_Do not worry; I won't abuse your trust in me. It should be me who would know about trust. You were quite right about Karkaroff. He's too much of a coward I'd say. Nevertheless he's still a death eater and therefore you must be careful. Observe, you should be good at that. I haven't heard of anyone who would use a time-turner so congratulations on not meeting yourself in the past. And if I'm correct in my assumption you used it to save me. Thank you for that once again._

_If you're 15 that could mean that you have enough magical energy in your core and experience to become an Animagus. I would also try to conjure a Patronus Charm, you surely are bored out of your mind and you can spend a lot of time studying and practising that. We, the Marauders became Animagi in our fifth year and it was a lot of work. But let me tell you the result is worth it. I suppose that even though I was mostly uninterested in school I dedicated a lot of my time to that. _

_Nevertheless you managed to shock me. From what Harry wrote to me, you're not one to break rules, however you still have the time-turner. So tell me dear Shadowpaw (nice nickname, how did you think of it?) what is the real you?_

_Padfoot_

_P.S.: I suppose I should wish you Happy Birthday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY_

'Oh he doesn't give up, does he?' She thought. She won't tell him. She's too proud to do that. But maybe she could tell him some of her worries. 'Oh this is a vicious circle. Either you do or you don't! Decide already and no maybe.' She took out a small piece of parchment and quickly wrote an answer. Up above the forbidden forest Sirius read:

_Padfoot,_

_I'll write after Harry's first task._

_Shadowpaw_

At the end of November he received letter from Hermione. He already got one from his godson telling him how it all went. He was so proud of him. If only James could see it. It broke his heart when he was murdered but now it seems as if he was back. Sure he was more than aware that this was not James but on some subconscious level he rejoices, he got his brother back. Even though they were born to different parents, James and he were as close as siblings, truest of siblings could be.

He desperately wished that Harry could live with him so he could tell him all about his father and mother, about the Marauders and what they've all experienced. But as the time flew by Sirius realised there was too much of Lily in him. After the initial hater between the two, he grew to love Lily as a sister. She was compassionated, kind and caring and when he thought about it Harry was just like that. He wouldn't hurt a fly. He opened the letter from Hermione and started to read.

_Padfoot,_

_Harry did brilliantly, you should have seen him. He accioed a broom and even after the dragon got loose her managed to steal the egg. You should be so proud of him, I'm sure you are. I should warn you though. Stop asking question you do not want the answer to. Let's just say that being the bookworm insufferable know-it-all has its perks. People do not expect you to break rules; they don't blame you even if you're the one to blame. If you think about it, it's the perfect cover. Of course I like my books but someone like me has to let the energy out sometimes. _

_I suppose Harry has written to you about my immense fear of flying. However flying is the only thing I'm able to do without thinking. It's my escape you could say._

_Now, becoming an animagus is an alluring idea. I wonder what form I'll take on, however I still need to do some research on that. Nevertheless I'm happy to inform you that I managed to cast the Patronus charm. But it took me almost 3 weeks. Do you have any idea how frustrating that was? I mean, everyone calls me the brightest witch of my age and it took me 3 weeks? I suppose I did some elementary mistake._

_Tell me, is there some other use to it? Oh and I almost forgot to tell you, someone is brewing a Polyjuice potion at school. It seems that Snape made it his goal to frame me for it. I guess he's still angry that I managed to steal his ingredients in the 2__nd__ year. And if it weren't enough Alastor Moody is teaching DADA. He saw it fit to practice the Imperius curse on us. However word got to Dumbledore and he forbade him to 'train' us. But I'm afraid that if he'd used it on me (which he didn't) I'd be unable to disobey…_

_Be safe,_

_Shadowpaw_

'So the girl won't say what's up with her!' Sirius then realised that he didn't need to know that urgently if she continued to trust him with smaller things. He remembered how Remus was before he told them about him being a werewolf. He was so scared that they would cast him off as soon as they knew so he stewed it inside for almost 3 years. So Sirius thought about it and came to the conclusion he really shouldn't push her.

Nevertheless the girl seemed to be more intriguing with each letter. Time-turners, Quidditch, secret potion brewing and to top it all she managed to cast a Patronus charm which was an extremely advanced spell to learn how to master alone. Oh the potential that goes to waste, his mischievous mind thought. Not only did he respect her more he also felt he could trust her. Deciding on answering her questions he searched for a parchment and wrote a short letter.

_Shadowpaw,_

_How lovely of you to write when you tell you would. I approve. So you like flying, how unfortunate for the Gryffindor Quidditch team to lose surely a gifted player. But well, they'll live I suppose. You know, you forgot to say what form your Patronus is, but let me guess is it something with a wiggling tail? _

_Now Polyjuice potion brewing is a tricky business. But I wouldn't worry about Snivellus Snape, he'll leave you alone after he gets bored, trust me. You asked what else can be done with the Patronus Charm. I suppose you won't go to Dumbledore to teach you this one so you'll have to somehow figure it out on your own. You see, he always used it for sending messages to the Order members. _

_Just before the War broke out, he formed a secret organisation called the Order of the Phoenix. I was a member, so were all the Marauders and Lily. But that is a story for another time. I'm sorry but I don't know how he managed to make the Patronus speak and relay messages. _

_Take care,_

_Padfoot_

Hermione laughed. Oh he was a clever man. She tore off the bottom of the parchment and wrote a short reply.

_I think I'll manage,_

_Shadowpaw_

Sirius grumbled at that, she really doesn't like giving information away.

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><p><strong>AN: I always wanted to give Hermione her nickname and this came out. What do you think? It'll be explained in further chapters why I chose it, however I would like to hear your opinion very much. Also for Hermione Sirius is going to be very important when it comes to her magic. Please leave a comment and thank you for reading!**


	4. Chapter Three: Part 1

Time flew by, the Yule ball was last month actually and Sirius was still thinking about Shadowpaw. He stopped calling her Hermione in his mind some time ago. He knew that this so called radio silence wasn't helping but he wasn't sure what to write to her. He still got letters from Harry and he still replied to them so she certainly knew he was all right. Bu each day he grew more and more convinced that she should know the truth. Dumbledore warned him, strange times were coming and he felt he should protect the girl somehow.

So on the eve of the third and final task he sat down at the edge of his cave and started to write the longest letter of his life. When he was finished and only a few rays of spring sun were flickering through the clouded sky he called an owl and told it to find Shadowpaw and give her his letter. Sirius was nervous for the first time in years. Because he knew that what he wrote would possibly change her life forever.

Hermione finally persuaded Harry to go to sleep before his final task. The atmosphere started to become tense in the whole caste and the cloudy sky certainly wasn't helping the gloomy mood that seemed to descent upon everyone. Snape had finally stopped accusing her of stealing his potion ingredients but he was still meaner to her than ever before.

Harry and Ron made up and the boys seemed to stick together even more. Which left Hermione excluded somehow. She was also hurt that Sirius hasn't answered her letter for quite some time now. She was angry at herself that she let it affect her so much. But she trusted him so she told herself that he was probably sulking after she hadn't revealed everything. Finally after almost six months an owl came to her, holding a thick roll of parchment. It was addressed to her so she untied it from its leg and gave the owl some treats.

It was still some time till curfew so she took her precious cloak, the only item she managed to buy for herself that was new and made her way outside. People were staring from time to time at the figure practically flowing through the corridors of the Hogwarts castle in her midnight blue cloak and a hood pulled up so they couldn't see who it was.

Hermione decide to go and sit at the edge of the forbidden forest. The animals were much farther in and most students were afraid to come there so she was safe. She leaned against a trunk and opened the letter.

_Dear Shadowpaw,_

_I should apologise for not writing and responding to your letter sooner. But there was something important on my mind. You see, Dumbledore keeps reminding me that dark times are ahead of us. Surely you can feel it too. The air is lowly getting colder and the Dark Mark is getting darker, or so he claims. For a long time I was debating whether to tell you the truth or not. Because once you know there's no going back. And trust me, deciding whether to actually write it all on a piece of parchment was one of the most difficult things I had to ever decide on. But you're old enough to know and as a friend, close friend of Harry's you should know what's probably lying ahead of you. _

_I am not strong enough to tell this to Harry. So if the time ever comes and you think he should know, I give you my permission to tell him what you see fit. I'm being rather reasonable for the first time in my life. You see, I am usually the reckless emotional one. The Black blood cannot be denied even though I wish it could be. Despite the fact that I hate and despise them greatly they taught me some things which proved to be very helpful later on in my life, but still didn't keep me out of Azkaban._

_It is a universally known fact that I was disowned by the Black family namely by my mother and labelled a blood traitor. However before that happened I got the 'Black education'. Dark arts, Occlumency, Potions, you name it they taught me. I'm sure they regretted it later on since that's how I managed to get away when they were going after James. I'm not sure if you know the story behind James and Lily's death. But I presume that Dumbledore hasn't said anything since it was partly his fault they were killed. _

_It all started with a prophecy made by your dear professor Trelawney. The full version goes like this: The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches, born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies, and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the dark Lord knows not, and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives. _

_Somehow this got to Him and He decided on choosing and killing Harry. But as Dumbledore told me, He couldn't have heard the whole thing because otherwise He surely wouldn't have attempted to kill my godson. James and Lily went into hiding after that but the night they were attacked Dumbledore was in the possession of James cloak and I am certain he meddled with the whole incident more than he's ever let on. _

_Maybe if they had it they would have survived, who knows, now it is only the matter of pointless 'What if…' During the war He was ruthless, disappearances everyday and we were happy when we saw each other at the end of the day. Dumbledore formed a secret organisation – as I already told you, it was called the Order of the Phoenix. It was powerful but not powerful enough. Terror was everywhere and the only ones who you could rely on were your friends and even then you had to doubt everyone. Pettigrew happened and I was sent to Azkaban for something I didn't commit. _

_The time I spent there was terrible. The desperation in the air, dementors feasting on your very happy memory, screams were echoing between the walls and when there was quiet you could cut the tension with a knife. It leaves you depressed, without hope. People change for worse there, they get crazy with grief and truly become mad. Sometimes even the strongest Firewhiskey doesn't chase the fears away now._

_However after 12 years of misery I managed to escape. Your cat Crookshanks tried to help me. He is a smart one. I even get a glimpse of Harry. But the hardest thing was facing my best friend who thought I sold out James and Lily to Him. Fortunately the Marauder's map helped and we found the Rat. Then the Night came. Nevertheless something good came out of it. After escaping on Buckbeak Dumbledore contacted me and told me after a bit (or rather huge amount of threatening) on my part what I've just wrote to you._

_If he knew that you know this, he'd probably kill you. I had to make him him a promise that I'd tell no one. He seemed to think that's all it takes to make me shut up. But well, his bad. Shadow, you must bury the memory of this letter deep in your mind. The Headmaster has the tendency to look where he isn't supposed to and you're far too special to be a victim of one of his whims. You must put it in a mental safe and lock it deep, deeper than your deepest secret. _

_I seem to trust you a lot. With Harry, it's different. He's too caring to know the hard truth sometimes. You may think that I'm trying to protect him which I am but he has a lot to deal with right now and I don't think that this is the moment to tell him. This knowledge eats you up from the inside. I'm sorry that you must now share the same fate but you had to know. You're powerful and yes, Shadow, you're special to me, took me a year to realise that._

_Please be careful, _

_Padfoot_

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><p><strong>AN: Gloomy mood... I think some explanations are in order but I'll wait for your questions. Thank you for reading my story!**


	5. Chapter Three: Part 2

**A/N: I'm so glad you like my story! Now, I have a question to ask you - to name or not to name the chapters? Because I know it sometimes gives away the story and I hate that, however you're the ones reading it so what do you say?**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Hermione just sat there staring at the letter. She wasn't angry that he told her. She didn't regret reading it. She was horrified, because it all meant that Voldemort was alive. She wasn't a naïve girl. Even though she quit Divination she understood the basics of a prophecy. It isn't the stone set truth and it won't become reality until someone acts on it. Voldemort freely chose Harry and it meant that only Harry can now fight him. Sure, it also meant that Harry had some sort of an unknown power. But he was still a boy, still struggling, coming to terms with the fact that his parents are dead. How could he, an innocent boy, defeat a monster?<p>

Sometimes she hated her logical mind. She has to trust him. She has to trust him that he'll be able to defeat the dark. 'Well fortunately he's still an impalpable entity.' She thought. Hermione took a deep breath, stood up and made her way back to the castle. The cloak provided her with cover and protection from patrolling professors and prefects.

Oh but how wrong she was that night. The next day Voldemort had arisen again and even though the Ministry started to claim that it was an utter nonsense Hermione felt it. She felt the coldness Sirius described in his letter. This time she was afraid to return to the orphanage. This time she wasn't looking forward to going to Diagon Alley. Her inner self began to fight with her again and eventually after shouting at herself that she was a weak little girl she broke down.

Hidden by her cloak with tears streaming down her face she made her way to the Whomping Willow and from there to the Shrieking Shack. That night sadness descended upon Hogsmead. Wails were coming from the haunted house that night as a young girl cried because of her loneliness and desperation. Next day it was as if nothing has happened to her. She quietly made her way to the train and said her good byes to Harry and Ron at King's Cross.

When she arrived at the orphanage it was eerily quiet there. Susan came to the hall to greet her. ''This orphanage is getting closed by the end of the month. You should probably start looking for a place to stay. Orphanages are deeply underfinanced and children with a small amount of money such as you get from your school are being discharged. Even though you're not of age yet I'm fairly certain that in that freaky world of yours someone will eventually give a damn so the Government isn't alerted. You still have a week here so I suggest you use it wisely.'' Susan then turned on her heal and made her way to her quarters.

Hermione stood there in the middle of the hall; she had no idea what she was supposed to do. She took her trunk and walked to her room upstairs. Throwing herself on her bed she started to contemplate her fate. Right now her life was going downhill. You-know-who has returned, Sirius dropped a bomb on her by telling her the truth about the infamous Halloween night. And now she has nowhere to go. What a great way to start her holidays she thought.

In 12 Grimmauld place a dog was arguing with a werewolf. ''You cannot be serious Sirius! She's just a girl! She's barely 15!'' Remus shouted at his friend who was adamant about bringing his former student to this place and teaching her defence. ''Well that's where you are wrong. She's going to turn 16 in September. She's not a child anymore Remus. And they're going to have to learn it somewhere. This world is not a walk in the park anymore!'' Sirius got angrier by the minute. Not only did they shut him in this horrid house but now his best friend was refusing to see sense! But then he saw the expression on his friend's face and knew he got him.

''Just tell me one thing, why her?'' Remus asked exasperatedly, trying to live down the fact that he was going to bring a young girl to this awful company. But Sirius told him what he's already known but refused to see. ''She's brilliant Moony. Ad she's like us.'' When he saw Moony's unbelieving face he knew he had to elaborate a bit but not while breaking his promise to keep her secrets. ''Don't look at me like that. You know that as well as I do. She's not like the rest of them. And it won't actually be a waste of our time!'' Now that was a tad bit too much thought Sirius. He'd gladly spend time with her without having to teach her a thing.

Remus knew well that the girl was incredibly gifted. She thirsted for knowledge in any way. Hell, she even figure out he was a werewolf. ''Ok, so suppose she comes here. How exactly are we going to teach her? She's still underage and has the Trace on her. Have you thought about that? Hmm?'' Sirius looked smug the whole evening, maybe a bit angry while arguing with Remus but now he actually looked a bit unsure.

''Well…'' Oh no, thought Remus, this is not good! But Sirius continued. '' We could ask Mad-Eye to put those anti-Trace wards on this house. Nobody would ever need to know…'' ''Wait a minute; you want to bring Alastor into this? Are you bloody mad?'' Remus hasn't had such a heated conversation with anyone ever since long time ago. He was a calm person, relying on his mind rather than emotions. But now he was unsure if even his calm demeanour could withstand Sirius's craziness.

''No I'm not mad.'' Said Sirius sighing, ''Why is it so difficult for anymore to understand that I genuinely want to help someone?'' Remus was taken aback by the sincerity and hurt in his voice. He pinched the bridge of his nose hoping he wouldn't regret his decision. ''Tell her to meet me on Wednesday at 10 a.m. at the Leaky Cauldron. I'll deal with Moody.'' From the reaction he got from Sirius he knew he made the right decision. Sirius smiled for the first time ever since Azkaban.

''Just, just don't make me regret it.'' Sirius rolled his eyes at this but he nodded and made his way to his room to write a short note to Hermione.

_Dear Shadowpaw,_

_Hope you're enjoying your holidays. We, Moony and I've decided it wouldn't hurt for you to have some training since the things that are upon us aren't going to be easy. If you'd like to spend the rest of your summer with us then meet Moony on this Wednesday at 10 in the morning at the Leaky Cauldron. If not, we completely understand._

_Take are,_

_Padfoot_

Even though it was almost 2 in the morning he sent his letter addressed to Shadowpaw.

Hermione was lying on her bed, unable to sleep, still unsure of what to do about her situation. Sometime at night there was a light rapping on her window. When she read the short letter she was ecstatic. She wouldn't have to deal with her living situation. Of course she was going to meet her former DADA professor. Even though she wasn't entirely sure how they were going to teach and train her still with the Trace on her.

But she would leave that to them. In two days she'll leave this wretched place forever. She's going to be able to leave that horrid part of her life behind her.


	6. Chapter Three: Part 3

**A/N: Here's the last part of chapter three. Actually, I have absolutely no idea why I divided it into parts in the first place but as I read today it does make sense. Strange... This is the longest chapter yet so I sincerely hope you'll like it. **

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><p>Meeting with Moody wasn't as hard as Lupin had expected. Nevertheless he still wasn't sure how he was going to explain his request to the most feared and crazy Auror there is. ''Lupin what do you need now?'' He had forgotten the Auror's bluntness. But it would save him the tedious formalities. ''I need you to put anti-Trace wards on the Headquarters.'' Lupin said without a Trace of humour in his voice. ''I'm not here to tend to your and Black's every childish need.'' Mad-Eye snapped annoyed that he was disturbed from his day by some silly request. But Lupin was set on achieving his goal.<p>

''We need to train a girl. A bright one she is, almost 16 years old. You'd approve.'' Oh he knew how to play the old man. ''I'm not sure if I'd ever approve of what you and Black do.'' Remus wanted to strangle him. Sometimes it really hurt seeing the way people think about him and especially Sirius. 'But I guess it's Sirius' fault that no one takes him seriously. Just look at what he did at school, but he knew that it was unfair.' Remus thinks to himself trying to hold his anger.

His thoughts were interrupted by Moody's grunt. ''When did you want to pick her up?'' He asked and Lupin replied that tomorrow at 10. ''She should be at the Leaky Cauldron'' he added not entirely sure what Alastor was going to do with that kind of information ''and I suppose that Dumbledore is fully informed about taking this girl into your care?'' He said full of sarcasm more to himself than to the other person in the room. In the end he settled on saying ''If she looks capable enough I'll make the wards. ''

Lupin knew he won't get any more from him and with a curt nod he apparated to Diagon Alley to buy ingredients for the Wolfsbane potion. Even thought he was mostly on the outs with a certain potion master, Severus still brewed him his monthly dose of the foul tasting liquid. When he arrived at Grimmauld place that evening he wasn't able to find his friend. When he finally decided to check the library, he was surprise to find Sirius totally immersed in a book.

''Who are you and what have you done to Sirius?'' Remus exclaimed jokingly. It was not every day that you would find Sirius in near vicinity to a book, actually he behaved towards any kind of book like it was a plague when he was younger. ''You wound me Moony!'' Remus took a look at the book that Padfoot was reading and to say he was shocked would be an understatement. ''Padfoot, what are you doing with that?'' Remus started carefully, seeing his friend reading a book on Black heritage made him uneasy.

Lots of it was more powerful than even Sirius could handle and even reading some of the text cursed you. ''Remus'' Sirius started to say, then waited a minute to contemplate what to actually say.

''What do you know about the Black Occlumency method?'' Remus looked at him wide eyed. Surely he wasn't suggesting…''I know only that it left you depressed for half of our third year. Nobody knew what happened to you then.'' He looked thoughtful for a minute and then it struck him. ''You want to teach her that don't you?'' Sirius looked positively ill but nodded. Indeed he wanted to teach her the Black Occlumency. When his father taught him, it was one of the most painful experiences of his life. In the end it led him to being disowned.

Although it was hard and painful to master, he was sure that she'd be able to do it. ''She knows too much already Moony. It's dangerous for her and people around her.'' Remus wanted to disagree but knew rather well that what his friend was saying was true. And with Voldemort among the living again no one knew what was going to happen. '' I know Sirius, that's why I don't argue with you on that. But please make sure she's going to able to handle it. '' But this time Sirius didn't acknowledge his remark. He knew what it entailed and no one can be absolutely sure if the girl was going to be able to handle it.

The next day Hermione made her way to the Leaky Cauldron. Her midnight blue cloak in place, she sat in the farthest corner of the pub. The velvet material which on the inner side caressed her skin and made her feel warm, and the outer rather rough material made sure she was protected more than enough.

As the years went by, her allowance grew smaller. She always had to sell her old books in order to buy herself the new ones. But she didn't complain. She still had her stacks of notes and her journals which for her were much more valuable than the books. Sometimes she even altered some incantations and wand movements when she was bored and this made her spells more effective.

However before her second year she saw the Malfoy's for the first time. The opulence of their clothing and demeanour left her awed. Even though she hated the prejudiced brat, she still appreciated how he looked like. Right then and there she'd decided that she'd have one item that wasn't a hand-me-down, one item that would make her feel like she belonged. She saw the cloak in one remote bystreet shop and immediately fell in love with it. When she asked the shop keeper how much it was she was horrified. 150 Galleons, said the shopkeeper in a sickly sweet voice.

She quickly counted in her mind and the final sum in pounds made her sick. The shopkeeper must have seen Hermione's fallen face and made her a deal. ''If you want it that bad, you could work here the whole summer and in the end you'll get the cloak as a payment''. Madame Cannelle had a prosperous shop for the elite. Hermione's job was a slavery from 7 a.m. till night but her need to prove to herself that she could do it kept her pushing on and after an exhausting summer she got the cloak.

It proved to be magically enhanced so it would repel rain and some spells and curses and it would also adjust to her height. Hermione knew she once had nice blanket that seemed to have some magical properties but as a punishment for her 'freaky' behaviour Susan sold it. The world was unfair, she was well aware of that but sometimes it still hurt to know she lost the only connection to her family, not that she really looked for them.

Hermione wasn't aware that she was being watched. Sometime before she arrived at the pub Alastor Moody made his way to a dark corner of the Leaky Cauldron. He was very interested in the girl who had awoken such an interest in those two men. From what Lupin told him she should be brilliant. But from his experience he knew well that no one is _just_ brilliant. A cloaked womanly figure (one could recognise it by the petite from and female hand holding a trunk) sat down by a table at a shadowy corner of the pub.

She looked uncertain of the place she found herself in. Every now and then she would look at the door obviously disappointed at not seeing her pickup coming in. It was already quarter past ten when Lupin entered the Leaky Cauldron. He looked flustered, and missed the spot she was sitting at. Finally, as he looked through the pub for the second time, did he see Hermione and went to greet her.

''Good morning professor'' Hermione greeted Lupin with a smile. ''Miss Granger'' ''Hermione please'' she interrupted him 'No need to use something that isn't even real more than needed' she thought. It was strange, she was usually used to lying to people but with her former professor it always seemed forced and sometimes she was sure that he knew that what she was saying was a lie. So she endeavoured to say the truth most of the time and when she couldn't she usually didn't say anything at all.

Her presumption was of course correct. Lupin as a werewolf had enhanced senses and could sense if people were lying to him, sometimes he even felt emotions of the people around him. As he looked at her he was surprised by how much she'd grown. She indeed looked older than her age. ''Then I insist on Remus'' he said to her with a smile. ''Alright Remus, but it's going to take some getting used to that. Where are we going? Sirius didn't say in his letter.'' Hermione asked curiously. ''You'll see'' said Remus while grabbing her trunk.

Moody's beady eye observed the whole interaction. He wasn't closer to his decision whether he would pull up the wards on the house or not. It seemed he would have to pay a visit to 12 Grimmauld place.

''Take my hand Hermione'' Remus told her when they finally found a deserted alley near the Leaky Cauldron. Once Hermione did so, they apparated to Grimmauld place and Remus gave her a piece of parchment with an address written on it. She was confused as to why she had to do so but complied and once she finished a house started to appear in front of her. It was an old four-storey high building with dark blue almost black brick façade. Remus made his way forward and with a simple key he unlocked the door.

The interior of the house seemed dark and dusty. Sometimes there were carpets on the floor, sometimes old papers just discarded. To be honest, the hall looked like nobody was living there at all. But once she was out of the creepy hall a nice dining room presented itself to her. ''This is the dining room. C'mon, I'll show you to your room.'' Remus said already on his way out of the room and up the stairs. He opened a door and let her in.

Her room was wonderful. It wasn't big but looked very comfortable. There was a big four poster bed in one corner and next to it stood a desk with upholstered chair. Opposite the bed there was a wardrobe a huge one at that. Everything was made of dark cherry wood and looked very luxurious but old. She has never been in such a room. ''You'll have to excuse the colour.'' said a voice from behind her.

Hermione was startled by that but quickly composed herself, a small smile made its way on her face. Turning around she said ''Hello Sirius''. His breath hitched in his throat. She looked beautiful as she smiled at him. She was no longer a child but started to look more like a woman. She'd grown and her hair was less bushy, but bushy none the less, her body got slight curves and her cheekbones were more prominent than ever. And then he saw her eyes he'd only just realised he'd missed so much.

Hermione was going through something very similar. He didn't look like a walking skeleton anymore. His hair was a rich black with greyish strands here and there. His cheeks weren't hollow anymore but his gray eyes still held the craziness of Azkaban. She wondered if he's ever going to lose the air of misery that seemed to surround him. A small cough interrupted her from her staring and she blushed lightly. A small chuckle came from Sirius's side. ''Let's leave her to get settled Padfoot. Then we can talk.'' With that the two men turned around and Hermione was left in her room alone.

She wondered to whom it had belonged previously. Even though it was mostly green she thought the colour complimented the room nicely. Maybe they could change the colour to her favourite midnight blue. But it wasn't hers so she supposed she'd have to leave it like that. She took off her cloak and put the little amount of clothes she had in the wardrobe. There was a hook on the door so she hung her cloak there. So this was going to be her home for summer, she thought. 'Not bad…' With that she made her way back downstairs.


	7. Chapter Four

Sirius and Remus were discussing something ardently when she walked back into the kitchen. They both seemed very angry at something but at what or who Hermione couldn't guess ''Sorry about that Hermione'' Remus said, ''we were discussing a minor…'' Sirius scoffed at that but the look on Lupin's face made him throw his hands up in surrender. ''… as I was saying we have a minor problem. As you already know we've decided we'd teach you advanced magic.'' after Hermione's nod he continued ''the problem we have is that you're underage and still have the Trace in you. The Ministry monitors what you do so to say.''

''I see.'' Hermione knew that of course but what could she do? 'Well at least I won't have to spend my summer squatting.' She thought. There should be a library but Remus interrupted her thoughts once again. ''You see, there are wards that keep the Ministry from knowing that you did any magic. But neither me nor Sirius can pull up those wards.'' ''But how do you plan on training me when I can't even use my wand?''

This time Sirius answered. ''We asked Moody but he has more prejudice than sense.'' He said, obviously very angry that the crazy man was interfering with his plans. But then he remembered that he should probably say what he was planning on teaching her himself. And it doesn't require a wand. So he continued but this time much more calmly. ''Nevertheless, till Mad-Eye decides we'll still have work to do. What do you know about Occlumency Hermione?'' Hermione of course knew what he meant. ''Occlumency is the ability to shield one's mind from intrudes. It protects their memories, fears, weaknesses. Occlumency isn't a widely mastered ability since wizards or witches with the ability to read minds are very scarce. That and it is extremely difficult to master.''

''Very good Hermione'' Sirius said and asked one more question ''and what do you know about Legilimency?'' This time Hermione was a bit put off. The idea of someone looking through her mind unnerved her. It was the only private space she had and the mere idea of someone 'browsing' through her memoires made her sick. ''Legilimency is the art of reading someone's mind. Some say it is more difficult to master since in normal circumstances you have to use the spell Legilimes to delve into the other's mind, the pure Legilimency doesn't need that. '' She shuddered at this which didn't go unnoticed by her two companions.

'Now what Sirius?' Remus thought seeing as the girl wasn't that enthusiastic about the mere idea of Legilimency. ''Why did you ask?'' Hermione inquired. ''Well, I'm going to teach you Occlumency.'' She looked positively ill at that. Panicked even. She quickly looked between the two of them, only to see seriousness in both. Sirius looked at Remus who seemed to get the clue and went out of the room.

Hermione was looking at her feet. She didn't want to look at him. Maybe it was cowardly but the voice in her head was telling her not to look up. 'He'd see you're weak' the voice said. ''Shadow…'' at that Hermione turned to look at him. He only called her Shadow in his letters and it always made her feel like he cared about her. ''It gets much worse than that. What I'm planning on teaching you is the Black Occlumency method. This allows you to shield your mind from everyone without even thinking about it. It will allow you to build permanent walls around your mind. Only the teacher, namely me, will be able to penetrate those walls once you master it. To shield yourself from me you have to use the normal Occlumency. But in order to teach you how to that, I have to see everything. You have to let me in. Completely.''

He didn't' say anything after that, but it was enough to make Hermione shake. She was crying on the inside but managed to hold it all in. It would mean baring her soul to him. She understood well what he meant by letting him in completely, it meant that he'd know every secret she'd ever had. He would know what made her tick. But he'd understand her like nobody else before. She wouldn't have to hide and in return she'd get a complete security. ''You can think about it'' Sirius said after a moment of silence. However he was surprised to hear a soft ''I'll do it''. He looked at her incredulously. He didn't want to push her. When he finally decided on bringing up this idea he was sure she would say no.

He knew she fought tooth and nail to keep her secrets to herself, so he had to ask. ''You know what that entails, don't you?'' This time Hermione snapped at him. ''Of course I know. I'm tired. I'll be in my room, ''with that she rose from her seat and went upstairs. ''We start tonight'' she heard him calling. God help her!

It was already five o'clock when Hermione went downstairs again. She wasn't intending on falling asleep but it was information overload and the decision to let Sirius into her head left her trembling with fear. But she didn't want to be a weak girl so with her head held high she descended to the dining room. Nobody was there so she decided to look around the house.

The hall was long with many doors on either side of it. She decided to open and look to each and every room. Starting on her right she entered a small saloon. There was a tapestry on the wall and when she looked closer she could see the Black family tree. She was startled by finding the place where Sirius's head should be, there was a black spot as if someone had burned him out.

She also found out he has a brother who died young and he had three cousins, one with the same fate that befallen him. And he was related to ferret boy. She had to chuckle. The family was huge and everyone seemed to mingle with another pure-blooded family. She'd read enough about inbreeding in the magical world to know it was a usual practice to marry your cousin. But she still cringed at the mere idea. She intently studied the dark green tapestry so she didn't hear the noise of another person entering the room.

''What are you doing her Hermione?' a man's voice asked her and she whirled around but upon seeing who it was she immediately relaxed. ''Just studying this family tree I suppose. Nobody was in the dining room so I've decided to take a look around the house, Hope you don't mind Remus'' Hermione answered with coldness in her voice.

She realised she'd never get the chance to look at something like this that would include her name. ''Moody was here when you were asleep, the house is now warded but only you can use underage magic here.'' Remus said ignoring the coldness in her voice even as he sensed the growing anxiety in her.

It was true; Alastor arrived that afternoon to consult with the two of them what they were going to teach the young witch. Funnily enough he approved. It seemed that the paranoid Auror understood the idea of preparing the young generation. it was easier than they thought. After a moment of comfortable silence Remus said ''Sirius would like to see you.'' ''All right'' answered Hermione quickly and followed him out of the room. They went across the hall and entered a small room which seemed to be a gallery of some sort. But as she looked around it reminded her more of a study room.

Sirius was sitting in an armchair by the window which were on this side of the building. Before she could even say hallo Sirius started to speak. ''We won't start until later tonight. For now, I'd just like to tell you how it works.'' ''You know, you could be a great teacher'' retorted the witch at which Sirius laughed ''Teaching? Me? I don't' think so. But back to what I wanted to talk about. Just to be sure. Are you really certain you want to learn this? I should warn you, it is ensnaring grave magic.'' He said seriously and Hermione tried not to shudder.

But how could she help it? Someone says to you they'll use dark magic to enter your mind. She knew well that all dark magic leaves a trace and there are consequences. But some sacrifices have to be made and her thirst for knowledge and mastering the impossible skill made it worse and worse for her to resist. In a moment of thoughtlessness she succumbed to her inner voice who kept urging her on and said ''Yes.''

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><p><strong>AN: What do you think? Please review! :)**


	8. Chapter Five

**A/N: Surprise! I grew impatient. How can anyone grow impatient to publish their work? Well, I did and seeing I have more than fifteen chapters to post it would take more than a month... And I always liked to read a complete story rather than wait infinitely long for the author to update it. So this is my weekend present for you - everyday a new chapter.**

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><p>Sirius after taking a deep breath started to explain the intricacies Black Occlumency. He spent days reading the journals his father left behind him and now had a fair knowledge of every aspect of this particular witchcraft. He didn't want her to read the journals since some of the ideas would probably make her hate him forever. His family was strictly anti-muggle and dark. Those journals were full of methods how to make muggleborns feel inferior and how to harm them so it would hurt the most or how take at least some part of their magic from them.<p>

But there was also some knowledge, valuable. And even though he detested his family magic, he planned on sharing it with her later on. She was a strong witch, he could sense that but still there was some doubt in his mind if this was really the right thing to do.

Since he already doubted himself enough on this, he wanted to get it off of his chest as fast as he could. Hermione was contemplating what happened to the almost flirty and audacious Sirius she knew from his letters. This person who started to pace in front of the fireplace was depressed and gloomy. What surprised her even more was her need to make him feel better. She supposed it was due to the fact that she felt some connection to him for losing and experiencing so much in his life.

However all her thoughts were pushed away as he started to explain what they would do in the next few weeks. ''The Blacks believe that a wizard's or witch's mind is divided in two parts. The conscious part, where most of your thinking happens, where your feelings and reactions are processed and where most of the spells take effect. The other is the subconscious part where your memories, fears and instincts are. The latter one has many more levels depending on how intense those memories are and how old they are.

To make this type of Occlumency work, the caster of the Legilimens spell must make their way to the bottom of your mind, the point blank if you will. The caster, me in this case has to pierce and see through everything to reach that point where a charm will be cast that'll make its way through the whole of your mind repelling any intruders in the end.''

He paused gathering his thoughts. Maybe she was right; he'd be a good teacher. Maybe after spending two months teaching her he'd get the knack of it, his thoughts laced with unhealthy amount of sarcasm. Hermione absorbed it all without a blink of an eye. Her emotions were nonexistent. Because her charade was ending now and it was easier not to think about it than to analyse the way he'd probably react to it.

She looked at it logically, the one voice in her head taking over. Step one: Do not panic. Step two: Concentrate on what he's saying. Taking deep breaths she steadied her mind and stilled her shaking hands. Nevertheless the pause made her mind run a mile a minute and she didn't like getting the opportunity to back out.

Fortunately he seemed to gather his wits and relieved her from the misery of her too big of a brain. ''After the charm is placed'' he continued looking out of the window, ''you'll have to learn how to recognise the conscious and subconscious level of your mind.'' ''And how am I supposed to do that?'' She asked having absolutely no idea how to accomplish dividing between something that seemed so complete. Sirius looked at her tenderly, surprising her with emotions that seemed to seep out of his eyes.

''Well, you'll need to learn how to clear your mind completely. From there you should be able to recognise the two levels. I know it seems strange and impossible but once you reach that point it will become clear and I'll help you as much as I can. Now, after you recognise the two parts you'll try to create walls around them while I'd be trying to get through them. Once you'll be able to push me out completely out of your mind that's when the charm will close up and create a permanent barrier around your mind leaving only me to be able to use Legilimens on you.''

He paused for a bit and then continued in his emotionless voice ''that means that you won't have to think about it since it'll be permanent. Everyone who'll want to read your mind will be met by a pitch dark place that'll try to ensnare them. Most of the people will be unaffected by that but someone who'll really try to get through will be harmed.'' Hermione again interrupted him wanting to know what'll happen to the unfortunate people who'd be stupid enough to do so.

Sirius chuckled at that. Oh, how he loved this part ''Well,'' he said sounding mildly mysteriously at which Hermione laughed. It was a shaky but true laugh that warmed his heart and he smiled back at her. ''The charm works differently on everyone. I once remember that my mother was unable to speak for two hours. It was rather fun to see the old hag that furious.'' ''Wait, so you know how it really works?'' asked Hermione incredulously but then mentally smacked her forehead. 'Of course he knows, he's a Black…'

''Love, you seem to forget where I grew up'' a smug look on his face but then he continued on a more sombre note. ''Hermione what you need to understand is that it isn't really friendly magic and that is the understatement of a century. It's not illegal since the Ministry miraculously doesn't know about it or pretends not to know about it. It was only used in my side of the family since it is the main line. However as with every powerful magic, it is no bed of roses. It hurts, it hurts like hell and it'll leave you both physically and emotionally exhausted since you have to work on it almost all the time otherwise you have to start again from the beginning.''

The scared expression on Hermione's face made him stop. ''How, how long will it take?'' her shaky voice asked betraying her fear. Sirius sighed ''Nobody can really say. It's tricky magic.'' Seeing he wasn't going to say anything anymore she asked the question she really didn't want to know the answer to.

''You said I'll hurt. What did you meant by that?'' He seriously didn't want to answer that but he knew she needed to have at least an inkling of what she was about to put herself through ''Sometimes it doesn't hurt that much but when a memory is especially deep or dark or emotional it is as if million knives stab you inside your head. The most important thing is to let me in and try not to stop me or push me out, because if you do the magic tends to push more ergo it hurts more.''

She was white as a sheet. He hated himself for doing this to her and he hadn't even started the actual thing. ''How long will it take to, you know, see everything?'' She asked in a fragile voice hating to sound so weak. ''Your mind doesn't store everything that happened to you, so no, we won't be here for 15 years, it will take a week, maybe two.'' Sirius said while staring out of the window. A week of torture for him and for her. Because listening to her anguish wasn't something he was looking forward to.

Looking at the clock on the wall he realised they talked for almost an hour already. ''Come, let's eat dinner. Then we can get started.''' He said matter of factly and marched out of the room. Remus had decided to make them a sandwich for dinner since he was sure that what they were planning on doing wasn't good on a full stomach. They ate in complete silence. Each of them was deep in thought.

Remus spent his afternoon trying to persuade Moody to let them teach the young girl. He scoffed when he remembered that inquisitor voice of Mad-Eye. Sometimes he wondered if he hired someone to follow him only to make him more paranoid. Usually Remus kept his thought to himself but even for him Moody was too much to not join Sirius in his rants about the Auror's behaviour.

Hermione was trying to keep herself from running out. After hearing the whole 'procedure thing' she was freaked out to put it mildly. Her stomach was in knots and her hand holding her sandwich was trembling. If her two companions noticed it they seemed to ignore it. Her mind was in turmoil.

'What have I gotten myself into?'

'It's what you need to do. So shut up and stop whining!' The inner voice made her feel even more on edge. She wanted to cry. She couldn't breathe.

Remus felt the anxiety and fear rolling off of her in waves but knew there was nothing he could do. Sirius caught Lupin looking at him with millions of questions in his eyes. But he couldn't deal with that now so he only shook his head. Looking at Hermione who was sitting opposite to him he finally made some order in his thoughts. What was before them both wasn't going to be easy but she wouldn't be safe without it. He cared for her a lot already and the idea of hurting her made him physically ill.

Today everything was going to change between them, he was aware of that. But did he really want it to? ''C'mon'' Sirius held out his hand to help her stand up. The warmth that spread through their bodies at the contact was like nothing they've ever experienced. Hermione looked shortly into his eyes looking for something but didn't know what. Sirius on the other hand was looking for reassurance. Reassurance the she wouldn't hate him forever.


	9. Chapter Six

**A/N: Here's another one of your weekend chapters, hope you'll like it. I'd be glad to hear your opinion on this one. Also I was thinking about writing another stories. I have a few ideas but what are yours?**

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><p>Hermione followed Sirius who entered the same study as before but moved the furniture aside leaving only one armchair in the middle of the room. Thee shutters were closed and the only source of light were some small petrol lamps on the walls making the room look excessively gloomy. The atmosphere sent chills down her spine and she couldn't stop the anxious and uneasy feeling growing in the pit of her stomach.<p>

She had to close her eyes to stop her emotions from overwhelming her. Sirius was on edge. He experienced this when he turned 15 so almost a year younger than her. That still made it less memories to relive. He couldn't knock her out; you had to be conscious during the whole ordeal. ''The spell I'm going to use doesn't chose what memory you're going to relive. It may be new, it may be old, and it may be something you've long forgotten. '' ''Ok.'' whispered Hermione she was far too gone into the state of mindlessness to even look at him. She concentrated on a spot on the wall across from her, a blank expression on her face.

''Take a deep breath. Remember you have to let me in. You can't try to push me out. It will hurt more that way.'' Sirius sighed fully knowing that his words didn't make any difference and said the dreaded spell pointing a wand at her head. A dark green light sparked out of the wand's end as he uttered ''Omnia inspiciam! Omnes frangeret! Legilimens!' and he was suddenly transported into her memory.

It felt like nothing she'd thought it would feel like. The pain was excruciating and as she realised what was Sirius about to see, it made her want to protect herself and push him instinctually out but it hurt even more. A bloodcurdling scream escaped her mouth, tears streaming down her face.

Before the memory even started to shape from its blurry silhouettes, he felt the spell growing stronger. He instantly knew what she was trying to do. It made his heart break when he heard her scream. ''You have to let me in Hermione. Please!'' Sirius pleaded in her mind, which made the spell grow a little weaker leaving only the sobbing sounds echoing in the room.

After a moment the memory took its shape. A small girl was lying in a tiny room with only an iron bed with a thin blanket on it and a small wooden wardrobe in there. She could have been ten or eleven. She was wearing a blood stained ragged shirt and was cradling an arm to her chest. But she wasn't alone in the room. There was a woman, quite a fat one at that looming over the trembling creature who seemed on the verge of tears. ''Please Mrs. Susan'' ''Quiet! You harmed the girls, everyone saw it!'' The girl looked at the horrid woman with so much hurt in her eyes. '' I couldn't have. You know I can't use magic outside of school!'' pleaded the small girl. This seemed to enrage the woman even more.

''Do not speak of that institution here. The state paid for your life for 11 years and let me tell you something I, nor does the state tolerate insolence from someone like you. You will be grateful and show respect for all that we've done for you!'' The woman spat the words out of her mouth like poison.

The scene change and Hermione started to wail like a small child who lost her parents. Hermione was hardly any older than in the previous memory, it seemed as If it was the same day only different time. ''Please not the blanket!'' The smaller Hermione begged but it was to no use. The woman only struck her once again already holding the white linen blanket in her other hand. ''Please! I don't have anything else from them!'' managed the girl to get out between sobs. However the woman only turned on her heal and strode out of the room.

When the door closed both the younger and older Hermione crumbled to the floor. Heart wrenching sobs echoed through his and hers mind, they echoed through the whole house. Hermione's mind tried to push him out, not wanting to have the intruder in there any longer which made her cry out because the pain was unbearable and Sirius couldn't take it any longer. He released her from the spell which quieted her a bit but now, as he saw her broken, trembling and with a tear stained face on the floor he wanted to kill himself. He threw his wand on the nearby couch and cradled the wailing girl in his arms sitting on an armchair facing the door.

''Why?'' she cried out after what seemed like hours and hours of sobbing. Sirius didn't know what to say to that. What he'd seen disturbed and shocked him but his rage now overshadowed all his other emotions. He managed to reign in his anger but he seriously wanted to murder someone. She was an orphan, a poor girl with no parents, living in some hell hole with neglecting and ruthless cares. It all made sense now. 16 years of psychological abuse.

It made him sick; it repulsed him that someone would be like that to an innocent child. Because there wasn't a person more innocent in their soul like his Shadowpaw. Sirius failed to notice that she suddenly became his Shadowpaw. To him, it seemed almost natural.

She was fragile and not in the nice meaning kind of way. The clothes she wore were for the lack of the better term rubbish, her bony hands were cold and there was always this hint of sorrow and pain in her eyes. He should have noticed! He knew that being angry with himself was very counterproductive right now but someone in his situation needs to direct his rage somewhere.

However to her question he didn't know the answer. With all respect, how could anyone? So instead of an elaborate answer as to 'why?' Sirius settled on comforting words. ''Shhh... It's going to be all right'' he whispered rocking her back and forth. She gripped on him as if he was the only thing holding her about the water preventing her from falling down and drowning. His words made little to soothe her but his arms that encircled her and held her tightly to him made her feel like she could finally face all her fears.

This made her cry even harder. All those emotions she desperately tried to bury resurfaced with hurt, pain and desperation clouding her mind. Sirius never faltered in holding her close to him and after she cried herself to sleep he slowly rose and carefully carried her to her room. Caressing her cheek he left the room intending on checking up on her later on.

As he closed the door quietly behind him his rage bubbled to the surface. He needed a drink and he needed it fast. Remus was sitting in the dining room the whole tome, listening to the girl sobbing and screaming hoping it would end soon. He wondered what could have been so horrible that it elicited such a reaction from her. After two hours it seemed to suddenly stop and Remus was met by an extremely angry Sirius Black who strode directly to the liquor cabinet helping himself to a glass of Firewhiskey. Not thinking twice about it he took hold of the full bottle and collapsed on a chair nearest to him.

Drinking two full glasses of Firewhiskey didn't make him feel better. He should have known! Why was he so careless in his observations! ''Padfoot, what ha…'' Remus wanted to know what made his friend drink half of a bottle of the strongest whiskey there is at one. ''Not now Remus'' The exhaustion in his voice was audible but Remus's reasoning made him try one again. ''Sirius, you…'' ''I said not now Remus!''

Sirius immediately regretted his outburst of temper but he was far too gone in his rage. In that moment a hurt Remus saw the anger in his friend's eyes and was reminded that even though Sirius tried to hide it he was still a true Black. He may not think like one or share the same ideals but some things are in your blood and you can't do anything about that. What he saw in the pools of gray made him shudder.

Such rage, such despair, it was painful to even look at let alone feel it. His werewolf instincts told him to leave however as he went to his room he didn't miss the distinctive sound of glass shattering against a wall.

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><p><strong>AN: The spell he uses is in Latin and should mean something in the sense of seeing and breaking it all. However I'm not sure how much accurate is... **


	10. Chapter Seven

**A/N: This chapter is rather short. I really didn't want to spent time describing her childhood but it is self-explanatory I reckon. Big question on you - Do you want me to update everyday? **

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><p>Someone may wonder why Sirius was behaving the way he was but someone who'd met him before and heard his story would understand.<p>

You see, Sirius's family was one of those abusive brainwashing ones and in those 16 years he lived there he'd experienced his fair share of unfairness from his family. But Hermione didn't even have that and that horrid institution destroyed the only connection she had with them. He wasn't stupid. He knows magic when he sees one and the blanket was not usual, even in the wizarding world.

Children from powerful and rich families of the magical world got these blankets when they were born, they had a special connection to them, and it calmed them.

The 'wonderful' side effect of the spell he was using is the ability to feel strong emotions of the owner of the mind. Yes, they were only the strong ones but in those two hours Sirius discovered she was an incredibly passionate person.

He didn't know what to do. He was arrogant, wanting to know what story was hiding in her eyes, but she was right. He sure wasn't ready to learn the answer to his prying question.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was the kind of person to take things extremely personally and this seemed to be no exception. After drinking two more glasses of the brown liquid he made his way upstairs. Even though he was slightly inebriated he still wanted to check up on Hermione. She was curled up on her bed, her forehead slightly sweating and her body was shaking.

He was sure she was having a nightmare. He didn't want to deal with it like a human right now so he transformed into his dog form and jumped on her bed. He nudged his nose under her arm which seemed to calm her a bit. 'Please, let me go.'' she whispered, still asleep. The dog started to lick her face to wake her up. And after a bit of barking and whining he succeeded. She shot up on her bed in shock but instantly relaxed after she realised who it was.

She looked at him with painful eyes and he could practically feel everything she did. ''I don't want to be alone. Can you sleep here tonight?'' she asked shyly in a quiet but hopeful voice looking anywhere but at him. The dog cocked his head, thinking, He didn't want her to suffer anymore then she already did that night and to be completely honest it was also for his benefit. So they curled up next to each other. Padfoot laying his head down on her belly with her petting his back.

And so a pattern developed. In the morning he would see her memories with her crying herself to sleep after their sessions. The same way ended their evening. They didn't talk about it and for that Hermione was more than grateful. The prospect of discussing anything horrified her.

Remus observed them from a safe distance after seeing his friend after each of their 'meetings'. He knew it wasn't worth angering him more than he already was. What also worried him was Hermione's current condition. She was like a walking corpse, not eating a thing and if she did, it eventually ended up in the toilet. The atmosphere in the house was gloomy but the two didn't seem to mind, he realised. They grew incredibly close; Sirius must know practically everything about the young witch by the end of that Remus was sure.

His friend was always the touchy-feely kind of guy and he saw that she craved the contact as much as Padfoot did. As the week went by Sirius got the full Hermione life experience. He saw her light and he saw her dark moments. He went on adventures with Harry and started to be incredibly angry at those two boys who didn't even realise what was right under their noses for more than 4 years.

But the way he was upset with his godson was nothing compared to the outrage he felt towards Ron and the brat Malfoy. The mudblood comments and the carelessness of her friend made his blood boil.

But there were also good memories. The first time she successfully mastered the whole Patronus charm was a memory to behold. Sirius found out its form is a wolf, beautiful majestic and proud wolf. It filled them both with joy at seeing the canine run around a deserted classroom she trained in.

He experienced her brilliant thinking, saw her laugh, saw her cry and was confirmed in his assumption that she was indeed a magnificent flyer. Right now, he was seeing Hermione in Ollivander's shop as she visited Diagon Alley for the first time in her life. He saw as her wand sparkled but he couldn't fail to notice the rather unhappy eyes and the forced smile as Mr. Ollivander clapped his hands. ''Well done Miss Granger.'' the girl cringed but then collected herself, shook the wandmaker's hand and exited the shop.

And then there was dark. After eight days of screaming, begging, pleading, crying and whimpering, Hermione was quiet while he looked into her mind. Finally the moment to cast the repelling charm came. He cleared his mind as best as he could and concentrated on the task before him knowing that any mistake could have catastrophic consequences. As he started to make intricate movements with his wand black smoke surrounded Hermione's head. ''Obscure omnia! Defendo omnia! Expello et damno omnis qui probe vide! Permitto in! (=hide everything, protect everything, banish and harm everyone who tries to see! let me in!) Repeating this over and over again the volume of his voice growing in intensity the smoke grew denser and denser until finally disappeared as if it wasn't there in the first place.

After what seemed like an endless moment Hermione asked quietly ''is it over?'' and Sirius released the breath he didn't know he was holding. He was getting worried; if he'd screwed up he would probably go back to Azkaban voluntarily, practically deleting one's brain and all. He asked her with a small smile 'How are you feeling?''

She cocked her head, thinking of the most precise way how to answer his question.

Sirius had to chuckle. She looked amused for a second and then started to describe her feelings. ''It certainly is better I must say. There is this place that wasn't there before. It feels as if when I reach it I could completely clear my mind but I can't get to it.'' ''That is what you're going to do from now on. Reach that place and we can continue.'' Sirius said with amusement. ''But how am—'' ''Oh don't worry you'll manage and I'll help you…'' she pouted at that.

With nothing to hide from the person standing in front of her she could act like herself – like mischievous teenager who had the brains. ''Now don't pout love.'' he said taking her into his arms. Hermione sighed in contentment. Being in his arms made her feel like at home, like nothing could harm her. ''Love?'' Sirius said while pulling her closer to him, ''we need to talk about it.'' She immediately tensed 'Why does he need to bring it up? Why?'

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><p><strong>AN: Ah! Cliffhanger, my favourite! But it isn't that bad. Click review and and you'll know what happens by tomorrow evening! **


	11. Chapter Eight

**A/N: Ok, so I won't be mean. Here's another chapter dearies! Enjoy!**

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><p>He knew all her is to know, no need to talk about something that was in the past Hermione thought about his 'command' to talk about what he'd seen. ''No'' she answered plainly. ''Hermio- ''No!'' she said more forcefully this time but Sirius wasn't having it. ''You can't hold it inside. You need to let it out. Ask Remus It's no use love'' Hermione knew he was right, but that didn't mean she wanted to say it.<p>

But as he had said, it's no use. ''It's not fair! I have to strive to be the best I can be and still half of them doesn't even see me'' she spat ''you know it is true! And even though I may not be a muggleborn it wouldn't change a thing! I'm Hermione Granger, the Gryffindor know-it-all mudblood!''

This time Sirius hissed dangerously looking straight into her eyes ''don't you are call yourself that word again!'' She could get lost in those eyes. Still looking directly in to his eyes she quietly replied ''It is what it is, just a word. Doesn't make it any less true or false…''At this his eyes softened a bit and the corners of her mouth turned upwards. He sighed in defeat knowing it was no use to continue. She said all there was for her to say. However, she said it out loud, and for now that would suffice.

Sighing she laid her head on his chest while he gently stroked her hair. It became such a natural thing for them after spending their week like that. Closeness now reigned between those two souls. That night Remus found them sleeping in her bed again, Padfoot in his Animagus form, both with content expressions on their faces.

He wondered what would be happening now. To be completely honest, he was slowly going mad from their daily sessions. But then today it abruptly stopped and Remus wanted to make sure they were alright.

Yes, they, since Hermione wasn't the only one suffering from the trips to her mind. Too many times did Remus have to repair shattered glasses. Too many times did he find Padfoot lying on her bed looking at the young with so much pain.

When it became too much even for Remus to bear he escaped to Andromeda's house. But now, he knew Hermione will have time to do other things, learn other stuff but that would all depend on how she was going to deal with the last week. However as he saw the two forms sleeping peacefully he was sure she would be all right.

What Remus didn't have to deal with were her nightmares. All week Sirius had to wake her up from her sleep because she was screaming bloody murder. He didn't know what her nightmares were about but it took him a lot of energy to calm her. She didn't talk about it, in fact, till today she hadn't said a word.

But as he was trying to wake her up from her terror this night, she looked at him with so much agony in her beautiful eyes he had to look away.

''I don't want to go back there!'' she cried. Maybe knowing how it felt like not wanting to go back to a place you absolutely detested made it so much worse than only to picture it. Because Sirius knew precisely the feeling. He managed to escape from his family in the end but the girl in his arms had nowhere to escape to. ''I know you don't want to, and you won't ever go back to that place ever again''

She turned to look at him with her teary unbelieving eyes. ''How-'' but he shushed her by placing his index finger upon her mouth. ''You'll live here or with Remus'' he saw her starting to protest but he couldn't let her talk him out of it. ''No buts, love''

She knew it must have been like caring for a small child. Holding her when she cried, whispering comforting nothings in her ear to make her feel better while she wasn't able to voice any thoughts. She felt her eyelids dropping and heard a voice in a distance telling her to sleep.

The next day began better for everyone in the house. Knowing that there won't be any pain that day made her feel almost cheerful. Almost… Her training would start today and it would continue till she found a way how to reach that black place in her head she seemed to feel all the time now.

Hermione sat up on her bed crossing her legs Indian style and started to take deep breaths. Trying to clear her mind she concentrated on the blank place. But after an hour of trying and accomplishing nothing she gave up. ''You know it just won't happen, don't you?'' A voice coming from behind startled her. Sirius was usually out of bed when she woke up but today it didn't look like that. Already in a foul mood she snapped at him ''and you're the expert?''

He only chuckled at that ''Love you know I am. But I also promised you I'm going to help you with that so let's start, shall we?'' Hermione huffed but looked at him expectantly. ''Turn around'' he said and noticed the confusion clouding her face. However seeing he was rather serious about it she did as she was told and after a moment she felt him shuffling on the bed to sit right behind her.

''Now, close your exes'' she did as she was told and waited for him to continue ''the thing about clearing your mind is, you have to concentre on just one thing. You have many senses, sight being the most precise and analysing the most of the things, that's why you closed your eyes. Now, I want you to breathe calmly in and out'' So she relaxed, leaning back, his chest rising up and down in complete synchronisation with hers. Her mind that was still in complete chaos just moments ago was slowly quieting down. After what seemed like an eternity she felt his hands placed on hers. He slowly gently entwined his fingers with hers. ''Just feel'' he whispered in her ear, hair on her neck rising.

But both of them ignored her reaction. It was strange really, ignoring everything around her, concentrating on the feeling of his hands delicately placed on hers. One by one the levels in her mind slowly shut down leading her closer to the void.

Sirius could feel it. She was in a different world now, her magic growing in power around him. He felt his mind and soul reaching out to touch it. Could he? He so desperately wanted to caress the soft glints of her magic but is he able to do so without disturbing her? He needed to tell her how to reach the void. He'd never thought it would go this fast, they're going to be finished with this foul thing by the end of the week.

However, that wasn't the only thing his mind was wondering about at that moment. The feeling of her body pressed against his was otherworldly. He couldn't explain it in any other way. It felt as if they were made for each other.

The feeling of her smooth hands underneath his own, her hair tingling his neck, it all left his mind reeling. 'Merlin, get a grip Sirius' he scolded himself. Seeing or rather feeling that Hermione had almost reached her goal he whispered in her ear again. ''Let the magic consume you, let it guide you.''

If he told her that an hour ago, she would look at him as if he'd grown another head. However now, she knew exactly what he meant. She felt it in her veins. Magic, pure magic was indeed in every fibre of her body and she let every cell absorb it while completely letting go of her control.

Sirius watched in awe as midnight blue light surrounded her petite from. Hermione was utterly oblivious to what was happening around her, because she has finally found herself in a black space. She could feel herself being encompassed by millions of flickering blue at times almost white lights while in her centre was a black pitch dark space of never-ending nothingness. She could see as black and green flashes burst out and interlaced every memory, reaction and knowledge, for that was what those flickering lights were, her mind. And so she softly breathed out ''I got it.''


	12. Chapter Nine

The thing with all mind magic is that it is incredibly difficult at times even seemingly impossible to learn so no it was not possible that she managed to do clear her mind in what, few hours? But as impossible it may sound, she just did it.

Nevertheless it didn't stop him from asking that awkward impolite question. ''What?'' he snapped. A huge grin spread on the girl's face, her eyes sparkling with happiness as she turned to face him. Just to be sure, she reached out and found herself in the mystifying blank space again. He was mesmerised by the depth of her eyes as they looked at him. The self-satisfaction audible in her voice she said ''I can reach it. I know how to access it all. It's amazing!''

'Merlin she has a beautiful smile' Sirius thought and had to shake his head to rid himself of those not necessarily wanted thoughts.

''C'mon love'' he said after a while of just staring ''it's almost lunch time'' seeing her incredulous expression he added ''yes, it took that long. Now come, I'm hungry and Remus is probably wondering what's happened to us. '' with that he literally hopped out of her bed leaving a dazed Hermione to get dressed.

She had to admit that she was feeling great today. Her foul mood from the week of mental torture and terrible morning disappeared in a blink of an eye as she managed to achieve the last step before the completion of the whole Black rubbish ordeal. So no one could really be surprised to see a chipper girl skipping down the stairs. Well, they wouldn't be surprised if they knew all that.

Remus, on the other hand didn't know what happened, he was used to seeing her red eyed and with blotchy cheeks. The difference was incredible. She was almost glowing. ''What got you in such a good mood?'' he asked looking sideways at the smug expression on Sirius's face. ''Oh you haven't told him?'' answered Hermione in a fake offended tone.'' No, I supposed it would be better if you enlightened our friend here yourself.'' Sirius suggested.

Remus was starting to worry a little, but the good kind of worry. 'What has the two of them been up to?' He wasn't used to seeing his friend so carefree these days. The trademark Marauder face he used to get when he and James played a prank on someone Sirius was currently sporting puzzled him a little, well, more than a little.

His unspoken question was suddenly answered by Hermione who was unabashedly staring at Sirius. ''Well, you see, I don't know how I really did it, but I managed to find the blank space. So if you want, we can start doing something more interesting today.''

Remus was very happy for her and it certainly showed on his face. But he was also glad that he could start teaching her more about magic than she already knew. Nevertheless he had to make sure that Sirius didn't have other plans for her since he knew that she still had some things to accomplish with him…

Sirius seemed to catch up on what Lupin was thinking and said ''No worries Moony, she's all yours for the rest of the day. I'll continue with her after dinner. '' In that moment she realised that she was not finished with the Occlumency yet. Her seemingly carefree face dropped a little but as Remus started to talk again, her eyes lit up at the mention of teaching her in the afternoon.

Sirius left them alone in the dining room after eating some lunch. A week of starving didn't do him well, but what could you really expect. He returned to the haunted study to check the next few steps. All that was left now was to teach her ''normal Occlumency''' even though with Blacks there's rarely something normal. Skimming through the pages of his father's journal he realised it was not exactly easy. ''Oh joy!'' he sighed and immersed himself in the small book yet again.

''So, you must wonder what else we're going to teach you. ''Hermione had to chuckle. She indeed did wonder what she was to learn in the upcoming weeks. She was sure that Sirius was an Auror before he was sent to spend 12 years in Azkaban. So she suspected they would teach her duelling and that kind of stuff.

Therefore she wasn't surprised to hear what came next. ''Of course we'll teach you defence and some practical Charms, even though Sirius informed me that you mastered the Patronus Charm already. So that let me to really consider things. I've decided to teach you about magic.''

Or maybe she spoke too soon. 'Teach me about magic? How is he supposed to do that?' But then she remembered her morning and suddenly she understood. There is more to it than meets the eye. She felt it inside of her and it was a feeling she has never experienced before.

Remus could practically see the wheels turning around in her head. He always loved teaching her, her thirst for knowledge was incredible and her skill and natural talent even more so. He also knew that what they were about to teach her will give her more than seven years of Defence at Hogwarts. Why? Well, just look at the teachers they've had. It was a complete disaster. Nobody finishing anything, even he was ashamed of himself for backing out so soon. Oh the list was indeed endless.

He decided to set some rules first. ''Even though I value the amount of textbooks and books in general you've read and I assure you I was the same when I was your age, I need you to think about what you answer when I ask you a question. The point of this is, and sorry for sounding like Professor Snape, I need you to use your brain to its full capacity to understand it.'' Remus said in his calm voice observing Hermione's classroom attitude.

He knew very well that she behaved very unlike her true self, like a fake state of mind if you will. He saw her how she began to interact with Sirius and he knew, felt it even that with Padfoot, it was no act. She was a mischievous little witch and she was indeed a very skilled lair and pretender. ''And please drop the pretence would you?'' he added with a chuckle.

A horrified Hermione blushed. So she was right to assume that he could tell. Well, at least she could be herself more now. The truth is, her being a true bookworm is something like crushing a stone with your bare hands, completely impossible. It has provided her with a safety from others and she likes knowing things so it wasn't that difficult. Nevertheless she has never been a bookworm to such an extent.

When Snape came up with such a clever excuse she couldn't help herself but take him at his word. She became the insufferable know-it-all. She tried to let go of her pretence when writing to Padfoot, however now, after he saw everything and yes, she's going to shudder at the mere thought of that for a long time, she could act as freely as she wanted.

And if Remus saw through it, why not count him in… Nevertheless it reminded her that she'll have to try even more to be perfect at her fake self when around other people. She pouted and said sweetly ''But Remus, whoever said that it was a pretence?'' he had to laugh at her mock childishness. 'This is certainly going to be interesting!' Taking a reassuring breath he asked her ''what can you tell me about magic?''

''Oh, a tricky question professor Lupin.'' she said uncertainly. But the truth is, she didn't know the answer and it bugged her. Because how can one describe magic? She decided to try the trick she learned in the morning and cleared her mind. Because thinking about the meaning of magic, Snape's emotionlessness and the things Sirius's breath against her neck made her feel all at once was highly counterproductive.

Remus observed the young girl as she closed her eyes and calmed her breathing. He wished he knew what was going on inside that head of hers. ''Magic is…'' she started and then stopped shortly linking her thoughts into meaningful sentences. ''For me, magic is energy that flows through my body. It's like blood really, maybe more potent, depends on how you think about it. It makes you who you are, connects every cell you have and you can channel it to your wish. However that is mostly limited by your magical strength or core or what do you really call it.'' She looked at him then with her curious eyes and patiently waited for what he was going to say next.

He smiled; He actually smiled at what she had said. No textbook sentence but something that was so difficult to put into words flew out of her mouth. ''And what about the Unforgivables?'' What furrowed brow she answered his question. 'Where's he going with that?' she asked herself but then reminded herself that he was still waiting for her answer. ''Well, Barty'' after seeing Remus's blundering expression 'Did they not tell him about who taught them last year?' she explained ''it wasn't Alastor Moody who taught us DADA last year but Crouch Jr. and even though he looked like the Auror, I'll call him Barty now.'' and then she continued with her explanation.

''So Barty told us you had to be very powerful to use them. However I don't understand that bit very much.'' she concluded and bit her lip. What bothered her was knowing all the facts and theory but having absolutely no idea what it meant in the end. Obviously her know-it-all attitude wasn't that much of pretence really. ''Hermione'' Lupin said and upon hearing her teacher sound more serious than was healthy her expression became worried instead of that almost offended she had before.

''The thing with the Unforgivables is that you have to mean them. You will not gain control of someone's mind if you don't want to possess them. You'll not even pinch someone with the Cruciatus curse if you don't want to torture them. And lastly you'll never kill someone if you don't mean to take their life'' Hermione was sick after he finished, pale and unsure.

However he continued ''the point of what I'm saying is that magic is all about your intent. You can be as powerful as you want but nothing will happen if you don't mean it.'' The silence was almost palpable. Her brain was trying to process what he was saying and after a while she came to a startling conclusion. ''No that can't be!'' she gasped.

She still couldn't believe it. No, she must be wrong, but all facts were leading her to one conclusion that was eventually voiced. ''If it's all about intent then there is no dark magic.'' she said quietly, unsure of her own voice.

Sirius was listening to their conversation from behind the door for quite some time now and decided to step in. ''Well of course there's no such thing as dark magic per se, love. Magic is magic.'' She jumped up in her seat. She was so deep in her thoughts she failed to notice someone else entered the room until it was too late and she was scared out of her wits. ''Constant vigilance love'' said Sirius sitting down across from her.

Remus was still pacing the room. He didn't want to drag Padfoot into this. Sirius knew more about the Dark Arts than any regular Death Eater. But what he had to suffer in order to please his family was indescribable. The problem with this kind of magic is that it is stuck with you for the rest of your life.¨

''Explain!'' Hermione exclaimed. She was suddenly so angry at whoever decided to feed them complete rubbish as it now seemed.

''Now don't get angry'' Remus said sensing the turmoil going on inside her head, but she merely scoffed and when he looked into her eyes he was surprised how much hurt and betrayal she portrayed in them. Oh, she was definitely big on trust!

''The thing with the dark arts is that they are extremely difficult to master and require a lot of willpower. Children who are only 11 years old certainly do not exercise that much of self-control.'' She could see the reasoning behind not teaching the first years but what about fifth, sixth and seventh years? Those years still have Defence against the Dark Arts as if it was the worst evil on earth. True, it was, but wouldn't it be better and more practical for them to learn how to control it?

''What the hell is going on?'' Hermione downright shouted. Remus wasn't expecting that. Sure it was unfair a bit but why was she making such a fuss about it? ''Did Dumbledore decide that?'' she asked icily and Sirius suddenly understood. He felt the suspicion many times when he saw her memories of her Headmaster. Remus had absolutely no clue as to what was going on and looked at his friend desperately.

''You see love, magic especially that kind that is extremely difficult to handle, is addictive. You must have noticed that after today, you feel the power in you, you are more aware of it, you could say. And imagine you feed it with more magic, which is what most of the powerful stuff does. It leaves a trace. Now suppose that you do nothing else than that. Eventually, you'd combust if you didn't have the control, didn't have the willpower to stop.''


	13. Chapter Ten

**A/N: Forgive me my faithful readers but I just couldn't resist writing a nice long note to accompany today's chapter. I suppose I've never really introduced my story and since there are people (right Maggie?) that wish to know more about it I've decided to present my story in a better way.**

**As I've written in the first chapter, this is going to be a trilogy so yes, it's going to be rather long, going from Hermione's fifth till 'seventh' year and dealing with Sirius's years at school as a Marauder. Eventually, there will be more people involved but right now it is mainly about Hermione and Sirius. **

**Also you should know that my story WILL be following the canon so prepare yourself. However Ron and Hermione, just NO! I love HP books but really, what was Rowling thinking? Those two together? No way! So if you are a HG/RW fan this is not a story for you since there will be some Ron bashing.**

**Another thing is Dumbledore's manipulative streak which I hope to exploit. **

**Now I think that's all, thank you Sampordia and Maggie for giving me the idea to introduce the story more. Enough of my bugging, ENJOY the story and thanks for reading!**

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><p>Hermione was angry, very confused and aggrieved. ''So, there much more to magic than everybody thinks. Nice and Dumbledore refuses to teach us what we need to know on purpose, even better. I wonder why. He's such an old coot, always observing me, always on his toes when I'm around. What's the big deal about this...'' She obviously didn't realise she was speaking out loud until Sirius remarked ''Observing you?'' ''Oh don't play dumb with me Sirius. You're smarter than that. Of course you know what I mean''<p>

And indeed he did, just looking into her eyes was the only reminder he needed to know exactly what she meant. The Headmaster's attention to her was bordering on obsessive. That combined with the fact she hated to be lied to and hated to be subjected to deception made him realise that she was afraid of being left out. Not knowing her true family, growing up in an orphanage where everyone used to bully her and being a close friend of Harry's certainly made a person more than paranoid.

He got up and knelt in front of her. ''He's not going to touch you. You're more than strong so stop behaving like you're some damsel in distress.'' he said leaving no space for arguing as he took her hands in his and looked her straight in the eye. He knew exactly which buttons to push, he knew her that well already.

They had this unspoken agreement that whenever she was doubting herself or needed comfort, he was there for her. Remus felt like he was intruding on something he was not meant to see. The scene he was a witness to left him wondering what it was that made the young witch tick. However that wasn't all that was on his mind that evening. 'What exactly is going on between those two?' he had to ask himself.

He saw that those two were extremely close, which considering Sirius's womanizing past was not usual. He wouldn't have wondered if she was one of his conquests and therefore he paid her so much attention. However this wasn't it by far. There was this intimacy between them and Remus knew that exactly that was priceless for his friend. So he discreetly left the room, letting them have some privacy.

Hermione didn't know why she was being such a cry baby. ''What is happening to me?'' she asked him in a helpless voice. ''You're dealing with things you haven't before. It could be worse love.'' Helplessness, a state she desperately tried to avoid. 'What if there was more hiding from her?' It was all about the 'what-if's'

Sirius refused to let her wallow in this mood. ''Stop this. Sometimes you think too much! Now come, we're going to work on that Occlumency of yours.'' She sighed but stood up and followed him. She knew that the sooner she learned the better. It couldn't be worse than before, really or so she hoped. She sat down on 'the' chair and waited for Sirius to give her instructions.

''I think I said at the beginning that your mind is divided in two basic levels – the conscious and subconscious level. Now, everyone sees it differently, for me it is an infinitely deep ocean with rays of sunlight. I have no idea what you see – '' ''For me it is a universe with many stars.'' Hermione interrupted him. ''Of course you do'' Sirius murmured smiling slightly.

''All right, now I need you to concentrate on those that are the closes and brightest you and try to pull them towards you. You need to build some kind of a wall around them. It depends entirely upon you from what but when I enter your mind you need to thicken it constantly.'' Hermione was biting her lip her brow furrowed. It was indeed an art. In the beginning she supposed it's going to be straightforward, following directions etc. But now she saw that there was more behind it and she certainly liked this creative part.

''I think you'll manage to keep me out of there just fine.'' Sirius interrupted her train of thought. She closed her eyes and reached the void. When she concentrated she could see that some lights were brighter than others and she tried to pull them towards her. It was liking picking certain memories. From time to time she got snippets of information or emotions but she didn't pay much attention to that as she tried to surround herself with mist of consuming nothingness.

Distantly she heard Sirius shout '''Ostendo!''. She felt him probing her mind letting him in until he reached the impenetrable sphere of black repelling nothingness. Using the idea from physics she created something akin to a magnetic field where two same poles repelled each other adding more and more force to it. Behind it all she the centre of her mind with the thickest black steel bubble she could think of and Sirius was stuck.

She was good, he tried to find a gap, a tiny peephole but he couldn't. Her protection was powerful and the spell he cast in the beginning finally closed up the whole circuit in the deepest level of her mind creating a blend of information and pure magic. After what seemed like five minutes to them he let go, and they realised it was actually more than two hours. ''There's the witch we all want see!'' he said looking at the sweaty girl, a mission-accomplished expression on his face and had to laugh when she answered with an offended ''Shut up!''

She loved how the exhaustion kept her from thinking about anything. She was beat; holding her guard up for two hours straight left her dog tired. 'Dog tired, how apt…' She felt him picking her up in his arms and fell asleep snuggling into his chest. She missed the warmth of his embrace after he tucked her in her bed but her mind was so tired that she fell into a dreamless sleep, or so it seemed.

What awaited Sirius in the dining room wasn't exactly to his liking. Severus Snape was there giving Moony his potion. He sighed, he had no energy left in him to argue with his former schoolmate, being subjected to only a few hours of sleep a day with all the horrid thoughts to keep him awake each night.

Snape was certainly surprised at not hearing any snide remarks. ''How did it go?'' asked Remus. A small smile flashed across Sirius's face but was quickly replaced by a scowl seeing that Snape was still there. ''Not now Remus, we can talk about it later. But I suppose it's needless to say that it went more than well.'' Sirius said as a matter of fact, not wanting Snivellus to know what was going on in the Black town house.

''What Black, finally learned how to tie your shoe laces?'' Severus waited for a haughty response but got nothing. ''Wonder who taught you manners.'' Snape said out loud. He really did enjoy aggravating the hot-headed Black heir. ''You're so lucky I've seen what I've seen, honestly, I don't get why she defends you all the time.'' Sirius said to no one in particular but Remus caught on what he meant. The werewolf was observing the whole scene with interest. He couldn't remember when was the last time Sirius didn't try to get a rise out of Snape.

Whatever Hermione's memories were, they truly altered a part of Padfoot. ''Surely no whore of yours would defend my honour, It's not needed I assure you.'' sneered Snape and Sirius saw red. He whipped out his wand so fast that even the trained reflexes of a Death Eater could do nothing. ''Take. That. Back.'' Sirius said in a dead-calm, ice-cold voice that would send shivers down anyone's spine.

Remus saw that another sarcastic comment was trying to get out of the potion master's mouth and he knew he had to intervene. Otherwise he would have to deal with two corpses and an extremely angry Hermione later and that wasn't really on his plans tonight.

However even he was enraged by what Severus said and it clearly showed judging by Snape's reaction. Severus Snape had never forgotten how an angry werewolf looks like since he almost became the midnight snack to one. ''I really do not want to deal with you two so put your wands down, now!'' Remus snapped his eyes flashing dangerously and getting an amber hue. After an amount of staring at each other Sirius and Severus eventually put their wands down.

Suddenly a cry echoed through the house and Sirius bolted to the door, leaving one rarely confused Snape and a worried friend behind. Upon reaching her door he could recognise what all those cries were all about. Another nightmare. He gathered her frail body in his arms whispering comforting words in her ear. It broke his heart to see her like that. ''Shh, I'm here, it's going to be all alright…''

He whispered as he rocked the crying witch back and forth. It was becoming a common occurrence for them, her crying herself to sleep while he was comforting her wondering what she had done to deserve such fate.

Downstairs, Severus was still staring at the door Sirius rushed out through. 'What in the name of Merlin is going on here?' he asked himself. Something was definitely wrong he was sure of that. ''Lupin, explain what on earth is going on!'' Severus wasn't usually one to pry, especially on the business of his 'favourite married couple' as he liked to call those two Marauders but this was way too suspicious.

Remus sighed, he saw that coming. When someone cries out in a house where no one is supposed to be, then add to that an unusual Sirius and a curios Snape and you get a deadly combination. ''Nothing very interesting'' ''If you wish to murder me…'' ''I assure you, it's nothing of that sort. I really don't think it would be worthy of your attention but if you want to know…'' said Remus exasperatedly mocking Snape. He really wasn't in the mood to deal with all this stuff tonight. ''I think I'll pass.'' said Snape in the end. 'Have enough problems of my own, do not need to add a secret of Black's to that.'

''Here's your potion and the instructions as you wanted from Dumbledore. Do be careful, we wouldn't want to scrap you off of the walls in case you mess up would we…'' with that, Snape exited the room, his black robes billowing behind him. He sure had them charmed to move like that.

''Severus, I'm sure you'd approve of her potion brewing skills'' said Remus. Hermione loved potions, she told him so when he was still a professor at Hogwarts, however her potion master detested her and didn't really challenge her or so she claimed. So he requested from the Headmaster the recipe of Wolfsbane potion.

He didn't know that the witch he was currently thinking about brewed a Polyjuice potion in her second year nor did he know that she rivalled the skill of a certain Professor Snape. A wonder child all the teachers called her even Snape when no one was listening but the truth was she despised it.


	14. Chapter Eleven

**A/N: Here's another chapter! Enjoy and comment :-)**

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><p>Hermione found herself sitting in the study once again the following day. This room has officially become the training room. At breakfast, Remus told her how he decided on her training, and she had to say, he indeed was creative. Defence, Offense, Tactics… it all sounded really trivial but she had soon realised it's anything but. Living down the fact that she'll be learning the supposed dark magic was difficult, but actually using it today seemed almost unimaginable.<p>

Sirius explained to her in the morning the basic difference between dark magic and dark arts. He claimed that even though they both have that dark streak dark arts is only a part of magic. It is the part that consumes one's soul and feeds of their anger, jealousy, envy, want etc. All those negative emotions that build up until there's nothing left. In opposition to that the dark magic, a much wider term is simply powerful magic that plays with various emotions but people do not usually succumb to its power if they know its worth.

Hermione still had some problems wrapping her head around it but she got the main idea. Dark magic is all about emotions whereas dark arts is about releasing and utilising the negative streaks of oneself.

''We'll start with the basics and then build on that.'' Remus announced as he entered the training room. ''As I've said, the intent is the most important part. Now, today you'll learn the protection spell, shield or whatever you wish to call it. You must want the spell to protect you but not only that. You need the spell to ricochet the one that was cast at you. So essentially it becomes a kind of a repelling and rebounding barrier. Now, the basic shielding charm is'' ''Protego'' Hermione cut in a bit impatiently not wanting to sound completely incapable.

The truth is, she hasn't successfully conjured a usable shield before. She always attributed her failure to her not being magically competent enough, when Harry succeeded and she didn't. 'Maybe, it has something to do with me being a Muggleborn.' But then she remembered she wasn't one and had no idea why it didn't work.

Now, she may have an inkling as to why. ''Yes, Protego is the basic and practically the best one of charms created to protect the caster. I'm sure you know the wand movement and the wording is the same. Remember what I've told you about wanting the spell to do. Eventually you'll learn how to bend the spells to do exactly what you want from them. Ready?''

Hermione just now looked at her 'professor' who was causally leaning on the wall by the window. It confused her. 'Isn't he going to cast spells at me?' she thought ''Professor?'' Remus looked at her questioningly; he still didn't want her to call him like that. ''Yes Hermione and it is Remus for you.'' She blushed a bit but then continued. ''Aren't you going to throw hexes at me?''

Oh so that's why she looked so confused. ''No Hermione, I'm not. You see, what's the point in me throwing hexes at you when you can't repel them. Now, go ahead and practise.''

So Hermione practised. The wand movement was quiet simple – a circle with a flock in the middle. She did that a few times to reassure herself she had it in her hand. Suddenly she remembered what Sirius has told her the other day. '''Just concentrate on one thing. Feel it.''

That morning she managed to divide her mind and she had a feeling it would work on this too. Closing her eyes for blink of an eye she felt her magic. Subconsciously caressing her wand in her hand she felt her energy flowing through her.

Wanting to create an impenetrable barrier around herself that would protect her she cast the spell shouting ''_Protego_'' and a bright blue matter surrounded her and vanished as abruptly as it appeared. ''Well done Hermione. Although you don't need to shout that much. This is a non-verbal spell and should be performed as such.'' Hermione glared but he acted as if he didn't see her look.

''The power of it doesn't lie in the wording but rather in the willpower of your mind hence non-verbal. Now, as you so desperately wanted me to throw spells at you, here's your chance to ricochet them at me. Remember, intent is to repel and rebound.'' said Remus teasing her. She has never seen this side of Remus and she was glad that he could forget his worries for a moment.

And that's how she spent the rest of her day. Slowly, her spell casting became less loud and more effective. Her training with Remus wasn't only about casting the charm itself but also about why that exact movement and how to cast it non-verbally at the end of the day.

After seeing his student exhausted Remus sent her to take a nap saying they'll continue tomorrow. He knew very well that she was capable of casting it non-verbally and making it so that it would ricochet other spells.

However seeing how she fared today made him think that it was perhaps a little too much to start with. He entered the dining room deep in thought not noticing the amused face on Sirius. ''What, had enough already?'' Sirius said in a joking manner pulling Remus out of his thoughts.

''Do you think it might be too much on her?'' ''What might?'' asked Sirius perplexed. ''I've been teaching her the Protego charm. She mastered it, yes, but with the things you told me about her she should cast it nonverbally and have a powerful charm pretty easily. But she can't.'' Remus said thoughtfully.

'Oh, so his Hermione is denying what's in her again.' Sirius thought. There was a conversation coming. After he's finished with her Occlumency, they would need to talk about everything and it was going to be ugly, very ugly indeed. With her temper he wouldn't be surprised if she tried to hex his balls off. ''I think I'll go talk to her.'' said Sirius and Remus only raised his eyebrow questioningly not wanting to dwell on the weird connection the two of them had just yet.

Yesterday evening he came to the conclusion that she was like James, a female version of James to be precise, but only with them. She understood Sirius perfectly and he wouldn't wonder if she knew what he was thinking at times. She was so kind but fiercely loyal and protective. He would never want to find himself at the tip point of her wand.

Strange if you thought about it. But Remus was in no mood to dwell on the mystery surrounding the young witch and his best friend so instead he started to write a list of spells she'd need to learn. When he checked it two hours later, he found out he wrote down almost every spell, charm, hex and curse he knew. 'At least she wouldn't be bored' he thought sarcastically and fished out a book out of his robes.

However upstairs it wasn't that peaceful. Sirius purposefully marched into Hermione's room only to be met by a peacefully sleeping figure. He didn't want to wake her up, he really didn't but when he set his mind onto something he usually accomplished it, the usually being most important.

''Hermione, wake up'' he said gently shaking her shoulder. ''Hmm, five more minutes...'' She murmured in response still half asleep. ''C'mon love, wake up'' he said more forcefully this time and it seemed to do the trick. She opened her eyed and sleepily looked at him. ''What time is it?'' she asked yawning. ''About five in the evening. Up you go. You and I are going to have some fun with your shielding charm.''

She obediently got up, no questions asked even though she was burning with curiosity. After they entered the study Sirius went straight to the point ''Remus tells me you can't do the charm nonverbally which surprises me I must say. Surely if you were to start your sixth year this autumn you would be learning casting nonverbal spells. So I've decided to try a different approach.

''I'm going to cast the stinging hex at you, harmless but not entirely comfortable. You can protect yourself but without your voice.''

Hermione looked dumbfounded 'is he really going to do that?' Obviously yes because a stinging hex hit her right leg. 'Ugh' she didn't notice when he cast it 'Silencio' let alone percept that she was supposed to protect herself already. Oh boy, she got angry when another hex hit her. He was right. It wasn't comfortable, quite the opposite.

When she saw him cast the hex again she screamed 'Protego' in her mind conjuring only a weak shield that lasted only a fraction of time. Her anger was trying to get the best of her after ten minutes of fruitless trying. What was she doing wrong she asked herself. 'Magic is all about intent' Lupin's voice sounded inside her head.

How could she have forgot about that? She wasn't a malicious person by birth but right now she was in too much itchiness to be startled by the direction her thought took. The want to make him suffer slowly consumed her.

She didn't realise what had happened until a bright blue semi-bubble shaped shield enveloped her front and Sirius was hit with his own hex full force. However Sirius wasn't put off by that and they continued like that for at least fifteen more minutes. By than, Hermione mastered the spell, satisfied by her efficiency and hearing Sirius mutter ''Damn, she's good.''

The following two weeks went in pretty much the same manner. Every spell she'd learn she practiced with Sirius since it turned out that he was relentless and was able to push her to her limits and more pretty easily.

By then, she mastered the Black Occlumency, surprising herself and the both men greatly. Nobody has ever seen anyone learn it so quickly and easily. Her days were filed with training and gaining new knowledge. She was devouring every book she could get her hands on in the Grimmauld library even though she was warned that some of them are cursed.

'Nothing I've never done before.' She told herself not taking the threat seriously until one late night she almost burnt her fingers off. Sirius almost fell with laughter which bugged Hermione to no end, even Remus seemed quite amused at her predicament. However after she threatened Sirius with cutting off his hear and Remus with taking all his books they both sobered up pretty quickly.

However her nights were completely different. Her nightmares were always present and slowly but surely it was showing. She had dark circles under her eyes and was cranky almost all the time. Sirius knew time came for them to talk.


	15. Chapter Twelve

**A/N: Sorry my dear readers that I didn't update yesterday, but I was exhausted. Now here come two chapters I'm very proud of. One today, one tomorrow so do read it, I'm sure you won't be disappointed. Also the chapters are going to be a bit longer so there'll be more to read. **

**I do hope you like it, there's much more to come! Enjoy!**

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><p>Hermione was sitting in the library reading and practising different wards and silencing charms when someone tried to enter the room. She planned on ignoring the intruder but the unceasing banging made her put the wards down with a grin on her face and told them to come in.<p>

Lupin was glad to see that she wasn't wholly dependent on them to teach her everything. Sure, most of the stuff came from them but the training and effort she put into it surprised even him. Every day she learned at least five new spells and her ability to make them work truly astounded him. He wanted to talk to her about his werewolf potion and went straight to the library. When she wasn't practising with him or Sirius she was either in her room or in the library and since she didn't go to sleep yet the library was the obvious option.

''I'm glad your wards are working.'' He said with a small hint of pride in his voice. In the three short weeks they've spent together she was becoming a very dear friend to him.

''Well, at least something is.'' She said her grin being replaced by a scowl on her face remembering a rather nasty afternoon session that day with Sirius. They were focusing on the Impediment curse and since once or a few times it was rebounded by an object (insert Sirius there) in the room it left her a bit sore.

Even though Sirius claimed you have to experience in order to understand she still wasn't a big fan of being a lab rat. ''Yes, Sirius did mention something, but let me assure you, you're a brilliant witch'' the smile on Lupin's face warmed her heart and she couldn't help but smile back. ''Is there something you needed?'' ''Yes, there is something Hermione, you know about my condition…''

The self-loathing in his voice made Hermione furious. ''Of course and stop being so adamant that it's the end of the world. You're a wonderful person, a great teacher. Never forget that. And now, you have that potion and you can't harm anyone if you take it.'' She concluded her rant in a voice where there was no room for argument.

Remus was in awe of the young witch. He was a monster and she still stood up for him. ''That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. You can always say no.'' By now Hermione was more than intrigued, her previous outburst of righteousness completely forgotten. ''I'm listening'' she said with that glint in her eyes the two men have grown to associate with her curious side.

''Would you like to learn how to brew it?'' ''What?'' she couldn't help but exclaim. It is one of the most complex potions and requires great skill she knew she had but still it surprised her to see him trust her so much. ''I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I'd love to!'' she corrected her previous remark with a huge smile on her face.

Remus smiled also and they arrange everything needed. She didn't know where he got the expensive ingredients or tools but something told her a certain Black was to blame. She was at the top of her world. For more than a month this house has been her home, something she never had. She explored the whole mansion, finding many interesting rooms. The library was her all-time favourite with its ancient titles and that aristocratic feel about it. It was a beautiful room with high ceiling. Three of the four walls were covered with bookshelves in two stories. She had to use a ladder to get to walk on the second level _(look up Northumberland castle library)._

However her idyllic life in this godforsaken house was soon to end. Her training went more than well. By now, she had the knowledge and skill of an early seventh year and honed reflexes that many people would envy her if they knew. Days from dusk till dawn were consumed by her training. Nonverbal magic was no problem for her by now, just as many potions and her spell work was amazing. But today it all came to a halt.

Alastor Moody paid them a visit informing them of some new developments. The house was soon to become the headquarters of the Order. In two weeks all the red-headed Weasleys were to move in and Harry was supposed to arrive a week before the start of a new term.

It was hard not to see the joy in his otherwise rather crazy eyes at hearing that his godson was going to spend some time there. But it also left a pang in her chest where her heart was supposed to be. She knew very well it was going to be like her school days again. Pretending was never really hard for her but it felt nice to finally act like herself for once in her life.

Now, she wondered if they would kick her out, her insecurities coming forward. She never showed any weakness in company of people who didn't know her life story. She was still careful, however her façade seemed to complete vanish in the presence of one sometimes infuriating man. He saw her past, he could challenge her, he knew which buttons to push, he practically saw straight through to her soul.

So of course it was understandable that it would hurt to be shunned again. ''Well, it would have never stayed good for a long time…'' Hermione muttered out loud voicing her reality. She was disturbed from her melancholy by a deep voice coming from behind ''and why would you say that?'' she continued staring out of the window, her back turned to the door. Hermione sighed. What could she tell him?

''It's obvious, is it not?'' This left only more confusion in the man who was observing her from behind. He was elated that morning at the thought that his godson will be joining him soon. He had spent a lot of his time trying to persuade Dumbledore to let Harry stay with him but it was no good. However now it was certain that he would come and Sirius would make sure that he spent every possible minute with his best friend's son. But then he remembered the young witch, because it will change. Still stubborn as always, he refused to acknowledge his feelings for her.

However it didn't go unnoticed by his werewolf friend that Sirius seemed to be a little bit more like when he Lily and James were alive. The spark that was missing in his friend's life was slowly but surely returning. And he also knew he had the young witch to thank for that.

Sirius liked their arrangement but knew it was all coming to an end. ''Not to me it isn't, love'' he said after a moment of silence refusing to face the problem straight on. ''Just go away.'' Hermione sighed wanting to be left alone to wallow in her sudden misery.

Sirius looked at the stubborn witch standing before him. Her hair was flowing down her back, her bushy mane reflecting the light coming from the street lights outside. He came to know her well in the short amount of time they've spent together even though he still didn't know the whole truth about the enigma named Hermione. Having seen her every memory still didn't mean he knew all her secrets.

His ever growing curiosity got hold of him in that moment. ''Have you ever thought of finding your parents?'' He asked suddenly, his voice reflecting the gloomy mood that just descended upon them.

A cold laugh escaped her mouth as she slowly turned around, her eyes blazing with anger. ''Do you'' she paused gathering her thoughts ''Do you really think I would voluntarily look for someone that abandoned me?'' she asked him, her rage getting the better of her as the volume of her voice slowly increased.

''Do you really think that I would need someone to tell me why my bloody family abandoned me only to leave me to be ridiculed for years?'' she was shouting now. But Sirius seemed even more encouraged by that fact. ''How can you be so sure they abandoned you? How can you know?''

He was enraged too. This girl seemed to be willingly refusing to have a family, something many people desperately wished to have including him and his godson. ''What do you know about family?'' she screeched. That did it for Sirius. She made him feel all that shame, abandonment and loss again. He became white with anger not realising he held his wand in his hand until he saw her doing the exactly the same thing.

''I know enough. I know enough to see that you're trying to escape the feeling of being a failure…'' he said in an icily cold voice but was unable to finish since Hermione shouted ''Impedimenta'' Sirius quickly conjured a shield but Hermione was not finished yet. Firing a hex his way she hissed through gritted teeth. ''You know noting Sirius Black!''

Another hex flew his way this time resulting in a small crack as it met a table. ''Do you know how it feels to be bullied for something that isn't even true?'' another curse came her way and she quickly stepped aside ''Do you know what it feels like to lie to everyone you know so they do not pity or laugh at you all day long?'' she whispered and cast a hex his way.

Of course he knew how it felt. Being a so called white sheep in his family resulted in more than one horrid experience. He never told his friends what was really going on even though he suspected they knew, especially James. So yes, he understood more than anyone. He had to leave his little brother behind, left him to be consumed by the craziness of his family. It should have been him.

His arrogance was nothing more than a smokescreen to hide how crushed and heartbroken he really was. But he didn't tell her that, instead of it he fired another curse her way.

To an outsider their fight would seem like a dance of two butterflies. Rainbow of colours illuminated the room, the lithe movement of their wands left golden traces in the air, their cloaks bellowing and swirling around them. Hermione was a great duellist, with all the training and practising but Sirius was brilliant.

Tears were flowing down Hermione's cheeks. Her heart was wrenching with loneliness and betrayal. She fought well but neither her heart nor soul were in it and in a moment of carelessness Sirius disarmed her with a simple Expelliarmus.

He looked at her then. She just stood there heartbroken from all the hurt people inflicted upon her in such a short time that was her life. But she didn't regret anything and it made him would wonder whether she ever felt anything if he didn't know how many emotions were buried behind that beautiful innocent face. ''How can you live like that? Full hatred and hurt…'' he whispered more stating his feeling than hers.

She knew him well too. ''As if you aren't the same Sirius.'' She wanted to turn around so he wouldn't see the desperation in her eyes but she was frozen, her mind not wanting to cooperate.

Sirius looked at her then, really looked at her. Putting all his reason aside he saw that she craved the feeling of compassion she never had, she craved genuine friendship she never had and most of all she craved true love no one bothered to bestow upon her. He looked into her eyes and couldn't look away. They portrayed her innermost feelings in that moment and he suddenly realised he loved her and his heart stopped.

Both of them were in singed clothes, but they didn't see that as they were staring in each other's eyes. Sirius was the first to break the contact and he ran his hand through his precious hair sighing pushing his emotion deep to deal with them later.

''You are staying here and we'll continue with everything till the Weasleys come.'' Knowing full well the reason behind her misery before. ''Also, when your letter comes, you'll go with Remus and I'll give you the money for your school stuff.'' He stated leaving no room for discussion.

The sudden change of topic confused and angered her. However when he came to the point of using his money for her school supplies she only managed to squeak ''What?''

She didn't want to use his money, she didn't want to use anyone's money. She was certainly not happy with that but how can she make him see it? ''I don't need it, I have some money from school and it is enough!'' she said stressing especially on the enough.

Since Sirius's change of heart he was determined to make her life at least a bit bearable. So he was going to give her at least something. She wasn't supposed to be in hand-me-down's and reading second hand books. And that was something he was able to change. ''Indulge me, would you?'' he said sarcastically making her more angry than ever. But she was exhausted to fight with him again so she conceded and nodded which made his lips twitch in smile.

She then turned around and went angrily to her room. 'What is wrong with me?' she asked herself as she made her way upstairs. She laid down but was unable to sleep. She now had two weeks of quiet time till her supposed friend Ron arrive. She hated him and he aggravated her to no end but she put up with him for Harry's sake.

Harry was sometimes like a brother to her, only his save everyone complex stopping her from telling him the truth sometimes. She knew it would only add to the burden he was carrying and she was certain he would never look at her the same way again. So the only way to deal with it all was bury it deep down and let them see how 'happy' she was, what was easier than that?


	16. Chapter Thirteen

**A/N: Here's the second chapter I'm very proud of. Summer in Grimmauld Place is slowly coming to an end. How do you think it will all end?**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Sirius went to the kitchen and grabbed some firewhiskey. As he set he put his head in his hands. What was he to do now, he asked himself. A cough interrupted his musings and he looked up. Moony was staring at him with an amused but at the same time confused expression. ''What were you two up to again?'' he asked Sirius.<p>

''A fight actually'' answered Sirius in an exasperated voice. ''A fight?'' ''Yes, a fight Moony, sure you know what that entails.'' Sirius snapped and took another gulp from his glass. ''What about?'' Remus wanted to know what made them fight. Their relationship, if he could call it that way was the most perplexing one he had ever seen but he didn't know they were capable of such a full blown argument. It was so obvious they had feelings for each other but neither saw it.

''Too complicated.'' Said Sirius still with his head in his hands. ''Come on, when was it too complicated?'' ''Just can't Moony, it's not my story to tell. But I do have a small job for you. You're going to take Hermione shopping.'' Sirius said thoughtfully and Moony knew he had no way of getting out of it. So as they say, he just went with it.

The next morning an owl delivered Hermione's letter from Hogwarts so they took off right after breakfast. Sirius gave her a pouch full of galleons and told her there better not be any left after they come back. 'Seriously, what's wrong with this man' Hermione thought but fortunately she had already given up. She didn't know how he managed to get the money since he was locked up in his mansion but she wasn't in the mood to wonder about it to such an extent. She took the money and with Remus off she went.

This time around, she saw Diagon Alley as a totally different place. She bought new books, new robes, everything she owned was replaced by nice things. But that didn't mean she just wasted the money, she bought high quality stuff that would withstand a lot. In the beginning she wasn't really certain how to go about it. She haven't counted the money but was sure it was more than enough. So after a while of reckoning she let loose. After dragging Remus to almost every shop they were done and a happy Hermione entered the Black mansion.

''Successful I see'' said Sirius with a wide grin on his face. ''You're in for it Padfoot'' said Remus jokily ''Oh come on Moony, I know you enjoyed it, especially the bookstore.'' Said Sirius knowingly.

Hermione went up to her room and Sirius had now a chance to talk to Remus alone. ''There's going to be a meeting tomorrow night.'' He said to his werewolf friend with an unreadable expression on his face. ''How much does she know?'' asked Remus but had to wait long for an answer since Sirius seemed to be considering what to say for a long time.

''She knows more than anyone. I trust her not to tell it to anyone thought.'' ''You seem to trust her a lot'' said Remus knowingly. What could he possibly do about his best friend? He knew he couldn't interfere. Sirius didn't say anything just looked away which gave Remus an opening to say more. ''Just tell me… How much do you like her?''

This made Sirius uncomfortable. He knew he couldn't possibly like a girl that was 20 years younger than he was. But he couldn't help it. She was absolutely breath-taking. Her eyes that he was sure sometimes flickered green, he could see her soul if he looked deep enough, her pale skin was like porcelain and she seemed she would break anytime but she was as hard as steel. An unstoppable force and he was as a moth drawn to a flame. But she couldn't like him, let alone love him. It was impossible.

''I love her'' he then said, knowing full well it was no use keeping secrets from his best friend. Remus only sighed and patted him on his shoulder and Sirius resumed drinking into stupor.

The next day went as any other. Hermione was duelling with Remus and Sirius at once, both of them went easy on her in the beginning but slowly became more demanding. She was lithe and deadly but even after whole summer of practise she made mistakes. It is a thing you need to get the hang of. She huffed and hissed, after a day of training she was completely exhausted. The same went for the men but they had much more stamina than her.

''What were you up to today?'' asked Alastor Moody as he entered the house mid-afternoon. ''Oh not much, just practising with the young one I suppose.'' Said Sirius indifferently. ''Hmm, I see. Now why do you look so tired? A child got the better of you?'' Moody loved to aggravate Sirius, especially now as he knew he was less than happy with his living arrangements.

''You'd be surprised.'' Said Lupin, amused with their conversation. Alastor only looked at them doubtfully and as others entered the kitchen the meeting begun. The news was terrifying. It was more than clear that the regrouping of forces had begun. Voldemort was subtly gathering followers and the Ministry played the blind spectator. Fudge was leading an anti – Dumbledore and anti – the – boy – who – lived campaign and had more supporters each day.

''What do we plan on doing?'' asked Lupin. ''There's not much we can do…'' said Kingsley ''until there's some major activity or Fudge finally sees the light there's practically nothing we can do apart from gathering new members of the Order and persuading at least some of the public that it's happening again.'' With that the meeting was adjourned.

It was already half past one in the morning when Sirius decided to check on Hermione. Soft light was coming from under her door. She was totally engrossed in her book on potion making she found that morning in the library. The book was more than four hundred years old, written by an author she never heard about. Its pages were matt and yellow, the corners were blunt and the book itself was in a very frayed condition.

_For the most potent potion possible understanding of the properties of each ingredient in a given potion is imperative. Moreover, one has to see beyond the common directions. One has to concentrate on the result of such an action rather than blindly following the guideline. For deeper understanding of the art of potion brewing, you have to take apart the recipe and start with the base. Building upon a strong simple base is always more advantageous than having a complicated base with less benefits. _

_It is important to understand that brewing instructions wary depending on the brewer, author and obtainable ingredients. One of the best example is the Draught of Living Death. The powdered root of asphodel as a very potent ingredient if prepared according to..._

She stopped reading for a moment to just wonder about the book. It was a treasure. She could finally do something interesting in her potion class, not following the directions of her professor all the time. 'It'll be amusing to hear what he's got to say about it' she thought giddily, looking forward to winding up her Potions master. This year they'll be working alone, not in pairs as they used to till fourth year. This year's O.W.L.s are going to be easy for her she already knew that. But preparation was more than needed and it's going to take her a lot of time.

''Still reading?'' Sirius asked still standing at her door. Hermione looked up wanting to know who was disturbing her quite time even though she already knew who it was. ''This book is incredible!'' she said excitedly shuffling on her bed and patting a place next to her. Sirius took the invitation and sat on her bed.

She showed him the book she was reading and he couldn't help but smile. ''You know, James and I used this to help with our pranks.'' He said chuckling at a memory of red and gold haired Lucius Malfoy. ''You don't talk about him much.'' Said Hermione sadly knowing that it was difficult for the Marauder to talk about his deceased friend.

Suddenly Hermione got an idea. She knew they were both reluctant to talk about their past but they were both more than curious. With a sigh she asked him ''Do you know the game 20 questions?'' ''You do know it is a bit self-explanatory don't you?'' he asked laughing. She huffed ''Do you or don't you want to play it, hmm?'' she asked snootily. ''Any question?'' he asked curiously looking at her with a peculiar expression. ''Any question.'' She answered.

It might have been a bit weird to play this with a man that was 20 years her senior but their age was forgotten when they were together. It just vanished from their minds, leaving space to other intriguing ideas.

''Hmm, that's tricky. So first one, why do you act like an insufferable know-it-all at school and like a brilliant troublemaker here.'' Seeing her reluctant expression he added chuckling ''Oh and don't worry, I know which one is the true one'' Hermione sighed ''I suppose it's because of everybody's expectations. It all started with Snape and his comments. I've never fit in anywhere and coming to a wholly different world I wanted to show them I know what it's all about. However, I couldn't have been more wrong.

''I voluntarily became a muggle-born even though I was more than certain that the opposite was the truth. And unfortunately books aren't enough to fit in. For a long time everybody saw me as the girl with bushy hair who always had her nose in books. Snape hated my constant hand-waving and answers repeated as they were written. Like a parrot I was. And his nickname for me became my reality. I haven't been taught any other way and it struck me then that nobody was paying any attention to me.

''I always hated lying but saying the truth, especially in the magical world, it was too hard for me to face it. Not much of a Gryffindor am I…? However I didn't have to explain anything to anyone and then Harry and Ron became friends with me. Even though I love Harry like a brother, sometimes it's more than hard for me to be friends with Ron. I've heard too many of his comments about me. I'm used to Malfoy calling me a mudblood'' Sirius immediately tensed but she was quick to continue ''but Ron's insults always hurt much more.

''Playing by the rules at school always earned me respect from my teachers and as a naïve first year I didn't want to tarnish my perfect school record. But I love it when my blood is drumming in my ears when I fly so high that I can't see the ground anymore. Not that I'm suicidal but I must say it was a pity there was an age limit to the Tournament, I might have put my name in it.'' She said with a dreamy look. Sirius laughed. Hermione, the Hermione that 'didn't' want to break any rules now admitted she wanted to compete in the Triwizard Tournament.

''Now my turn'' she said in a sing-song voice. Sirius was starting to get anxious, maybe it wasn't such a good idea… ''Oh don't be such a baby.'' Hermione chastised him. ''First question for you Mr. Black, what's the deal with you and women?''

Sirius looked at her incredulously. 'Really? That's her question?' nevertheless he knew he had to answer, it wasn't that hard. ''Well…'' he drawled ''I wasn't that bad.'' Seeing her unbelieving expression he corrected himself quickly ''or at least I don't think so…'' Suddenly discussing his teenage years with the woman, yes woman, he loves became an unsavoury thought. But he owed her his answers so he sucked it up and continued.

''James was always throwing himself at Lily. I think love and hate on first sight couldn't have a better example. Remus, well, let's just say he has some big self-esteem issues. However that didn't stop anyone from you know, throwing themselves at my two friends, especially my brother.'' ''Your brother?'' Hermione interrupted him. Sirius smiled at that. ''Well, James was my brother in anything but blood. However I did have a brother. His name was Regulus. He… He was always my little brother and I… I…'' he gulped. His little brother joined Death Eaters when he was sixteen and he always blamed himself that he wasn't there to protect him from it.

''You don't have to continue'' Hermione said gently. However Sirius took a deep steadying breath and continued. ''He joined Death Eaters, he was too young and paid for his foolishness, he was killed at eighteen. Rumours are that it was done by the almighty Voldemort himself. Since I was sorted into Gryffindor, I became the disgrace of the family. On the Hogwarts Express I met James and he was the first one who treated me like a normal person, not an heir to a crazy pureblooded house.

''If I think about it now, that may be the reason why I chose to switch girls like socks, dating them for less than two weeks rather than settling down and having family. I guess the right one never came around.'' 'But now she has and has no idea.' He added in his mind. ''Sirius Black the flirt of the century. No wonder.'' Hermione murmured. ''What was that?'' Sirius asked cocking his head to the side like a dog. ''Nothing'' Hermione answered maybe a little bit too quickly. ''Sure'' he said knowingly.

''Now is my turn, so beware'' said Sirius in a high and mighty tone. ''Ah, I'm trembling with fear'' she said teasingly. ''You, Harry and Ron, explain.'' ''Ugh, really?'' Hermione whined. ''Yes, now I believe an answer is in order.''

''Ok, so from what they told me, Harry and Ron met at the King's Cross station before they boarded the train, something about Mrs. Weasley showing Harry the way or whatever. We didn't get along at the beginning. Ron hated me to say the least and Harry stayed out of it, I suppose he didn't want to lose his first friend. They became quite close in the two months of our first year and Harry essentially became a part of the Weasley family. Now as you probably know, we three are a magnet for trouble so when I was crying in the girl's bathroom because of Ron, a troll came, Harry the hero and Ron the side-kick came and saved the day. Even though it was my idea but well, can't be wounding their ego now…

''From then on we were friends even though I still hear Ron talking about me horribly and Harry never standing up for me. But I guess nobody's perfect.'' Hermione concluded and it was quiet for a while.

'You know very well you could be perfect, you just always succumb to your weaknesses.' The nasty voice in her head said. It was a long time since she heard it.

'I'm not weak, that's just some kind of an illusion you have'

'Oh it's not an illusion I assure you. I approve of Sirius, but those other friends, Ron really?'

''Shut up'' Hermione didn't realise she said it out loud until Sirius was looking at her funny.

''Hermione? What's going on?'' Sirius asked concerned.

'Go on, tell him, you know you can't hide anything from him' the voice said and Hermione put her head in her hands rubbing her face to relieve at least some of the tension.

''Ever since the first time I came in contact with magic, which for me was my first trip to Diagon Alley, I… I hear voices in my head. They always have some stupid and frankly horrid comments about some situation I'm in even though it saved my life more than once.''

''Did you go to Dumbledore with it?'' he said more than concerned now. Voices were never good, even if they seemed to help sometimes. ''Why would I go to him… He watches me like a hawk all the time, expecting something to happen and I have no idea what.'' She shouted, shaking with rage. Sirius embraced the young witch, knowing full well how it felt to be a part of some ploy and never knowing precisely what was going on. He had respect for the headmaster nevertheless he abhorred his manipulative behaviour.

Hermione felt safer in his arms more than ever. She loved being with him. 'Wait a minute, I love being with him?' However hard it might have been for her to accept it, she did it without a blink of an eye. Finally, she accepted that she felt more for him than she ever dared to admit. It brought peace to her soul and it felt as if a strange bound around her magical core was severed. She felt power rushing through her veins. It was a feeling like no other.

''Why were you a disgrace to your family?'' Hermione asked after a little while. Sirius sighed. It was not his favourite topic, hell, anything that's got anything to do with his family is not his favourite topic. 'But I suppose that after rummaging through her memories for a better part of this summer it's only fair that she knows.

''The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black is an obnoxious pureblooded family that was always the proud part of Slytherin. However I being the disagreeing ungrateful blood traitor as mother dearest likes to shout had to be sorted into Gryffindor. She even sent me a howler and demanded resorting, nevertheless what the hat says stays that way.'' Said Sirius with a sly smirk and continued.

''Let's just say that holidays were not my favourite part of the year. At sixteen, I ran away and became part of the Potter family. Mrs. Potter took me in like her own son and I finally got the family I've always dreamed of. Nevertheless, however much I wanted them to be my family, somewhere inside I always knew that whatever I did, I was never one of them in the public view. I've always been and always will be the disowned son of the House Black.''

With that he stood up and bid Hermione goodnight. Lest be assured that Hermione didn't sleep well that night.

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><p><strong>So what do you think? Thanks for reading :-)<strong>


	17. Chapter Fourteen

**A/N: Here's another chapter, I hope you'll like it! Thanks for reading :-)**

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><p>The rest of the week went by calmly. Hermione was looking through the library one evening and came across a book on traces and tracking. She was more than fascinated by this since she wanted to get rid of the trace and was looking for any tracking spells that might be on her. She relished in the possibility of using her magic all the time. It's not that she was lazy, but since she came here, it became a part of her more than ever.<p>

She even discovered that since that evening she had the discussion with Sirius, her powers seemed to have grown. She didn't have to use so much of her power and still got the same results but had absolutely no idea why. Sirius knew it was bugging her, however he didn't say a thing knowing full well that she liked to find the answers on her own rather than being told, even though he himself had no idea as to what caused it.

That was also one of the few things he and Moony learned about her. She had the most brilliant mind that they've ever seen. Not that they haven't already known how smart she was but this was a completely new level. What she told them was not what a common adult would think. She was full of ideas her mind seemed to spurt constantly whether it were defence spells or beauty charms. She finally got rid of her bushy mane by finding a spell that left it in soft curls. She wore her hair braided around her head most of the time, she looked positively ethereal according to Sirius.

He certainly didn't like the direction his thoughts were turning most the time. He was in love with her. He, Sirius Black, the biggest playboy of the magical world was in love with a witch that wasn't even legal yet. This was going to be his downfall he was sure of that. Little did he know that Hermione was having the same inner conflict.

She realised she had feelings for him the night he told her his story. It broke her heart to think that someone had to go through something like that. It reminded her of Harry's life. Her best friend suffered because of what he had no power over and obviously so did Sirius, even though she thought that maybe sometimes he caused the fights willingly. What horrified her was the knowledge of Harry's uncle and aunt behaviour towards their nephew when he didn't act as was expected from him. Harry might have attempted to hide it from her and Ron but she knew better.

She knew him like her own brother, it sometimes even scared her. She was feeling more than guilty now that she knew his secrets and he had no idea about hers. She knew of his scars either physical or emotional, of his malnourished body Madame Pompfrey always batched up after summer break. However add to that the magical side of Sirius's family and their darkness and she was sure his godfather was subjected to the Cruciatus curse more than once. It brought her to tears, the mere idea of parents trying to submit their child to their cause through violence.

'What's wrong with them?' she asked herself. It seemed that everyone had their own fair share of disturbing childhood memories, turning into a werewolf as a family revenge or scrubbing every surface available in an orphanage certainly wasn't a normal occurrence. Hermione didn't judge, she always tried to look below the surface. Unfortunately some people (insert Ron there) were incredibly shallow and disgusted her most of the time.

Ron had it all. He had a family that cared for him more than was healthy, a home where he got his own bed and the Weasleys weren't that poor. It could be much worse, she knew from her own experience. Despite it all he was her mommy's boy, always jealous and having petty fights with everyone who dared to disagree with his Quidditch lifestyle. Sure, there was nothing wrong with the game but talking about it 24/7 was just irrational.

However hearing him call her freak and disgusting know-it-all hurt in their first year stayed with her ever since. She was never one to hold a grudge, but Ron changed that, now she was the exact opposite. What would most people find more than surprising, outrageous even, was that she held Draco in some kind of respect. She knew very well what was expected of him and it wasn't easy. She could see his heart wasn't in it. Hermione was an extremely compassionate person when one got the privilege. Yes, he called her a mudblood every chance he got, he aggravated her friends to no end and hid behind his father's cloak whenever the going got hard however he kept going and showed only one face.

She doubted he was like that when in a familiar environment however she sometimes liked him more than Ron, at least he got manners.

Looking through shelves and shelves of books she finally found the one she was looking for. It seemed that the Black library got a book on every topic. She already got hold of one that dealt with arranging your mind so you can use it better and the book on potions was just incredible. Levitating the shabby looking book onto a nearby table she checked it for any curses. She liked to be cautious now.

Seeing as it was safe to hold it she opened it on the content page and found the section she was looking for. Removing a trace from a wand was a difficult process requiring a lot of power. After hours of making sure she understood the procedure, she carefully said the long incantation and her wand glowed with grey light as it was supposed to. Then turning her wand on herself she said the other part of the spell, just to make sure there wasn't any trace on her body.

She was getting a headache from using these spells but she had to make sure there weren't any tracking charms on her. Creating golden web of wand movement traces around her body she said the other incantation while doing an elaborate wand movement above herself. After a beat her body glowed green and then light blue. 'Not good. Not good.'

''Sirius?'' Hermione shouted and tapped her foot while waiting for the dog Animagus to turn up. It wasn't even one minute after the Sirius's head peak from behind the library door. ''Dear Merlin, what on earth are you doing?'' said a horrified Sirius.

''I was checking for any tracking charms and traces and well, there seems to be some so if you'd be so kind as to remove them from my person?'' she said in a mock stuck up tone while grinning like a Cheshire cat. Sirius only rolled his eyes at the young witch and asked her for the counter-spells. ''There's a book on the table there'' she said pointing in the direction of her favourite armchair. ''Yes there'' she praised Sirius sense of following direction and had to grin at his annoyingly knowing face ''now it should be on page 375 second paragraph I think.''

Hermione's photographic memory was sometimes driving him mad but right now it seemed more than acceptable. With Sirius researching it would take two days to find the right thing, well, that might be exaggerating a bit but really, Sirius and books wasn't the best combination.

Looking at the complex charm he had to shake his head in disbelief. She really was mad. It took him half an hour of wand swishing, flicking, twirling and what more to complete the charm. Finally his efforts were rewarded by Hermione glowing light yellow and a theatrical clapping hands from both Hermione and Remus who was observing the whole scene for quite some time now.

Sirius bowed ''Thank you, thank you'' Hermione laughed and it was like music to his ears. He bestowed one of his rare true smiles on her and her heart skipped a beat. Remus, who was the silent spectator had a knowing smile on his face. 'Oh they really are blind' he thought and walked out of the room leaving his two friends behind him.

Sirius changed into his dog form and chased Hermione up to her room. Having her smile back at him was the best he could ask for ''Sirius?'' Hermione said out of the blue as she sat some books on her table.

''Yes love?'' ''Will I have to move rooms?'' she asked uneasily. ''I suppose Molly would more than like to move you from here to share a room with Ginny but I assure you there is more than enough space in this old house so you'll be staying in my wing.''

As they all awaited the arrival of a huge group of rowdy Weasleys the mood in 12 Grimmauld Place seemed to be gloomier by the second; the tension could be cut with a knife. Finally they arrived and Hermione threw a sideway glance at her two companions. They seemed to have understood what she was trying to say. Their summer has ended and they all had to resume their acts. Not that it was easy. This decision carried its own hurt in its wake.

The first one to enter the building was Mr Weasley. His cheerful and easy-going attitude put them at ease a little bit only to be crushed by and in the famous hugs of the matriarch of the family. She hugged both Remus, Sirius and Hermione but the latter sensed her less than enthusiastic approach. Those two didn't get on very well, thanks to a certain redhead boy who always ranted on and on about Hermione's insufferable behaviour.

But Hermione wasn't looking forward to seeing any of the Weasleys except for the twins. She admired their pranks even though sometimes it was a bit over the top. They had the mischievous air around them all the time and she sometimes envied them their ability to pull it all off.

''Oy 'Mione'' the twins exclaimed when they saw their secret co-prankster. Yes, sometimes, but very rarely, when Hermione was especially bored, she pranked with them. You could say she was their protégé. As the years went by, the twins spotted her talent and took her under their wing. But she was always the other one, no matter what she did. One third of the Golden Trio, she was the other one, the sidekick to Harry's heroics.

Of course people who were important knew the part she played in Harry's save – the – world complex however her schoolmates saw her as nothing more than the bossy bookworm unknowingly playing into her hands most of the time. Who would suspect an 'innocent' muggleborn? Well, none of the teachers.

''Hey Fred, Hey George!'' she said with a smile knowing exactly which one was who. They seemed to look a bit dejected that they haven't perplexed Hermione in the slightest. She was rather perceptive. Before she could say more, both of them apparated straight behind her with a loud pop. ''Tell us how was your summer-'' ''-we smell mischief'' They said grinning from ear to ear.

''wouldn't you two like to know…?'' she mused with a sly smile. Muttering under her breath she changed their clothes and hair colour to Slytherin green and silver. She had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from laughing out loud, even though Sirius accomplished the job of catching everyone's attention to himself as he laughed out loud knowing exactly what had transpired.

''What the bloody hell did you do Fred!'' George yelled as he saw his reflexion in the mirror and after they failed to change it to its original state his twin exclaimed ''I haven't done a thing George! It's not my fault you mess around with spells. You know what happens all the time!'' The twins continued to hassle one another until Molly made them shut up.

''Hush you two, I'm not in the mood to suffer your yelling.'' ''But it's not our fault!'' the twins huffed at once causing Hermione to snigger. ''I really don't care. Now go with Sirius so he can show you your room, the same goes for you Ronald and Ginny. Hermione dear, why don't you go with her and bring your stuff. You'll be sharing a room. Now…'' but Molly could not finish giving out orders anymore as Sirius interrupted her rant.

''Molly, Hermione is staying at the room I already gave her. There's enough space in here for all of us.'' ''That's utter nonsense!'' said Molly getting red in the face at Sirius's opposing. But Sirius didn't waver in his resolution. He was the master of this house and no woman was going to be ordering him around, especially someone like Molly. ''I am still very much alive and as such I'll decide who stays where. Hermione is staying in the room that used to belong to Andromeda in my wing of the house.'' Said Sirius in a manner that left no room for discussion.

Hermione was surprised to hear that her room used to belong to one of Sirius's cousins. She knew very well who Andromeda was. According to Sirius she is one of the only sane ones in the Black family. She married a muggle-born wizard and burned off from the family tapestry for her 'contamination' of pure Black blood. As she followed Sirius upstairs who he was guiding the Weasley family around she's decided on asking him why he hadn't told her of the room's former occupant before.

''Why haven't you told me it used to belong to Andy?'' she asked him that evening using the witches favourite nickname. ''I haven't thought about it. It's just a room you know…'' he answered with a small smile as he accompanied her from dinner. ''I know, but…'' Hermione sighed not really knowing what she wanted him to say. ''I understand'' he said then, looking around the small room that in the two and a half moths Hermione spent with them held so much of her character.

Parchment was lying everywhere, books were haphazardly strewn all over the floor, only her clothes were folded in wardrobe. The only clothing item was her cloak that was floating in the middle of the room. Sirius quirked his eyebrow at that. ''What are you up to now?'' he asked her curiously but demandingly.

'Well'' Hermione started looking everywhere but at him. ''Well, what?'' Sirius drawled ''I am trying to improve the charms on my cloak so it can protect me better.'' She retorted. ''You do know that if you'd made any mistake you could have blown us up?'' he told her angrily. She was aware that what she was doing was rather dangerous with all the spells and charms combination she was using but thought his anger was rather illogical.

''I know that alright, you don't have to make such a fuss about it!'' she stated firmly. ''Oh really, then tell me why are you enchanting a cloak in your room at night where no one can see it? Hmm?'' he asked snarkily. ''Oh for sure I'm going to charm my cloak in a room full of Weasleys who stick their noses where it doesn't belong. I mean, what's the big deal if they get their fingers burned off.'' She scoffed. Sirius being the stubborn man he was only turned on his heel and stormed off.

''What's going on with everyone?'' Hermione muttered under her breath as she closed her door. She picked up the book she wanted and opened it on the page about warming and cooling charms. She knew that in the usual circumstances, these additional charms were sewn into the fabric in the process of creating the resulting piece of clothing but even like this it was possible.

However it did hold certain risk. The spells and charms had to be cast in certain order or the fabric wouldn't withstand the heat of magic and would burn. Also it must be strengthened from time to time so the spells have something to hold on to. Every evening now for the last ten days or so, the cloak was shining with golden webs and white rings. The air was thick with magic but surprisingly it helped her sleep. However this night was going to be an exception.


	18. Chapter Fifteen

**A/N: This chapter is very important, especially the beginning for the whole of the story. This is also the last chapter of Hermione and Sirius interaction for a long time so enjoy while you can!**

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><p><em>It was almost dawn, the air was still frosty from the November night. Dried leaves were crunching underneath his feat as he made his way to an abandoned house at the end of the street. He was looking for him, rage was burning in his veins as he scanned the nearby houses. His mind was thinking of only one thing. Him.<em>

_How could he do this to them? How could he betray them like that? How, how? They all thought it was a full proof plan. They go into hiding under the Fidelius charm and nothing can harm them. Oh how wrong he was, how wrong everyone was!_

_His wand was emitting red sparks as only one emotion clouded his mind. Rage. The crazy Black kind of rage. Slowly, sun was rising and some early muggle risers were opening their windows to let fresh air into their bedrooms. But he didn't falter on his quest. Finally, he reached his destination as he pounded on the door. But nobody answered. ''Where are you rat?'' He shouted his voice full of hidden despair._

_He then heard some rustling to his right and he spun in its direction. He saw exactly what he was looking for. A rat. ''Foolish of you to come home rat!'' Sirius laughed maniacally and cast a spell that revealed the Animagus. As soon as Pettigrew turned up the small man turned around and fled from his land. However Sirius followed and was able to stop him at a nearby crossing. _

''_Why have you done it? How could you betray James and Lily?!'' Sirius shouted at his now ex-friend as tears rolled down his cheeks. ''It was what was expected of me. The Dark Lord demanded my assistance and I gladly gave it.'' ''You ungrateful little…'' Sirius yelled but was unable to cast his spell as the unimaginable happened. _

_Peter took out his wand with a twitchy hand and cast a series of spells that cost a lot of nearby muggles their life. He then cut of his finger and fled like the coward he was. Sirius fell to his knees. Nothing made sense for him anymore. Nothing at all. He didn't pay any attention to what was going on around him. Aurors came and went, asking no questions, taking the scene before their eyes and the happenings on the Halloween night as the only evidence they needed._

_Only after entering Azkaban did he come to his senses. He began to struggle but was soon beaten up by the guards only being conscious enough to see that he was thrown into his cell. A heart wrenching scream left his mouth as he realised there was no way out, no way to change the past. As a Dementor enter the stony hall his cell was in, every hope he ever had disappeared. Seeing James lying in front of him again and again made him scream out in agony he didn't know he could feel._

Hermione sat up in her bed. It was morning already but she paid it no attention. Her mind was reeling, her body covered in sweat and shaking as the last moments of her nightmare were replaying over and over in her mind. It was a terrifying nightmare, or rather a memory which made it all so harder to understand. But she was certain of what she witnessed. It was the day Sirius went to avenge his dead best friend and his wife. But it sure as hell wasn't her memory.

To say Hermione was confused would be an understatement. For half an hour she sat in her bed unmoving trying to understand the meaning of her dream. But maybe if she went downstairs she would discover more than in the safety of her room.

Sirius woke up from his usual sleep full of nightmares. That day would be haunting him for the rest of his life. One of the many mistakes he'd made that year and more than one person was paying for his rash behaviour. He felt like he owed it to the wizarding world to catch the rat that caused the death of his best friend and his lovely wife. If they haven't died than Harry would have grown up with his parents and not those bastards he had to call family. His godson wouldn't have to be the only hope of their world and wouldn't have to carry the immense responsibility upon his shoulders.

He sat up on his bed and sighed. He rubbed his face with his hands and stood up sleepily. He didn't want to dwell on this night's nightmare. For twelve years he had to deal with Dementors, but he cannot deal with some pesky nightmares.

It was still too early for any of the Weasley family to be awake so only Moony and he were currently sitting in the dining room. ''A nightmare again?'' ''Don't start Moony, you know it never helps to nag. Just a nightmare, it's as simple as that.'' Sirius retorted. It was more than obvious that the two of them had this discussion many times before and by now it was handled like a casual occurrence.

Sipping on his coffee Padfoot took hold of the newest Daily Prophet and started to read. Even though it was full of rubbish these past few months, he still read it, just to keep in track with the events. After a while a very sleepy and grumpy Hermione entered the room. ''What's up with you two today?'' Remus remarked upon seeing the dark circles under her eyes. ''Nothing'' she answered not very persuasively but both men let her be.

Nobody said a word as they sat in comfortable silence savouring their steaming cup of coffee. Not very English but each of them had their own reasons to use every means necessary to stay awake. Not even ten minutes later, Mrs. Weasley appeared on the threshold yawning but ready to cook huge amounts of food that would be eaten by the youngest redheaded boy later on.

Kreacher was heard rumbling upstairs. ''Blood Traitors, what would my poor mistress say if she saw what filth is going through her house. Kreacher has to serve the Noble House of Black, not this disgrace to the wizarding world'' his words were echoing through the house. However what seemed highly interesting was that the house-elf was quiet most of the time of her stay but seemed to grow more wretched by the minute since the Weasleys arrived.

The week went by and each day Hermione and Sirius grew antsier. Because of the Weasleys they couldn't spent much time together and even if they didn't want to admit it, it did take a big toll on them. Hermione buried her emotions deep down again and Sirius went back to his everyday grumbling.

Finally Harry came but the cheer in the house actually worsened. Harry was to be put on a trial for underage magic. Obviously using the Patronus charm in the presence of his muggle cousin presence was a high offence of the usage of magic. ''Nobody believes what they claim Harry'' Mrs. Weasley reassured him ''surely they'll see you're innocent and you certainly won't be expelled'' she added with a warm smile while serving him a hearty portion of her Scottish meat pie for dinner.

It was the day before they were supposed to board the train to Hogwarts. Hermione was sitting on her bed, trying to remember if she forgot to pack anything but it seemed as if everything was in its rightful place in her trunk. Someone knocked on her door softly but didn't wait for her to let them in and the only confirmation that they entered the room was the soft thud as the door was closed and the shuffling of their feet. She didn't look up at him, knowing even before he spoke who it was.

''What are you thinking about?'' he asked quietly, the bed dipping slightly as he sat down beside her. ''I'm making sure I've got everything I need.'' She answered in the same quiet voice. ''You know, you packed a week ago, it would very much surprise me if something was missing.'' He teased her a bit. But that was as far as he'd go. He didn't joke anymore. Not now, when his godson was chased by dementors and the girl, no woman he loves was going to leave.

Hermione sighed. What did the world want from her? The gloomy atmosphere all around her was getting to her but she wanted to be stronger than that.

'Of course you can be stronger than that!' her inner voice told her.

'You know what you're really like, you also know that he needs and you know what you want. Deep down, you know that I'm right'

She didn't think about it, she has done it so many times but right now it seemed an impenetrable barrier would be breached if she dared to speak. She hugged him then, something she longed to do for a long time now. She felt safe in his arms, she was sure that he would protect her from all the unfairness and terror of their world if only he held her for a while longer. The feeling of his arms around her filled her with contentment she couldn't gain any other way.

Sirius was startled by her sudden outburst of affection but he didn't mind in the slightest. Their friendship, basically the whole relationship was a strange one but nobody seemed to notice except for his one last friend. Moony always sensed their feelings but didn't interfere, there actually was no way as long as they both acted as if there wasn't anything amiss.

Both of them were lost in their worlds of thought as they hugged each other for the last time. ''I'm going to miss you, you know? It will be quite strange not having a bothersome mutt whining all the time.'' Hermione joked. Sirius looked at her with mock hurt ''you wound my feelings love. Only a mutt? Really? I would at least say a pureblooded mutt, the blue blooded one of a kind mutt at least!'' Hermione laughed out loud. ''I'm so sorry kind sir, forgive me my mistake'' she said mockingly. At that, Sirius turned up his nose in the Malfoy fashion.

''Dear Merlin, were you secretly abducted by the Malfoys?'' ''What?'' Sirius shrieked and looked very much alarmed. ''Why the bloody hell would you say such a despicable thing?'' Hermione was crying with laughter now. This was classic Sirius, acting like the stuck-up pureblood he was but apparently realising it when it was too late and after Hermione teased him mercilessly.

''Oh don't mind me Sirius, but what would your dear deceased mother say when she would see you finally saw reason. Do you want me to inform her? Do tell!'' She said in a dead-serious voice while trying desperately not to grin even a wee bit. He looked ashen. His eyes bulged out as he listened to her talk. 'What the hell?' he asked himself 'is it a joke or oh dear Merlin, I'm becoming a Malfoy!' Hermione couldn't hold back anymore. She burst out laughing in earnest but managed to stop seeing his hurt expression.

''Oh don't be such a baby, you do know what a joke is don't you?'' 'Oh Merlin! I've been outwitted by a near sixteen year old!' Suddenly a mischievous twinkle entered his eyes and Hermione was suddenly afraid a bit. It was never good when he became like that. Usually it ended with Remus having to break some freaky spell that he cast at her. Hermione stood up swiftly grabbing her wand trying to get to the door.

However Sirius was faster than that and he locked the door. ''Oh no you won't'' he said mockingly and disarmed her, catching her wand with his other hand. ''C'mon, that's not fair!'' Hermione whined. ''hmm, and what is fair according to you?'' Hermione huffed ''Firstly, put your wand away!'' she said in a bossy tone knowing full well he wouldn't do it. However he surprised her when he actually did. ''Now I believe you want this back…'' he said pointing at her wand that was currently on her nightstand. Hermione reluctantly made her way towards it. ''Tsk tsk, Hermione, never turn your back on the enemy!'' and with that he started to tickle her.

She squealed and trashed around as he continued to tickle her at her sides. However as she turned around determined to get out of his grasp she suddenly stared into his eyes and he stopped. With one hand he cupped her cheek softly almost afraid to touch her face ''Goodnight my Shadow'' he said softly and left. She just stood there, in the middle of her room surrounded by spare parchment and books, looking at the door that had just closed.


	19. Chapter Sixteen

**A/N: Dear readers, I made a mistake. Terrible thing I know but it looks like simple adding isn't my strong suit. The thing is, students start to attend Hogwarts only after they turn 11. However, if I wanted to make Hermione turn 16 in her fifth year (one year more than she was supposed to – time turner…) it would make her start Hogwarts at the age of 10. So I had a big dilemma…**

**Nevertheless this is my story so screw the rules, Dumbledore had a moment of clouded judgement and Hermione started attending school when she was ten. (It's even corrected in the first chapter…) Hopefully it's the only mistake. If you stumble across something else that's wrong please tell me :-)**

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><p>Hermione woke up at half past nine and rushed out of her room. 'How could I've overslept!?' Panic filled her; she certainly didn't want to miss the train. ''Hermione, what's the rush?'' Harry asked her as he saw her stumbling down the stairs. ''We've got more than an hour! The train doesn't leave till eleven.''<p>

''I know Harry but I forgot about the books I wanted to borrow from the library in here and I left them there.'' Now Harry understood. It never is a short visit to a library when it comes to Hermione. ''Do you want me to help?'' asked her Harry. ''No thanks, I'll manage. It's not more than five of them…'' with that she rushed out of the hall straight upstairs again.

Molly Weasley made them all a hearty breakfast but neither Hermione nor Sirius were present. ''Remus go wake them up. She needs to leave soon and Sirius wanted to say goodbye to Harry.'' She said in her commandeering voice. Harry wanted to interject that Hermione was already up and about but one weird look from his ex-professor stopped him. 'Strange' he thought to himself.

Remus stood up and went to look for his friends. It wasn't difficult to find Hermione. She was sitting on a sofa in the library staring motionlessly at the flames. ''I don't really want to go back there. Very brave of me.'' She said in a bleak voice. He sometimes wondered if she had a sixth sense of sorts like he did to recognise him without even looking at him.

''Why?'' he only asked as he sat down beside her. She sighed. How could she explain something she didn't really understand herself to him without revealing everything? She still didn't want to tell him, something was still holding her back. ''You know that I don't say the truth all the time. I have my reasons… but that doesn't mean I like it…'' she said then in a firm voice. ''So why don't you tell the truth? Surely it would be much easier on you!'' Remus retorted.

''You know that's very hypocritical, especially coming from you'' she answered angrily still looking at the flames. ''Surely what you mean is entirely different. You're not a.'' Remus gulped trying to get the words out ''you're not a werewolf. You have nothing to be ashamed of!''

Hermione laughed a cold laugh. 'If only he knew the truth. For me there's nothing worse than the truth.' She thought disdainfully. Fact was, she found out that being an orphan in the wizarding world was something people weren't very fond of. Because of that many wizards and witches took care of ,magical orphans since in the wizarding world, everyone was related to everyone in a way.

However since she appeared out of the blue, there was nobody that would take care of her rather than the orphanage. Sometimes she wondered if her life would make her do despicable things like it sometimes happened to people who grew up with deep seeded hatred. Still wondering about her possible fate and background she stood up and bent down to kiss Remus's cheek. ''Goodbye Moony'' and with that she gathered her books and exited the room.

Maybe it was too cowardly to claim she didn't want to tell anyone about her true life. Maybe she was trying to banish the thoughts from her mind so much that she instinctively told all the lies.

All occupants of Grimmauld place were gathered downstairs in the hall. The twins, Ron, Ginny, Harry and Hermione already with their trunks and traveling cloaks on were saying their goodbyes. Harry was talking quietly with his godfather and Hermione stood on the side partly covered by the shadows of the hall.

''Everybody ready?'' Moody hollered startling everyone present. He and other members of the Order were to supervise them to get to the King's Cross station. Seeing that they all were more or less ready he opened the door and in groups they disappareted.

Harry embraced his godfather promising letters and Sirius wished him luck at school and pleaded with him to lay low. Kingsley was already on the threshold waiting for the last two teenagers to say goodbye. Harry took hold of his hand only waiting for Hermione to join them.

She still hasn't moved from her spot in the hallway. She didn't want to say goodbye to the place that has become her home in such a short time but she had to. However seeing Sirius throw her only a backward glance as he went upstairs she knew summer was over. A lone tear fell down her cheek however she hastily brushed it away. ''Ready?'' Kingsley asked as the young with gripped his forearm. ''Yes, let's go'' she answered and with a loud 'pop' they were gone.

As soon as they arrived at the train station the both of them rushed through the barrier between the platform nine and ten dragging their trunks behind them and in Harry's case even his cage with Hedwig in it. ''Finally!'' Ron exclaimed upon seeing his best friend and Hermione. ''Where were you two? No compartments are going to be left and then where will I eat my lunch?''

Hermione, ignoring Ron's rant was looking around the platform. 'I so don't want to see the ferret!' as if on cue she saw the two platinum blond heads enter through a fireplace. She grabbed her the two boys by their sleeves. ''Oy Hermione! You didn't have to drag us out of there!'' Ron began but stopped instantly as they entered an empty compartment and the boys started to play Exploding Snap. It wasn't long before Ginny and Neville joined them.

They soon found out that this year was going to be more than awful. Not only most of their fellow Gryffindors gave them doubtful and sometimes even disgusted looks mainly in Harry's direction, but also the new Defence against the Dark Arts professor seemed like a devil incarnate. The pink toad faced Madam Senior Undersecretary Dolores Jane Umbridge. She was appointed by the Ministry of Magic so they could control the school as Hermione put it pretty bluntly.

Their classes were starting tomorrow already and according to their timetable they would get the privilege to be educated by the pink horror in the afternoon. ''I -et sh- on e- a -omple im- it'' said Ron or at least attempted to say. Hermione threw him a look of disgust as she saw him speak with his mouth full, again. ''Really Ronald, is it so difficult to swallow and _then_ speak?'' she snapped at him earning her an incredulous look from the concerned redhead.

Ron gulped heavily and said it again. ''I bet she's going to be a right dimwit.'' Harry only sighed. This certainly wasn't going to be a good year.

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><p>He was drunk, again. However if you spend a whole week being drunk it doesn't really seem like you're drunk anymore. It almost seems normal. Almost. But right then in that moment his life was far from normal.<p>

Being alone in that grand and haunted townhouse of his took a huge toll on him. Remus was on some kind of mission for the Order and he was left alone to rut and do nothing. During the summer he got used to having at least some company, even if it were only two people for the most of it.

However being able to help in some way even though some of the experiences weren't exactly nice was what he needed. He's going to remember her screams for a long time however the joy of success that emanated from her warmed his stone cold heart.

He knew better than to expect any news from her. Summer was over in the moment the first Order member crossed his threshold and he was convinced that to some extent it was his fault. Not wanting to dwell on the hurt he was currently feeling he picked up yet another bottle of the best firewhiskey.

He woke up the next morning with a massive headache to a loud tapping on his window. He attempted to stand up but his stomach had other ideas. Feeling utterly terrible he slowly and swayingly made his way towards the bathroom.

After finally finding some hangover potions and few cups of coffee he finally freed the owl from the scroll that it carried. Recognising Harry's handwriting he hastily ripped the seal open and started to read.

_Dear Padfoot,_

_How are you doing? I know that you probably hate it there, with Kreacher and the portrait Mrs Black constantly screeching I wouldn't like it either. But I hope that you're not doing anything stupid like drinking the entire liquor stash I know you have hidden somewhere. _

_School is simply terrible. I don't want to worry you but I needed to have at least someone to listen to me. Professor Dumbledore is acting strange. Ever since my hearing he's refused to even acknowledge my existence. We got a new DADA teacher, this year it is a Ministry harpy. Her name's Umbridge and it is a complete catastrophe. _

_They won't let us know any practical part of defence. It's only theory and how can you learn from that. The whole Gryffindor house seems to be against me with all the Ministry propaganda that Voldyshorts isn't back. _

_Ron is his usual ignorant self but who worries me is Hermione. She always seemed a little bit off but this year I can't explain it but something is wrong. She's like my sister and I don't have a clue. _

_The Weasley twins started their joke shop and they have great stuff. They are always on about the Marauder legacy. I don't know what they would do if they discovered they lived with two of the famous Marauders for two weeks. Total apocalypse I would say._

_I know that you can't answer soon so don't worry but please do something with that house of yours, it could be a bit brighter._

_Take care,_

_Your Godson_

Sirius sighed and got up from the table. The owl has left long ago and all that could be heard in the house was the old grandfather clock that seemed to work even though it was more than two hundred years old.

He went upstairs to his wing and opened the door that let to Hermione's room. He didn't enter, just stood there looking all around trying to find a thing she might have forgotten but it was empty. And that emptiness seemed to call for him.

He sat on her bed and leaned back against the wall. He had till Christmas and then he's going to see her again. That gave him fairly enough of time to deal with his feelings and squish them. Little did he know that Hermione would come to the exact same conclusion. However neither of them knew that it was impossible, or at least as possible to survive the killing curse if you weren't Harry Potter.

He then decided he must get Hermione to tell Harry about her past. He can't be the only one who knows and if Harry sees her as his family he'll surely understand. But now he had to come up with a plan as to how to actually get her to tell him? He knew that she relented only after she knew it was absolutely inevitable and even then she didn't really say anything about it.

He now realised she hasn't ever talked to anyone about it. He saw her memories and when they did talk about it, it either ended in a full blown fight or in tears. And he was fairly certain that Harry wanted to avoid those two. He banged his head against the wall in frustration. Wasn't there a way?

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><p>The days went by very slowly. Most of the student body stayed out of trio's way. However there were some who made it their point to bother them ceaselessly. It seemed that people really did act like a herd of sheep and when one began, others followed.<p>

Harry was wondering whether if he died that night of the third task people would see him as a hero or as a fraud. However he came to the conclusion that the most probable case would be that people wouldn't even know he was murder by the Dark Lord. The Ministry would have probably swept it all under a carpet and claim he died in an unfortunate way during his summer break or whatever.

This year they were supposed to take their O.W.L.s but one professor seemed to be set upon not teaching them what they needed to learn. Umbridge was a nightmare. In those two short weeks he already had to suffer through a week's worth of detention and if it weren't for Hermione's amazing knowledge his hand would probably still be bleeding. Everyone who met their DADA professor at least once would probably assume that she would use such a terrible and illegal thing as a blood-quill nevertheless he still didn't.

''Harry? How are you doing?'' asked his best friend Hermione with concern one evening. ''Could be worse I suppose but what can I do? I only hope that Sirius answers soon. I haven't heard from him for a long time…'' he sighed.

Both of them were sitting on a comfortable sofa in their Gryffindor common room, not a single soul around since it was long past curfew. Those two were now used to being alone, Ron was always around his other roommates who chose to ignore him at the moment. Mind, Ron still spent some time with him but there's only so much time Harry can handle talking about Quidditch even though he loves the game.

''You know as well as I do that he can't answer as fast as you want him to. It has been what, one week since you sent him your letter?'' Harry scoffed but knew she told the truth. ''I know but-'' Hermione interrupted him right then and there ''No buts Harry, he can't. But that doesn't mean he doesn't love you or doesn't want to respond to your letter.'' How Hermione knew what to say to Harry and make him feel better instantly he didn't know. Nevertheless he knew something was different with her this year. He just had to find out what.

''You'll see him soon enough. Now c'mon it's late and you don't want to oversleep tomorrow.'' She kissed him on the cheek and went upstairs to the girl's dormitory. Lying down on her bed she pulled the curtains close and warded her bed. She didn't want her overly enthusiastic roommates to think of any creative ways how to wake her up. She now didn't wake up as the first one but the last one, going late to bed and sleeping late seemed to suit her better. At least that's what she told herself when she was staring at the red canopy awake because of another nightmare.


	20. Chapter Seventeen

Waking up on her sixteenth birthday which was originally supposed to be her fifteenth was like on every other morning. If she wasn't aware of the few gifts that were gathered at the foot of her bed she would probably act like it wasn't her birthday at all.

Opening the neatly wrapped presents was not particularly surprising. Some Sugar Quills from Ron and Ginny and a book from Harry. Even Dumbledore gave her a birthday card this year, not that she cared.

However this birthday was not intended to be common. Now used to sleeping till half past nine on weekends she rubbed her eyes and got up with a sigh. Yesterday she had a pretty awful encounter with toad face and she had to admit she was going soft. 'Umbridge wasn't supposed to get to her like she did, but what's done is done' she told herself upon remembering her hurtful words. To be honest Hermione was convinced that she had more issues with their new defence professor than Harry did.

Finally she dragged herself out of her room and took a quick shower. After perusing her face in the mirror she found nothing out of ordinary on her plain face. She still had her bushy her and honey coloured eyes. Nevertheless sometimes she got a feeling she won't see that face anymore. Sighing, she put on her clothes and school cloak and went down to the Great Hall for breakfast.

She came just in time to see the owls arrive with their mail. Not expecting anything she sat down for breakfast and after a moment she was startled by a midnight black raven with shiny silky feathers with eyes that seemed to be never-ending pools of black. The arrogant but beautiful bird landed right in front of her with a package tied to its leg.

It was wrapped in thick brown paper but Hermione didn't attempt to even untie it. Fortunately Harry who was sitting right next to her undertook the task and the raven flew away however not sooner than a certain blonde haired boy sitting at the Slytherin table wondered what was such a raven doing at a Gryffindor table and in front of Granger nonetheless.

Hermione was glaring at the package Harry placed in front of her like it was her biggest enemy. Harry nudged her from the side and when she looked at him he had a soft smile on his face. ''It's just a gift 'Mione. It's not going to bite you!'' he said lightheartedly.

Slowly Hermione caressed the package as if it would disappear. Taking a deep breath she unwrapped it with care and then there before her was a beautifully carved ebony box. It was no more than three inches in both height and depth but it was about ten inches long. Its edges were plated with a thin layer of silver and the latch was an intricately engraved Black family crest but under further inspection she found out that their motto was slightly altered – instead of only Toujours Pur it said Toujours Pur au Coeur. Knowing a bit of French she understood what it meant instantly – always pure in heart.

''Have you opened it yet?'' Harry asked after finishing his big breakfast. He was wondering what it was, Hermione never got any mail when at Hogwarts. However Hermione decided it was not such a good idea to open it in the Great Hall where everyone can see. She hastily got up, grabbed the box and told Harry she's going to be up in her dorm. Harry was slightly confused but he acknowledge her response with an OK.

Draco Malfoy wondered what the raven could have brought. Not every family in the wizarding world owned a black raven. Surely, the Ministry owned a few but this one was far more special, it was by no means shabby or grey, it was shiny and of rich colour. And then she stormed out with a box in her arms. 'Now I'm thinking about a mudblood!' Draco scolded himself and yet he was intrigued. Indeed, Draco Malfoy was truly intrigued, not that he was about to act upon it but it was there, in his mind waiting to be exploited.

Hermione rushed up the stairs wanting to open the box. She knew who sent it to her. For her it wasn't a question of who, but rather what and why and she wasn't going to be able to answer those questions while not in the safety of her bed.

When she finally entered the common room, she realised that nobody's going to be there. It was a weekend and it was a rare sunny day. Climbing up to her dorm a sight of a very messy room greeted her. 'Honestly? Can they throw their clothes anywhere else?' she asked herself sarcastically. After she warded her room she set down on her bed and put the box on the red and gold bed cover.

The box was indeed beautiful but she wanted to know what was inside. She unclasped the latch and opened it. There was an envelope with her name on it and under it was goblin made dagger on a royal violet velvet cushion. Only a goblin could make such a piece of weaponry look like art. The handle was covered with ivory and ended with a roundly cut almost black sapphire which seemed as a part of the silver it was made from. The blade was engraved with flying birds which were constantly smaller until they completely disappeared in the middle of the dagger.

Taking the enveloped she broke the seal and opened her letter. There was only one lone quote.

_There's nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so._

_- W. Shakespeare_

_Happy Birthday,_

_S. B._

Looking behind the meaning was always Hermione's forte but right then she couldn't bring herself to actually do it. It was too raw and too many feelings stemmed from his gift. Because she understood what he meant. They had a discussion once, it was late almost three a.m. in the morning. But both of them were wide awake, their minds reeling with emotions. And she asked him a simple question. Would kill a loved one?

She didn't know where it suddenly came from, it certainly wasn't on her mind when she woke up that night to get a glass of water. But as she saw him sitting in front of the fire with his head in his hands she just had to ask. He didn't answer. He didn't have to. It was all in his eyes. The soft green glow of the room cast shadows upon his face but she could see the raging storm in his blue-grey orbs.

She knew then that he was capable of such a thing. He was a Black. He was smart, he was brave but above all he was a Black and they don't care about how close you are to them if you do wrong. They cast you away and they wouldn't bat an eyelash if they had to kill you. There isn't anything said about regret because they aren't supposed to feel that, are they? They are supposed to protect what is theirs and if it comes at a high price nobody asks them how they feel. Because they aren't supposed to feel.

But it showed in his eyes. Hermione came to know him more than anyone ever did. Telling her everything about him because he knew everything about her. It seemed only fair at that point, because fair is what he was. So it broke her heart to see such despair. But she knew then and there what love is. It decides when to come, and it certainly doesn't care if you want it or not. It rushes in and binds itself to your soul.

And that's why she couldn't let herself go completely. She knew she was in love with him. But she was aware that she just couldn't love him, it wasn't possible and if it meant she would have to blast her own heart she would do it. Because it's just not possible.

She carefully picked the dagger off its velvet cushion and ran it gently across her palm leaving a thin cut. It was so sharp she didn't feel a thing. Concentrating for a moment she healed the cut by running her finger across it. She discovered she could heal minor cuts on herself after their first Herbology lesson when she fell prey to a vicious plant. She certainly didn't know where that came from but she didn't dwell long on that fact.

Hermione was never a heavy sleeper especially not like Ron who when asleep wouldn't wake until you spilt a bucket full of icy water on him. However the nights after her birthday were truly terrible. Nightmares of unknown origin were plaguing her and if she didn't know better she would think that she had a similar scar as Harry does.

After waking up sweating from her most recent nightmare that involved Dementors and some deranged woman she had no idea who might be she decided to speak to Harry about it. Gathering her books in her bag she went downstairs to find Harry and Ron already waiting for her. ''Oy Hermione, I never thought we would wait for you to go for breakfast!'' Ron shouted as he was already turning around to go out of their common room.

Hermione flinched. Her tolerance for his behaviour only went so far until she finally blew up and it wasn't going to be pretty. She really needed an outlet for her emotions of some sorts. Her almost nightly trips to the Quidditch pitch were becoming more dangerous by the day as the Ministry harpy Umbridge became to survey the school much more carefully than before.

Harry also started noticing that Hermione seemed to be always on edge when she was around Ron. Nevertheless he attributed it to the stress she seemed to be under when some rather difficult test was in sight and considering that this year they were supposed to pass their O.W.L.s he supposed it was because of that.

What he didn't expect was for Hermione to ask him to meet her after their classes that day saying she needed to discuss something rather important with him. ''Is everything all right?'' he asked her with concern ''of course, now c'mon otherwise there won't be anything left for us to have for breakfast. You know how Ron gets when he's around food.'' Harry didn't miss the steeliness of her voice but let it go after his stomach rumbled angrily.

The day went by slowly, partly due to the fact that Divination and History of Magic were the two most boring subjects Harry could think of. Only Hermione was able to pay attention in the latter and she successfully dropped Divination in their third year. Harry knew he chose it willingly however that didn't mean he couldn't whine about it.

''Hey Harry!'' Hermione shouted from the other side of the corridor as he went from the North Tower to their common room. Harry smiled at her, it was always good to see his friends. ''Did Trelawney predict another death, you do look like you ate a lemon'' she asked him laughing. ''No, but some strangeness is supposed to descent upon us.'' He answered imitating Trelawney's dreamy voice.

''You wanted to talk?'' he asked her after they both stopped laughing at their teacher. ''Yeah…'' she said and wondered if it was such a good idea to tell him about it. Looking into an empty classroom and seeing nobody was there she dragged Harry in and locked the door and put some silencing charms around.

''Hermione?'' Harry asked having absolutely no idea what was going on. Not wanting to beat around the bush Hermione blurted out ''I'm having strange nightmares.'' ''Okay…'' Whatever Harry was expecting it was certainly not that. But she was his friend and so he decided to help her. ''What's so strange about them?''

''I don't know'' Hermione started in a perplexed voice not knowing how to voice her thoughts but seeing Harry's unrelenting expression she continued. ''It's like they were memories, they are so vivid and places I've never seen. And it's terrible, I don't know what that place is but there is this completely deranged woman and I'm in a cell…'' she couldn't help but shudder at the memory of her most recent dream.

''You think too much about it Hermione. If I had the stuff I dream about always on my mind I'd go crazy. Stop thinking about it as if it were a nightmare and just I don't know, think of it as some kind of a book you read.'' Hermione huffed but knew she wouldn't get anymore advice from him. He had enough to deal with already, no need to add her own fears to that.

''Thanks Harry'' she said as she cancelled all the wards she'd put up and they both made their way to their common room.

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><p><strong>AN: I don't know in which story I read it, but it mentioned that exact changed motto of the Black family. I tried to find it, but well, all the results I got were in french so I'm sorry if you find it offending... But whoever's story it was, it was a brilliant idea. **

**And you may also ask why I chose that birthday gift. That was a tough one. Everybody can picture something else but the author (Meeee!) wanted to say the following: Life is not fare, it never is and it always comes down to you, if you are able to do what needs to be done or if you just stare as a passers-by.**

**Thank you for reading!**


	21. Chapter Eighteen

**A/N: Today, I had a conversation with one of my friends about my story. She pointed out to me that a relation-ship between a sixteen something year-old girl and thirty something year-old man isn't a savoury thought. Now, I know you all want to see them together so don't worry. However I felt it needs some further explanation as to how I see it all.**

**Sirius went to Azkaban at the age of 22 and for me his evolvement, especially the mental one stopped, so when he met Hermione for the first time he was a 22 year old in 34 year old man's body with a mind on the brink of insanity. **

**Also wizards and witches age much more slowly so the age difference isn't that frowned upon. **

**That is my explanation. However believe me when I say I won't let myself be discouraged in continuing my story just because it seems weird. Also Bookwormkat1 thanks for your comments! :-)**

* * *

><p>It was in the last days of September when Hermione decided to present her idea about starting defence lessons to Harry ''so, I was thinking'' Hermione started as soon as she saw Harry finish his potions essay. ''You're dangerous when you think'' Harry teased her and he had to laugh at her serious expression. ''Sorry, you were saying?''<p>

''As I was saying,'' they both laughed at that. ''I have been thinking about an idea for quite some time now. We don't really have proper defence lessons. But if you think about it, we need to learn it somewhere.''

Harry looked mildly confused but after a while he got what she was trying to say. ''So if I understand it correctly, you want us to train.'' ''Yes!" Hermione exclaimed excited that her friend was following her train of thoughts for once.

''But who'll train us?" he asked being afraid of hearing her reply. There was only one reason why Hermione would come to him and not start it all on her own. ''Well…'' she started looking guilty already. ''Oh I see…'' he snapped and Hermione looked at him dejectedly. ''Who else?'' she asked him knowing well enough that precisely that statement angered him every time someone used it. ''I'm sorry'' she said quietly looking anywhere but at him.

It was always him. Rescuing girls from trolls, or those who got possessed by a fifty year old spirit of his parent's murderer and facing that certain person more than three times already and staying alive and sane through it all was no easy feat. That didn't mean he regretted anything, it was just so bloody hard.

''Why not you? You know I noticed that you're way better than you were. Not that you weren't before but you get what I mean!" not wanting to discuss her sudden surge of magical power she interrupted him.

''That's all well and good but I have no experience with the real thing!'' he of course knew what she was saying was true. She was brilliant for sure but she lacked the experience of sheer terror. Or so he thought.

Harry sighed 'Why does she always has to be right? Sure she has saved his arse more than enough times but he's the supposed leader of their group, always was. The problem he had with that was that he's too reckless to lead anyone. Jumping to conclusion was his middle name. He also was well aware that his female best friend is the one who leads them all but is afraid to take the reins.

''So what did you have in mind?'' he asked and Hermione squealed almost jumping up and down with excitement.

''Oh, I have it all written down, just need to fetch it from my room." She told him and since they were almost alone in their common room it took her no time to get to her room. Depositing her book bag on her bed and taking out that specific piece of parchment she went back down.

Harry looked at her sceptically as she shoved a blank scattered piece of parchment in his hand. ''Safety precautions…" she murmured and tapped it twice with her wand muttering something under her breath Harry didn't catch. After a beat her neat script was revealed.

There were step by step instructions, plans and sketches full of tiny notes. It was indeed a plan of Hermione's. As he was skimming through her notes she told him the only thing left were to find a place and willing participants.

''What's that?" he asked her pointing to a sketch of a coin. ''well, we need to communicate somehow and that's how. A charmed galleon to carry a message, everyone would have one specifically to their name so it can be used separately…''

''What do we – "'' – have here 'Mione?" the twins said from behind the pair. Hermione only rolled her eyes, she was used to the twins always interrupting her by now. ''Nothing you have to worry your pretty little heads about'' Hermione said nonchalantly slipping into her true self. She tend to that a lot around the twins, they seemed to render her unable to let them have their fun alone.

Her comment had the desired effect of catching their attention and she successfully ignored Harry's confusion about her behaviour. She only looked at him looking for reassurance and after he nodded she continued.

''You see, we – Harry and I have decided to start this thing. You can call it a defence club." ''Awesome!'' The twins exclaimed at once. Hermione continued with a slight smile at their comment ''However we need to find people who'd like to participate and would be serious about it. Seeing as you have contact with all the houses you're the best for that job.''

''What should we tell them?'' Fred or George asked, not being entirely sure which one was which. He looked at Hermione who was thinking with her brow furrowed. ''Next weekend is the first Hogsmeade trip is it not?'' she asked Harry who nodded and Hermione turned to face the twins again. ''Tell them to meet us at Hog's head at noon'' the twins nodded and disappeared to deal with new orders for their by now phenomenal Skiving Snackboxes.

''Hermione?'' ''Yes Harry?'' she smiled at him kindly ''Why are you so sure that anyone will turn up?'' he asked her sceptically. She understood why he wasn't sure, but she knew how people were. If they had the chance to learn some interesting gossip they would come and since Umbridge had horrible reputation there was no doubt that at least someone would show up.

She didn't really need Harry to know her reasons behind her conviction. He wouldn't still wouldn't listen to her reasons if she did so she settled on a simple answer. ''Well, look at it this way, that woman is a nightmare and we aren't the only one who hate her. If people get a chance to do something interesting they'll surely show up'' she patted his shoulder and bid him goodnight.

Harry was brooding. He was really good at brooding. Sitting on the red sofa in the Gryffindor common room he thought about that idea of Hermione's. It surely was interesting. He would get to practise and even if no one showed up he would spent more time with at least Ron, Hermione and the twins.

Loud tapping on the window nearby interrupted his thoughts and suddenly he was feeling elated. He hadn't received a letter from Sirius for a month and he sincerely hoped this one was for him. He opened the stiff window frame and let the flustered and wet owl in. It was a storm outside and he didn't wonder why the bird looked like it would snap his fingers off.

He carefully unbound the letter from its leg and let the owl out. He spread the scroll and a genuine smiled formed on his face. It was indeed a letter from his godfather!

_Dear Prongslet,_

_Sorry that it took so long to answer your letter but you know how it is with mail these days. How is school treating you? I hope you don't worry much about it even though I know you have Hermione there to keep your head buried in your studies. Don't tell her I wrote that. I asked around about that Umbridge woman and came across some interesting information. She is a lying pureblooded bureaucrat with more power than is healthy._

_Please don't aggravate her, it won't do you any good, but do ask the twins to do something about her. They're bound to concoct a magnificent plan on how to get rid of her. Not that I underestimate your pranking skills, mind you, I only think you've got enough on your plate already._

_You'd be happy to hear that I did not empty my stash of the finest Ogden's Old Firewhiskey yet, even though I have to ask how you even know about that… I took your advice to do something about this place of mine even though my loveliest mother still hangs. I do need to find something to get rid of that old hag. _

_You mentioned something isn't right about Hermione. I can't really tell you anything since I do not know what you know or she might have told you already. A piece of advice, when she isn't looking fire a curse at her, you'll see what happens. And don't let her get away with it, she needs to explain. _

_I know that riddles are Dumbledore's forte not mine but that's as much as I can tell you. How is the Headmaster treating you anyway? I hope that it's better and if not, he's just an old man, you need to consider the option that he really doesn't make sense sometimes._

_Take care and enjoy life while you can!_

_Padfoot_

Harry was glad he finally got some news of Padfoot. He didn't want to admit it to himself, but he was scared that something has happened to him. He knew his fears were unjustified, nevertheless he could still feel this uncertainty that seemed to surround his godfather's fate.

Pushing his thoughts of his godfather aside he concentrated on the other information he just received. It seemed Sirius shared his opinion of Umbridge however what bugged him was his plea to leave her alone. How could he leave such a horrible person to do as she wished? He just wasn't capable of stomaching injustice.

He knew he was winding her up more than was necessary but he couldn't help himself. The stuff that toad told them was atrocious simply because of the fact that it left her mouth. He knew she wouldn't stop at this and would eventually accomplish something worthy of her terribleness. Harry wasn't usually such biased person but this woman brought out his dark self.

The last thing he thought about that evening was his friend Hermione. As he went up to his room, he wondered if one of his two best friends was always such an enigma. As he thought about it, she never really said anything about herself, true he knew what her parents did, her main interest were books and that she despised rule breaking.

However as he saw her interact with the twins this evening he knew that there were many pieces missing. As he saw her at Grimmauld place this summer, he seemed to realise there was much more to his friend than she originally claimed. Boring bookworm know-it-all. Somehow, that description didn't describe her at all.

He was observing her for a month now and he sometimes got the impression she had a split personality and this evening it was perceptible more than ever. She never acted how she did with the twins and they didn't seem perplexed by it one bit. He wasn't the stalkerish type however she did know the castle better than he did.

The most confusing part for him was how she acted around Sirius and how his godfather acted around her. It seemed as if they had known each other for years, and it hurt him to get glimpses of them talking like long time acquaintances. But as they left 12 Grimmauld place he couldn't but see the hurt and despair in her eyes as they apparated away.

His godfather's ideas to for the lack of a better term attack Hermione was the uncanny advice he ever got. But he couldn't help but feel the wisps of energy that coiled around her at times, especially when she was enraged by Ron. His other friend never noticed but he did. Indeed Hermione was an enigma he was set upon solving, even going as far as taking Sirius's advice.


	22. Chapter Nineteen

The first Hogsmeade weekend trip fell on the October 1st. Many students were already on their way to the only wizarding community on Britain but Harry, Ron and Hermione were still sitting in the Great Hall.

''Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" Harry asked his two friends still not entirely sire whether it was a good idea to start this defence club. ''Of course mate!" Ron exclaimed a bit too loudly as he stood up. ''I mean, they'd be fools not to come!" he added not certain on what more to say. Harry knew Ron was never one to give deep advice, for that they ad Hermione.

''Harry, stop this nonsense and come on!" the person in question told him and he followed the girl with incredibly curly hair.

As they went down stairs through the great wooden and iron door Harry wondered yet again about his female best friend.

True, he had a huge crush on Cho Chang, the Ravenclaw Seeker who used to date Cedric Diggory but now more than ever, Hermione was on his mind.

He was wondering whether this bordered on obsessive behaviour or not, but he simply count help it.

What was it now? Aye, her appearance. She used to wear such shabby clothes – muggle like him and a Hogwarts uniform like Ron. But this year it was all replaced by new stuff which had certain class to it. It sometimes reminded him of how Draco Malfoy dressed, not that he paid much attention to his enemy's attire mind you, but it had that feel to it. 'Oh Merlin, I'm going crazy! Thinking about girls clothes' Harry thought completely in a world on his own ignoring his other two friends.

He knew that she had this cloak she wouldn't let anyone touch. He thought very often about why it was so special to her. When she wore it she looked downright formidable. He saw her few times walking around the castle in the evening with the hood up as he himself was sneaking around under his invisibility cloak. People went out of her way and from behind she looked much like Snape.

The last thing he noticed that changed was her hair. He didn't know whether she fell prey to her roommates or if it tamed down all on its own. He was aware of the fact that Lavender's comments about her looks brought Hermione to tears many times when she was younger but he never talked about it. In fact, Harry was lucky that he got a glimpse of her showing any other emotion apart from smiling or frowning.

Nevertheless her hair was no longer the bushy mane it used to be but rather extremely curly ending below her shoulders. 'Merlin, am I going completely barmy? When did I start thinking about Hermione's anything? And why do I have such a problem with the way she acts since this summer?!' he asked himself.

Their way to the village was calm and quiet and they didn't meet many students. Laughter was coming from every shop they passed by. Zonko's and especially the Quidditch supplies shop seemed to be bursting with people. The trio didn't enter any of these even though they all were eyeing the showcase of Honeydukes with hungry stares.

They went much further into the village and then turned right to a shady side alley. The Hog's Head inn was at the end of the street and when they entered, they were greeted by a sight of an old grumpy man. Harry got the feeling that he knew the person but his train of thoughts was interrupted by Hermione ''Hallo'' she said to the owner, however he didn't answer only gave a nod of acknowledgement. ''A group of people will probably come, is there some place we can use?''

The old man wasn't an especially polite or vocal person. He only pointed towards one corner of his pub and went back to his dusting, not that it was helping in any way.

''Tel me Hermione, why did we come here?" Ron asked her quietly fearing disrupting any spiders that may lurk around. ''Well Ron, if you paid any attention to what is said about Hogsmeade you'd know.'' Hermione said bossily and continued ''this place is rather discreet. No one goes here. They seem to be afraid of the owner. But I really don't understand that. True, he seems to keep to himself but scary?" she remarked.

Ron looked at her incredulously. ''Have you gone bonkers?" ''What!'' she exclaimed. Harry only shook his head. By now he was used to the utter opposite that were his two best friends. However from time to time he couldn't their petty arguing and in that case it usually ended with Hermione stomping off and Ron claiming she's gone mental.

'Oh yes, life as a wizard is sweet.' He thought sarcastically.

By half past twelve the pub was rather full. Hermione estimated that about twenty five of them were there, that is apart from Harry, Ron and herself. The twins with few of their friends, all of Harry and Ron's roommates, some of them she knew by name, others only from seeing them around the castle.

Every one of them was anxiously awaiting what was going to happen next. Silence surrounded them and Hermione took that as her cue and began to speak when she saw Harry's reluctant expression.

''Erm – Hi'' she started nervously getting cold feet midsentence. 'Stop being such a chicken!' her inner voice scolded her and she realised she had to buck up and took a deep breath.

''So, you all have the idea why you're here. Harry'' she glanced at him. He looked like he wanted to be swallowed by the floor but his eyes told another story 'Don't you dare make this only _my_ idea!' they told her. ''and I'' Hermione continued more swiftly after she noticed Harry had this smug glint in his eyes 'bastard' she thought but said ''we thought it might be good to actually learn defence since the rubbish Umbridge makes us copy hundreds of times is complete nonsense…'' she paused there for a moment.

Everyone was quiet and she could see the agreement but many questions bubble in their eyes. Hermione wasn't sure whether she should say some more or not but in the ends she concluded her speech ''what we do in class is useless so we decided – we decided to take the matters in our own hands.''

Nobody wanted to be the first one to say something. Some were looking around as if wanting to prompt someone else to say something, anything. The other ones were looking at their hands or feet.

After a while Dean Thomas broke the silence. ''Why did _you_ decide on this, I mean, you're not exactly the person to do such a thing.''

If his statement rather than a question hurt her feelings she didn't show it and Harry admired her in that moment even more than before. Hermione had to bite the inside of her cheek so she wouldn't snap at Dean.

Dean Thomas was one of those 'faithful' opportunistic Gryffindors who claimed more than once that Harry was a fraudster. Barely keeping her cool she answered him ''how do you suppose to learn for the practical part of O.W.L.s if all you do is read theory? But that's not the only reason. I – we need to learn, train if we want to beat Him – if we want to beat Voldemort!'' she said his name without flinching however everyone apart from Harry shuddered.

''Oh it's just a name!'' Harry interjected and all the occupants of the inn looked at him as if he'd grown another head. It was commonly know that only Harry, Dumbledore and Hermione used His name. Hermione often wondered, after witnessing the reaction this name instilled in people if it was cursed in some way.

''You can't actually believe He's back!'' some fifth year Ravenclaw shouted completely ignoring what Harry said just moments ago. ''I believe what Harry says. Voldemort is back and we need to learn how to fight!'' she said passionately. She hated how people doubted her friend. Some may say that she followed him blindly. But she knew the prophecy. She understood why Dumbledore always claimed that He-who-must-not-be-named was out there, hiding, waiting for his chance.

Harry knew he needed to interject. He gently took her hand and she reluctantly sat down. ''Where's your proof that You-Know-Who's back?!'' some other boy shouted. ''Who are you?'' Ron who's had enough by then suddenly asked and after the boy – Zacharias Smith answered, he looked at him with animosity.

Hermione was already getting ready to say something in return but Harry held her back. ''It's alright'' he half whispered.

He knew that he would have to eventually mention the events of that horrid he still had nightmares about. ''I saw him – Voldemort as he got his body back again. If you really think I would say that the murderer of my parents and many others is back just for the hell of it then you're out of your mind!'' Harry stated not wanting to bet around the bush.

''Could you – could you tell us how Diggory died?'' someone from behind the pub asked. He didn't even look up to see who since his mind was flooded with images, snippets of memories of his schoolmate's dead body.

Hermione sensing his distress put a comforting hand on his shoulder. ''If you are here to hear about Cedric you can shove off now.'' He snapped. Right then he was cursing the day he said yes to that stupid idea of hers. ''C'mon Hermione, Ron, let's get out of here, they all think I'm a complete nutter.'' He said standing up, wanting to leave when suddenly a dreamy voice asked ''can you really produce a Patronus charm?''

It was Loony Luna Lovegood that asked that question. Hermione saw her at times around the castle, wearing strange clothes mumbling about Nargles. She was a Ravenclaw in Ginny's year however the redhead never said much about her.

''Yes'' Hermione said at once ''I've seen it!'' she added wanting to make sure that the message got to the audience. That seemed to knock some sense in them. Neville didn't wait long to say ''and he battled a Basilisk in second year'' and Ginny wholeheartedly seconded his statement. All at once many people started to account Harry's amazing skills but the wizard in question didn't share their opinion.

''I always had huge amount of luck and I wouldn't do it without the help I got'' he said, looking especially at Hermione. She knew well what he meant but she didn't want to own it. ''Truth is, here at school, you make a mistake, you try again or in the worst scenario you pay a visit to the hospital wing. But out there, you make a mistake, you die, you watch your friend die right in front of your eyes and you can't do anything. I had luck, incredible amount of luck. You've got no idea, what's out there''

Silence. Each of them knew he was describing what happened after he and Cedric touched the cup. They wanted to deny, they wanted to stay children, but seeing, witnessing what the reality does to a person chilled their bones.

''How were you thinking about going about it?'' No one in particular said as all of them thought of the same question. Even though they asked Harry, it was Hermione who answered. ''Sign up'' she said producing an odd looking parchment ''and we'll tell you."

Soon after a line was formed and everyone signed their name. Nobody knew the parchment and quill were enchanted so they'd know if someone ratted them out. As they signed up, each of them got a galleon, even though they had no idea why.

They named themselves the Dumbledore's Army, the DA for short. Hermione explained, that the time and place of their next meeting will be on written on their galleons and when they receive the information it will heat up. In the end everyone thought that the defence club idea was brilliant, not that they knew how much work was behind it all.

They walked back excited, not knowing that the time of the ostensible peace was coming to an end. All went with their heads held high as they passed Umbridge in one of the corridors, who looked like the cat that ate the canary. What not many of them counted with was her slyness.

She wasn't stupid, bigoted yes but stupid? No. She knew well that the students were planning something however what, when and where she had no idea. Being the stuck up bitch she was she thought she would soon find out. However everyone has a back-up plan and hers was the inquisitorial squad. Her goal? Fear of and submission to the Ministry however that's achieved.

Nobody would have guessed that she'd go as far as did in the beginning of her reign at Hogwarts. But as the weeks of September went by it was there for all to see. The age of decrees had begun.


	23. Chapter Twenty

**A/N: I know these chapters are rather dull, no Sirius and Hermione together I know but I can't write just about them. However I think this chapter is rather interesting. It introduces Snape to my story and deals with a little bit of Umbridge. Tell me what you think!**

**P.S. I'm correcting my mistakes as I go so expect some changes in the facts, nothing drastic but some things will be altered...**

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><p>Reading books was never Hermione's passion. In the beginning all she used them for was a barrier between her and those around her.<p>

When she was younger and had just discovered her talent that seemed almost magical she feared it. Nevertheless it happened again and again and finally being fed up with the accidents that always happened around her, she tried to control it, directing her anger towards unsuspecting trees and stones. Blasting stuff in the air became her hobby, even though she knew she was a freak. But it served its purpose and the children left her mostly alone. She was five when it all started. Before then, there were some children that spoke to her but after her bouts of accidental magic there was no one left.

She already knew how to read, she always was a quick learner. The amount of books she read in the orphanage was incredible and yet she hated it however they were the only thing that didn't judge her.

She read incredibly fast, remembering everything she read. But there were so many other things she wanted to do other than read even though she didn't have anyone to do it with. She spent many hours walking around Richmond, the caretakers letting her out so they wouldn't have to bother with her. She fell in love with the city, spending all the time she was allowed to be out in the park.

However than her life changed forever. Dumbledore came and introduced her to the magical community. Nevertheless as soon as she got her wand her magic diminished. She didn't realise it right away but after a three months of using it at school she knew she lost the power she used to have.

In the first months at Hogwarts she spent a lot of her time in the huge library and found one of her passions. It was not reading books she began to love, but using all the knowledge she gathered. She fell in love with spell and charm books, potions right behind, and so she discovered how talented she was.

Then she came across a strange little book which was holed up between huge tomes on the history of magic in one of the dark corners of the library. It was a book on wandlore. The title was pretty self-explanatory and it seemed intriguing enough to learn more about her wand so she signed it out. Little did she know that it would leave her confused and frustrate for more than a month.

How well can an eleven year old first year understand about wandlore? Not much, even Hermione didn't have the knowledge to understand the complex and mysterious art of wand making. However it did have a few chapters she decided to elaborate on. One of them was the chapter on wood and cores.

She spent hours upon hours following all the directions how to understand one's wand. It was dreadfully slow process. It took her a month to work it all out and in the end she wasn't even happy with the result.

Not one wand is the same another one. It just never happens and therefore all the so called information about what one core is prone to accomplish and certain wood prone to achieve is complete rubbish.

From all the times Hermione read the book she gather it's more about the manifestation of the owner of the wand through it and expression of the wand through its owner. Simply said, the wand owns the wizard as much as the wizards owns their wand. This relationship begins when the wizard or a witch first touch their wand – a connection is established so to say.

Through all the complex calculations and diagrams Hermione found out the wand she had was not 'her'. Her personality was so different from the one of the wand that those two could never work properly together. Even though Hermione managed to do all the spells from the first and second year curriculum she knew something was missing.

She and her wand was simply said a clash of personalities. Hermione was an extremely passionate person, but cool on the outside. However her wand made all the great fireworks and sparks but had dull energy flowing through it.

As she was getting through the book she also realised that all the beautiful wandless magic she was able to do, was suddenly out of reach, after many futile attempts she gave up and in the four years she has had her wand she became to hate the piece of wood with all the passion she had. True, she wouldn't go out without it, it would be like walking on the street stark naked, and yes, she was eventually able to do every spell she attempted to do but there was something missing.

Since the one evening during the summer she felt a bit of the power she used to have return but as to why or how she still couldn't find the answer.

Hermione finally decided to test some of the newfound theory in the amazing potions book in class. She didn't know what to expect from Snape when she was going to attempt to temper with his directions but she yearned to try it. Gathering her books for the day she exited her dorm which was by now filled with the last of autumn's warm rays of sun.

This year's potions weren't easy, but they weren't difficult. Nevertheless Ron would always grumble as long as he had to have double potions with the dungeon bat master. Hermione never thought Snape to be really that terrible as everyone else did. Awful yes, but terrible not so much. For her there was a distinction. She had a rather strange sense of people's value, especially those who behaved terribly towards her.

The directions were already written on the blackboard as the students entered the classroom. They were going to brew the Draught of Peace and Hermione wondered how were the others supposed to do well on such an advanced potion. She was nervous too, but for an entirely different reason. She was going to do the unthinkable for 'her' and would not follow his instructions.

Gathering all the ingredients paying absolutely no attention to what was going on around her she took a deep breath. She caught bits and pieces of conversations however the mild amusement she got from that stopped as soon as Professor Snape snapped at them to finally shut up.

Snape was having a surprisingly good day. Nothing like that ever happened, especially if he had to teach the Potter-wonder, his sidekick Weasley and the insufferable know-it-all. Deciding to stick to correcting third year essays for the first part of the lesson, he sat down at his desk and started with his work

After more than an hour he was out of papers to grade. He slowly stood up and walked around his classroom like a predator stalking its prey. The class was unusually silent, all of them concentrating on the difficult potion. It was a pleasant surprise 'Maybe the dunderheads have finally learned how to behave during my class' he thought as he went all around the tables giving snide remarks to every fault he could find.

As he was nearing Longbottom's cauldron he notice the growing anxiety in the boy. It was as if he could sense him. Not being in the mood to deal with lethal and melting creations of that aggravating boy he turned around and walked towards the back of his dungeon classroom.

There, hidden in the corner was the know-it-all Granger. He noticed she began to sit in the back of his classroom this year. However he never paid it much attention since her potions were always very good. He wouldn't say they were perfect since to get such praise from him, even though it was always a silent one would be impossible. She was a friend of Potter's son, not one of his snakes and would need to bring some thought to her work, which she never did.

Today however he'd learn just how much she advanced during the summer holidays.

As soon as he saw her mashing the ingredient that should be cut he grew suspicious. 'What is she doing?' he asked himself as he walked towards her, slowly, but catching the attention of many students who noticed the determination in his stride.

Hermione finally added the last ingredient and stirred the cauldron seven times counter clockwise, her potion turning the exact shade of azure blue it should.

In her moment of glee she almost didn't notice her professor walking towards her, however her magic alerted her sensing him approach. It did that sometimes, not that Hermione ever complained ''Miss Granger, what are you doing?'' he drawled. Hermione wasn't a bit fazed. He was always mean to her and she was used to his taunting remarks of many years by now.

As she poured her altered potion in a vial and wrote her name on it, she answered him ''Finishing my potion, Sir" with that she handed him her vial and vanished the remains in her cauldron.

Snape was flabbergasted even though his trademark sneer stayed on his face. There in his hands was a potion of his ability, his trained eye could see that more than clearly. He turned around and walked to his desk, as if he wasn't even a little bit shocked a moment ago. He knew her ability was astounding, surpassing every other student he's ever had, but it seemed that somehow he always underestimated her. Yes, she did solve his puzzle in the first year, but that wasn't much of a puzzle for her anyway.

He always saw her as the insufferable know-it-all, his ingenious name for her. Maybe there was something more to her story. She could use her brain after all. An imperceptible smile formed on his face.

Snape always saw Hermione as a remember copy kind of student. Her answers by the book made him loose his temper more than was healthy. Such a waste of talent he told himself. There was always this conviction that something wasn't quite right, that something was amiss. 'Well, maybe the world's going to end, Granger didn't follow the rules!' his thoughts full of sarcasm.

Hermione was secretly very pleased. He didn't say a thing about her potion, which was a big improvement. In the evening, when she was alone, she laughed, she actually laughed that the bad dungeon bat didn't have one single comment. That just never happened. 'Maybe the world will finally mend' she thought with hope.

The life at the castle wasn't on the way to mend in any way, the opposite really. The Educational Decree Number One was issued and Umbridge started her evaluation of the teachers at Hogwarts. In the week following Hermione's successful potions class Umbridge has managed already five members of the teaching staff.

The atmosphere of the castle was worse every day. The Slytherins with Draco Malfoy at the forefront were hand-picked by Umbridge and became members of the Inquisitorial Squad, using this to take points and humiliate everyone who was in their way. As for Dumbledore, he shut himself in his office, completely ignoring each and every one of Harry's attempts to speak to him.

The trio decided it was time to have the first lesson of the DA. ''Hermione, where did you think we could have our lessons?'' Harry asked her a day before the agreed date. ''Well, there should be this room in Hogwarts, I found it mentioned in one of the older editions of Hogwarts: The History. Could you call Dobby?'' Hermione told him chewing on her lip. She wasn't sure if it would work, she had absolutely no idea if it was even real. She found the mention of the Room of Requirement scribbled next to the history of the Barnabas the Barmy tapestry.

Harry looked at her questioningly but did as she bid him to. ''Dobby?" with a pop the house-elf appeared right in front of them. His big tennis ball eyes and flappy ears made him look rather cute, Hermione thought. ''Master Harry Potter! What can Dobby do for the Great Harry Potter?'' the house-elf asked ardently.

''Dobby, no Master, just Harry please'' Harry told him with a smile. Dobby was tearing up but managed to ask what. ''Hermione here would like to ask you something." Dobby turned to her awaiting her request. ''Do you know if there's such a thing as the Room of Requirement in the castle?'' Hermione asked uncertainly.

Dobby's eyes sparkled ''Of course there is Miss. We call it the come and go room. It is on the seventh floor.'' ''Behind the Barnabas the Barmy tapestry?'' Hermione asked with glimmer of hope in her eyes. ''How do you know such things?'' Harry threw in. ''I read'' she informed him and Harry laughed at that. He grew quite so Dobby could speak. ''Yes Miss, walk three times back and forth thinking of what you need and it shows itself to you.''

Hermione was thrilled. It indeed existed, the possibilities! ''Thank you Dobby.'' Harry told him and Dobby disappeared with a louder crack this time. ''Did I tell you how great you are?'' he asked Hermione who only smiled at him unsurely, not used to be on the receiving end of his praise. ''Thank you Harry'' she told him sincerely.

Their plans could finally go ahead. Little did they know Lord Voldemort was beginning to plot too.


	24. Chapter Twenty One

After dinner on Friday evening Harry, Hermione and Ron were sitting in their common room, talking in hushed tone. To an outsider it would look like they were comforting Harry who sat in the middle, however the three of them were preparing for their evening.

Today the first DA lesson would take place and they needed to make sure that everyone got to the place without being followed. Finally they decided on a pretty full proof plan. They would go straight to the seventh floor and Ron would think of the room they'd use. Hermione and Harry would be hidden by the Invisibility cloak with the Marauder's Map and would be calling the members by small groups.

Hermione concentrated on the galleons and names. Using her own galleon she cast a complicated charm on it and after ten minutes of waiting, first groups of people began to show up. It took half an hour to get everyone in the room of requirements. Finally they were done and the pair could enter the room too.

''What is this room?'' Dean asked in amazement. Everybody had their breath taken away when they entered this room. It was so extraordinary that they couldn't even begin to describe it. It had high ceilings like a cathedral but there weren't any windows, only chandeliers with endless amount of candles illuminating the whole room. There were blackened mirrors on some walls, on others there were shelves of books referring to Defence against the Dark Arts and on others there were some clicking and jingling gadgets nobody had ever seen.

''This is the room of requirement. It shows itself only when you're in dire need of it but there are some ways around that…'' Harry told them amused by their reaction. He himself didn't know what to expect and this certainly was a pleasant surprise. The only one unfazed by the whole thing seemed to be Hermione since she was there to check on it yesterday evening after Dobby left them.

''This is brilliant!'' Ginny exclaimed and many others murmured their agreement. ''George?'' ''Aye Fred?'' the twins started one of their weird conversations. ''We were here remember?'' ''Running from Filch – '' ''But it was just – '' '' – a cupboard then!'' ''Awesome!'' they said together with silly grins on their faces.

''Hey, Harry, what's this stuff?'' asked Dean near one of the shelves full of clicking gadgets. ''Dark detectors,'' said Harry, stepping towards him to look at them properly ''basically they all show when Dark wizards or enemies are around, but you don't want to rely on them too much, they can be fooled''

In one of the many mirrors on the walls he noticed Hermione walking towards him. He turned around to face his female best friend. ''Ready?'' she whispered gently, showing him just how much she knew he didn't initially wanted to participate in this crazy idea of hers.

''I think we should vote Harry as our leader, so it's you know, more formal… and so he has more authority – yes, authority…'' she said out loud, everybody paying attention to her. Harry looked at her reproachfully. 'Why does she cover from the spotlight and makes herself look more foolish when she's in fact the opposite?' he asked himself. Tonight his plan would be put into action.

''So, who's for Harry?'' Ron asked and everybody put up their hand even though one or two did so not very convinced. ''Erm – Thanks, I suppose." Harry said, he already felt his cheeks burning up and glared at Hermione who only smiled at him innocently.

''Right, so today, I wanted to start with the disarming charm – '' however he was interrupted by Zacharias Smith who seemed rather put out ''You mean you'll be teaching us second year spells? As if that could help us'' he asked him contemptuously. ''Yes'' Harry answered. He had to laugh on the inside, it must have seemed funny for them to come here expecting god knows what and then learning Expelliarmus. ''I used it against him last June. If you expect to learn Avada Kedavra then you know where the door is.'' Harry said quietly but angrily. Zacharias figuratively pulled his tail between his legs.

Nobody dared to move nor speak so Harry began yet again, it felt strange to be in command of the whole room ''I reckon we should all divide into pairs and practise'' With that everybody in the huge room scrambled around and paired up.

Hermione tried really hard to hold her power in as she stood in front of Neville. Harry and Ron were predictably paired up together. ''Right, so on the count to three, one – two – three!'' the shouts of ''Expelliarmus'' resonated all around the huge room. Hermione didn't do anything, she wanted Neville to try again and again. He seemed to get what she meant and followed her idea.

''Neville'' Hermione said kindly as she walked over to the boy. He looked so dejectedly, not able to perform a basic defence spell. He looked at her with desperation 'I'm not a proper wizard' his eyes shouted ''C'mon Neville, you worry too much. It's all about the imagination. Also, try not to strangle your wand. As you say the incantation picture my wand flying towards you, all right?'' She told him good-heartedly, trying to cheer him up.

Hermione didn't notice that Harry stopped practising with Ron, telling his friend to go train with Dean and Seamus so he could check on the others. She was fully concentrated on Neville, who was thinking hard about what she just told him. It was the basic of magic – intent, but this knowledge was not shouted from the rooftops so for many even to realise that one simple fact was impossible.

Practising only the wand movement Hermione noticed that Neville took her advice to heart. His hand and wrist were more relaxed and the wand made the right swish in the air. Taking a deep breath Neville looked at Hermione and tried again. It took him three times to make Hermione's wand twitch in her hand. He was so excited even by that fact that he run up to Hermione and hugged her.

Hermione knew her true character made people try their hardest, it was something about her eyes that persuaded the people around her to do her bidding, or at least so she was told by those two Marauders and the twins. Letting her other side out to play she teased Neville ''Now where is that great wizard that the Longbottoms are? Hmm? C'mon, some determination to it would be nice. It's not that hard'' Hermione told him as he hugged her.

He pulled away and looked at her with scorching persuasion in his eyes. She could already see the stir in him and it was joy to behold. He walked back a few steps closing his eyes, trying to compose himself. Concentrating hard on his task he said it loud and clear ''Expelliarmus'' and the wand in Hermione's hand left its place in its owner's hand and flew towards Neville.

From the other side of the room Harry could clearly see the effect Hermione had on the young man if his excited shouts of ''I did it'' were anything to go by. Hermione was still working with Neville, his spells was very variable sometimes working sometimes twitching the wand only a little. Suddenly she realised they were there for quite some time. She had to go for Harry so they can end the lesson.

She asked Neville to join the other boys from his room and went to Harry who was currently talking to someone near Cho. He had such a cute crush on her as she neared her friend who was completely oblivious to her until she stood next to him, bumping gently into him. ''The time Harry, it's almost nine and we don't want anyone to catch us she told him in half whisper.

He was glad he had Hermione to take care of such things. Excusing himself he walked back to the front of the room. Hermione cast silently a light sonorous charm. ''Stop'' Harry's voice interrupted everyone's practiced and they all turned to him paying attention to what he was going to say. Some had huge smiles on their faces, some as Luna had a dreamy expression and some of them looked rather sad.

''Well, that was pretty good.'' He said with a smile ''But there's still some room to improve'' at that many of them huffed knowing too well what he meant but they didn't want to admit that. ''Same time next week?''

''Sooner!'' Dean shouted with excitement. In the end they decided on Wednesday the following week. Harry then began to despatch group of students so they could go back to their common room undetected. Ron went with their dorm mates leaving Harry alone with Hermione. Now or never he thought and shouted _''Impedimenta''_ with his wand pointed at Hermione's back.

Hermione thought she was alone in the room. However she was extra alert all the time and when she heard someone begin to shout the Impedimenta curse at her she whirled around and cast a strong protego charm around herself which consumes the spell completely. 'Oh bloody hell!' they both thought at the same time but they had different reasons for it.

''What the bloody hell Harry?'' Hermione yelled. She was the first of the two of them to gather her wits. ''Are you trying to do me in?'' she asked him extremely angry her eyes blazing with rage. What was he thinking, cursing her when her back was turned.

''No of course not" Harry exclaimed still looking at his friend with awe. Even he didn't have reflexes like that when it came to defence. In Quidditch, that's another thing but what she just did was incredible. ''So why did you just try to curse me?'' she said with incredulity in her voice.

Harry totally disregarded her question. Was it this what Sirius wrote to him about, about how unbelievable her magic has got? Or was there more to it than that. And when did she learn it? ''How?'' he only asked but that seemed to enrage her even more. ''That's none of your business how, tell me why did you just try to curse me?'' she said enunciating every word.

'_Don't let her get away with it' _his godfather's words suddenly appeared on his mind. She was getting defensive, he could see that pretty clearly. But why? Something big was up with his friend and today he'll find out what. So he decided on a direct approach. Step one, answer her question.

''Because I got advice to do so'' he informed her. She sure did look surprised at that and couldn't help but ask ''from who?'' Hermione asked desperately dreading his answer. 'Please don't let it be-' her thoughts were interrupted by one word ''Sirius'' and her world stopped.

'No, he couldn't have done that'

'But he did!' Her inner voice told her.

Hermione didn't care anymore if she hurt Harry with anything she might say next. Her mind snapped, the only person she's ever trusted with her secrets spilled them in a matter of a month. She didn't care right then if she told Harry that she was an orphan or that she spent the time with Sirius he should have, not she. She just didn't care, letting herself be consumed by the fatality of her situation.

''So tell me Hermione, why did Sirius have to give me advice as to how to get something out of you.'' Harry asked his temper getting the better of him. ''Because he would know, seeing as he knows everything about me.'' She announced her voice void of any emotion. The room was growing darker and darker. The candles were burning out but the anger in those two was growing stronger and stronger.

''Why does he know everything?'' It was an interrogation now. He asked a question, she answered without a moment of hesitation. They would think about the implication of everything that was said later.

''Because he saw it'' When the truth started pouring out of her she couldn't stop, and since she answered his questions he was completely caught in finally getting to know the truth.

''When?'' ''When he was training me.'' She wasn't looking at him anymore. Even though she lied to him since the moment they met she loved him like a brother and didn't want to hurt him anymore than he already has been.

''When Hermione?'' he asked more forcefully. He couldn't let it be anymore ''This summer'' she whispered and suddenly the pieces of the puzzle started to make sense. It was strange seeing them interact together and her having her own room when he had to share it with Ron. True, Molly wouldn't let him be alone, telling him it was important to stay with Ron but it was still weird and unfair.

So if they were getting to know each other whole summer it would make some sense. But it should have been him, not Hermione who got to spend so much time with his godfather. ''Why?'' he spat angrily his eyes filling with tears. He pushed those back frustratedly.

Hermione turned around and looked in his eyes and suddenly realised what she's done. She broke the promise she gave to herself a long time ago. She promised to never ever hurt Harry. Because he so didn't deserve it, especially from her. All the hurt he had suffered throughout his miserable life and all the deception, she promised herself and she promised Padfoot to take care of him and right now, she did only thing she promised herself not to do. She hurt Harry.

''Harry please!'' she exclaimed desperately. ''Why Hermione, and so help me Merlin if you don't answer me, it'll be the last time we speak.'' His eyes were blazing green and it reminded her why he was the boy who lived. Hermione took an involuntary step back. ''Please'' she whispered. Harry had had enough then. She was like his sister and he would forgive her anything, anything but lying to him.

He turned around and started to walk away. But was stopped when Hermione yelled ''Wait!'' And wait he did.

She didn't know what to do. She couldn't lose Harry. So she yelled at him to wait. But then what?

He didn't turn around to look at her. He just stood there, waiting for her to finally say something that would make him change his mind. She swallowed her pride and said as evenly as she could. ''I'm an orphan. I have no idea who my parents are. I just appeared on the steps of an orphanage when I was a week old. Then Dumbledore came and told me I was a witch. I came to Hogwarts but I didn't want anyone to know about my past, so I became a muggleborn, a daughter to two dentists.

''The truth is, I'm no muggleborn even though I don't know whether I am a pureblood or a half-blood. Nobody here at Hogwarts except the headmaster knows about that. This summer I got the offer to spend the holidays at Grimmauld Place. The orphanage was closing and I had no other alternative. So I accepted and Sirius and Remus taught me. The Order didn't know I was there, only Mad-Eye Moody. And I didn't tell you because I knew you had to be with those awful relatives of yours.''

Harry didn't move, he didn't turn around to look at her. She thought he was considering all that she told him. If she expected him to turn around and tell her it was still all right between them she would be badly disappointed.

He started to walk away again and this time she didn't stop him. She didn't cry, she was fed up with crying all the time. Instead of that she blasted each and every candle she could reach, smoke swirling around her as she surrounded by darkness. By darkness that slowly started to seep in and out of her heart.

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><p><strong>AN: So how did I do? This was really difficult to write, but I hope I did well, please comment and thanks for reading!**


	25. Chapter Twenty Two

**A/N: This chapter is a bit different than the others, I finally dealt with Hermione's age so it's going to be clear once and for all! Cheers! And of course there's this beautiful scene at Grimmauld place which was running through my mind for a long long time... Now, I have to stop talking and you've got to start reading!**

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><p>It was already after another Order meeting. Sirius, Remus and Nymphadora Tonks were sitting in the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place all three of them nursing a glass of Firewhiskey after an emotionally exhausting Order meeting. It was like before, the disappearances were happening again.<p>

Even though Tonks, as she liked everyone to call her, was still a little girl when the first wizarding war was happening she remembered all the stories. She remembered all the excitement after He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named fell as well as her mother crying when Sirius was thrown into Azkaban. Her mother, Andromeda Tonks née Black never believed that Sirius was guilty so she was pretty ecstatic when she heard he escaped.

Their moment of collective brooding was interrupted by a ball of blue light storming in through the window. It set itself on the table and after a beat it took the form of a canine. Sirius wasn't wrong last time he saw her Patronus. He'd only seen it in her memory and it wasn't a very clear memory, nevertheless it was indeed a wolf. However he didn't have more time to think about the beautiful animal before him because suddenly the voice of Hermione echoed around the room.

''You backstabbing bastard! You just had to tell him didn't you! You had seen all my secrets and you had to spill them all. You didn't think one bit what it would do to him. It should have been him not I! But no you have to shove it in his face. Oh I hope you feel magnificent about it. I mean you're already used to losing your friends and family!''

In the two years Sirius spent out of the craziness of Azkaban he has become mildly better, his eyes didn't hold much of the desperation, pain and rage they used to but now, before their very eyes they saw him transform to an ice figure. His face nor his eyes showed any emotion. His face was deathly pale and even that little life that seeded in his eyes suddenly diminished. There, right before them sat Sirius Black who was finally emotionally broken.

As soon as he heard her voice he knew what it was about. As much as she was right in everything she said, she was wrong, so very wrong. He certainly was a backstabbing bastard. He certainly did think someone else needed to know of her secrets so she had someone else to rely on and who better than Harry, who'd understand it better than everybody else?

However he did think about what it would do to him, for a long time actually, but he said to himself that the time has come the boy finally learned the truth about all the lies that surrounded him all his life. He didn't shove it in his face, he only gave him advice and as selfish as it was to think so, she did shove it in his face. He really felt magnificent about himself, isn't it everybody's dream to lose everyone that is precious to them in some way one by one?

And finally yes, he was used to everybody leaving him. Because that is what he was, he was the survivor and nobody really cared about how much anguish he could take until it finally was too much. However today he knew just what it took for him to finally give up on it all. The witch he secretly loved and couldn't ever get hated him, and he was no fool in thinking that his godson was right behind.

He stood up slowly, his face completely blank. He didn't say good night, he didn't say a word. He just slowly walked out of the room leaving confused Nymphadora and utterly miserable Remus behind. ''What just happened?'' Tonks asked when the kitchen door finally closed.

Remus put his head in his hands. ''Hermione happened…'' he said with a sigh rubbing his eyes. Why did fate had to be so cruel all the time?

Tonks had no idea who Hermione was. Sure, she attended Order meetings but they surely didn't deal with any Hermione as far as she could tell. True, she started attending them only since the last week of August, never having time to meet the other occupants of the Black manor.

''Who's Hermione?'' Tonks inquired. Remus sighed yet again. Was it a good idea to tell Nymphadora what was going on? She might have some good advice as to how to deal with his best friend and yet he didn't think that bringing Tonks in on it would be for the best.

''Just a girl'' Remus whispered then and stood up. He was more than aware of the longing looks Dora was sending him, his wolf side picking them up fairly quickly but he chose to ignore them. She was much too young for him, and who would want to love him when he's such a beast? Hermione would have a field day if she caught him thinking about himself like that. But more than twenty years of self-loathing can't be erased just like that.

He went directly to Hermione's room knowing Padfoot liked to spend time in there. When he came back from his mission for the Order two days ago, he found his friend sleeping on her bed. He never looked like he did so many years ago before he was robbed of his freedom. But then, in that moment his face showed the little innocence his heart has managed to hold on to.

But now, as he opened the door he didn't see hope that seemed to flicker in his eyes that day. No he didn't see even a semblance of emotion. His face blank, staring ahead not moving, his eyes blinking so imperceptibly that if Remus didn't see the rise and fall of his chest, Sirius would look like a dead person.

He sat down beside his friend and stayed silent. What he learnt from James those many years ago was that Sirius didn't like to talk about his problems, his emotions or his worries. The best approach was to just sit there and wait for the extremely proud Black to talk. And as he waited for his last best friend to speak he took a trip down memory lane.

Their group was a funny one, the Marauders as everyone called them. When he thought about it now, he realised it wasn't that much of tight-knit group as all of their schoolmates and teachers saw them. The closest were James and Sirius. Those two met for the first time on the Hogwarts Express and from then on were practically inseparable.

Remus joined them soon after but the brotherly connection those two had could not be surpassed. Sure they all completed each other, were all extremely adept with their wands but Remus could never quite be one of them, not that he was bothered by that fact the least. As for Peter, he just kind of started hanging out with them and they didn't push him away.

From the first moment they all met Sirius it was pretty clear he didn't get on well with his family. Getting sorted into Gryffindor earned him Howlers for a week and when he came back from winter holidays that year he looked like shit. However he never talked about his family life and as soon as he could he took advantage of his fabulous looks and surrounded himself with pranks and birds.

But there were moments when even his carefree easy-going attitude couldn't withstands his family's approach to his rebellious behaviour. He still had to learn all the stuff a proper Black needed to know and he still had to go back home during holidays. That is until he ran away at sixteen. Both Sirius and James were rather vague about that whole thing and he never got to know what actually happened. But from the little James told him it was not pretty. So now, he had to take James's job of consoling their friend who never wanted to be consoled.

''Do you think we'll survive the war?'' Sirius asked suddenly, still looking ahead. Remus sighed. In that moment he was reminded just how much his friend stayed the same as he was before Azkaban. True, he was arrogant then, more than he was now, but he'd asked him the same question. However back then Remus was unexperienced, fresh out of school, his head full of ideals. So he answered him naively that of course they would win the war.

Now, many years later he just didn't know anymore. They lost so many last time, whole families disappeared from the surface of the earth. So he answered him truthfully. ''I just don't know any more Sirius.'' The room was quiet again, both men deep in thought.

Sirius didn't want to think anymore, thinking only complicated things. But you can't escape from your own mind, not even drinking helps because in the morning you think again and have to repeat the whole process of getting drunk again. He was tired of drinking and thinking but he couldn't do anything else from the confinement of his own ancestral house.

He should be helping Harry in some way but the Headmaster started claiming that any contact with Harry might be harmful to the boy. As if he was still a boy. He knew what his godson suffered in his short life and he was fairly certain that he was no boy. Not anymore. However as soon as he started thinking about his godson, Hermione appeared on his mind and his heart clenched.

Sighing he ran his hands through his hair. ''Why are you here?'' He asked Remus. ''What was that downstairs?'' ''Nothing you can help with Remus.'' Sirius only said but Remus was having none of it ''Oh it surely is nothing if she shouts at you like that, what did you do?'' Remus exclaimed.

Sirius just didn't want to deal with anything anymore. He wanted to grab his godson and make a break for it. He, neither his godson owed anything to the magical world, if anything they owed them. Unfortunately that was impossible and they were all left here to fight. ''I did the right thing for once in my life and I suggest you do the same.''

Sirius was never so cold with his friend and Remus knew when he was not wanted. ''I see. Wallow in your misery then.'' With that the werewolf left the room, closing the door behind him rather loudly.

Leaning his head against the wall behind him he slowly exhaled and inhaled the oxygen his body needed. He couldn't love her anymore, he hated it that he loved and he absolutely despised her. He didn't know what magic was there at play but he was slowly getting fed up with it. How can he, an Azkaban escapee love such a young girl that he hates with so much passion?

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><p>It was a week after her disastrous confession to Harry and he had yet to talk to her. It wasn't that he avoided her. She would prefer that much more than this state of things. The three of them walked together to and from class, ate together but Harry simply acted like she wasn't even there. Ron the ever present one didn't notice a thing.<p>

Hermione dealt with it like with every other problem at Hogwarts. She surrounded herself with books – books on Animagus transformation to be precise. The Room of Requirement was a gift from Merlin himself. After it became clear to her that Harry was set on ignoring her she started exploring that magical room more thoroughly. She found out that there were two versions: one that accommodates your every wish and one that keeps everything hidden – piles of junk stacked in a way it looked like it would fall if one just dared to touch it.

Hermione was set on becoming an Animagus since the end of summer. She has read about it for two years already, it was one of her wildest dreams when it came to Transfiguration. However in the Hogwarts library there wasn't much on that topic and when there were, it only brushed upon it and didn't delve deep enough for her to actually attempt it.

So she walked three times back and forth in front of the tapestry thinking of such a book that would make it simpler for her to learn about the Animagus transformation. When she finally opened the door she was met by a sight of a cosy room in Gryffindor colours with the wood crackling in the fireplace. There was a sofa and on the small table next to it was a stack of books.

Upon further examination she found out those were exactly the ones she needed. Ever since then she was delving deep into the art of human transfiguration. For her it was like a trip down the rabbit hole. It was going to be a tedious and time consuming work but Hermione thought it would pay off in the long run.

She was currently on her last book on the topic of Animagus when an owl dropped an official looking envelope in front of her. She took it hastily from the owl which took off as suddenly as it came. Harry looked at her with his eyebrows raised and went back to his dinner. Hermione was surprised that he even acknowledged the fact that she received a letter.

She looked at it, her eyes searching anything that might be suspicious but found nothing other than the fact that it was a Ministry missive. She bent the letter in half cracking the seal and unfolded the piece of parchment in front of her.

_Dear Miss Granger,_

_Upon further examination, we, the Unspeakables, have found out that due to your extensive usage of time-turner your age was modified more than we've previously informed you about. Your time-turner which was given to you at the beginning of your third year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has altered your birthday date and thusly deferred it to 1__st__ January. Your current age is 16 years 10 months and 21 days. _

_When you reach the aforementioned date, you'll become an adult in the wizarding world. To retain your wand, you still have to pass your O.W.L.s, nevertheless you may gain the License to Apparate during the soonest test that will be conducted by the Department of Magical Transportation at Hogwarts._

_We apologise for our previous mistake. Your file has been indefinitely sealed. This letter can be read only by you and if the safety charm placed upon this letter is breached it will burn itself._

_Saul Croaker,_

_The Department of Mysteries_

'Well, this certainly changes things' Hermione thought as she folded the letter and stuck it into her book. No one paid it any attention that Hermione was looking strangely than ever her eyes having this determined air about them.

As she sat down by the window in her room she shared with Lavender and Parvati she realised her life has taken a lot of twists in the recent past. She would no longer be a girl not that she was one now with all the things she's gone through. Nevertheless it was clear to her that certain things would have to change. She was relying on her friends to make her happy too much. She used to be so fearsome but now she was even scared of Umbridge.

Aye, certain changes would need to happen. She needed to stop being such a cry-baby. She couldn't spend her life despairing and wallowing. She needed to be strong, she needed to help Harry and she needed to safe the wizarding world with him by her side. That was what she was for in this life of hers and she wouldn't let anyone stop her.


	26. Chapter Twenty Three

**A/N: Dear readers, school is a time consuming thing and finding time to concentrate solely on my story is a wee bit problematic. I'm trying to write as much as I can and hopefully will keep updating every day... Nevertheless I can't promise anything so don't worry I'm still writing, still creating, there won't be any hiatus - just so you know... next chapter will come on Monday afternoon!**

**However I'd like to hear your opinion more, it's always easier for me to write when I know what you think about my story so don't be shy and comment. Thanks for reading!**

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><p>''We need to talk" she informed him the following morning. He couldn't ignore her request since everyone sitting in their common room heard her. Funnily enough, nobody noticed the tension in the two thirds of the Golden trio. People had just too many other things to worry about. ''Sure'' he answered absolutely disinterested in what she had to say.<p>

Ever since the beginning of the DA Harry's self-esteem has risen quite a lot. She knew it was good for him that his 'so-called' friends finally saw reason and let him in again, even for a little bit.

He stood up and went out of their common room with Hermione hot on his heels. Stopping at a nearby dark alcove he whirled around and looked at her. The empty look he gave her made her take a step back. But she was resolute in her decision to finally talk to him. She wouldn't be afraid of his answer, no she had to look beyond her petty fear.

She didn't want to sound too egoistical but the fact was that without her, Harry would get hurt sooner or later and she couldn't allow that to happen only because she couldn't swallow her pride and wouldn't beg for his forgiveness.

''I know you're angry with me, and believe me I get it. I'm sorry, I just didn't want people to look down upon me because of me being a poor orphan who has no idea where she comes from. I understand you probably won't speak to me ever again… What I wanted to say is – I'm truly very sorry Harry."

She looked him straight in the eye as she spoke. He could see the honesty and repentance in her eyes and his kind and forgiving nature wouldn't allow him to continue acting like a stranger towards her anymore. Yes, he was still upset she kept such a huge secret from him but all the things she has done for him, he still held it all close to his heart.

''Why didn't you tell me before?" he sighed resignedly. She decided a long time ago that she would be as honest as she could if and when it came to questions about her past. Surprisingly she had no problem with that since he already knew all the important stuff there was to know.

''I – I didn't want you to pity me I guess. You see, when the Headmaster came to tell me about Hogwarts, I made him promise me to keep quiet about my past. Not that he really tried to clarify it or anything…" Hermione scoffed at the thought of their old Headmaster keeping information about her true descent from herself.

''So you just told him to lie, and he did, just like that?'' Harry asked her incredulously, not believing the fact that professor Dumbledore would willingly deceive the whole of his teaching staff.

''Well, it might have been something along the lines that if he didn't keep it to himself I wouldn't go to Hogwarts… so yes, he just went with it I suppose.'' She told him causally and had to ask herself why exactly it was so easy to persuade the almighty Dumbledore.

''I don't know who you are anymore…'' Harry told her sadly then, shuffling his feet nervously. ''No you don't" she told him and mentally added 'and I reckon you never will…'

''Was it real? Our friendship?" he asked her desperately, not wanting to crush his concept of the entity named Hermione Granger. He didn't want to hear it was all just a pretence, just some heartless ploy to get him to trust her, something where he was just a chess piece, a collateral damage ready to be slaughtered.

''Of course it was real Harry, even though I may be a completely different person than you think I am, I feel the same" she said with a kind smile on her face ''you're the brother I never had and that'll never change." She added then, her eyes flickering with the hue of blue that they sometimes did when she held so much passion in her. Her eyes usually showed what she wanted them to, but there were moments, when they were overpowered by her true self, and in that moment you could see her soul.

Harry hugged her then, and she felt overjoyed. He felt the same, however the friendship they once had was now destroyed. Hermione knew that, she was fully aware of that fact but Harry chose to deny even the slightest possibility that things just couldn't go back to the way they were.

She thought he would ask her many other questions. Instead of that he showed her just how much trusting and still naïve he was when it came to his friends. He was blind to all the wrongdoings, they were his first and best friends after all.

Yes, Hermione was glad he didn't ask her anything more since she wouldn't have told him. Her honesty just went so far… Nevertheless she feared that he might have been just a tad too much forgiving and wondered if there would ever come a time when his blinded trust in someone became fatal.

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><p>''Good job everyone!" Harry announced happily after another successful DA meeting. It was incredible how perceptive his classmates were if it became even a bit more fun than at class. Practising in small groups managed to boost some of the boys' ego and the girls had in return bruised those that got too big. Harry noticed that Hermione took to practising with Neville who was noticeably getting better.<p>

Notwithstanding today's success of DA, Harry was still having a shitty day. It all started yesterday when he and George decided to jump Malfoy and his goons for mocking Ron. What looked like a good plan in the beginning ended up in a nightmare of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Harry admitted it to himself that they might have been a wee bit foolish to think they would go unscathed.

But who would have thought that Umbridge would had another of her hideous pink cards up her sleeve. He might have gotten through another week's worth of detention with Umbridge but a permanent ban from Quidditch for him, George and Fred was just too much for him. 'Oh why do I have to always argue with her' he thought as the room emptied leaving a worried Hermione behind.

It has become a ritual for the two of them to leave the last. Hermione had always some interesting idea she wanted to share with him and it cleared his mind just listening to her intelligently rant on and on.

''You know that bottling up all your emotions does you no good?" she told him as she closed the door behind her thinking they would be there for a little while longer. ''I know but just I - Argh!" he kicked the nearby pillar which wasn't a very good idea. ''Bloody hell!'' he yelled, his foot hurting, feeling like it was trampled upon by hundreds of hippogriffs.

Trying to calm himself he breathed slowly in and out. Hearing a quite giggling he turned around to look in the direction the sound was coming from. ''You! Stop giggling!'' he was angry that Umbridge was such a bigoted bitch, angry that he couldn't play Quidditch anymore since she took his broom and totally enraged by the fact that Hermione, yes Hermione, was giggling at him! Giggling!

''Oh can't a girl have some fun?" she asked him an innocent smile playing on her face. ''No" he snapped but she couldn't fail to notice the slight twitching of the corners of his mouth. ''You want me to show you my way of letting off steam?" she asked him curiously, wondering if he'd up to the challenge…

''You have my broom?" he asked her hopefully but suddenly the absurdity of his questions crushed his hope and he looked like a lost puppy. ''C'mon, there are other things than flying a broom." She tried to console him even though she knew it was a non-negotiable for the both of them. There's nothing better than to feel the wind in your hair, the humming of the air in your ears… Oh, she could lose herself in imagining how it felt to be hundred feet above the ground, seeing the inferiority of the world down below -

''- It's not that you can really appreciate – "she heard him muttering and snapped ''What?'' Harry raised his eyebrows and suddenly it dawned on him. ''Oh don't tell me Miss Granger can fly and actually likes it.'' He told her with an all knowing expression but she just wasn't having it. ''It's not that I told you I couldn't fly, you actually saw me fly - the first flying lesson in our first year. After Neville broke his wrist and you went off saving his Remembrall Madam Hooch came back and we eventually got to fly if I remember correctly.''

Harry was actually caught off guard how fervently she defended her love of flying. Because that was what looked like to him. ''And don't call me Granger!'' she added incensed ''All right, Merlin!'' he put up his hands up in surrender having no idea what was going on with his friend, yet again… He should write a list he told himself.

Ever since the moment he got to know the 'so-called' truth about Hermione the amount of questions was pilling up but he never asked about some of his doubts or worries. She looked like her know-it-all stressed herself, surrounded by books, excelling in classes that he just didn't want to bother her with it. Only Merlin himself would know the true reason why he didn't ask any of it. He was content with telling himself he didn't want to ruin their friendship all the same he didn't even delve deep enough to wonder why he kept quiet.

He remembered she said something about letting off steam and wanting to change the subject he prompted ''you said something about blowing off steam?" A smile made its way on Hermione's face and if Harry knew her as much as Sirius or even Remus did, he would be afraid.

All of a sudden she threw the Jelly-legs jinx his way. Harry caught off his guard bulged out his eyes as he exclaimed. ''Attacking me is your way to relieve stress?'' he asked her disbelievingly. Taking pity on him she pointed her wand at him and murmured the counter-course, a smug grin on her face as she saw how he tested his feet again.

''Oh don't be daft, why would I attack you? It's called duelling. You see it's an activity during which –'' ''all right I get it, I get it!'' he interrupted her lecture not wanting to hear two feet long an explanation. He was starting to like this mischievous Hermione and he certainly understood why she got on so well with the twins.

She raised her eyebrow delicately at him and waved her wand above herself and her hair plaited itself in a braid around her head. Depositing their robes on the floor, they rolled up their sleeves and stood in front of each other their wands held ready in their right hand. Both knew the rules of a proper duel, and even though this was barely formal, they silently agreed on following the customs.

Bowing their heads they took a few steps back, neither turning around, holding the eye contact with their opponent. ''On the count to three; one – two – three'' as soon as Hermione finished her count down Harry threw the first hex that came to his mind. Hermione having more experience with duelling, being used to a bit more lethal approach, took advantage of the situation pretty quickly.

Harry could easily understand why Hermione blew off steam this way. It was certainly refreshing to use all the knowledge he acquired in those four and something years he was going to Hogwarts. But he also saw pretty clearly that Hermione held the upper hand here and that made him push towards his limit, using more power behind his spells.

The air around them was crackling with residual magic, something Hermione revelled in. Even though she was all sticky and sweaty, the feel of light tendrils of magic all around them cleansed the oxygen in her veins and let her breath in fresh air. She never attempted to understand the complexities of magic, letting it run its course.

'Magic, feel the magic' Sirius voice sounded in her mind all of a sudden Hermione staggered. Unconsciously throwing a protecting shield around her she closed her eyes and when she opened them Harry could see that an entirely different person appeared. In a moment of his foolish wondering she disarmed him and accioed his wand.

''Here you go'' she threw his wand at him and he caught it with deft fingers. He wanted to ask her what happened to her however before he could even formulate a coherent thought she told him ''I'll see you in the morning, I still wanted to check on some books in here.'' With that she turned around and went over to the shelves of books brushing her hand against the spine of some old tomes.

Harry, seeing her immersed in her books again only managed to mumble ''See you in the common room" and left the room. Making sure the door was closed and nobody was in the room, Hermione thought of endless amount of Death Eaters and the chamber supplied her with wooden dummies of those by her despised beings. Blasting each and every one of them to ashes still didn't help her rid herself of the guilt she felt when she thought about what she has done to Sirius.

'Why did I do it?' she asked herself again and again silent tears running down her cheeks. She didn't realise she was crying until she felt the saltiness on her mouth. Wiping those stray tears away angrily, she let out a yell of rage and sorrow. Why – why did she had to send him that Patronus?!

The worst part was that she couldn't go back in time and undo the damage. She was the only one to blame, she just hoped that it wasn't too late to apologize, to put it right. Regrettably, she didn't know just how much it hurt him to hear those words coming from her. Too bad, she had no idea just how much he was lost to her.


	27. Chapter Twenty Four

**A/N: Now, I'm starting to get off canon so the changes in the books' or films' plot are going to come forward gradually, but I sincerely hope you'll like it. **

**I'm sorry it took me so long to post a new chapter but well, school is school - what can you do. Right now I seem to revel in the heartbreaking stuff so bear with me. The next chapter should come by Thursday, Saturday the latest so keep on reading, something interesting is going to happen very soon!**

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><p>One of the books that she found in the Room of Requirement was a journal with the title <em>'How to become an Animagus'<em>. The cover was dark leather black, the title were written in gold however in many places it the gold letters couldn't be recognised anymore. It looked old, Hermione wondered exactly how old, the handwriting was incredible masculine, curt and cursive in green ink. It was the holy grail of books on human transfiguration.

It was in the first week of December when she finally decided to start with her side-project of becoming an Animagus.

Since the one meeting after which she and Harry duelled, they took to practising together every evening. Harry had nothing to do and since the threat of Voldemort was for the first time in fifteen years very real, he actually saw it as his obligation to train hard. He had never actually spent any time practising outside of his schoolwork. He knew only the mandatory curriculum spells and what he had learned the year before for the Triwizard Tournament.

He admired Hermione's skill with her wand. He could easily see how being trained by an Auror and someone who might as well be one influenced her skill. She was fast, spry and agile, looking like a hummingbird flying from a flower to flower, fluttering its wings so quickly it looks like a veil of feathers.

Hermione had to admit that being a wizard was in his blood. He soaked up anything she told him about defence and even though she hasn't really delved into the theory of intent he looked like he did it instinctually. He was a very talented wizard and it saddened her to know he would never hear the praise of his parents, and yet, was she sad that she didn't even know who _her_ parents were?

So, for more or less than two months, the both of them trained very hard in the Room of Requirement. They met at eleven in the evening and sneaked out under Harry's cloak. She was surprised that anyone hasn't realised that both of their beds were empty till late at night. Fortunately it was almost impossible to get caught when they had the Invisibility cloak and Marauder's map.

Hermione now had a quite clear idea as to how to become an Animagus, what worried her was the time it was going to take. Harry has already left, believing her excuse to get a shower now, rather than later in the dorm. The Room provided her with comfortable cushions and she sat down Indian style with the first step clear on her mind – finding her animal, lucky for her, she had read the step by step explanation in the journal at least twenty times already, but just to be sure, she opened the little black book in front of her and read the first paragraph.

_Every wizard_ _has a place where he feels the most powerful, where he's most aware of his magic. To find your animal, you need to find this place. Meditation is the best way how to achieve this. Start with picturing your magic and eventually you'll come to find the place of your power. _

'Picturing my magic, well, that shouldn't be that hard.' Hermione thought as she closed her eyes and slowed her breathing. However, she soon realised just how wrong in her assumption she was. After less than ten minutes, her hair started bugging her, ending with her needing to put it up. Nevertheless, every few minutes something kept itching her disturbing her concentration.

She found out that the biggest problem was her concentration. She couldn't still her mind which was processing every sensation and information it could get its hands on. She huffed and grumbled and after almost two hours of fruitless attempts at quieting her mind she gave up and went back to Gryffindor common room. She had totally forgotten about the cloak or the map and had quite the hard time getting back. As soon as she reached the safe confinement of her bed she let out a sigh of relief even though nobody saw.

Life at Hogwarts went on as it did before, even though it was under much stricter rules and even harder sneaking around. The snow was deep and the air was cold and crisp. Hermione spent all of her free time wondering the grounds which was one of the few still unrestricted things at Hogwarts. Her school assignments were all done at the moment and she had nothing to do, which was a very rare occasion.

Her thoughts were consumed by her meditations. In the one week she spent on slowing down her mind she made only a slight progress. She wondered how it was possible that it all went so easily when she was around Sirius this summer, she had absolutely no problem with disciplining her mind then. Now however, she couldn't even believe that she managed it in the first place. What once were starts in her mind, was now a jumble of lights with absolutely no order what so ever. What happened in those few months? Was she unable to accomplish what she set out to do without him behind her back? What was it that made her do it?

She knew very well that asking those questions all the time wouldn't solve anything. Nevertheless in the spare time she got to actually think about something constructive that weren't her horrific nightmares of cold cells and cackling laughter or utterly boring schoolwork, she obsessed with exactly those questions.

Harry was a having as good of a time as one could expect. His training with Hermione went well and was keeping his mind off of the horrific nightmares that plagued his mind every night. He was used to them by now, not that it was anything pleasant.

As the days of December went by he started to notice the dark circles under Hermione's eyes. 'Was she still having those nightmares she told him about? Or was it something different?' he asked himself as he prepared himself for the last D.A. lesson before they break off for winter holidays.

He planned on introducing the Patronus charm tonight, it was difficult and he was no fool to expect that everyone would manage to cast it. Nevertheless he had to admit he was very impatient to know, just who exactly was a powerful witch or a wizard. He knew very well that all charms and spells showed the level of magic you had in yourself in some way or other and how light it actually was, the Patronus charm being the best of examples.

Professor Lupin told him that only an accomplished wizard could cast the spell, most of the wizarding public didn't even manage to cast a corporal Patronus. Even though it was one of the most famous defence spells known, it being an ancient spell, one had to actually have the power from the ancients. It didn't mean that you had to be a descendant of them only that in some way it was spiritually given to you – or at least Hermione told him about a myth she read about its creation when he asked about some theory behind the spirit guardian charm.

'Ridiculously advanced' Remus's remark sounded in his mind as he carefully made his way towards the Room of Requirement which was slowly filling up with his schoolmates 'We'll see' he said, mentally challenging Remus. It was going to be an interesting lesson to be sure.

''Good Evening everyone'' Harry hollered in a formal stance that got everybody quite. It was fun to watch sometimes, just the slight change in Harry's demeanour changed the mood of the whole group. Continuing on a more casual note he started to explain tonight's program.

''Firstly I think we need to warm up a bit. It never is good to start with the difficult stuff.'' Each member of D.A. was used to practising all they've learned in the begging of their lesson by now. It was refreshing, in pairs, they duelled and tried out every spell, hex or jinx they've mastered so far.

As soon as all of them stood with pleased expressions, Harry started to explain what was going to happen next. ''Ok, so I reckon all of you is quite well versed in the basic defence by now, or at least I hope so'' he added patiently, knowing it didn't bode well with anyone to have their skill dragged through the mud.

Harry had decided just this morning that tonight he wasn't going to be the one explaining the charm. He didn't know much about it, to be truthful and there was one other person he wanted to get praise for her skill. Even though he didn't know whether she could master the Patronus charm or not, he was certain that this one had to come explained by her, and by her only.

''Hermione if you could…'' he prompted gently knowing full well that this night after D.A. he was going to suffer. Oh, her wand was a mean one, but he kept pace with her, usually - when she was not mad. He had gone a little bit paler, not that anyone noticed, apart from Hermione that is, who was currently glaring holes in his head as she stared at him from the side of the room where she was standing next to Neville.

'Well, if you want to play this game…' Hermione thought. She was already miserable, trying to deal with her vain attempts at controlling her mind and endless night terrors. But she suck it up like the good girl everyone saw her as, not that they needed to know just how vicious and ruthless streak she really had, even she didn't know that yet.

''All right everyone'' Her voice interrupting the whispered remarks ''Tonight, we'll try, and try is here a really important word, to produce the Patronus charm.'' She woke interest in all of the D.A. members by that statement.

''Now, the spell is a really easy one, for those who don't know, it is '_Expecto Patronum'_" she said and a few of them chuckled at that, even though they were all nervous about the fact, that they were going to attempt to cast a charm that was way beyond even the N.E.W.T.'s level.

''The wand movement is a basic one, you need to have a loose wrist and you'll draw circles with your wand, which will then increase the power behind the spell. That is all you need to know about the actual movement you make when casting the Patronus charm. However what is the most important thing of all, you need to have a happy memory.'' She said slowly, clearly and with quiet the strict tone.

Nevertheless everyone was fascinated and few of the fourth years were already attempting to cast it. However Hermione needed to stress the fact of the power behind the memory once more. ''You can't do much wrong with the way you move your wand or say the spell'' she said glancing at Seamus who looked sheepishly at her.

Everyone knew he was the master at messing and blowing things up, his smoky reputation beginning right during September of their first year at Hogwarts. Hermione knew he was secretly proud of himself and practically revelled in his ability to sparkle things up as the twins dubbed his stunts.

''What you need is a strong and a really happy memory. It certainly isn't the first time you flew your broom – '' a few of the boys obsessed with Quidditch whined at that and Hermione couldn't help but chuckle even though it earned her a few angry glares. ''you need a deep rooted memory. The thing that makes this spell so difficult is that you need to find the one memory that is strong enough and push the memory through your wand so to say. We'll practise each lesson, and I'm more than sure that after some time you'll do well enough" she concluded her lecture in a true McGonagall manner and Harry had to stifle a laugh. Exaggeration was her forte all right.

They all spread around the room, each having enough place to themselves so they wouldn't gouge someone's eye out, which almost happened a week before.

''Hermione?'' Harry asked her in a tentative manner. ''Yes Harry?'' she asked as she checked the room with her eyes thoroughly, appreciating that everyone seemed to do what she told them, even though no one actually managed to produce even a slight wisp of the Patronus shield.

''Can you produce a Patronus?'' he looked at her curiously, not being entirely sure about her answer. A few girls heard them and they surrounded them like a flock of birds wanting to get the last breadcrumb. Hermione and her skill with magic was always preposterously fascinating to her surroundings and right now she wished she was just an ordinary witch. No one would ever grant her this wish however. What would they do without _the_ Hermione Granger?

''Yes Hermione!'' a girl, Susan Bones exclaimed excitedly and Hermione wanted to smash her head, she was no piece of meat so people could tell her what to do and she would happily oblige.

Harry, sensing nothing good would come of this knew he should tell something to the girls around but they were here to learn and watching Hermione and him perform magic seemed to spur everybody on. The only thing he managed to say, or actually whisper to be accurate was a soft ''C'mon, for me"

She never seemed to deny him and even though he didn't want to exploit that, he certainly did and a lot. Hermione didn't mind at first, now, she couldn't stand it anymore. A few things changed in her over the years and exploiting her weaknesses was one of the things that could get her raving mad. Nevertheless Harry's genuineness always soothed her anger.

''Alright'' she sighed.

_She was 'slightly' drunk one night, trying out what Sirius saw in Ogden's finest Firewhiskey might not have been one of her finest ideas. However she was curious about it and when she was curious about something, she always found out how it really was. Also she wanted to drown her sorrows from the week of his breaking into her mind so to say…_

_Sirius sat there, by the fire gazing at the twirling flames. Suddenly he was interrupted by a rather loud opening of the door to the lounge of his wing in the Black Manor. ''What were you doing?" he asked her already knowing what her answer would be. _

''_I might have been exploring one of your secret – well, not so secret stashes. He only raised his eyebrow at that. ''And do tell, what incited this – ehm – exploration of yours?" he asked her having absolutely no idea what brought this on._

''_I don't really know. I just went and drank, I suppose, I can do that you know!" she said as if he accused her of the biggest crime ever. _

_However this presented a nice opportunity to ask a question he wanted to ask for a long time but didn't know how to. With her slightly, all right, more than inebriated state it left an opening for him. ''I've been meaning to ask you…" he said now looking directly at her. She was sitting next to him now, and was playing with the lapels on his richly looking coat, not that he took much notice of that. _

''_Yes?'' she asked him with a quirked eyebrow. She did that when she couldn't grasp something, he noticed. ''What do you think of when you conjure a Patronus?" he asked her nonchalantly, not wanting to take that chance of her perceiving what he was doing. _

_Even though she did drink quite a lot, she still kept her wits about her. Nevertheless she couldn't help but whisper ''my mama'' however she quickly gathered herself thinking he didn't hear what she just muttered, she told him ''the day I came to Hogwarts, it changed my whole life."_

_He heard what she whispered and his heart clenched. She knew he knew she was lying. A memory like that would do nothing, but they pretended as if it was the happiest memory in the world. When she woke up the morning after, she still remembered her slip up, nevertheless she was sure that he had no idea what she said. _

So as she stood practically in the middle of the Room of Requirement, she thought of the mama she never had and whispered very quietly ''_Expecto Patronum!" _and a white blue wolf jumped out of her wand, startling and freezing everyone in the room as they gazed at the beautiful animal.

Harry's mind refused to work. He didn't see Hermione's Patronus. He saw his Godfather's Animagus and thought 'No, that's not possible…'

A lone tear made its way down Hermione's cheek. 'My mama, why did you leave me?'

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><p><strong>More than 11,000 reads and I love you guys! Please leave a comment and thanks for reading!<strong>


	28. Chapter Twenty Five

**A/N: Here is the long awaited 25. Chapter. I hope you'll like it :-)**

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><p><em>Previously:<em>

_As she stood in the middle of the Room of Requirement, she thought of the mama she never had and whispered very quietly ''Expecto Patronum!", a white blue wolf jumped out of her wand, startling and freezing everyone in the room as they gazed at the beautiful animal._

_Harry's mind refused to work. He didn't see Hermione's Patronus, he saw his Godfather's Animagus _instead of the wolf that was running around in the air_ and thought 'No, that's not possible…' _

_A lone tear made its way down Hermione's cheek. 'My mama, why did you leave me?'_

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><p>Harry just looked at the animal that caught the eye of everyone in the room. It was incredibly well defined. It was no shadow, but a real animal with its ears flicking backwards and forwards. He didn't know a Patronus could do that. The room was filled with a loud cheer as almost all of the D.A. members clapped with awe at Hermione's charm and that made Harry come out of his trance.<p>

''You did this before didn't you?" he asked her completely flabbergasted. She answered reluctantly ''Well, I did. It took me a while" Harry looked at her funnily. She wasn't looking him in the eye as she usually did. She was one of the few that didn't shy away from eye contact and he appreciated that a lot. She never was one to share her feelings explicitly however there were moments, when her eyes showed a little bit of what her heart was feeling.

Harry knew that his time as an ignorant friend has ended as soon as she told him she was an orphan. Nevertheless, he didn't want to face the reality. Now, seeing all the things she was capable of, he vowed to get to know her, to ask her questions relentlessly, even if she was bothered by it to no end. Without her, he wouldn't be here and the realisation that he never actually enquired about her left a pang in his chest.

Aye, she lied to him – a big lie, but he was never there for her, not like she was there for him. Maybe if he was, he would have found out sooner. Even though he might go about it the wrong way, he was going to be the best friend she ever had, starting right now.

''When did you learn it?" he asked her after everyone left after tonight's lesson. She looked at him curiously, knowing exactly what he was asking her about. She didn't expect him to want to know when she managed to create her first Patronus, but she gladly answered, feeling a slight pride at how soon she mastered it. ''In our fourth year, it took me about three weeks I think…" she answered.

His mouth fell in surprise ''Do close your mouth, you'll catch flies'' she scolded him light-heartedly and he quickly closed it. He attempted to response but no sound came out of his mouth making him like a fish. ''Wow'' he exclaimed after a while and Hermione chuckled at that. ''How is that possible...?" he whispered. It took him ages to manage the spell and become proficient at it and she managed it in three weeks? Who was this girl?

Unbidden a thought of Voldemort came to his mind. The snake-like face, the red eyes and all. It was a terrible thought. It made him close his eyes and he struggled getting rid of the iciness the image made him feel. He always had problems with managing and disciplining his mind. Although it reminded him of something.

''Hermione may I talk to you about something?'' Harry asked her nervously. ''Should we make a tradition out of this...? Having heart to hearts after D.A.?" She chuckled slightly at the thought. It was a rather nasty habit of theirs. Not that it was bad that they talked sincerely once in a while, but one could handle only so much so late in the evening. Nevertheless, it felt nice, which was quite surprising to her.

''Did Ron – did Ron mention anything to you recently? You know, about my nightmares and all?'' he inquired innocently. Hermione sensed the urgency in his question. The truth was, Ron did mention something about it, but he just brought it up in the middle of a meaningless conversation about wizard's horror stories, and Hermione, even though she acknowledged what he said, didn't pay enough attention to realise it might have been something more serious.

''He did say something but wasn't really specific, only told me, you still had nightmares about the night He came back…'' Hermione told him but was startled when he snapped at her ''Say it! His name!'' She didn't know where this bitterness came from, it wasn't him in the least. ''I have no problem saying it!'' she argued back a little bit offended. 'Keep calm! You can't argue with him about Voldemort!' she told herself

''Then say it!'' he exclaimed. Hermione was an especially passionate person when it came to it and hated it when people disagreed with her on something and Harry claiming she couldn't say Tom Riddle's self-given name really aggravated her. ''Voldemort! Voldemort! Voldemort! VOLDEMORT!" she shouted unable to hold back the wave of anger.

'Stop!' she told herself and managed to calm down quickly. ''This isn't about his name, is it Harry?" she asked him kindly wanting him to talk to her. He was like a brother to her and it bothered her to no end when he couldn't share his secrets with her. She didn't know where this sudden feeling of kinship came from but she saw he genuinely needed to talk to someone about it.

''No it's not." He said and waited gathering his thoughts. ''I keep having these dreams… I don't really know what they are all about but they scare me.'' He struggled with forming his thoughts and feelings into words. He never wanted to burden his best friends with this knowledge, nevertheless he couldn't keep this from Hermione. Especially now, after he decided on being a better friend.

It surprised him that he felt closer to her than ever. She had shared one of her deepest secrets with him and he couldn't help but reciprocate. He was glad she didn't interrupt him, he wouldn't probably say all he wanted and had set about to say.

''I'm in this dark blue corridor, tiles that look like they would reflect everything only there is no reflection. There's this door, I – I feel like I should know it from somewhere but I can't remember it. Then there are globes filled with mist, everything is so dark and it – it – "Harry sighed, how could he describe the feeling of calling he got? ''It feels like it's pulling at me…"

Hermione froze. She did her research. She knew that all prophecies were stored somewhere, that place being somewhere in the Ministry of Magic, even though she didn't know where exactly. But she couldn't tell him that, could she… He had no idea there was _a _prophecy about him in the first place, let alone one that bound his life to the one of his enemy.

It was quite for a while, only the sound of their breathing was slightly audible. Hermione's mind was whirling. She hadn't thought about the prophecy for some time now, she never really did, it all looked so unreal when she first heard about it from Sirius. But now, now she had to actually think about it. 'What could bind their life together, so the one doesn't die when the other lives?' She sighed. She couldn't be thinking about this now, now she had to concentrate on lifting Harry's spirit not her wild theories.

''That's strange…'' Hermione commented sincerely because it was. He shouldn't feel the pull to that place. Most of the people didn't even know there was a prophecy about them until they died and their relatives were kindly informed that there was one… She did her research well, thanks to the amount of books in the Black library, she knew something about anything.

''I know, I mean, I keep dreaming about it…''

''So you were thinking that I could perhaps come up with something?'' she told him and he couldn't keep the guilty smile that crept across his face. ''You do know I'm not a walking encyclopaedia, don't you!?" she told him with mock hurt.

''I think you need to get your mind off of it.'' She told him, avoiding his indirect request. ''How?'' he asked her. He knew he told her how not to think about her nightmares, but that worked for him only when it was about something inconsequential – like Snape dumping a cauldron of acidic poison on his head and the like. God that man gave him the creeps.

Hermione saw the fear and desperation in his face. Harry never hid his emotions well enough. His eyes said it all. Lily's eyes. A thought entered her mind. Could she do it? For him? To keep his mind off the terrible things that happen in his life? For Harry, she would.

''You know, I think there are some questions you wanted to ask me…'' she prompted and he immediately caught on. 'Be a good friend' he told himself ''I don't need to ask you, you know, I mean if you're uncomfortable with it or something.'' He said awkwardly. Hermione smiled at him sadly.

'Tell him!' the voice in her head ordered and she realised that she needed to talk to someone. Talk, like really utter the words that plagued her everyday thoughts. Not her memories of the awful orphanage nor the incredible desire to know who her parents are that has awoken in her recently. She needed to talk to someone about her everyday life and she told him so.

''I don't really want to talk about my past" she paused for a moment and thought of the Gryffindor common room. If the Room of Requirement could talk it would say something to the like of 'Your wish is my command'. ''But apart from that, I think we could _talk_" she said as she wondered over to the couch that was situated in front of the fire and pulled up her knees under her chin.

Harry followed suit soon after and sat down next to her, leaning back against the soft back of the couch. They talked long into the night, about everything and anything. She told him about her nights of flying and about her Animagus project. He was elated by her idea. When she told him about how she was simply unable to accomplish even the easiest thing that was finding 'her' magical place he had to chuckle.

''It's not funny you know. It's so exhausting and I just – Ugh!'' she exclaimed frustrated at her inability to move on from the first task. Harry knew he just didn't have it in him right now to attempt to learn how to transform himself nevertheless, he was very interested in the process of becoming an Animagus.

''You said something about a first step...?''

''Yes, the first step, the doom of my existence.'' The corners of her mouth twitched slightly. She was unable to stay grumpy any longer. ''I have to find this place in my mind that makes me feel all powerful but I can't do it…'' she said sadly, looking at the flames. Sirius rubbed off on her, she was all broody and staring at the flames, the only thing missing was a shot of Firewhiskey.

''And you do that how? You know I'm no good at this stuff, so please just simplify it somehow'' Harry joked and fortunately Hermione didn't get offended by the fact that even after four and a half years of practically yelling the textbook material in his ear he still didn't remember a thing.

''Well, meditation, but I never had a problem with it before" she told him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. ''What do you mean before?'' Harry was perplexed. She spoke about it as if she's done it before, so why did she had such problems with it?

''Well...'' she blushed. She wasn't going to tell him that all meditation she has ever done was sitting on Sirius's lap while her whole body was electrified by his touch. Wait…

''Oh Harry you're a genius! A genius!'' she exclaimed happily, however Harry looked confused more than ever. She laughed at his expression. She must have looked completely nuts, jumping up and down on her side of the sofa. ''All right…'' he managed not expecting to be enlightened, she didn't look like she would speak anytime soon. It seemed as if she was in some kind of daze, he would go even so far as to assume it to be a love induced daze.

All the signs were there then, but he didn't see it, he wouldn't see it for a long time and when he did, he would be unable to do anything about it.

Hermione finally realised why she couldn't order her thoughts. It was the complete opposite of what she had thought in the beginning. It wasn't the question of being able to accomplish it without Sirius. It was all about the thoughts and feelings he induced in her with a simple touch. It calmed her, it infused her with a power previously unknown. She was blind to it before butmit was all there, staring her into the eye.

''Thank you Harry'' she muttered. When they checked the time they realised it was way past midnight. "I think I'll sleep here tonight" Hermione told him as she yawned, lazy, not wanting to move from her comfortable spot on the couch. "Are you sure?" he asked her but when he saw her getting way too comfortable on the sofa he realised she wouldn't budge.

He chuckled under his breath. She was a strange one. "Good night" he kissed her on her forehead impulsively. She was startled by his action but it warmed her heart. She smiled at him lovingly. She finally felt some hope regarding their relationship. They were finally opening up to each other. It was going slowly, but in the end, the just might have a better friendship, better than they had before. Maybe it wouldn't be all that bad in the end.

Hermione closed her eyes and pictured herself in her bedroom at 12 Grimmauld place. She imagined running her fingers through the soft fur of Padfoot, the dog's head laid on her lap as he dozed off. The dark silk sheets under her unclad legs and the cold, hard wall which she leaned on.

She slowly descended deep into her mind, every thought halting as she went deeper and deeper into her subconsciousness. It was as it was supposed to be. She was surrounded by millions of stars but she needed to shut them off too.

The feel of the cold against her back, the soft fur in between her fingers and the gentle, almost inaudible sounds of a dog snoring on her lap was all she thought about and slowly even those perceptions disappeared.

She wasn't aware of anything, her heart beating subconsciously, her lungs taking in the oxygen her body needed. She forgot all her worries, all her joys, she lost the concept of self. And then, it changed.

She was standing on a cliff, a vast rocky land behind her covered with strong old, trees that were softly humming and dancing in the wind. Before her was nothingness. The sun was rising and the valley, if it was a valley was covered by low clouds that looked like whipped cream. On the edges very far away, the sun was painting the surface of the clouds with beautiful violet and orange colours. The frost was sparkling in the air as the rays of sun went through the small crystals of water all around her.

Down, under her feet was freshly fallen snow, just a light dusting that showed the frozen blades of still green grass. Suddenly she felt a growl from behind her and she became wary instantly. She didn't know what to expect. She slowly turned her head and looked over her shoulder. The time stood still as she looked into the most intriguing midnight blue eyes she has ever seen.

There, behind her stood the most unusual wolf. She slowly turned her whole body around and the canine cocked its head. As she went forward, the animal copied her actions and they met in the middle.

Hermione fell in love with it. The feeling she got from looking at it was indescribable. It pulled on her inner self. The wolf was gorgeous. It was pitch black, its dark blue eyes seemed to rise out. What was strange were its ears, tail and paws. Her ears - it was a she, were lined with white and seemed even more distinct. Her paws had white spots on them and her tail had a white ending.

The wolf made a soft keening sound and Hermione couldn't but raise her hand and lovingly stroke its head. As soon as she made contact with the wolf's fur, it felt as if millions of sparks ran up from her arm, through her body and her eyes opened.

''A wolf'' she whispered amazed.


	29. Chapter Twenty Six

On the morning of one mid-December day, Hermione woke up filled with dread. Her feet touched the stony floor which was colder than usual and she had to shudder. Something was terribly wrong and she was afraid to find out what. Grabbing her wand and toiletries she made her way towards the small bathroom in their dorm.

Lavender and Parvati were still asleep when she returned, her hair still slightly wet from the shower she had just taken. Hermione was awake unusually early but seeing she didn't spent every night in the Room of Requirement meditating and trying to find her animal anymore she went to sleep a lot earlier than she used to.

When she checked the time she found out she had more than an hour to get to class. She settled in one of the plush armchairs in their common room and waited for Harry and Ron. Neverthless as the time went by and her fellow-Gryffindors lazily descended from the staircases that led to their dorms she saw neither Harry nor Ron. Knowing that sometimes the two of them liked to sleep in she gathered her books she started to read, put them in her bag and made her way to the Great Hall.

Her stomach was in knots by the time she reached her seat and grabbed only an apple for breakfast. She didn't like to eat in the morning, something to do with her not being the morning person. The boys didn't understand, eating heaps of food every day, how could they…

'Trust your gut' Sirius told her once, when they were talking about instincts of witches and wizards, and right now it told her that something terrible has happened. Seeing Neville walk in she waved at him and he sat by her side with a curious expression.

They became good friends during the D.A. meeting, Hermione practically devoting all her time there to make him feel like the great wizard he was going to become one day. It was hard and slow, with the terrible self-esteem issues he had and unfortunately an ill-chosen wand he had - his father's wand.

Hermione knew the story behind the absence of his parents. She knew practically everything about the first war and the torture of the Longbottoms was one of the stories which started to break her heart and strengthen her resolve. Neville never talked about them, and all she heard about his family life were the snippets of information about his childhood with his rather fierce grandmother.

Hermione, the sometimes impulsive person she was resolved to write a letter to Madam Longbottom about Neville. She used all her knowledge about manners of pureblooded culture and composed a letter worth of a lady, not that she was one, but it wouldn't hurt her to try from time to time. She had sent it on Thursday and seeing it was Monday, Madam Longbottom should have received it already. Despite the dread and anxiety she was feeling right then, she had to chuckle at the thought of her letter.

_Dear Madam Longbottom,_

_Let me begin by introducing myself. My name is Hermione and I am a fellow-student of your grandson – Neville Longbottom. We are members of the Gryffindor house at Hogwarts together and were so from our first year._

_This year at Hogwarts, there were some usual changes in the teaching staff and upon realising that the education provided by our school – namely by the Ministry in the case of Madam Undersecretary Professor Dolores Jane Umbridge, was lacking in certain aspects, we decided on dealing with it accordingly. _

_Since the beginning of October, we, some students from Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw including your son, Mr Harry Potter and myself began improving our skill at Defence against the Dark Arts by ourselves. _

_Your grandson is a wizard of amazing ability, however there seems to be a certain problem with his wand. I know very well the story of your son, his father Frank Longbottom and I understand well the reasons behind keeping his father's wand. _

_I am no wandmaker Madam Longbottom, but every child that has visited the shop of Mr Ollivander is told that a wand chooses the wizard not vice versa. I myself had some problems with my wand and collected a lot of information on the subject of wandlore to know that the process of choosing a wand is one of the most complicated in our world. However, your grandson never got the opportunity to choose his own wand. _

_Our world has found itself on the brink of another war yet again and even though we are trying with all our might to learn how to overpower the power of the Dark, we cannot do so without the right instruments can we? _

_If you could see the progress your grandson has made in such a short while, you would be very proud indeed, but I am more than sure, that there is much more in him waiting to be found and explored. _

_Forgive me for speaking bluntly but please consider what I wrote. Let him make his parents proud._

_With sincerest regards,_

_Hermione_

Her musings were interrupted by Neville clearing his throat beside her with anxious eyes. "Hermione, have you seen Harry and Ron? Both their beds are empty and I needed to talk to them about something!" Indeed, the D.A. has brought him out of his shell. He was still the incredibly shy boy that was interested in Herbology of all things, with such low self-esteem that you wondered how he managed to speak, nevertheless, he became more open to the people around him and it did him good.

Hermione, alarmed by now, surveyed the whole Hall looking for a head of red but saw none. No twins, no Ginny, no Ron and above all no Harry. ''No I haven't seen them. You said their beds were empty?''

Neville put some scrambled eggs on his plate and said "Yes, they were. Strange. Do you think they already had breakfast?" "I doubt it, they are not for the early getting out of bed thing." She cast a glance at the High Table, where the Headmaster sat with worried McGonagall on one side and a pissed off Snape on the other.

The Headmaster looked at her in the exact moment her eyes passed his for the second time and she felt the slight prodding against her mind. She got enraged by the mere thought of him trying to read her mind, even though she knew she had to do absolutely nothing against it. Her magic will take care of it itself. The next thing she saw was a very green Professor Dumbledore hurrying out of his seat and rushing through the teachers' entrance out of the Great Hall.

The only one who seemed to notice the connection between the Headmaster and Hermione was Severus Snape. He looked at her questioningly and she didn't miss the curiosity in his eyes which was hastily pushed behind the mask of cool indifference. She raised her eyebrow as if challenging him to find out what was behind it, but Snape was not stupid. He was a Slytherin and they were very thorough when it came to self-preservation. Whatever Hermione did to the old Headmaster, he certainly wasn't going to find out.

Hermione shook her head and sighed. This day was just getting better and better. She hoped there wouldn't be any more surprises waiting for her today. She just needed to get through the week and then the Christmas holidays began. She knew she'd have to stay in the castle this year again, having no place to stay during her holidays.

She was well aware of the fact that when the summer came, she would need to deal with her accommodation. When a muggle-born became an adult in the wizarding world, they got to choose whether they wanted to stay in the muggle world or not, when not, the Ministry would automatically delete all mentions of her name in any legal documents there were. It created many problems when dealing with inheritance and such.

Nevertheless her being an orphan meant there was nothing to inherit. As she thought about it, she realised that she would need to pay a rare visit to the Gringotts, the Wizarding Bank. Reason? Well, after Harry gave his money form the Triwizard Tournament to the twins, she started to help them with some development and even though she didn't like their suggestion to be paid for it very much, she has earned some money because of them and where better to put it than the Gringotts.

She was well aware of the fact that they had many policies to go through when someone wanted to open a new vault. It didn't matter where she looked for any information, there just wasn't any. She knew it was indeed very rare when someone decided to open a new vault because most of them was kept in the possession of pureblooded families.

What happened with those from the muggleborn background? Well, even though it might seem strange and against the conviction of the sense of the 'muggleborn' word, most of those born to non-magical parents married either a half blood or a pureblood and those families already had a vault. Strange, when more than half of the wizarding society they lived with was against those of lesser birth at some point in their life.

Hermione, posing as a muggleborn knew all about the bigotry in their world, all its death traps and completely ridiculous views on those of 'dirty blood' and even though she had experienced four painful years because of her pretended descent, she was more than grateful for the experience. But now, as their world found itself on a brink of yet another war she wondered if it wouldn't be safer to have at least some secure testimonial that the opposite was the truth, that she was no muggleborn.

She didn't need to spread the knowledge into the world, many people admired her strictly because of her unfortunate descent as the toad Umbridge put it rather eloquently, she was selfish and hypocritical in that way.

She never intended on finding her birth parents only wanted to know who they were, however if that was the only way to guarantee her survival in this world and thus helping Harry defeat the evil, she would have to face her demons.

She had nothing to do during the whole winter break and so she decided on visiting the creepy goblins right on the day the train arrived to London from Hogwarts. She knew that those creatures had open 24/7 mainly because not everybody wanted to visit their vault in the bright daylight. She would have her cloak of course, so she doubted anyone would recognise her. She would then take the Knight Bus and get back to Hogwarts.

There was a test that only a goblin could carry out - an inheritance test. When dealing with so much amount of gold, precious stones and other priceless artefacts, they had to be careful to whom they open their doors. It wasn't difficult to claim to be someone else with all the potions that were available and many wizards and witches come claiming that they are the sole descendants of that and that family. That's the reason the goblins invented the inheritance test, that only they could carry out.

The day dragged on and on and Hermione was starting to doubt herself. How could have something happened when everybody was acting as if this was the most cheerful time of the year. Mind you, it was before Christmas so it would be weird if no one was cheerful even though someone 'cough' pink toad made it her goal to spoil every happy couple's mood.

The tension was spiking in her. She hasn't seen Harry and Ron since yesterday evening and right now she should have Transfiguration with them but they were nowhere in sight. As soon as McGonagall arrived she assigned the class ten pages to get through in in their book and a two feet essay on the topic of Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration. Everyone was working diligently, sometimes asking their neighbour for advice quietly and McGonagall used this free time to speak to Hermione.

''Miss Granger, a moment please'' she beckoned her to the teacher's desk where she gave her young student a note sealed with red wax with the Hogwarts' seal on it. Hermione took the note nervously and went back to her seat in the middle of the airy and bright class.

She sat down shakily, her hands trembling imperceptibly. She had never received a note from the Headmaster and she feared the worst. She knew that his notes were more than cryptic, having read one he sent to Harry last year herself. She broke the seal and read the overly curly cursive handwriting.

_Miss Granger,_

_A matter of utmost urgency has arisen and requires your immediate assistance. Be in my office in the Headmaster's tower by seven o'clock this evening. _

_A. P. W. B. D._

_P. S. Currently I'm very fond of Fizzing Whizzbees_

Hermione grabbed her wand and discretely set the note on fire in her hand. The fire didn't burn her palm but gently cooled it. Soon the end of the lesson came and with that the end of the day she had to spend in class in the stone confines of the Hogwarts castle.

Dinner was bleak, mainly because of the fact that she couldn't concentrate on the food in front of her one bit. Her mind was whirling with possibilities of what could have happened. She observed that no member of the Weasley clan was currently present at Hogwarts and together with Harry they were missing since yesterday evening.

'What could have happened in such a short time?' Hermione asked herself urgently, wanting to have at least a theory before she went to the Headmaster's office. She knew she was maybe overthinking the situation a bit but she just couldn't help herself. 'Ok, so what are the hard facts? What has changed in the little amount of time we haven't seen each other?' she always asked herself that precise question when she couldn't figure out where to start.

'What has changed?!' she shouted in her head and went point by point, minute by minute of the last twenty four hours. 'We had dinner, here at about six. Then we went to the common room and the boys played some chess. At about nine Harry said he was too tired and went to sleep. I stayed up till eleven and fell asleep while reading a book. I had another one of those freaky nightmares. – Wait!'

That was it, Hermione thought. Nothing other could have happened that would end with Harry getting out of the castle. He had to have another one of his nightmares and somehow it also had to include the Weasley's. She was freaking out now, no something other than that had to have happened. But she knew deep down that she was right.

The corridors of the castle were almost deserted, the cold from the outside seeped through the thick walls of Hogwarts. Fortunately her cloak provided her with at least some warmth as she pulled it closer to her body. She was wary. She didn't want to stumble upon some unwanted company like the Inquisitional squad for example.

Luckily for her, her way up to the Headmaster's office was a quite one, even though it left her with too much space to think. Suddenly, she found herself in front of a Gargoyle and said the password from the note. Even the thickest person in the world would get it, she thought as she ascended the stairs towards the great wooden door.

She didn't even manage to knock when ''Come in'' came from behind it. She gently opened the door but had to push it because of its weight. ''Ah Miss Granger'' the Headmaster smiled at her with that irritating twinkle in his eyes. He gestured towards the empty seat before his huge desk and she gladly sat down. She didn't think she would manage to stand because of the tension that seemed to accumulate in her throughout the day.

''Lemon Drop?'' he asked her but she only shook her hand. ''You wanted to speak to me Headmaster?'' she asked him ever so politely but couldn't keep the edge away from her voice. ''Ah, straight to the point I see…'' she furrowed her brow at that. She hadn't spoken to the Headmaster many times, maybe twice or three times including the one time she met him in the orphanage so she had no idea of his proceedings.

She wasn't one of his admirers that could be blinded by the name he created for himself. She saw the depth of people, always did and she couldn't help but think that their Headmaster was dealing with more than he could actually handle.

He seemed to realise her train of thought and started to speak again. ''There was an accident at the Ministry of Magic. Mr Weasley was heavily injured and is currently recuperating in St. Mungo's. All the Weasley's along with Harry are already in London. You will be joining them the day you arrive on the Hogwarts express. I recall you were there this summer so there should be no problem with finding the place. That will be all.''


	30. Chapter Twenty Seven

**A/N: Dear readers, because I didn't update for so long and because I finally had some time to write again, here is another chapter. The next one should be posted by Friday, thank you for reading!**

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><p><em>Previously:<em>

_He seemed to realise her train of thought and started to speak again. ''There was an accident at the Ministry of Magic. Mr Weasley was heavily injured and is currently recuperating in St. Mungo's. All the Weasley's along with Harry are already in London. You will be joining them the day you arrive on the Hogwarts express. I recall you were there this summer so there should be no problem with finding the place. That will be all.'' _

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><p>With a wave of his hand he dismissed her from his office. Hermione stood up and swiftly left. She was fuming on the inside, however her face was a mask of cold indifference. 'This is what happens when you get too emotional!' she scolded herself as she strode across the castle with her cloak billowing around her feet and with her hood up. She didn't care if anyone saw her like this. They could all go to hell for all she cared.<p>

She barged into an empty classroom and tried to collect her breath. She needed to calm down. Strange things started to happen when she wasn't calm. Sitting down on the teacher's desk she cast a spell to make the room go completely dark. Darkness, she was beginning to like it way too much. Changes she had no control over what so ever where happening around her, to her, and she had no idea what to do with them.

Hermione closed her eyes and delved deep into her mind. Since the night she discovered her animal, she was getting to know it better. The journal said it was a good thing to do before even attempting to transform into that animal. She knew how the wolf's fur felt under her hands, how softly the canine could walk or just how piercing those midnight blue eyes were. She was so lost in the world of her imagination that she didn't hear the soft click of a door opening.

Snape was following her since the moment she went past him in one of the corridors on the second floor. He has never seen a person walking around the castle like that. He only heard stories that from time to time, someone who seemed like a complete stranger passed through the castle, a menacing presence in itself, much like him. So he followed the creature in the dark cloak until he saw the dainty pale hand that emerged from inside the cloak and opened a door to one of those unused classrooms.

He stood glued to the spot in front of the door she just entered debating whether to go inside or not. It was strange, seeing himself like that, so unsure of the next step. 'I am one of the Dark Lord's inner circle and I'm afraid to enter a classroom? What am I, a coward?' he had to shake his head to rid himself of the unwanted thoughts of Lily. It has been more than fifteen years since he last spoke to her, since he last heard her heart-warming laughter. His heart cracked just a bit more. He was surprised that there was still something left for him to break.

He strode forward determinedly and firmly grabbed the door handle. A slight crack could be heard as the piece of wood left its frame and opened for him to enter the room. There, sitting on the teacher's table was a small figure that looked like a grim reaper in that moment, only without its scythe.

It was so eerie, the classroom was so dark. Even though you could see the moon that illuminated the outside. Even though night has already descended in this furthest part of Scotland, no rays, not even the slightest beam of that beautiful silver light the moon reflected was able to penetrate the darkness inside the room.

The girl sitting on the table was paying him absolutely no attention as if she was in a world of her own. He wanted to take some points from whoever was currently intriguing him so much but he didn't even know the house she was in. So he did something that was very out of character for him. He turned around. Before he closed the door behind himself he cast one last glance at the petite figure sitting on the desk. As if she was sensing someone looking at her, she raised her head and opened her eyes. Her eyes were shining, literally shining in the dark. Midnight blue like he'd never seen before.

Hermione collected herself from the shock of seeing Professor Snape staring at her and she swiftly closed the door with her wand in his face. She should be horrified at thinking of the consequences that action could bring her but she didn't quite care right now. He had no idea who she was, of that she was more than sure seeing he didn't take any points from the Gryffindor house.

She sighed and tangled her hand in her hear. She had four more days left in this school and then she would board the Hogwarts Express and be on her way to Grimmauld place. However they would have to wait. She had errands to run and they didn't care enough about her to mind if she came three or four hours later than she originally should.

Her time she spent with Shadowpaw - her alter canine self, was incredible. It always left her well rested and after today she felt sure she could start trying to transform into the beautiful animal.

Although she planned on starting on Wednesday, with all the work the teachers assigned them during the week she didn't get to it till the moment she was in the safety of a compartment with Neville, travelling through the Scottish country side. She managed to do all her homework on the weeknights, not wanting to bother with school when she was closed up at Grimmauld Place.

She didn't let herself think about Sirius, occupying her mind with doing all her essays and reading up on O.W.L.'s material. Neville was currently sleeping, tired from all the work he did in the greenhouses with Professor Sprout. She quietly rummaged in her bag, looking for the journal, finally giving up, she just accioed her book.

The author was describing his feelings and sensations as he spent his time getting to know his animal which was a snake. She didn't mind reading a journal of someone so Slytherin. She still remembered the long conversation she had with the Sorting Hat in the first year. The sneaky Hat actually let her choose the house she wanted to be in. She could have been a Slytherin if she wanted to but eventually she chose the biggest challenge. Not that she ever told anyone about that.

'And what about Sirius, love?' her inner voice drawled and Goosebumps developed on her arms. She quickly shoved the thought deep not wanting to deal with the inevitable. Opening the frayed book she started to read up on how to transform yourself (what was it, for the twentieth time?)

_Transforming into your animal for the first time is one of the most excruciating and invigorating experiences. But on that later. The hardest part, finding your animal is already behind you and you can't help but feel the power the animal in you gives you when you face each other when you descend deep into your mind. _

_Transforming into another being altogether requires immense control and power over your body. Each wizard has a magical core, which works essential like a heart. It's pumping your magic into your body and blood. You have to spread the magic that is in your magical core through your entire body until you feel that every part there is has equal amount of magic in it. _

_Concentrate on your magical core and then try to push it in all directions there are. Until you manage to spread the power of your magic in your body, it is pointless to attempt any transformation._

Hermione already knew what was written further down the page so she closed the journal and put it carefully in her bag again. She leaned back on the comfortable train seat and closed her eyes. Find your magical core.

Finding the source of her magic was a hard and trying task. She was able to pinpoint its location to somewhere below her sternum. Subconsciously, she knew where it was. But to be able to push the energy out of it she needed to know exactly where it was. Tired she opened her eyes and was surprised they were approximately five minutes from King's Cross Train Station. Even this small attempt took so long...

Neville was already awake, reading one of his books on Nepal herbologists. The train was slowing down and soon after, the corridors were full of people rushing along. Everybody was looking forward to seeing their loved ones and Neville was no exception. True, his grandmother gave him the willies sometimes but she was the only family he had.

He felt Hermione squeeze his hand and he gave her a small shy smile. That girl was something like his guardian angel he thought. She helped him get out of his shell and gave him some self-confidence. He knew he still had a long way to go but with her help, he was sure he could make his parents proud. She was like a sister to him.

Hermione saw the sadness in his eyes and couldn't help but try to cheer him up somehow. She squeezed his hand and she saw the change in him instantly. If you knew what you were looking for, you could read the boy standing in front of you pretty easily. It wasn't hard for her, reading people that is, and she was glad that she could help Neville with finding himself.

He didn't ask her what was wrong since he knew from his many attempts that she wouldn't tell him. He was not stupid even though everybody saw him as the squib named Longbottom. The reason why he preferred to spend time with plants was that he could see the fruits of his work. Not like with spell and charm casting or brewing potions where he used to fail spectacularly. He was surprised that he has made it this far.

He could see the sadness in her eyes sometimes, when she thought no one was watching. But he knew she had walls of unachievable distance erected around herself, and nobody, maybe Harry on occasion was able to get through those.

He grabbed her trunk, he still had some manners and couldn't help but grin at her feeble attempts at letting him carry her stuff for herself. "My grandmother wanted to meet you" he said matter of factly and Hermione became a bit paler.

It wouldn't do her any good to antagonise one of the very powerful witches there were. "Ok" she squeaked and followed him through the crowd of emotional parents and bothered children. 'Head held high Hermione!' she told herself and her posture changed instantly.

"Grandmother, this is Hermione" Neville introduced his friend proudly and Madam Longbottom was happily surprised by the slight change in her grandson. She looked the young witch standing in front of her up and down. Her many years gave her the advantage to assess people she mingled with very well.

The young witch was hiding something, of that she was sure, but she looked also very sincere and the hidden power that emanated from her made her wonder who she really was. The witch didn't give her any surname when she was writing to her and she couldn't help but wonder if she was an orphan. Nonetheless, she seemed like a girl with a great backbone, even from her letter she could tell and so the older witch took her advice to heart. Actually, she was taking her grandson to see Mr Ollivander right now.

"Nice to meet you Madam Longbottom" Hermione greeted the older witch. She seemed wise to her and she couldn't help but wonder if she considered her suggestion on changing Neville's wand.

"And you Miss, it is nice to see the effect you have on my grandson." The older witch chuckled and Neville went red in the face. But Hermione seemed unfazed. "It is all his work, I assure you, all he needed was just small push in the right direction." She winked at Neville and he could help but grin at how right she was.

"However I must get going now, I still have some errands I need to run and time is going by faster than we all would like. It was a pleasure meeting you Madam Longbottom" she said politely. But Neville's grandmother wouldn't let herself be snubbed. "We are going to Diagon Alley, to pay a visit to Mr Ollivander. Perhaps you would care to join us." Neville's eyes bugged out. Where they going to buy him a wand? But he already had one.

Because of the arguing that took place inside his head he failed to notice Hermione consenting to the offer and suddenly they were on their way to Diagon Alley. His grandmother took pity upon the two youngsters and shrank their luggage to the site of a matchbox.

Hermione had to smile as they entered Diagon Alley through one of the fireplaces. The rooftops were covered in snow and since it was already late in the evening, most of the shops were closed, only Ollivander's, Flourish and Blott's and Sugarplum's Sweets Shop were the ones she could see were open.

Upon wishing the Longbottoms Merry Christmas she went in search of her own. She didn't need to go far, there it was the Gringotts Wizarding Bank stood before her in all its glory. She pulled her hood up and checked if she still had her wand on her. She did and so she continued forward, ignoring everyone that glanced her way, she went up the marble stairs and entered the Bank.

She went along the vast marble hall. She never entered this building, never really had the reason to do so. But now, as she knew what the task stood before her, she couldn't help but be a bit nervous. She didn't let herself go into a panic attack. For that, she would have all Christmas break, right now, she needed to find out who she was and get it written in black and white.

She marched to one of the high tables that she could see around the room. The determination in her stride surprised no one, since it was generally known that goblins didn't like to deal with cowering weaklings and every wizard or witch that ever entered the main hall took heed of that particular advice.

"Ehrm Ehrm" Hermione tried to catch the attention of the goblin that was sitting behind the desk she stood at. The goblin only glanced at her before he went back to counting the galleons that were stacked on his desk in shiny columns. But Hermione wouldn't let that deter her. She spoke again this time voice her wish "I would like to undergo the inheritance test" she stated loud and clear.

The goblin didn't even look "That would be one hundred Galleons" he said knowing full well that the youngling before him didn't even have ten. He was a master Goblin and as such he could practically see if the person before him was poor or rich. And this young witch was death poor even though she carried herself like a queen.

At hearing the price she snapped "What!?" the goblin cast another glance at the poor creature in front of him before declaring "if that would be all ma'am" he spat sarcastically "the door is that way" he pointed lazily with his crooked fingers.

Hermione was rooted to the spot and stared at the goblin unbelievingly. This couldn't be happening. Where would she get such an amount of money? They don't borrow money in the magical world. It is too precious for many to let it out of their hands. She knew that there was no way she could pay so much but she needed goblin magic to do the inheritance test.

As soon as she found out she wouldn't know who her parents are, she needed to know. She needed to know who her mother and father was, needed to know where she came from. She suddenly remembered where she was and turned around, walking out of the Gringotts Wizarding Bank, intending on never entering the blasted building again.


	31. Chapter Twenty Eight

She was standing in the middle of Diagon Alley not really knowing what to do. She certainly didn't want to go to Grimmauld Place and deal with anyone or anything that was in the Black manor. She wanted to curl up into a ball and vanish from the surface of the earth.

The hurt she was trying to squish under all her books and knowledge suddenly resurfaced in full force. It made her stagger and lean back on the wall of some nearby shop. Nothing would help her now. She was spiralling out of control. She wanted to be sick. Was there ever any other way to go through her life suffering?

It was getting dark outside and she knew she would need to get a move on. Diagon Alley was practically hidden by the shadows and only a few shady characters were walking by. Counting to one hundred she straightened and put on a mask of cold disinterest on her face, disabling all her features, freezing her eyes, so nothing would give away the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She walked swiftly towards the Leaky Cauldron. Putting a notice-me-not charm on herself she made it through the crowd that was assembled inside the inn unscathed and off she went through the door that led to the muggle world.

With her mind completely blank, she went through the night London. It was a fifteen minute walk from the Charing Cross Road to Grimmauld Place and Hermione couldn't help but want it to be longer. Checking her surroundings for anything suspicious she stood in the middle of the street where the Black Manor was supposed to stand and recalled the address written on a piece of parchment.

_12 Grimmauld Place, London, Great Britain_

All of a sudden the houses in front of her started to mould themselves which created a hole where a completely different house appeared. She took a deep breath and went inside. It was the same as she remembered from her summer holidays. The hall was still incredibly spooky and deserted, however she could hear chatter coming from the dining room.

She disabled the notice-me-not charm on herself and put off her cloak which she then carefully threw over the railing that led to the second floor. She made sure she would not give away any emotion and went to the door that led to the dining room. She didn't pay any attention to what was said behind that door, she only stood there, glaring at the piece of iron that was the handle like it was her biggest enemy, arguing with herself on what to do.

Finally, deciding on getting it over with, she grabbed the handle and opened the door. She seemed to catch the attention of everyone that was crammed inside the room. As she looked around she counted ten people - Mrs Weasley, Ginny, Ron, the twins, Harry, Remus with a woman she didn't know a thing about, Sirius and surprisingly Professor Snape who seemed just on his way out.

"Good evening" she said politely. "Ah Miss Granger has finally decided to grace us with her presence." Her potion master drawled and she had to try really hard to keep herself from flinching. "Sorry professor, I had some matters that I needed to attend to." She answered him politely to the surprise of almost everyone in the room.

They were all so subdued, no one really seemed to care what the man in front of her spat in her face. "Ah, mummy and daddy couldn't manage that?" he asked her taking his frustration created by this particular evening out on her. She was already numb, feeling no emotions from her day so she couldn't say his comments bothered her until Sirius stepped in and added one of his own.

"I'm sure they couldn't wait to send you away" he said and his words went through her heart like the sharpest knife. 'They didn't want you, didn't want you!' she sang in her head. Snape's sneer, Sirius's spiteful expression and Mrs Weasleys almost disgusted face made her feel sick again. But she was Hermione and right now, she wouldn't let anything get to her.

Harry admired the strength of the girl, conviniently ignoring what his godfather just said. In his eyes Sirius couldn't do anything wrong so his mind just didn't remember that he ever said anything hurtful in the first place. She smiled gently at the people around the room. Nobody except for Sirius and a small creature standing in the kitchen noticed the chilling iciness of her eyes.

Sirius didn't know how to handle seeing Hermione again this Christmas. As soon as she entered the kitchen so late at night he knew something was very wrong. He didn't know what, but just seeing the deadly expression her eyes gave away made him realise something must have gone dreadfully wrong.

But as soon as he caught himself thinking that he needed to help her, hold her, kiss her, he remembered what she did to him. She broke him and he wouldn't give her the satisfaction of seeing him begging her on his knees. So he said the first thing that came to his mind. "I'm sure they couldn't wait to send you away". Her beautiful face had gone just a bit paler than before. He regretted what he said almost instantly.

'Impulsive jerk!' he shouted inside his head however what made him truly regret what he just uttered was the smile that said murder she gave them all after his comment. Her voice rang in his head as she said "I'm very tired from the journey here, I'm going to bed" without letting anybody persuade her otherwise she turned on her heel and gracefully went out of the room.

Sirius could hear the distinct pop of his house-elf Kreacher as he disappareted to somewhere. He put his head in his hands and exhaled slowly. This past week was terrible. It all began with Harry having a dream of attacking Mr Weasley, then all of the hysterical read heads arrived here. Fortunately Hermione was not with them, although he did wonder why she wasn't here. Wasn't she their best friend or something?

Harry was sulking, speaking to no one and Sirius was left to his thoughts of Hermione. He pictured the moment he would see her again in his mind over and over, but couldn't decide on the way he would interact with her, how he would treat her after she practically told him that James's death was his fault. It didn't matter how many times Remus tried to persuade him otherwise, it was engraved in his mind till the end of time.

'It was only for two weeks,' he told himself, 'you can ignore her for that long'. But as soon as she entered the dining room, he knew it was an impossible feat to ignore her staying under the same roof and an unbidden thought entered his mind. She was his and he was hers.

Hermione dragged her legs up the stairs, her body aching from all the emotion that came from within her heart. She managed not to cry till then and she would continue to do so. But as soon as she entered the room she spent the summer in, fell down on the bed and smelled the scent of Sirius she broke down.

She cried and cried until she had no tears to cry. Hiccupping once in a while she felt a gentle hand petting her hair. She jerked to the side and was surprised by two huge eyes that stared at her with sorrow. "Shh, Mistress needs to eat and then sleep." Kreacher told her in a voice that he had probably used when he dealt with young children.

Hermione couldn't understand what was going on. She had no energy to analyse so she simply asked "Kreacher, why are you nice to me? And why are you calling me Mistress?" Kreacher just continued to braid her hair which he started doing a moment ago and answered "Because you Mistress, are no mudblood" if he thought that would answer her question he was sadly mistaken but when she thought about it, he did answer her question.

He was right, she was no mudblood, and even though she didn't know who her parents were, they couldn't be non-magical. And having no idea about elfish customs and abilities, she just let the whole thing go. She was so exhausted, physically and emotionally that she just let herself be nurtured by the small creature that had taken this sudden interest in her.

"What would Mistress like to eat?" he asked her and Hermione sighed. 'What do I want to eat? I have absolutely no idea…' "Bring me something that you think would do me good, please" she smiled gently at him and with a pop Kreacher disappareted from her room.

She shakily stood up and went to her cloak that was hanging on her door. She was sure she didn't put it there before, but didn't elaborate on that thought. She reached into one of the pockets that was in her cloak on the inner side and took out her trunk that resembled a matchbox.

She tapped it twice with her wand and it transformed into its full size. She loved magic… She had no energy to do it herself so she just waved her wand above her trunk, said an incantation and all of her clothes was put in its rightful place in the chest of drawers. She took out her PJ's and changed her clothes. She snuggled into the warm duvet and waited for Kreacher.

Snape has went away right after Hermione went upstairs and as soon as the bat of the dungeons left the dining room Mrs Weasley made the children go to bed. She went to the kitchen, fully intending on preparing breakfast so she didn't need to do all the work in the morning when she saw Kreacher skipping around the small room in an apron with the Black crest that was bound round his neck.

He paid her no attention fully concentration on the task beforehand. "Get out of here" the shrilly voice of Mrs Weasley was heard and Sirius not wanting to deal with Molly blowing up his kitchen stood up but not before hearing what Remus said. "We need to talk" the werewolf announced and after a slight nod, Sirius stepped into the kitchen.

He didn't know what to expect, but it certainly wasn't what he saw. He saw his always grumbling elf Kreacher bustling about the kitchen like a child on Christmas morning. He didn't see him this happy since Regulus was alive and that thought left a pang in his chest. He raised his eyebrow curiously and asked in an authoritative voice "Kreacher what are you doing?" "Kreacher is cooking Master" the elf answered politely.

Before Sirius could continue his questioning, Molly barked at the small creature. "You have no business cooking here, go and clean something" at that Kreacher couldn't hold back his anger anymore. He was a distinguished house-elf of the Black family and he wouldn't let himself be bossed around by some blood-traitor! "You are not my Master nor my Mistress! I will not obey you" and with that he grabbed the already finished tray with food and drink on it and popped out of the kitchen.

Molly was seething and like a petulant child, she stumped her foot on the floor, turned around and went to her bedroom. Sirius stood there, looking at the spot Kreacher just left. It wasn't like him to go prepare food for whomever he just did, even though he was sure that it was for a certain witch that was cooped up in her room right now.

He ran his hand through his black locks and went back to sit at the dining table. Tonks seemed to understand that the two old friends needed to talk alone and rose up from her seat without a question and left the room. "What was all that about?" Remus asked looking at Sirius with questioning eyes.

"Kreacher was - cooking" Sirius announced, still trying to understand what just happened. "Kreacher cooked?" Remus repeated. "Yes" Sirius said and continued "I'm tired, good night Moony" and with that he left without a second for his bedroom, still deep in thought.


	32. Chapter Twenty Nine

**A/N: ****Dear readers, thank you for your lovely reviews. Since Bookwormkat1 noticed I made some mistakes I reread the last chapters from the 25. Chapter and I'm surprised you didn't tell me what utter nonsense I wrote in some places. But now it should all be better, at least I hope so.**

**Now some information to the plot and my story in general. Finally I have holidays! So, I will have time to write. I live in Europe, so if it seems strange to you that I'm posting new updates at four in the morning, be assured I'm not :D. **

**Right now, it is Christmas in my story and Hermione is at the end of her tether. But (the but is important) some things will start to get better and eventually the thing you all wanted to happen will happen but I'm a mean writer. **

**I would love to hear your suggestions. Thanks for reading!**

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><p>Sirius halted in front of Hermione's door. He wanted to go in and apologise for what he said to her that evening but as soon as he raised his hand ready to knock on the door he heard voices coming from inside the room "Thank you Kreacher. That was delicious!" He heard Hermione say from behind the door and decided to stay a bit longer and listen.<p>

"Mistress needs to sleep!" Kreacher ordered and Sirius was surprised to hear that ordering manner which the house-elf used on him when he was a young child. He had always liked Kreacher. But then the bigotry of his mother became too much for him to handle and everything that somehow associated with his family suddenly became terrible. And it stayed that way till today.

"Kreacher?" she asked again in that voice of hers he missed so much "Yes Mistress?" Kreacher answered and Sirius was shocked. 'Mistress? How is that possible? She would need to be a Black or a… No, that can't be! It's not possible!' His thoughts were interrupted by that angelic voice again. "How come you don't call me a bloodtraitor like you do Mrs Weasley?" she asked with curiosity and Sirius balled up his fists in anger at that question, the mere thought of someone using that manner to speak with her made his blood boil.

"Because Mistress is pure and doesn't betray her blood." He told her and Hermione exclaimed "I don't understand! I mean I am no muggle or muggleborn-hater if that is what you mean" she was angry but Sirius somehow knew that Kreacher had to mean something different entirely. His house-elf knew that Hermione acted as a muggleborn, however if he thought about it he never really called her one before.

"I'm so sorry Mistress, what I meant by blood is family. Mistress would never betray her family. There are many ways how to do that, however what the Weasleys did and do is the worst there is in the wizarding world. There is strong hierarchy in your world. On the top, there are the most powerful ones. My Master, Sirius Orion Black is one of those. We House-elves have the advantage to feel our masters' and mistresses' power because that is what keeps us alive. Master Sirius Black always was, still is one of those very powerful ones. Mistress is the same."

There was quite for some time, none of the two were saying anything and after a while Kreacher continued. "The Weasleys on the other hand, are weak, so weak, both in mind and in heart. They are selfish and hypocritical. And that has led them to commit crimes that leave them at the very bottom of the hierarchy."

Sirius had absolutely no idea what the elf was talking about. 'He, very powerful? At the top of the food chain? Yes, but the Weasleys? Weak minded? Where did that come from?' as he thought about it, it became clear to him that Kreacher was right to some extent, especially when it came to Molly. His thoughts were swirling around in his head, but he managed to stop them so he could concentrate on what the elf said next.

"Their biggest crime is not nurturing their loved ones. It might seem strange to you, always seeing the cold exterior of pureblooded families, but when a wizard or a witch are considered a member of one, they receive all the love there is. And the Weasleys failed to keep the promise parents give to their children once they are born. That's one of the many reasons they are at the bottom, they are completely useless, Mistress" He concluded his speech that would leave Hermione wondering for a long time.

Sirius had questions, many questions. The statement that pureblooded children receive all the love there is didn't exactly float his boat. But then he recalled what Kreacher said just a moment ago 'when you are considered a member of a pureblooded family.' He wasn't considered one since he was eleven years old and sorted into Gryffindor. But even before, his mother was always terrible. But he couldn't help but remember how he loved his father before he went to Hogwarts.

"But why does Voldemort use it as one of his mottos? That bloodtraitors betray their pure blood?" Hermione said angrily, now completely lost "What Mistress needs to understand is that the word bloodtraitor coming from a house-elf and blood-traitor coming from a wizard or a witch is a completely different thing" Kreacher clarified.

He knew that as soon as his Mistress started to think, she wouldn't fall asleep and since it was his job to take care of her, he couldn't very much leave her to wallow in her thoughts alone, only if she ordered him to leave her room. And even then he would look after her. It was what he did.

When did he start thinking of her as his Mistress? That was a tricky question. He knew she was special as soon as she entered the manor half a year ago. It was this light feeling he got when she spoke to him on those very rare occasions. He was a true house-elf of a pureblooded family. Always listening to the patriarch of the family, always keeping to their motto. The relationship a house-elf had with his family was a strange one, but one thing was the same for all families. Their house-elf listened to those of the same blood.

He was aware that his other Master was standing behind the door that led to this young witch's room. Kreacher remembered every child, every Master, he ever cared about. And even though young Master Sirius always was a handful, he couldn't help but love him. But then he started to aggravate his mother which eventually led to him 'running away'. If it wasn't for him and his younger brother Regulus, he would have died on the rug his mother threw him on in front of her house as she coldly announced that if she saw him again in her house she would _Avada Kedavra_ him on the spot.

Almost as if Hermione knew that Kreacher was thinking about Sirius she asked him something quietly and Sirius had to strain his ears so he could hear her. "What – What did Sirius do when –"she couldn't say it. She was so ashamed for what she has done. "Mistress means after Mistress sent him her Patronus?"

Sirius didn't like where their conversation was headed but he couldn't help but stand there and listen. He missed her so much, he suffered so much trying to push her out of his mind but nothing seemed to be working right now when he knew she was just a few steps away from his reach. It was true what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and right now he felt as if he was going crazy.

She obviously didn't reply since Kreacher continued to talk. Sirius had never forbidden anyone to talk about him and he was not going to start, however hearing those words coming from his house-elf's mouth made him relive that agonising moment again.

"He was miserable Mistress, more than before, he still is" Hermione didn't seem to agree with what he just said. "Now he just hates me" she snapped angrily and Sirius couldn't help but be hurt by what she thought. How could he hate her? Yes, he told himself he hated her, despised her, but that lasted only until the moment he saw her piercing eyes again. He was fucked up. So very fucked up. He was leaning with his back on the wall beside her door, eyes closed, waiting for what would come next.

"There is a fine line between love and hate Mistress." 'When did Kreacher get this wise and well-versed in the feelings of witches?' she asked herself. Maybe it had something to do with him spending all his life catering to the wishes of one of the most prominent families in the wizarding world. Maybe it was the exhaustion she felt that made her tell him one of her biggest secrets, maybe she was just fed up with keeping it all to herself.

"Kreacher?" she asked tentatively "Yes Mistress?" "Can you keep a secret Kreacher?" "Of course Mistress" he answered and Hermione took a deep breath. Outside, Sirius was debating with himself whether or not he should leave. But he couldn't, he needed to know what she needed to tell Kreacher. The desperation in her voice, he couldn't imagine what could have brought that on.

"I went to Gringotts today." She paused not really sure how to continue but then she realised nothing could really happen to her if she told him "I – I wanted to find my family you know, wanted to undergo the inheritance test that only a goblin can carry out. But let's just say it was not possible" she laughed a cold emotionless laugh that chilled Sirius's bones. She wanted to find her birthparents and he rubbed it in her face that they were glad to get rid of her.

It didn't look like it was the end of her story since Hermione continued "I don't know how he accomplished it but Sirius made me want to find my parents. And because the war is starting again, I needed something that would say I'm not a muggleborn. I didn't mean to tell anyone about it but then, perhaps I would be a little bit safer. Then again, how much safe can I really be as a best friend of Harry Potter?"

She stopped again but Kreacher sensed it wasn't all she wanted to tell him "Mistress needs to get it off her chest." Hermione sighed and Sirius waited. "I'm in love him…, with your Master that is…"

Sirius slid down until he fell and set on the floor with his head supported by his knees. "I don't know how that's possible but I do, what he said today, he always knew what to say. Always knew how to make me see the light at the end of the tunnel, but he also knows how to crush like me like a flower" those words broke and lightened up his heart all at once. Until realness of the situation set in and he groggily stood up and went to his room, ignoring the pull that pushed him towards the door he wanted to enter a mere hour ago.

The next morning would have been eternal gloom if the Weasleys weren't looking forward to the arrival of the patriarch of the family. Hermione spent little time in the dining room, only grabbing something small for breakfast and then she went back to her room where she was trying to read everything that had something to do with the first wizarding war. She couldn't stand to be in the same room with everyone else. They were all so cheerful it was sickening. Only Harry seemed not to be in the right Christmas spirit. But right now she didn't care much about him either, she was wallowing in her miser.

She was cooped up in her room, exiting only at night when she couldn't handle being in there any longer. That's when she stumbled upon half-opened doors to the library on the Christmas Eve.

"She's there all the time, she doesn't even have dinner with us!" Sirius exclaimed pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace. Hermione could hear the agitated shuffling of his feet, it was like he was an animal locked up in a cage he couldn't get out of. Little did she know it was exactly the way he felt. "She isn't obviously feeling well. And I mean the way everybody keeps acting around her, I don't wonder why she locked herself up in her room" the other man, Remus spoke.

She was too curious to go back to her room. That's why she stayed there, quietly leaning on the wall that was next to the door, not wanting to get discovered. "Why were you so cruel to her anyway?" Remus asked and Hermione wanted to know the answer 'why did he need to hurt me even more than I already was? Not that he knew just how much pain I was in that night...'

"Because I –" he couldn't get the words out of his mouth. His friend would be angry with him either way, better get on with it "Because I was angry and I snapped" And indeed Remus was angry. "Sooo, let me get this clear, you tell Harry something about her secrets, things which by the way, only you knew about, then she shouts at you, quite justified if I may say, even though a bit too harshly and then you spend days in your drunken stupor reminiscing about the girl you love and then, oh wait, then you spit something so horrid in the aforementioned girl's face and still manage to act like everything is alright?" Remus fumed.

Sirius was lucky that he could let himself love someone. Remus, being a werewolf thought he was not worthy of such a tender affection. So the thought that Sirius did what he did didn't bode well with him. But Remus was not the only that was angry. "Of course that's what I did!" Sirius shouted "I went and did that to Hermione, the witch I love, you want to congratulate me?" Sirius said his words dripping with sarcasm and Hermione's breathe caught in her throat.

She was glued to the spot, unable to move. Her heart was beating so fast she wondered if Remus's heightened senses heard it.

"Are you really that daft? I mean, you are walking around like the bloody prancing unicorn, drunk all the time, blaming everyone that is unfortunate enough to meet you that they robbed you of your life and you expect everyone, everyone to just kiss your feet!" Remus shouted. He was drunk, so drunk like he haven't been for a long time.

He was heartbroken, to say it simply. I mean, what would you do, what would you feel if you loved someone, but it just couldn't be, it just couldn't happen? If you were a very frustrated werewolf that went by the name of Remus Lupin, you would get drunk. Because alcohol was the only thing that still left him feeling numb to the pain for hours. Unfortunately it had rather nasty side-effects. Like the tendency to piss off his best friend.

"Guess what! It is not their bloody fault! It's the Azkaban's fault. Did you know that they had some bally charms there that practically stopped your life at the age you entered, sure you'll get old, but your spirit won't. So you, you're practically what, twenty-three? Twenty-four?" Remus said completely changing the subject. It just came to his mind, something from an article he read a long time ago.

The Azkaban prison wasn't just about the Dementors and ocean all around but also about the charm that practically robbed you of years to live. A young spirit left to die in an old man's body.

"Remus, just, just get out" Sirius said tiredly. Remus complied like a good dog and went out of the room. Hermione hearing this, ran from her place beside the door so fast like her arse was on fire. ¨

'God, I act like I'm some stupid teenager!' she thought and her inner voice answered 'You are a teenager, therefore you act like one, and that was way to interesting for you to walk away from. Also, maybe you should stop this pity party and get your act together!'

'Great, I'm ordering myself what to do, just brilliant!' What bothered her was that the voice was right, she had spent many days stuck up here alone already. It was Christmas and even though she felt really shitty, she knew she needed to get over it somehow, forget all the ordeal of the Gringotts bank and just move on.

'What about Sirius?' the inner voice asked but she too tired to pay any attention to what it said. She drifted off into a deep sleep and somehow, after almost half a year of nightmares, she didn't have any.


	33. Chapter Thirty

It was a lovely morning when Hermione woke up on the Christmas day. When she drew back the curtains which were enveloping the window she had to smile when she saw how much Grimmauld place changed overnight. It had snowed and from what she could see, at least four inches of fresh snow now covered the park that could be seen from her window.

She had never been to London during winter and from what she could remember from Richmond, winters there were not very snowy. It usually began really freeze and snow sometime around February. She really hated winter time because she got so cold all the time. But now, in the warm confines of her room, clutching the duvet from her bed all around herself and hearing the soft crackling of the logs of wood that was coming from the fireplace in her room she thought that winter is not all that bad when you could spend it inside. It might actually be quite a nice season.

She called for Kreacher and almost instantly the floppy-eared house-elf appeared. "Good morning Mistress" he greeted her with a slight smile. In those few days she spent cooped up in her room she had gotten to know the small creature quite well. He talked a lot about the Blacks, and told her about the old Mistress which had the screeching portrait downstairs in the hall.

For what she was most grateful was his insight he had to the history of the Black house and its place in the pureblooded society. Some things just weren't taught at school. The reasons behind the purebloods' fear of muggleborn for example was always incomprehensible to Hermione.

Kreacher told her that because they were less powerful than most pureblooded wizards or witches with some exceptions, they were the Achilles heel of their society. A long time ago, some seven hundred years into the past, there was an uprising of muggleborns with a powerful pureblood as their leader. They wanted to seize power. That particular coup d'état caused the immeasurable hate the purebloods now bore towards muggleborns and even though it was unsuccessful, from time to time a wizard or a witch would appear that wanted to clean the magical world from this 'filth'.

He was bound to tell her the truth and only the true truth so Hermione trusted his words. It made sense to some extent, but no one knew about that, did they? It was a heavily guarded secret, kept strictly in in the families that were somehow connected to the coup d'état. When Hermione asked who was the leader Kreacher only reluctantly told her. From all the struggle he put up she would have thought it was a Black however she was incredibly surprised to hear who it was. "It was Blobus Dumbledore, Mistress, the fiancée of Olistera Ursa Black."

Suddenly she understood why Kreacher didn't want to talk about it. Such a story must have been an exemplary one in the Black family and one of the reasons why they paid such a close attention to whom they let to their family. It was all so complicated that it made her head spin.

She shook her head to clear it off of the messy thoughts she had and pointed at some small packages she had in her trunk "Could you please give these to their recipient. I forgot to do that yesterday evening." Kreacher nodded and popped out of her room with all those small neatly wrapped boxes in his hands.

After a few minutes he reappeared again in her room with a sour expression on his face and a lone package in his hands. "Mistress?" Hermione looked up from her book with a smile but her expression turned to a worried one as soon as she saw the look Kreacher had on his face, the exact look he got when he had to deal with the local werewolf. Hermione sighed. "What happened?"

Kreacher looked at her doubtfully as she rose up and strode towards her wardrobe and dressed. She was way too thin. "What did you do to Remus?" she asked him as she stood in front of her mirror and tried to make her hair behave. Even though she charmed it not to be bushy it still had a mind of its own. Kreacher, upon seeing her attempts just snapped his fingers and did his magic relieving Hermione from her fruitless attempts. "I did nothing Mistress" he answered and Hermione looked at him questioningly wondering what he meant until she saw the wrapped box in his hands. "Give that to me" she ordered with a slight edge to her voice "I don't think that's wise Mistress, he was very drunk last night"

Remus didn't function well when he chucked half a bottle of hard liquor. It was time to set his mind straight she thought. She reached her hand towards the house-elf, silently asking him to give her the package, which he reluctantly did. "He can't harm me" she assured him and went out of her room, looking for her former professor.

She remembered the fight he had with Sirius last night and wondered if what he said about Azkaban and Sirius's age could be true. She didn't have to look long since she found Remus in the first room she entered, slumped in an armchair. She wasn't in the mood to be gentle, because there never was any other reason for him to get drunk other than his self-loathing.

She took her wand and pointed it at his head and a shower of ice cold water fell on Remus's head. He jumped up immediately and shouted "What the bloody hell?" If all of the house wasn't awake already she was sure his yelling would wake up everyone. "No need to shout about it" she scolded him, but there was no gentleness to her voice.

Remus grabbed his head when a sharp pain that went through it at hearing her rather sharp noise. "Hermione" he sighed and sat back down, willing himself not to be sick. "Why were you drinking Remus Lupin?" she asked him angrily. "Please, could you talk a little bit quietly?" he asked her with his head pounding. But Hermione acted as if she didn't hear him.

"I will talk as I please, so I ask you again. Why were you drinking?" she wasn't afraid of him nor Moony. She understood them both, knew what each of them wanted even when he would use magic against her, she could hold her own against him. For some it might seem weird, but she was used to weird by now. So she asked about the only thing that made sense in that moment "Who is she?" she asked him gently, not wanting to make him feel any worse.

"Nymphadora" he told her, his mouth having a mind of its own. "Tonks?" She asked surprised. "Yes, how do you know her name?" he asked quietly, not being able to speak loud lest his head would split in two. He would never drink again he told himself even though he knew he would, and soon.

"I know everything" she announced with a slight smile and quietly called for Kreacher. "Do you have any hangover and headache potions?" she asked him and the trembling house-elf nodded. He avoided Lupin like the plague and being in the same room with him wasn't how he imagined spending his day, however, he would obey. Quickly, he grabbed the two tiny flasks and popped again in front of Hermione that looked at him with concern. She thanked him and he disappareted again, taking a breath of relief. Mistress was completely nuts, he was sure of that. However knowing who she was, he didn't wonder.

"Here you go" she handed those flasks to Remus who gulped them down hastily. She could see it was taking effect. Remus's whole body relaxed at not having the blinding headache anymore. "Thank you" he said with relief. He put his head in his hands and rubbed his face. From one sticky situation to the another.

"Why are you like this Remus?" she asked him with concern shining in her eyes. After seeing Remus's conflicted expression she added fiercely "And so help me if you say you're not enough I will beat it through your thick skull that you are!" "But I am not!" Remus exclaimed throwing his hands in the air emphasizing his current state of mind.

"What utter nonsense!" she exclaimed. She had had enough of this self-loathing crap. She took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "Tell me one reason, one that would make me think you're not worthy of love, I dare you!" she said.

It didn't matter that he was thirty-five and she almost seventeen, the perception of age simply disappeared when you were dealing with Hermione. She could make you think things you haven't dared to before, or she could make you hate her with all you had. She was a peculiar creature, relentless and fierce.

"I'm a we-" he started to say but couldn't finish because she interrupted him "a werewolf? There is a potion for that, next?" she knew there wasn't any other. That was the crux of his problem. He thought that because he was werewolf he was evil by default. Everyone would be hurt if they associated with him. "Talk to her, you might see it differently" she told him and stood up.

But before she reached the door she heard him murmur "Like you do with Sirius?" she stood there for a while, very conscious of the fact that Remus was currently staring a hole into her head. She shook her head slightly, and ignoring what he said she went out of the room in the direction of the dining room.

"Good morning" she said cheerfully as she entered the dining room. She was through with her sulky grumpy mood. "Hermione!" Ginny squealed and Hermione had to overcome the urge to cover her ears at the terrible noise. "Yes Ginny?" she asked with a sweet voice at which Sirius had to snigger. She cast a glance at him and had to turn away instantly. She didn't want to start laughing like a lunatic in the middle of the room.

"Thank you!" Ginny exclaimed and hugged Hermione rather harshly. 'A good choice of Christmas present then' Hermione thought. She suffered through the whole of breakfast and as soon as she could she rose up from her seat she literally rushed out of the room. 'Those people! Ugh!' she thought as her feet led her subconsciously to the library. Harry still refused to even look at her so she was left to the confines of the library and the safety of her mind.

Running her fingers over the many spines of old books made her calm again. She found one on myths and superstitions some Black has written centuries ago. She sat in one of those plush comfy armchairs and began to read. She didn't hear the opening of the door, the book grabbing all her attention to itself.

"Hermione?" she was so startled by him that she jumped up in her seat. "God Sirius, could you knock?" she asked him lightheartedly. "I did" he answered and an awkward silence descended upon them. "It was never this awkward" Hermione observed as she tugged on the end of her shirt nervously. "No it wasn't" Sirius nodded.

All she could think about was about the conversation he had with Remus last night and his thoughts were pretty the same. They knew that someone would need to say something otherwise this nonexistent conversation they had would get way too weird even for the both of them. "Sirius, I'm sorry" she said suddenly, her eyes fixated on the imaginary spot that was on the cover of the book she held in her lap.

"What for?" he asked her perplexed but it dawned on him rather quickly what she was talking about. "For the angry – erm Patronus I send you. I shouldn't have done that." She said quickly but hesitantly, still not looking at him. "Something interesting about the cover?" he asked her languidly wanting her to look at him. And she did "I suppose" she answered consternated by the emotion his eyes showed at that moment.

"You don't need to be sorry you know, I shouldn't have told him there was anything to know, but are you really that angry that I did?" he objected, walking towards some bookshelf or other. Hermione sighed. Why did she had to deal with such a grave situation so early in the morning, she already had to talk to Remus… 'Ugh!'

"No I'm not, I – I'm actually glad you did, it helped him a bit I think. He didn't speak to me for days, acting like I wasn't even there but after I spoke with him again, he seemed to understand. So thank you for that." She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say to him, how she was supposed to act when he stood there like she wasn't in the room. True, she wasn't looking at him either, it was like she was talking to no one in particular. Just rehearsing what she wanted to say to him.

"Hermione?" "Hmm?" what could she really say? She was too freaked out and giddy all at once to do anything about the situation. Where was the famous fire and passion she had? Where was the courage? She didn't have the guts to talk to him about her feelings, plain and simple.

"I'm sorry about what I said that evening" he apologised wanting to clear the air between them. But somehow, the tension seemed to get even more palpable and he needed to get out of the room. This house was suffocating him, his feelings were suffocating him. Not waiting for her answer he strode out of the room, arrogance and all and tried not to look back.

But his crazy mind would not listen and he cast one last glance at the witch sitting in the armchair. She clutched the book in her fingers so hard her knuckles were white. All he saw was her resigned expression. He didn't wait long enough to see it morph into one of fierce determination, showing the great need to get what was happening around her under control.

'Black you need to get your shit together' he told himself and decided on delving somewhere he once vowed to never go. His heart.

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading :) please review**


	34. Chapter Thirty One

**A/N: This chapter is one close to my heart and written especially for Maggie and my other faithful readers. If you have any questions, ask and I'll gladly answer them. Enjoy!**

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><p>"Would you ever kill a loved one?" Hermione asked him one evening out of the blue catching him completely off his guard. Would he? Or would he not? The truth was, at that exact moment he had no idea. Was he crazy enough to do just that? Did he have it in him to kill someone? As soon as those thoughts entered his mind he knew the answer them all.<p>

How? The reasoning was clear. Pettigrew was once a loved one of his. He considered him family, one of his best mates, because that was all he had left after his mother tortured him out of his childhood home. When he found out what the rat did he knew that the only solution he could live with was for him to kill Pettigrew. Fight fire with fire was the way he dealt with life.

But before he could utter the curse, the wheels of something else have started to turn. It all ended with him being locked up in Azkaban. For twelve bloody years. Then Remus comes and tells him he's practically twenty-five years old. Something that had shocked him to his very core. And to top it all, there's the thing with Hermione.

His life was turned upside down by that innocent witch. Hermione made him feel things he vowed never to feel. He didn't love anyone when he was at Hogwarts. He never found the right witch, nor did he let himself feel anything for those he had a fling with. He was afraid of emotions, they led to things that were far out of his control and he didn't want anyone to have that much power over him.

But some things happen without you letting them to and exactly that happened to Sirius. He fell in love with the young witch while she was crying in his arms, while she was pleading with him to make her pain go away without him knowing how or why. He shared her dreams, dreams of her mother leaving her, dreams of her painful childhood. Little did he know she shared his nightmares. Maybe if he knew, he would find out that he couldn't fight it, that it was destined to be.

Facing the thoughts of loving someone weren't as hard as dealing with them. Firstly, he was irrevocably in love with her and was sure of that fact as soon as he saw her in the beginning of her Christmas break. Secondly, he knew she loved him too, even though he was not actually supposed to know that. But thirdly, what would he do about it?  
>That was the million galleon question. What would he do about it?<p>

The easiest way out would be to act as if nothing was really wrong, as if there were no feelings between them, as if there wasn't any pull pushing them together. He would be a coward, something he was not, to deal with this situation that way. But did he have the guts to face it straight on, baring his soul to her?

He drank a glass of Firewhiskey and sighed. Could he imagine a world where there was no Hermione? Certainly not. Could he imagine a world where he didn't love her? No way. And lastly could he imagine having her and then losing her? There was no more excruciating thought than that and he had his answer. It was easy. She was his and he was hers.

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><p>Hermione was sitting behind her desk in her room, looking out of the window and chewing on the end of her quill. She had many books and newspaper in front of her that had anything to do with the First Wizarding War. Since the day the Headmaster told her about Mr Weasley's attack, she had decided, among other things, on finding the pattern in which Voldemort led the first war. Moreover, she was sure, it would be exactly the same this time<p>

To understand the pattern she had to delve deeper than just the manifestation of the war. She had to find anything and everything on Lord Voldemort. She took out the small notebook she got as a Christmas present and opened it on the first page.

It was a nice black leather bound journal with thick yellow pages. She had no idea who gave her this present but right now, she was glad they did. She dipped her quill in the black ink and started to write.

_Lord Voldemort:_

'What do I know about him?' she asked herself. Well, Harry had the most information about him, but she was not going to ask him. With all his worries he had right now, she didn't need to rub it in his face that he knew the enemy. He needed to get away from it all and her reminding him of it certainly wouldn't accomplish that.

Hermione knew that Harry spent all his time with Ron, completely ignoring her. He did tell her about the nightmare he got of attacking Mr Weasley in freaky detail, poured out all his emotions but since then he didn't talk to her, she would even go so far as to say he was avoiding her. At least she had time to research...

She had to say she was lucky that Harry shared everything with her. From his current crush on Cho Chang to Mad-Eye Moody imposter she knew it all and right now, it was going to help her quite a lot. Biting on her lower lip she started to write again.

_Formerly known as Tom Marvolo Riddle. Riddle: muggle father_

_What happened to his family? His father is a muggle, his mother has to be a witch - descendant of Salazar Slytherin. Which family? Obviously he hated muggles and muggleborns. Why?_

_Tom Marvolo Riddle - Acronym for I am Lord Voldemort, attended Hogwarts from 1938 to 1945. What was his reputation at school? Opened the Chamber of Secrets in his fifth year. Since then Dumbledore kept a close eye on him, why only Dumbledore?_

_What did he do after Hogwarts? Between 1945 and 1970 no mention of him. Where was he?_

_His diary led Ginny to open it again. How can a diary possess a young girl? Ginny got dependent on the diary, wouldn't let it out of her hands, why? How can you preserve yourself in a diary? Why did Tom Riddle from his diary vanish when Harry struck it with a basilisk fang - basilisk poison?_

_How could have Voldemort transferred some of his powers onto Harry? - Harry said Voldemort put a bit of himself in him. _

_How could have Voldemort put a bit of himself in a diary and in Harry? What could he have put there? Why did Lucius Malfoy have the diary?_

_Harry's connection to Voldemort: his scar always stings when Voldemort is around, and it hurts when he touched it. Harry - Voldemort - Diary - Snake: Connection? He saw the accident happen from the snake's point of view. How?_

_Prophecy: The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches, born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies, and the Dark Lord will mark him as equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not, and neither must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives._

_Harry Potter - born on 31st July and Neville Longbottom - born on 30th July. Why did he choose Harry and not Neville?_

_Mark him as his equal - how? The scar - doubtful, something other? Parseltongue? - doesn't make you his equal… He was afraid of him, afraid of his power. He wanted to get rid of him because he thought he was his equal, someone with the power to kill him. So there's nothing that actually makes Harry Voldemort's equal, Voldemort only thought that._

_The power the Dark Lord knows not: what power? What power does the Dark Lord know? In Harry's first year Harry faced Voldemort parasitizing on Quirrell, Harry defeated him with his touch. Dumbledore said it was love. Could the power he knows not be love?_

_Neither must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives - meaning?_

Hermione dropped her head on her desk in frustration. She noticed it was already late in the evening since her room was shrouded by darkness. She breathed in and out, her breath slightly ruffling her hair that had fallen over her face. She sat up straight again and stared at what she had written. Many questions and no answers. She had no idea how she was going to get any answers to all those nineteen questions (she counted it twice). And that was not the end of it.

She needed to protect her diary somehow. She chuckled at that. A diary, she should be wary of those. She thought about it for a moment. She needed something that would comply to her and to her only. She found something like that over the summer. It was a bit of darker magic but she had no problem with that.

Hermione closed the diary and put her hand on it, palm down. With her other hand she grabbed her wand and said the incantation. A grey mist left her wand and she felt the magic enter her hand. She concentrated on that feeling and mentally pushed it out from her hand to the book. Briefly, it glowed faintly and then it looked exactly like it did before.  
>Hermione pouted. She had no way of knowing whether it had worked or not. She could open it, but could anyone else. 'I need a test subject' she thought slyly grabbed the book and went in search of Sirius.<p>

Why did she go to Sirius and not someone else she did not really know? It was New Year's Eve, the half of her Christmas break was behind her and she spoke with him exactly once if you didn't count her arrival. It was getting ridiculous. They were dancing around each other, not really interacting, just merely acknowledging the other's existence. And Hermione had had up to here.

Before she reached the study, Ginny ran into her. "Hey Hermione" she said merrily. "What do you have there?" she asked and ripped the diary out of Hermione's hand. Hermione already wanted to ask her why she had to stick her nose into another's business when Ginny started to struggle with opening the leather bound book.

"Why can't I open it?" Ginny asked naïvely like if she didn't live in the magical world since she was born. Hermione only raised her eyebrow and said nothing for a while. She was feeling very smug. Her magic was getting better. With a creepy smirk on her face she told Ginny "Well, it's not yours now, is it"

Ginny had realised what she had just done and quickly gave it back to Hermione while sheepishly apologising 'Leave those for someone who cares' Hermione said in her mind and went back to her room.

'Well, the charm seems to be working. But I didn't get the chance to talk to Sirius.' Even though she had said to herself she was done with the cowardly behaviour she was currently such a fan of, she still needed an excuse to go talk to him. It was pathetic, she knew but 'Ugh, no more buts' she told herself. But in the next hour she spent reading, she thought of at least twenty more buts why she couldn't talk to him that she just went to sleep without dinner.

Everyone there at 12 Grimmauld place had their own way of living. One ate at one in the morning, the others spent their time blowing up their room or doing other pointless things. The only time that at least some of the occupants of the Black manor did something useful was when the meeting of the Order took place. But tonight, on the New Year's Eve, the manor seemed like it was deserted and when the grandfather clock struck twelve and the beginning of the New Year's Day, everyone was fast asleep. Everyone apart from Sirius and now a rather faithful house-elf Kreacher.

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><p>"Mistress, wake up" Hermione heard the distinct voice of Kreacher but she didn't want to wake up. She was having such a nice dream. She was in a beautiful garden, surrounded by roses of all colours and sizes. It smelled of spring morning, the early rays of sun broke through the mist and she soaked up the gentle heat.<p>

Barefoot she walked across the lawn, the drops of water that were caught on the straws of young grass chilled and tickled her feet... It was so quiet, no birds were singing or chirping, there were no bees fluttering their wings, no wind rustling the leaves of nearby trees. Time stood still as she went through the garden. She caught a sight of a sculpture surrounded by a small hedge when again the terrible voice sounded through her mind. "Please Mistress, wake up"

The garden seemed to shake and blur and suddenly Hermione woke up. Rubbing her eyes she looked around her room that was shrouded by darkness, only a small amount of light came from the street, casting creepy shadows all around her small room. "Kreacher, what time is it?" she asked sleepily, wanting to go back to that wonderful dream.

"Mistress needs to get up!" Kreacher ordered and Hermione looked at him like he'd grown another head. "I'm not going anywhere. It's cold outside of the bed and Merlin knows what time it is!" she grumbled turning around fully intending on closing her eyes and disappearing to the land of dreams. But Kreacher had other plans.

Suddenly, he grabbed her duvet and Hermione whisper yelled "What the bloody hell are you doing!?" she asked him, now very angry. However Kreacher did not budge. "Mistress needs to get up and go downstairs." Hermione, finally realising the fact that there was no way around it, stood up from her bed. She was cold in her PJ's that consisted of a worn oversized Quidditch t-shirt that once belonged to Harry and Gryffindor shorts. Fuming, she grabbed her midnight blue cloak that seemed to provide at least some cover from the cold and followed Kreacher downstairs.

"If this is some sick joke than I swear to Merlin Kreacher, I will find a way how to free you." Hermione threatened. She knew she couldn't free him and also that Kreacher enjoyed being a house-elf very much, but if this was some way of his to foul her he would regret it for the rest of his wretched life.

Kreacher knew it was a very bad idea to wake her up but it had to be done. She would forget about being angry at him as soon as she opened that door. He stood aside, letting her open the door for herself. Hermione understood what he meant so she grabbed the handle and pushed the door open. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw what was inside.  
>The study was filled with candles. So many candles she couldn't even attempt to count them. And there, in the middle of the room stood Sirius with a bouquet of burgundy roses that seemed almost black in colour. All of her anger disappeared instantly when she saw him there, standing as handsome as ever.<p>

She was rooted to the spot, not believing her eyes. 'How did he know?' she asked herself. As though he was reading her thoughts, he said "Kreacher told me today is your birthday. The first of January, even I couldn't have picked a better date." he was slowly advancing but Hermione didn't move. She was staring him in the eye, completely transfixed.  
>"It is a special day when a witch reaches seventeen years of age. She comes to a huge amount of power. You see, sometimes, when the witch has sane parents they let her choose whom she wants to love. And when the witch is a beautiful one, like you are, she has many suitors at her beck and call. But there is always someone she holds most dear..."<p>

He was standing in front of her now, the heady aroma of the freshly picked roses flushed through her nose and she let herself be intoxicated by the combination of the incredible scent that was Sirius and roses together.

"So the question is, will you let me be the one you hold most dear?" Sirius breathed.

Hermione just looked into those passionate grey eyes and knew the answer before she even asked herself, so she did the only thing she could think of in that moment. She stood up on her toes and leaned forward.

They didn't know who made the final move, nor was it important to them. It was as if all of the world was forgotten. All that ever was, ceased to exist. No more fights, no more tears and harsh words, no more war. For them, there was no past nor future, all that was left for them was this moment of bliss they had together. Their bodies, pressed against each other like they were made to be together. Every last thought left their minds. From one heart to the other their love for each other went, binding them for all eternity. Just this moment, so passionate, but soft. So strong, so bounding and yet so freeing.

Their foreheads pressed together, they looked each other in the eye. Blue to grey, they showed each other what words could not define. Words, such a lowly tool of expressing your feelings when all you ever need is one look. One look that will tell you more than thousands words could ever manage to.

"God, your eyes are so beautiful" He always admired her midnight blue eyes. It was another quirkiness of hers, eyes that changed colour. He wasn't even sure she knew they did that. But right he didn't care. The depth of them fascinated him and scared him. His palm caressed her cheek and she leaned into the touch.

He smiled at her gently but his expression turned a worried one when he saw her look troubled. "What is it?" he asked her with concern. "I'm scared" she whispered suddenly, looking like a lost child. "Oh sweetheart" he hugged her close to him, wanting to protect her from the outside world.

He knew it was an impossible feat, he was conscious of the fact that once they left this room, the reality would set and they would have to fight a war again. A war he was not certain they could win. But they had to. For if they ever wanted to have a future, they would have to win.

Hermione clang to him like her world depended on him. And actually, it did. She didn't know what happened in those few moments they shared the most amazing kiss but her whole perception of the world changed. Suddenly, she knew that she could not live a day in a world he did not exist in. And that thought scared the living daylights out of her.

Right now, she wanted to forget there was a war to fight, that up there, in her room were no stacks of books on Deatheaters, Voldemort and Wizarding wars. She wanted to forget that she had to fight the Dark Lord alongside with Harry. All she wanted, all she wished for was a moment of peace, a moment without fear, a moment filled with love and hope. And even though that right now she was in the one place she ever wanted to be, she knew that it could not stay that way forever. She was well aware that their fairy-tale could go only so far.

Love is a weakness and the greatest strength you can have. Love fills you with strength previously unknown, gives you power to fight, gives you the reason to keep on going. But it also cripples you. With love, you feel unstoppable, but when it is taken away from you, you can't move, you can't breathe and the whole of your world is filled with malice and want for revenge. It blinds you, binds you, making you just a slave to your feelings.

"I have a gift for you, you know..." Sirius said after a moment of silence. "Apart from the beautiful flowers that are now lying on the floor?" she asked mischievously and bent down to pick the bouquet off of the floor. "Hmm, they still smell wonderfully" she said as she buried her nose in them, closing her eyes as the aroma filled her senses yet again.

"Give me that" Sirius said as he reached for the flowers she clutched in her hands. She looked at him incredulously but at his raised eyebrows she relented with a chuckle. "You shouldn't have given me something you then want to take away." she joked. Luckily she didn't see Sirius's frozen expression at what she had just said.

He feared that this was just a dream that he would wake up some day and he would be back in his cell, yelling for them to let him out. He shook his head to rid himself of these pessimistic thoughts and grabbed the small box that was on one of the tables. The cold feeling of the hard wood against his hand reassured him that this was real, that it was no dream. But how can we prove that the world around us is reality and not a dream? How can we distinguish the two?

We can't because when you're dreaming, everything seems normal, every broken law of nature in a dream seems absolutely regular. However then you wake up and the absurdity of it all lets you know it was just a dream and after some time, you forget, that you ever had such a dream. A thought that all that's happening around you, to you is just a mere dream is so unacceptable to you that you simply reject even the slightest notion that would make it true.

"Happy birthday Hermione" he said as he stood in front of her and gave her the box he held in his hand. Hermione gave him the greatest smile she could muster. He reciprocated and nudged her to open it. "It's not cursed, is it?" she asked him as she warily slid her fingers around the finely carved box.

"Well, I haven't tried..." he said gravely, and Hermione looked at him horrified. He laughed out loud when he saw her terrified expression. "Relax, do you really think I would give you something cursed?" he joked but wasn't fast enough to avoid her bash against his arm. "Ouch" he rubbed his shoulder she just hit. "That's not funny!" she yelled but couldn't help but smile at his mock hurt expression.

"Just open it" he said then, very curious about her reaction.

Her deft fingers found the small silver latch on the side of the box and lifted it with a soft click. With bated breath she held the bottom of the box with one hand while the other opened the lid.

"I never was one for the family heirlooms, but this. We Blacks are so full of ourselves that even diamonds have to be black. Every new member of the family got this pendant with their initials on it. This one is mine. And I want you to have it"

On a silver chain, there was a black emerald cut diamond with a curvy SB carved in the middle. It was an amazing piece of jewellery. Even though Sirius was an avid supporter of the fact that his family was a terrible one he absolutely despised, Hermione knew better. You can't choose your family and even though you may hate them with all you have, there's still some place in your heart that tells you otherwise.

"Thank you" she whispered as she glazed her fingers over the large stone that stood proudly in the middle of the box. "Could you help me put it on?" she asked him. Without a word he took the small case out of her hand and set it on a nearby table. He pulled out the gem on its chain and went back to stand behind Hermione.

She lifted her hair and leaned her head to the side as he put the chainlet around her pale neck. The pendant fell down to right above her breasts, where it chilled the skin it touched.

As Sirius fastened the tiny chain buckle grazed his fingers across her neck. Hermione couldn't help but lean back, pressing her back against his front as his hands encircled her narrow waist. He kissed her shoulder lovingly, both sighing at the feeling the close proximity induced in them.


	35. Chapter Thirty Two

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long but this chapter came out longer than I expected.**

* * *

><p>She woke up in her bed at ten a.m. A huge smile spread across her face when she recalled last night. The flowers, the gift, the kiss, it all seemed like a dream. Almost in alarm she reached for the necklace that was supposed to hang around her neck and when she touched it she knew it was real. It did happened.<p>

Hermione glanced sideways at the small book which has become her journal lying on her table. Today she felt like a whole new person. All of the worry she felt because of Sirius was suddenly gone, replaced by a warm feeling spreading in her chest. Still smiling, she got up from her bed and dressed quickly.

She decided on having a break from shaping and moulding her magic. It has taken her two days to find her core and now, for five days, she was trying to spread it through her body. But she couldn't since there was something hindering her.

She felt the bonds that were binding her magic. It felt like thousands of wires formed from unbreakable steel were squeezing her heart. When she pulled at them, stretched them, it pushed back in with greater force in return. It was an endless painful cycle that made her struggle to breath. Of one thing she was sure, it was the reason behind her odd magic.

Hermione felt like a seamstress trying to untangle a ball of thread that had no beginning nor end. She didn't know who it was or why someone felt the need to restrain her magic. She felt angry, furious even. Her magic defined her, made her who she was and someone tampered with it. As for the question how to get rid of the binds, she had no idea.

There wasn't anything on limited power or bound core in the Slytherin journal (as she began to call it now) and Hermione simply didn't know what to do with it anymore. She knew she could either give up on the whole thing because she wasn't intending on torturing herself like that anymore. She certainly would not continue in willingly scaring her magic like that.

But for now, she would deal with other important things. That didn't mean giving up, she told herself as she sat on a stool in front of the small iron-wrought mirror that stood on her bedside table. It was the only item she added to her room. She loved her huge bed that was filled with a number of cushions of all shapes and sizes.

Leaving her blouse unbuttoned she admired the pendant hanging on the fine necklace around her neck. _"No one can put it off of you if you don't want them to" _Sirius said to her last night after he clasped it around her neck. She was even more surprised when he told her he still had it on him when he went to Azkaban. There was no magic in it, just a piece of stone, he explained, that's why they didn't attempt to pull it off him, not that they would succeed.

"_I don't understand. You say you hate everything that is somehow connected to your birth family and yet you still wore this all your life…" _she said while gently grazing her fingers over the cold precious stone. _"I suppose that I may have exaggerated a few things. I don't talk about – about my family much, you know that, and when I think about them…, now, I only see those terrible terrifying things they've done. And what's frightening me about it is that I _am_ the same."_

Hermione didn't know what to say to that. Even now, with a clear head in the morning she still didn't know how she should react. Because the thing was, she knew exactly what he was talking about. Darkness was what she revelled in, the craziness and the rush she felt when she felt her magic cursing through her body terrified her, but she wouldn't, couldn't stop liking it. These changes started out slow and were mostly imperceptible but since the summer, she was a changed person.

She decided to push these thoughts away from her mind for a while and buttoned up her light blue blouse and put on a cream-white sweater. Magic enabled her to create and alter her clothes, after she figured out how to make the charms last that is. Sighing, she grabbed her black leather journal a self-filling quill she got as a Christmas present from Harry and went down to have breakfast.

It still surprised her seeing all of them in such a small room, 'how could they fit in there?' she asked herself, but dismissed the question immediately. The Weasleys seemed to fit everywhere. With a small smile playing on her lips she sat down and poured herself a nice steaming cup of coffee with a dash of milk. She was the only one who drank this stuff in this house, apart from Sirius and sometimes Remus. Not many wizards or witches can appreciate the earthy, animal like taste of coffee made from freshly ground beans. She still loved tea, especially in the afternoon, curled in a lush armchair as the burning wood crackling away in the fireplace.

Suddenly a soup plate filled to the brim with warm home-made porridge appeared in front of her. It was garnished with dried apricots arranged to look like a flower and topped with liquid honey. The sweet and hearty aroma was mouth-watering, and as the delicious smell filled her nostrils Hermione sent a silent thank you towards kitchen where Kreacher took to preparing her breakfast after declaring one day that it simply wouldn't do for her to starve in the morning. She recalled that after he said that she looked at him oddly, raised her eyebrow in a true Hermione-like fashion and scowled. But the house-elf only smirked at her, if that was even possible.

Now, she couldn't help but agree with him, breakfast was a great meal. She wasn't much into the dishes Mrs Weasley prepared since she didn't consume food like possessed. Heaps of bacon and sausages didn't do it for her. Ron seemed to be of a different opinion as he gorged on five toast piled with fried eggs. She felt momentarily ill but soon concentrated on the food in front of her and merrily tucked in.

No one seemed to understand how Hermione managed to wrap that wretched house-elf around her little finger. To be honest, neither did she. Dear old Mrs. Black still screeched like a harpy when someone just brushed against the curtain that managed to keep her quit. She shouted insults at everyone who seemed suspicious to her – meaning everyone except her beloved Kreacher. He was still the only one that managed to soothe her. Many have already attempted to remove the late Mrs Black's portrait off the wall, but were unsuccessful. The permanent sticking charm was indeed permanent.

The house-elf seemed to listen only to Sirius and Hermione, seeing them as his Master and Mistress. But if they paid close attention to the relationship he had with those two, they would notice that Kreacher did obey the both of them but cared only about one – Hermione. To others he was still the malignant elf of the Noble House and Most Ancient of Black.

Hermione paid no mind to the perplexed glances the occupants of the dining room threw her from time to time. She concentrated fully on the meal before her although she still paid attention to what was happening around her. The gentle tendrils of magic her body let loose coiled around her as if it had a mind of its own. If anyone could see it, it would look like sly wines of ivy shining with magnificent colours.

Another person entered the room. She heard the shuffling of his feet on the floor as he went through the room and set down next to her, even though there were other empty seats around the enormous table. She knew instantly who it was and had to bite the inside of her cheek so she wouldn't grin like a mad person. Sirius has finally decided to grace them with his presence.

Sirius slept like a baby that night. He had no nightmares and his mind finally had the much needed rest from all the terror which his memories brought to him every night. He allowed himself only but a moment to dwell on that painful past of his. But after that painful minute he suddenly remember what occurred last night and he grinned like a school boy.

For the past fourteen years or so, all he did was dwell on the past, and for the last four months he was reminded that a terrifying future lay ahead through the Daily Prophet he read every morning, but it seemed he was the only one looking for the sings. His life was dark, pointless, and the only thing he held on to was his best friend Remus, his godson Harry and Hermione. Reality and his aimlessness forced him to drink away his sorrows and let himself be surrounded by the meaningless moment that drunkenness brought him.

Then the accident with Mr Weasley happened and he thought his life couldn't get any worse. He was wrong, watching Harry withdraw into himself and be swallowed in guilt was frightful. Even Hermione didn't seem to cheer him up this time. The cause of his behaviour was clear to him and he got his reasoning, but that didn't mean he understood why he acted that way. They were all here to help him, not blame him…

Nevertheless, there still seemed to be some light left in his life and that was his Hermione. So now, even for one short week, he allowed himself to live in the moment, to be happy, and forget.

One morning, he hear Kreacher grumbling under his breath how all of them used his young Mistress, how she would show them all and how nobody cared enough about her to know that her birthday was the next day. Sirius was under the impression that her birthday was in September and not on the first of January so being ever the curious one, he asked his house-elf what he meant.

He learned that somehow she got her birthday postponed. It would seem that Hermione didn't trust the little creature with everything after all. He of course knew exactly how her birthday got held over to a later time and chuckled to himself. Somehow, he managed to persuade the miserable house-elf to go wake her up at midnight.

She looked absolutely adorable with her messy hair and eyes sparkling with anger as she lividly told Kreacher that if this was some sick joke, he would wish he had never been born. But then she looked up, cheeks flushed, her hair flying all around her head in animosity and suddenly she was quiet. She looked at him confused but he saw the happiness in her eyes. So he explained and with every word he said he found himself going closer and closer until he could practically feel her standing in front of him even though he wasn't touching her.

Her beautiful, now blue eyes stared at him with so much emotion, so much feeling and the simple question slipped easily from his lips.

His fingers itched to feel her smooth skin of her cheek, tangle his hand in her hair, he wanted, no needed to touch her, to feel her. His body and mind craved her. And then, she kissed him or was it him? In that moment all he could care about was the softness of her lips pressed against his, the warmth of her body, the passion of the two of them, nothing more existed. And he was lost, never wanting to let her go. He clung to her like his life depended on it and she did the same.

He still remembered the feel of her soft hair intertwined between his fingers, her gentle and shy hand wrapped around the side of his neck, the smell of wildflowers…He had kissed a great deal of girls but none of it felt like that. None of it felt so right so beyond anything he has ever experienced.

His wondering was suddenly interrupted by a rather loud closing of doors nearby and he knew Hermione was up. 'No wonder, it was already past ten o'clock' he checked the time as he got dresses. 'Time to see my lovely witch' he thought closing the door and going in the direction of the dining room.

The dining room was full yet again. It seemed that he and Hermione weren't the only ones who got the idea to sleep in that day, the room was pretty full even though there were still some empty seat around the great table.

There she sat, in the middle, free seats by her sides just begging him to sit there, and he did. Judging by her reaction, she knew very well who sat next to her even though he still didn't know how she did that. True, there were times where he was still able to surprise her, but that didn't happen too often nowadays. He reached for what was left of Mrs Weasley's delicious breakfast.

"Good morning sweetheart" Hermione heard him whisper in her ear, his hand gently grazing hers as he sat back down. She smiled gently and looked at him from the corner of her eye. Blue stared into grey and Hermione felt as if she were floating above the clouds, quickly composing herself, her eyes turned back to their honey brown. She addressed Harry who sat across from her.

"Harry, do you have a minute after breakfast?" she asked him knowing that he would most certainly say no. To her surprise he actually smiled at her and said "Sure Hermione, what did you need?" "Oh, just wanted to ask you about something…" she answered as she clutched the notebook in her lap. "Alright" he smiled at her which made her feel a little bit guilty when she thought of what their conversation would entail.

The clicking of cutlery against the plates was the only thing that could be heard for a while as all of the occupants of Grimmauld place woke from their sleepy moods while eating their delicious breakfast. After a while, Harry finished and observing Hermione was already waiting for him he nodded his head towards the door. Hermione caught on what he wanted to say so she rose from her seat that was a sturdy wooden chair and made her way towards the door but threw a last glance towards the occupants of the room.

Sirius looked at her then, with a questioning gaze and Hermione found herself wanting to just grab the hold of him and spend the rest of the day with him cuddled on a couch… She stopped her thoughts right then and there knowing it was dangerous to continue down that road. Taking a deep breath she turned around and followed Harry out of the dining room, however she did not miss the subtle smirk that grazed Sirius's lips.

They set down in one of the rooms Harry had surprisingly never been to. The study. She warded the room so no one would hear them or disturb them while they talked. Hermione hopped on the desk that was positioned in the darker side of the room her legs dangling from the edge of the hard table while Harry sat in one of the chairs with detailed upholstery wondering what she wanted to talk about. He did have a fair idea though, which was confirmed shortly afterwards.

"Harry I know that you don't want to talk about it much but – but I need you to tell me about Voldemort." She said all in one breath. Harry palmed his face. He knew that there would come a time when Hermione asked him to tell her about Him, Lord Voldemort. But why? "Why do you want to know Hermione? Frankly, I don't really want to talk about Him….!" He almost snapped but managed to reign in his anger. 'What the hell is happening to me!' he roared inside of his head as he took a deep breath and stared out of the window.

Snow was falling again and it had a soothing effect on his mind even though it was plagued by the nose-less monster all the time. He didn't sleep well, flashes of green light and his name coming from that mouth without lips made him scream every time.

Shaking his head to rid himself of those thoughts he concentrated on what Hermione was saying. "I need to understand him" when she saw his enraged expression she quickly continued "not like that Harry, I – We need to know him so we have at least an idea as to what he could be up to…" she concluded her eyes not leaving his.

"What is that?" he grimaced pointing at the small book that was in her lap. "This" she asked as she held flipped the pages of the small journal "it's a journal of sorts - about the war…" she added cautiously looking at him through her long lashes. Harry wasn't looking at her anymore, instead he chose to observe what was going outside. She had to admit, the view from this window was amazing. If you tried really hard, you could actually see the tip of the London Eye, however today, the view was pretty chilly. It was still snowing outside, which created quite the gloomy and grey atmosphere.

Harry was debating with himself whether to accede to her wish to talk about Him or not. Even though he rarely approached any issue from the logical side, he did that this time. If someone could use the knowledge to their advantage it was Hermione. So after what seemed like hours of pondering he eventually said "Alright, what do you want to know?" and sighed.

Hermione looked at him with deep understanding. She knew very well how uncomfortable and gruelling it was to talk about things you fought tooth and nail to steer clear of. "Everything you know…" she answered sadly. "That doesn't help you know" he told her, his voice filled with sardonic laughter. "The night he came to your house" she replied knowing that was the most painful of the questions she needed answers to.

"I don't know much, all I know is what somebody told me…" he said tiredly, his hands gripping the armrests. "I don't care, I suppose that no one really knows what really happened – tell me what you know…" she said gently, looking at him with concern. She was surprised by what she saw. He was sitting there, his face void of any emotion and when he started talking it cut her to the quick. It wasn't the harsh tone he talked in, it was the hidden fury in his eyes that scared her.

"He came on the night of 31st October. First, he killed my father and then he went after my mother. She pleaded with him to spare me but he, well, he killed her too, so I was the only one left. Then he pointed his wand at me and said the killing curse but instead of me dying, I was left with a scar on my forehead while he became a spirit, a lone soul. From what Dumbledore told me, my mum put some ancient magic on me and that's the reason why he couldn't get rid of me. Everybody celebrated that the great threat was dead however Dumbledore and Hagrid were of the opinion that he was still out there somewhere. Funny they were one of the only ones to think that…"

Her quill was skidding across the parchment very quickly, writing down every information she thought she would need later on.

_Avada Kedavra didn't work – reason behind that may be Harry's mother's ancient magic? Left only a scar while Voldemort disappeared_

_He became a spirit, __soul__? _

She underlined the word soul. Something didn't quite fit in, she wondered what it was, but now, she would put down everything and then analyse it later. He was like a machine, telling everything he recalled, even the hard tone of his voice was missing by now.

"In our first year, he feasted on Unicorn's blood so he would survive and attempted to get his hands on the Philosopher's Stone so he would get his body back. Somehow I managed to destroy Quirrell with my bare hands, which then Dumbledore explained was caused by love my mother gave me."

_Uses of Unicorn blood?_

_Love destroyed Quirrell_

'The power he knows not' Hermione wondered 'could it really be love?' She wrote down only the information that filled in the blanks, but somehow, what he said managed to raise even more question. Fortunately, to some of them she may be able to find the answer.

"Then Ginny got possessed by the diary and the basilisk went loose. I discovered that I could speak Parseltongue, which was apparently due to the fact that Voldemort transferred some of his powers to me that night in my parent's house. I destroyed the diary that came from Mr Malfoy with a basilisk's fang. It looked like blood flew from the pages and the ghost of young Voldemort disappeared. He told me he hated his Muggle father and that we were similar."

_Blood came from the diary when he stabbed it with the fang_

"In our third year, I don't think that there was much to him, only that Pettigrew was his servant and the he would rise again. Then of course there is the famous fourth year."

Suddenly it started to flow out of him and once he started he couldn't stop. He never talked to them much about what happened at the graveyard, only with Dumbledore and Fudge.

"I got dreams about some shack where Voldemort, Pettigrew and Crouch Jr. argued about His supposed resurrection. There was his snake Nagini and Voldemort was adamant about needing me. Then there was the tournament which eventually led to me getting to some bloody old graveyard. Of course, he had to kill Cedric. He was so disfigured, and disgusting. – There was a ritual of some sorts.

_Snake's called Nagini_

"In a huge cauldron, Pettigrew dumped His body and the rat started to recite something like this: The bone of the father, unknowingly give, you will renew your son. The flesh of the servant, willingly sacrificed, you will revive your Master. Blood of the enemy, forcibly taken, you will resurrect your foe… then there was some smoke and there he stood. It was terrible, no nose, only slots like a snake, red menacing eyes, mouth without lips. He is terrifying. Then he called his servants while pressing on Pettigrew's left forearm. Many of his followers appeared Crabbe, Malfoy, Avery, Macnair and Goyle I think.

_For the ritual – name? Needed: bone of the father, flesh of the servant, blood of the enemy_

_Known current Death Eaters: Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Avery, Macnair and Snape_

Then we duelled and our wands connected, Priori Incantatem Dumbledore called it. Then I left with Cedric's body. There were tombs, I remember that all of the Riddle family died in 1943. "

"I had nightmares ever since, and now there was the accident with Mr Weasley. I was in the corridor I told you about, but I was the snake this time. I – it's all my fault…" Hermione, even though she clearly saw how distraught Harry felt snapped at him. "Stop bloody well saying that it's your fault" Hermione suddenly yelled outraged. "It's not, you were there now, were you?" she asked rhetorically but Harry saw it as a clear question directed at him so he answered "No I was in my room, but I was there Hermione! You have no idea how it felt like!" Harry was beyond angry now. He was furious, but his fury didn't come from his heart but from somewhere deep in his minds, nevertheless, he let it control him.

"Do you know how horrible, terrifying it is to stand in front of the killer of your parents and be unable to do anything with it" he shouted his eyes burning with smouldering fire of rage. "Of course I don't – "but he didn't let her finish. "Oh, but you don't even have parents to begin with" he said with pure malice and Hermione was taken aback by his comment.

She took a step back however he continued his taunting. "No parents to fight for have you? Poor Hermione just has to stick her head in other people's business because mummy hadn't taught her manners – ". The temperature in the room suddenly became very low and Harry realised what he just said and his eyes widened in dread. 'Dear Merlin, please tell me I didn't just say that!' he thought to himself but knew he was wrong the moment he heard the chilliest voice "Get. Out" she looked frightening, but Harry still attempted to apologise "Hermione, please, I'm so so – "

"Get out!" she screamed and all the glass in the room shattered.

Harry took a subconscious step back but he still pleaded with her. "I didn't mean to – ". By now her hair was crackling with magic and her eyes were blazing blue. Even though Harry didn't want to admit it, he was terribly afraid of his best friend right now. He didn't know what he was supposed to do.

With a swish of her wand she dismantled the wards on the door and threw it wide open. She wanted him out, no one has ever hurt her like this. She was livid, her knuckles white from clutching her wand so hard not wanting to curse her friend. He finally seemed to have gotten the clue as he ran from the room. What she didn't know was that someone would be coming back soon.

Harry needed to find him. He had screwed up big time and he was afraid she would hurt herself. He had never seen anyone emit magical power like that. His hands were trembling as he rushed through the house looking for the grey-eyed wizard. He found him in the dining room, having a surprisingly civil conversation with Mad-Eye Moody.

As soon as Sirius saw Harry enter the room he knew something was wrong. His face ashen, wand in hand while he started at him as if he was the only one that could save him. Sirius didn't waste any time asking if something was wrong "What's happened?" he demanded from his godson. "I – I said something to – to Hermione and -", Harry didn't manage to complete his sentence. Sirius was already up on his feet and rushing out of the room. "Better stay here boy" Moody told him and for once, Harry had to settle on letting someone else deal with the problem.

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><p><strong>AN: So what do you think? I hope you won't have to wait long for the next chapter. Thank you for reading :) Please review!**


	36. Chapter Thirty Three

**A/N: A few things to make the plot clear. Hermione is currently 17 because of the time-turner and her birthday is on 1st January. Sirius is 35, when counting the years from his birth, but because of the Azkaban charms he's 23. **

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><p>Sirius rushed out of the dining room like his feet were on fire. He was too desperate to find her to ask Harry out of which room he had just come from. His godson looked too ashen and the dread that filled Sirius upon hearing that something might be wrong with Hermione made him run to look for her. He just didn't know where. He felt it in his bones that something was seriously wrong but he didn't know what and the more he tried to find her, the more he couldn't find the room she was hiding in.<p>

He was on the third floor when he stumbled upon Tonks that just came out of Ginny's room. "Looking for someone oh dear cousin of mine?" she asked with her voice full of laughter but when she saw his frustrated expression she got worried instead. "Have you seen Hermione?" the words rushed out of him in one breath as he looked around the hall as if looking for some clue. "As a matter of fact I do, she went to the weird study with…" she said and only the swish of the air around her alerted her to the fact that Sirius rushed out of faster than the fastest broom not that she knew why.

Moving rapidly down the stairs, taking the stairs two at a time he was by the door of the study in no time. No one paid his odd behaviour any attention as he sped along the many floors and steps. He was Sirius and it was almost expected of him to behave in some quirky manner or other. He stood by the door which was open only for a wee bit, nevertheless he could hear what was happening inside very well.

Crashing, smashing, and blasting. The noises were terrible and he was almost afraid to enter. However he didn't falter and with his right hand, he pushed the door open, peering inside. He couldn't help but stare at what he saw inside.

Hermione stood there in the middle of the room, with a livid expression on her face and all around her, things seemed to explode. Glass was smashed in the corners of the room, burnt paper was lying on the floor beside the table and what used to be heavy curtains were now smoking shreds of fabric.

"Go away!" she said menacingly, another glass vase smashing. Somehow it clicked for him then, what had happened inside this room. However he didn't understand how something like this was possible to happen to an adult witch.

Children's magic was both amazing and dangerous because of the way it worked. It was controlled solely by strong emotions which then induced uncontrolled bursts of magic. Even though some of the very talented children were able to learn to control it without intense emotions, the majority couldn't just decide they wanted something to happen with the help of their magic. What seemed to be happening to Hermione was the reversed process. She had always had immense control over her magic but now it was running wild, responding to the inner turmoil that was going on inside her.

Sirius didn't go away as she wanted him to, quite to the contrary. He entered the room and closed the door behind him.

"I said go away!" Hermione said, desperately now. She couldn't control what was happening around her. The world seemed to be shaking at its foundations. Her mind was dizzy, she knew things around her were blowing up all around her without her having any power over it. She was afraid she would hurt him, she was afraid her anger would hurt him.

She didn't know what she felt anymore. It was such a confusing concoction of emotions, she felt herself swaying but not falling down. She felt hurt, betrayal, anger, embarrassment and madness all at once until she wasn't able to distinguish those any more. "Please" she whimpered, not knowing whether she was asking him to leave her alone so he would be safe or begging him to help her.

Her wand was long forgotten lying on the floor from the time she dropped in fright after she realised she had just done. Her hands were shaking with fear and her eyes were pleading with him to help her. And help her he tried.

He slowly went to her side looking her straight in the eye, wanting her to understand that he was no danger to her. She was behaving like an injured animal backing away from the predator who was looking on a prey ready to munch on her. He was aware of the fact that she was now standing with her back pressed against the wall but he knew that when she actually had nowhere to back away to anymore, she would find out he wouldn't hurt her.

His heart clenched at seeing the sorrow in her eyes. He didn't know what Harry said to her that it made her react so strongly to it. "Have you come to gloat too?" she snapped at him. Fight back with words in order to protect herself from more hurt, he knew that strategy well enough. But it wasn't going to work on him.

"No sweetheart. You need to breathe…" he told her gently, still holding the eye contact. "You can't tell me what to do!" she all but shouted at him but he didn't budge. He was still standing in front of her with that annoyingly calm face of his that aggravated her so much. 'How can he be so calm about this?' she asked herself as she slowly sank down to the floor, her back still leaning on the hard cold wall.

She was more freaked out about the power that emanated from her than about what Harry spat in her face. She knew her magic was acting out but she would never have guessed it would go so far. If only a few words like that that cut her to the quick and evoked such a strong reaction from her, it would become very dangerous for people around her.

"Hermione please tell me how I can help you" he half whispered as he sat on his heels in front of her. She thought about it, she really did, but she just didn't know how. Staring into those grey orbs she realised how very lost she was, how very helpless. She didn't know how he did it, but every time she was in his presence, all she ever felt were her true emotions she had tried to bury deep, deep down.

"I don't know how!" she said not able to keep the angry and desperate edge out of her voice. "Come here…" throwing his arms wide open, and she went. She got up clumsily and literally fell onto his hard chest. His hands moved to embrace her, enfolding her within his arms. Slipping her own arms around his muscly torso, she clutched herself tightly to his chest while his arms held her tightly as he got up off the floor and sat on the only comfortable piece of furniture in this room.

The Queen Anne style of sofa was made out of dark cherry wood that the majority of furniture in this manor was made of. Even though the upholstery was a bit decrepit, you could still recognise the motif of roses in bloom on the tough dark green fabric. There were three square seat cushions covered in Slytherin green velvet which ensured at least some comfort when sitting on them.

Sirius sat on one side of this sofa with Hermione sitting on his lap and leaned his back against the corner of the sofa. Hermione was quitter than the grave but at least she wasn't blowing up half the room anymore. He took out his wand and started to cast a silent '_Reparo Maxima' _which eventually returned the room to its former state.

After what seemed like hours of quiet, Sirius stirs and moves his legs a bit under Hermione. She was by no means heavy but still, having someone sit on him for hours did slow the bloodstream a bit. She was resting her head on his left shoulder while he stroke her hair. Anyone who would stumble upon them seeing them in such an intimate position would think that they were both deep in love. And actually, they were. Not only because they knew so much about each other, stuff that no one else knew about them, but also because of the fact they understood the other on some deep level that compelled them to trust one another.

"Hermione?" he asked her after deciding they needed to face what happened this morning. "What did he say to you?" he never stopped stroking her soft curly hair that was now slightly past her shoulder blades.

If he wasn't calming her in such a manner, she was sure something alike this morning's theatrics would have happened. 'Today seems to be going better and better…' she thought sarcastically. She was very sceptical as to what she should say to him however eventually she decided to tell him the full story and with a sigh she started to talk.

"I've started to gather all information I can about the first war and especially about Voldemort. However my problem is that there seem to be gaps in what I can find out about Him. I know his father's name, I know that he is a half-blood but then comes the end of his Hogwarts years and I know nothing. And then suddenly he emerges in the 70's and the war breaks out. Then there is the Prophecy and Halloween happens. He disappears again, and re-emerges in the graveyard. I mean there are so many things missing, I have so many questions I need answers to and where better to start than Harry." She pauses for a bit but then continues again, looking out of the window as Harry did before. It was still snowing so she could not see the sun and at least guess what time it was.

"So, I asked him to tell me all he knew about Voldemort and he did. Unfortunately, all I got was more questions although I do have a few clues as to where to start. He got to the point when Mr Weasley was attacked by the snake, Nagini I think she's called and I snapped. I saw him wallowing in self-guilt since the moment I crossed the threshold of this house and I couldn't stand it anymore. I told him he should stop blaming himself that it simply couldn't be his fault when he was at Hogwarts, sleeping. However, he got angry at me instead of accepting the fact that he could do nothing to prevent it.

"He got so angry, I've never seen him more livid. It was like looking at a completely different person. He then told me I had no idea standing in front of someone who killed my parents and how it feels to just helplessly watch. I had no idea what to say to that but it seemed to me like he was possessed. It wasn't what he said, because I heard that many times before. It was how he said and especially coming from him, it hurt like nothing else…"

She stopped there and Sirius knew she didn't want to talk about it anymore. But he needed to know what made her lose control. He needed to know what made her be one of the most dangerous people in this house right now. No, he was not afraid of her, he feared for her. "What did he say Hermione?" he demanded in a bit of a scary tone.

"He said – he said I don't even have parents to begin with. That – that I have no parents to fight for. That I just have stick my nose in other people's business because – because mummy hadn't taught me manners" she snarled the last part as if the word was pure venom.

Sirius was angry, no, he was furious. His jaw was twitching and he never tried so hard to reign in his anger. 'How could he?' he asked himself as he tried to calm Hermione who was trying so obviously trying to stop herself from feeling emotions that made her feel weak, that made her feel like a slave to what others said to her.

Hermione didn't want Sirius to blame Harry so she quickly added "But it's my fault, I shouldn't have asked him about it… if I haven't than we wouldn't have to deal with my crazy magic…" however even to her ears it didn't sound overly convincing. "Not another with a guilt complex!" Sirius murmured into her hair and if Hermione wasn't feeling so under the weather she would have smiled at that.

She felt a finger under her chin lifting her face up to his, making her look up. His haunted grey eyes searched hers, looking for answers she didn't have. He needn't have to say that he would deal with Harry, that he would set him straight. He was all for the loving relationship with his godson but some things just went way too far. "It really is not your fault sweetheart." He whispered. But this time Hermione wasn't so sure…

"Of course it –", "No, it's not. True, you did ask him about it, but there are other ways to get around anger, picking on your best friend is not it. And don't try to tell me otherwise!" she nodded almost imperceptibly and in a moment of boldness her lips met his. She needed to reassure herself that at least some things were still as they were supposed to be and he happily obliged to help.

She laid her head back on his chest, listening to the calming sound of his heartbeat. Threading his fingers through her hair, he started to speak again. "We need to do something about your magic." Hermione sighed. She knew that the rather peculiar situation demanded attention, though she hoped that she could forget about all her troubles for at least one day. However, that didn't seem like the case today, or any other day for that matter, she realised with a tinge of regret.

"I suppose so…" she answered with a sense of dread. She had no idea how you deal with magical energy that just simply decides it would like to do as it pleases. She certainly didn't want to be some guinea pig to some crazy wizard like Dumbledore, who would see it as a mere diversion from his otherwise terrible life.

As if sensing the change in her mood he tried to reassure her a bit "I'll ask someone from the Order." "I immediately feel better…" she retorted sarcastically and he couldn't help but chuckle. However he quickly sobered up when he realised he would need to apologise to someone he wished to have no contact with and probably grovel at the same person's feet. That thought made him shudder.

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><p><strong>AN: I'm sorry that it took me so long to update but my school is killing me. There will be two new chapters a week, but don't know on which day. **

**Thank you for reading and please review! :)**


	37. Chapter Thirty Four

**A/N: I've decided to treat you with another chapter very soon. Enjoy!**

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><p>Sirius sat at the long table in the dining room listening to several reports of various Order members, especially those who were worked at the Deparment of Law Enforcement like Aurors at the same time, his cousin Nymphadora Tonks being one of them. The news weren't good. The Ministry was still refusing to accept the fact that the Dark Lord was back and was adamantly trying to hold on to the smallest hope that it was all just a hoax set up by Dumbledore and the famous Harry Potter.<p>

Maybe, if they didn't have the news Severus Snape brought to the Order's meetings, some of them wouldn't have trusted the Headmaster and the boy-who-lived either. Fortunately for them, they all knew better and subsequently they could prepare for what was to come. Even if it was in the most heavily guarded magical house in London, at least according to Sirius. His father was paranoid when it came to security and wards and this building was wrapped up in the most potent wards the Black could ever find, not to mention the Fidelius charm.

But they still had to put up various privacy and silencing charms on the door because of the younger inhabitants. Sirius was, of course against it, claiming that this was their war too, that it surely wouldn't blow over in the few years the 'children' were in the safe confinements of Hogwarts. However, every time he tried to push through his idea of involving at least the oldest ones, Molly would have a near heart-attack. She would start screeching that he was immature, and that such things weren't for the children's ears.

So of course he would then retort that she had no idea what some of those _children _went through and didn't have a break down, to which she would demand that he would stop having such juvenile ideas. Everyone can imagine that those fights were legendary, as were those Hermione had with Ron. But what no one knew was that Sirius was really put off that no one seemed to at least consider his idea. They couldn't keep them from fighting, no one could and it was better for them to know everything sooner rather than later. His seemingly morbid thinking haven't earned him any brownie points from Mrs Weasley that was for sure.

Molly reminded them how important it was to be safe and how they couldn't afford any leakage of information to the children yet again. But this time Sirius replied with a rather different answer "You act like you're afraid Molly, are you sure you don't want to make yourself a nice hot cuppa and join your children in their room?" Sirius asked with a sneer worthy of the Slytherin Potion Master.

Severus was smirking at the scene that was playing in front of his eyes with silent amusement. Surprisingly, he was of the same opinion as Sirius, not that he needed to say that out loud. Nobody can escape this war, that was for sure and he could almost guarantee that Molly's children would stand at the front lines of the battle that was to occur in the future. Because it would happen, and the moment the Light meets the Dark would be epic, consequently deciding the fate of the magical world.

The evening was dragging on and on and Severus wondered if perhaps the time had stopped. He noticed that throughout the meeting Sirius seemed to look his way more than once. Perhaps the crazy Marauder found some long lost fascination in him, he wondered 'I think not' he answered to himself. Leading rather extensive conversations in his head was fairly common for him, although if anyone knew, they would probably send him to St. Mungo's.

Finally the meeting was over and he cheered internally that he wouldn't have to deal with the scowls and grimaces of the Order members for another week. He turned to make his way out of the room when he suddenly felt a strangers hand on his shoulder. He whirled around, wanting to reprimand the fool who felt it necessary to touch him, but all his snide remarks died on his tongue when he stood almost eye to eye with the chilling white and blue coloured rotating ball that was Mad-Eye's eye.

Snape's eyes were pools of black wrath as the terrifying Auror cleared his throat and told him to follow him. He already wanted to say no, however refrained from saying so. For all he knew Dumbledore wanted to talk to him in private because of the Pink Menace that recently took to checking on teachers.

The room was already cleared out, it was past midnight and everybody was eager to go home and sleep. So nobody saw him as he went through the gloomy dark corridors of 12 Grimmauld place. He expected everything but what he saw when he entered the room after Moody who promptly closed the door behind them, and from the slight disturbance of the air, he sensed he also warded it against any intruders. 'Great…'

There, causally leaning against some writing table was Sirius. Never in all his life did he expect that the mutt would willingly talk to him. Well, it looked like that even he, who was rarely wrong, didn't know the people around him as much as he prided himself. Nevertheless, he was more than certain there was an ulterior motive behind this.

"Snape, I know you're probably very pissed at me right now" "You got that right Black" Severus cut him off ready to leave but he managed to somehow persuade himself and hear what the Azkaban escapee had to say. "I wanted to say I'm sorry, for what happened at the Whomping Willow, and my treatment of you at school and here"

Severus raised his brow at the man standing in front of him in surprise and intrigue. He was startled by the fact that Black had obviously meant it which led him to the conclusion that he was desperate. Now the question was about what…

"What do you need Black?" Snape drawled and Sirius noticed the flash of the slightest intrigue in his eyes. The potion master, one of Voldemort's most trusted didn't show any emotions, ever, apart from outrage that is. He showed an enormous amount of that so it was rather unexpected to see a different reaction. So he went straight to the point.

"I need your help with something." He said testing the waters, wanting to see if he really had the attention of the dungeon bat. Aye, he might be sorry for all the things he had done to him but some habits die hard. "I don't have all night Black, either you say what you want from me or I go" Sirius internally smirked at that. He had his attention all right. 'Step one completed, now onto step two…' he thought and started to explain what he needed from one of the most skilful wizards he knew.

"I – well not me personally, have a problem with magic that is acting out." Sirius said but before he could continue Snape stepped in again, demanding answers. "What do you mean acting out?" he asked Sirius mockingly, thinking that the mutt had gone completely crazy by now. "If you would let me finish" Sirius snapped and continued "Magic of someone is behaving strangely. It is like children's magic, even though the person already has a wand."

Snape looked at him with a frown. Such a thing was unheard of, practically impossible to happen. "Who's magic?" he asked fearing he would have to deal with another problem of Potter's although his intuition told him that this certainly could not be Potter. Potter had control over his magic and was more capable with it than most of his classmates. Of course that wretched boy was totally useless in potions which was a loss since his mother was such a talented brewer. He immediately closed the door behind those thoughts and composed his mind. Now was not the time to dwell on Potter's prat.

"It's better she tells you about it." With that Sirius cast a look at Moody who dropped the wards so he could exit the room and went out to look for some person – a woman obviously, even though he had no idea who. Soon enough there was a knock on the door and Sirius entered again, now with a petite girl in tow who was clad dark, almost black skinny jeans and dark red woollen sweater, however what was a dead giveaway was her hair. He knew immediately who it was. The Gryffindor know-it-all Granger.

"Is this a joke?" Snape exclaimed expecting to be subjected to the impulsive explosions of Granger as was her standard. However he was very much surprised by her answer. In a collected voice void of any emotion she answered "no I assure you it's not a joke professor. Good evening Mr Moody" she greeted the Auror in an air that he had never seen in her before. Who was this girl?

Hermione knew that she needed to keep her cool if she wanted to deal with Severus Snape. She spoke with Moody prior to the Order meeting as per request from Sirius. She made him take the Wizarding Oath and surprisingly he did. She spent a long time at its precise wording but even so, the paranoid Auror actually did take the Oath. So now there was one person more that knew about her family situation, and by today's night there was to be another one. However she wasn't sure whether it was good or bad. Either way, she'll live…

She was reading a book on the Slytherin family when she heard the knock on her door. It was time.

She followed Sirius to the room where her professor and Mad-Eye were waiting on them. She expected him to believe this a joke. He would need to trust her however crazy and strange that sounds.

"There is an Oath you need to take if you want to help me" Hermione wasn't sure if he would do it. She couldn't imagine the head of Slytherin house helping a Gryffindor, nor could she imagine a Death Eater helping someone he believed to be a mudblood. "You really expect me to fall for that Miss Granger?" he mocked her with a sneer. Who did they think he was?

This time Moody spoke "You would do well to take the Oath, Miss Granger isn't pulling your leg. Also, there is no one else who can help her" Severus was now confused. No one there to help her?

"Surely you can dispose of your knowledge elsewhere" he told them and made to leave, fully conscious of the fact that the room was warded again and he would need to push through the door with force. "Now now Severusss, you can't be running to your mastersss with the knowledge that something is wrong with Harry Potter's side kick, can you Severusss?"

A chill went down the potion master's spine. His name, it felt like the Dark Lord was in this room. He shuddered and his body turned around on its own accord. There she stood, her eyes now a stormy blue and he couldn't help but admit to himself that the insufferable Gryffindor girl was something else than he had previously thought. Something else entirely.

Hermione was the one who had to persuade him to help her, Sirius and Mad-Eye were more from the moral support department. And so she used her darker side to make him help her and she didn't mind it one bit. True, she respected her professor very much, but that didn't mean she was totally oblivious to the insults and torment he subjected her to for the last four and a half years at school.

"Masters?" he asked worriedly. He didn't know how much the chit knew and those two Order members inside this room did nothing to ease his mind. "Don't worry professor Snape, they won't talk. Yes Masters, you see, I'm not called the brightest witch of my age for nothing. Tell me professor, did Dumbledore make you take the Unbreakable Vow or was he already senile enough to trust you implicitly not to defect like you did to your previous master, the Dark Lord?"

Her speech was unnerving but he was too dumbstruck to answer. He should tell her she shouldn't have dared to speak to him that way, however he said absolutely nothing. "This is a simple Wizarding Oath, won't kill you. I really need your help, please" she pleaded with him as she passed him a piece of paper with a few lines of words written in her neat script. He read the Oath that she had written on the paper and had to admit that it seemed to be without a loophole. What could be so important that even the proudest of witches he has ever had the pleasure, yes pleasure, to teach had succumbed to begging?

She was the right had of Potter, well, Potter was _her_ right hand because she was the one who pulled all the strings. She was essential to the downfall of Lord Voldemort and thus they had a common goal, meaning he had to help her. There was only one way out. So he took out his wand and held it in his fingers.

"I, Severus Tobias Snape hereby swear upon my magic that I will not reveal the knowledge I gain tonight nor any information about the happenings of this meeting to anyone who hasn't previously known all that was said on this very meeting that occurred on 1st January 1996. So mote it be." A wisp of white light left his wand and slithered down the wood like a snake disappearing in-between his fingers that held the wand. He felt the prickling of magic in his blood as it accepted the Oath.

"Now, Miss Granger, care to enlighten me on what seems like such a huge problem?" he sneered angrily.

"Yes, you see, I'm an orphan and have no idea who are my parents. But we are sure they were from a pureblooded family, a wealthy pureblooded family."

"And how can you be sure of such a thing?" he couldn't believe the audacity of this girl. Sirius answered to this question and Severus wondered if they had any agreed tandem in which they would answer the questions…¨

"She is way too powerful to be a muggleborn. Her affinity for magic is incredible. Also the way she moves, holds herself, in our world you are born with grace. As for why a wealthy pureblooded family, she was in a possession of a very expensive gift from her parents which is the tradition kept only in the pureblooded families, also, they wouldn't sell it you even if you had the money."

Severus still doubted the reasoning but he had to admit that Hermione had a very special air around her, the way she moved, and the way she spoke with him. It reminded him of Draco. "Have you tried to find your family?" he asked her intrigued. He wasn't aware of any families that gave up their child, although if they did it would be very shush shush, kept under the wraps…

With a heavy heart she answered "I might have tried, but I came to the conclusion that right now there are more important things to deal with than my birth parents." She told him the truth. She couldn't deal with that right now, she had to deal with so many other things and the disappointment she felt once, well she persuaded herself she really didn't need to feel that anytime soon.

"I have a terrible relationship with my wand. I don't know how much you know about wandlore, but simply put, the wand doesn't own me as it should. Now as for the real problem, I can't control my magic when I'm angry."

He furrowed his brow at that. He looked her straight in the eye and silently cast '_Legilimens'_. Hermione felt him trying to prod her mind and got extremely angry. The combination of her anger and the spell that Sirius infused in her mind blasted him across the room along with breaking two glass vases. Sirius quickly went to her side, fully knowing what Snape attempted to do. However he didn't worry much about the potion master, he would think twice about trying to read her mind again. What worried him was the state she was in today. And he really didn't need to repair another bout of smashed glass and tattered curtains.

"Sweetheart calm down. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out." He whispered in her ear as he close her eyes and attempted to calm down and after a while the adrenalin left her veins and she wasn't shaking with anger anymore.

As Severus scrambled off of the floor he noticed the pair in front of him. He was no fool, he could see the affection pouring off Sirius as he hugged the small witch from behind. She clutched his forearms in her hands as he tried to calm her. He had never seen Black so gentle with anyone and it was a startling revelation indeed.

"Anything else I need to know?" he asked after the witch looked at him, not a bit fazed by the fact that she was still in Sirius's arms. "my magical core is bound, don't know how, why or by whom, but it is." Sirius looked at her questioningly. He obviously didn't know about that fact which amused Severus to no end.

"How do you know that Miss Granger?" he asked with curiosity. "Animagus transformation." She answered, the least bit worried that she would get in trouble for it. And the truth was, she wasn't. He couldn't tell anyone outside this room about that and he doubted that Moody hadn't taken some similar oath and of course, who would Black have to tell, he was practically locked up in this house.

She hasn't gotten round to telling Sirius about her attempts at morphing herself into an animal, a rather beautiful animal. She smiled at him and he knew that she would tell him about that later, now they needed to figure out a solution to her annoying problems.

"And what did you expect me to do?" he asked in a monotone voice. "I need you to check on any charms or spells that might be put on me and then, well we can't deal with something we have no idea about…" she told him and waited for him to answer.

Snape looked at Moody who looked his way in return. It looked like they were having a silent conversation. Eventually, Snape asked her to stand in the middle of the room. "Miss Granger, I'll perform a few spells that will hopefully determine what was cast upon you. Stand in front of me" he commanded in that cold voice of his and Hermione grew a bit afraid. Someone was going to cast spells at her and she would be vulnerable to it. The only thing that made her stand in front of the menacing figure of Severus Snape was the fact that he wouldn't attempt to hurt her with two other people in the room. However with Snape, no one ever knew.

And so Severus Snape started casting innumerable spells in language that was neither English nor Latin. Those were no elementary spells revealing the magic that was used on her. Those were complex incantation that required immense amount of concentration and skill. That was the reason why Sirius asked Snape to do it, and why Hermione agreed. He knew what he was doing.

After all the glowing ceased she was met by a dubious expression on her professor's face. Something clearly bothered him and she was afraid to ask what. He went to stay a little further away from her, frowning at what he had just discovered. Then he started to speak.

"There are four charms on you, however they cannot be taken down. Two of them are dark magic, the third is highly illegal and one is curiously unknown to me. The illegal one has bound your magical core as you've previously guessed. It was done by Albus Dumbledore when you were eleven years old. This one is slowly fading because your power is continuously pushing through it. Currently you are using approximately one eight of your full potential. Because it's slowly yielding, it causes bouts of accidental magic when your emotions are high."

He was talking like a doctor giving the news to his patient. His voice was even, unemotional only informing her of the inevitable. Hermione was weary from this whole ordeal. She was surprised that those spells tired her a lot and she had to sit in the small sofa next to Sirius. When she heard about Dumbledore, she didn't have it in her to be angry. She only felt Sirius arms snaking around her body and she let herself be pulled towards him.

"The two charms which are products of the dark magic are about your appearance. One is suppressing your true appearance, a glamour charm of sorts which is dependent on your magic. The more your magic gets stronger, the more will it fade. The second one is slowing your aging. You'll be stuck at seventeen until three years after your seventeenth birthday. Both spells are in fact ancient, almost thousand years old. Both required blood sacrifice and were cast by your birth mother. The dark magic in them doesn't influence your mind, fortunately.

"The last one I have no knowledge about is simply put, strange. It is rooted deep in your mind and is irreversible. It was cast last summer by Sirius Orion Black. Care to explain?" he asked him. Surely the mutt wouldn't cast spells on the girl, especially permanent ones but it seemed he really did. What surprised him was the secret smile on Miss Grangers face.

"Thank you professor, as to the spell you have no idea about, let's leave it at that. Just one warning. It wouldn't do you good to read my mind again. You can't get in there, literally. As for the other three, one I knew about, and it really doesn't surprise me that the idiotic senile half-witted Headmaster tampered with my magic. He'll see… I finally know the reason behind mu blue eyes so at least something is a bit positive. Are you sure the dark magic doesn't influence me?" she asked him concerned.

"No it does not. That particular magic influences only the caster which was your mother, and you are protected by your blood against the complete overpowering of that spell." Hermione sighed, her mother was a dark witch. She had no big problem with dark magic, she was warned against it, that it could ensnare you, but if you have enough willpower in you, you should be fine at least to some degree.

"And the age spell?" she asked worriedly. She had no idea there were any other charms or spells that made you not age. Of course, there was the now non-existent Philosopher's Stone but that was it. That was all she knew about immortality. However, this didn't make her exactly immortal, the only affect it had on her age was that she would stay seventeen for three years.

"As I said, those are ancient spells. When a witch was born into a pureblooded family, right upon her birth this spell was cast at her by her mother that will ensure she would stay young at the ripe age of seventeen, thus guaranteeing that the witch would stay young. I'm sure you can guess why Miss Granger…"

"Marriage…" she breathed totally flabbergasted. "Yes, what eludes me is why it was used when this practise came out of fashion in the thirteenth century." He looked at her then and he saw why she was the one to lead that pathetic group of students. She didn't break down like he expected, she didn't throw a temper tantrum. He didn't know whether she would but all he cared about right now was that she managed to keep that cold face about her for the whole time.

"What about my magic?" she asked him not looking at him but at her hands. "You need to use your magic, meaning you need to use defensive and offensive spells because those are the most draining. You have five days to exhaust your magic, it will also make the bounds looser. I believe you'll find a suitable opponent in this house. I will be seeing you on Tuesday at seven after dinner in my classroom. Don't. Be. Late." With that he threw a last look at Moody who dismantled the wards he put up earlier that night."

"Good night professor Snape" he heard her say as he swept out of the room his cloak billowing around his ankles.

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><p><strong>AN: So what do you think? This one is again longer so I hope you liked it. Another chapter will surely come sooner than Friday, I hope... **

**Recently, I spent a lot of time reading crossover Fanfiction with Hermione. Even though I really hate Twilight (don't mean to offend you and I did see the movies so I'm not just simply judging...) I stumbled upon some amazing stories with Hermione/Jasper relationship and would like to start writing a story with those two. I know, this one is not finished yet, but I would like to give it a try. So I've decided to let you decide. Should I write their story or not?**

**Thank you for reading and please review :)**


	38. Chapter Thirty Five

**A/N: This chapter is rather but I hope you'll like it :)**

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><p>Hermione didn't wonder where he got all the information he just told them about the spells used on her. She knew her professor's knowledge about this part of magic was vast, but she hasn't guessed just how much vast, although she knew she shouldn't have been surprised. She spent many hour in the restricted section of the Hogwarts' library, usually at night under the safety of Harry's cloak, soaking up the knowledge nobody wanted to be passed on, especially if they knew it was her. The things she read about were indeed dangerous.<p>

This evening left her in a daze she couldn't be brought out of. Some revelations were rather frightening and she suddenly realised that one thing in particular stood out. When professor Snape described a spell that was at some point used on her, he always said how old it was.

The one from Dumbledore was on her since she was eleven years old. She guessed he put it on her when he met her for the first in the Richmond orphanage. Actually, when she really thought about it, it was pretty clear he did it then, because ever since the day she visited Diagon Alley for the first time she felt crippled in a way, now she knew why.

He also knew when Sirius tampered with her mind. What made her feel uncertain was what he had said about the other two charms. He said they were ancient, almost thousand years old. But how could that be? Something so absurd simply couldn't be possible, because the only explanation to that was that she would have needed to be thousand years in the past. What utter nonsense! However then Hermione remembered that this was magical world, where even the craziest of seemingly impossible things existed were possible if one only knew how.

Hermione was an avid fan of Sir Conan Doyle's short stories about Sherlock Holmes. One quote of that genius detective stuck with her. 'When you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable must be the truth. So even though Hermione thought about it from left to right and back again she was always left with one explanation. She had been in the very far past.

If she was in the past and the spell was cast by her mother, her mother would need to be there also, thus coming to the conclusion that she was born in the past, thousand years in the past to be precise, in the age of Merlin and Morgana. How fascinating.

Her mind was going a mile an hour and she felt as if her brain would explode from all the theories and possibilities she thought of. Troubled, she fell asleep wanting to be prepared for tomorrow. She hoped that she would train with Sirius and Remus, but Mad-Eye was adamant that he should be the one to 'set her right', giving her a crash course of Auror abilities.

So instead of a nice week she had already planned out, she would need to deal with Moody and Tonks. She had huge respect for him, even feared the great Auror, as for the latter, she didn't know her. The only thing she could remember about Sirius's distant cousin was that she was the love interest of Remus and the protégé of Mad-Eye Moody. Even though she loved acquiring knowledge and learning about new things, she certainly wasn't looking forward to the next week.

The next morning she woke up rather refreshed but immediately her mood went sour when she remembered she would spend practically no time with Sirius in the next few days. How wonderful… she thought sarcastically. 'I've always loved new things, now I'd rather spend my time with him, what has happened to me?' she thought vexed by her thoughts.

She spent the rest of the day listening to Moody barking orders at her incessantly to the moment when she was near killing the wizard. She was angry and tired. Tonks, she found out, was there only to provide medical attention when the practise became too… bloody. In the evening, when she eventually dragged herself to bed, she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

The next three days went on in similar manner. From morning till evening Moody would teach her defence and offence magic, duel with her so ruthlessly she sometimes felt like her body would fall apart. When she eventually lost, which happened every time they duelled, she felt like she would never get up again off of the floor. But then he would shout at her to stand up and they would start again.

She started to think that he was a fighting machine without any emotion like Snape. Nevertheless on Thursday he actually surprised her when he told her she could have a day off on Friday and would spend half a day with training on Saturday. He, someone who was so against slacking up actually gave her a free day.

She knew he had some business to attend to and she never felt so grateful that he can't spend all his time with her. She found it strange that nobody wondered about where she was in the last few days but she ascribed that to the fact that most of them were enjoying their last few days of freedom, not that she blamed them but it hurt a bit.

Till the first day, she considered herself good with her wand, accomplished, happy with what she could do. How naïve she was. True, he admitted she was better than he had expected but when he somehow found out that she was the brightest witch of her age, able to do practically anything, his opinion quickly changed for the worse. 'Where is the bloody witch everyone talks about?' he would yell and they would start again. What he made her do was incredible and she understood why Snape wanted her to practice this kind of magic.

It was draining, both physically and magically and after three days she had had enough. But every time she felt like stopping, every time she felt like telling him to bugger off and leave her alone he would remind her that if this was a real fight, she would be dead. She continued because she knew what awaited them in the future, she kept on going because she was afraid she would fail in the battle and die and that certainly wasn't what she wanted.

She had two days left of her holiday and finally she had time deal with stuff she had no time to even think about. One of that was the Voldemort issue. Why issue? Well, she hadn't got a clue where to start with her research and that was incredibly frustrating.

Then there was Sirius and their pseudo-relationship. She really didn't know what to think about that. She was sure of two things. She loved him, there was this pull that pushed her towards him and she knew she could never let him go. She didn't know if people experienced this kind of feeling, the feeling that if she let go she would lose him and it would destroy her.

She knew he checked on her every night, but each time she felt him in the room, she was already too exhausted to even acknowledge his presence. She wanted to figure out what they were, but whenever she started to think about it, she would get this foreboding feeling, like something bad was going to happen and she would stop instantly. Was there a future for them? This question would send chills down her spine.

Even though she had a free day, she woke up very early adamant that she would catch on the research she had no time to do. 'Where to start?' she told herself when she closed the door of the library and looked around at the many stacks of books, her journal in her hand. Start with the easiest she thought to herself and put down her things on the small table in the room.

After approximately four hours of research, she came up with a two interesting facts. In a book that was already falling apart, she found the Slytherin family tree ending with Merope and Morfin Gaunt. The woman died in 1926, while the man in 1943. When she counted back the years, she figured out that she could be the possible mother of Riddle, but what persuaded her that her theory was true was the name of Merope's father – Marvolo. It wasn't a usual name, even in the wizarding world. One down, million to go.

Another clear thing was unicorn blood. It is drank to keep a person alive. It doesn't matter in which condition the body is, if the soul was sucked out, fragmented, a spirit or if there was nothing else but a soul attached to a host's body. The consequences of doing so were terrible, but it kept you alive. There it was again. The word soul played on Hermione's mind.

In the muggle world, the concept of soul is very interesting and it is something that cannot be proven. It is seen as the incorporeal and immortal essence of being. But in the magical, the concept of soul was very real, it was there, it made you who you are. Dementor's kiss sucked the soul out of you, the ghosts were souls that came back from the afterlife. Soul was indeed very real.

It made her think. There had to be some books on souls and where better to look than the Black library. She searched through the whole library, but found nothing. There was still one bookshelf which she avoided like the plague. The only one Sirius ever warned her about. He didn't forbid her to read the books from there. The only thing he said about those tomes was that they were one thing, one of the darkest of the foul black magic.

She approached the bookcase with glass door with apprehension. She took out her wand and unlocked the small double door with caution. There were approximately thirty books all of them with threadbare binding. She read the titles with her head bend to the side so she could read them easier since it was written vertically in letters that were almost non-existent.

There it was, the one she was looking for. Two identical books, small but thick were at the bottom of the dusty shelf. They were both bound in leather cover that seemed to draw the light into itself. The one of them was called '_Secrets of the Darkest Art'_ however the book Hermione wanted was called '_Sáwel_' the Old English term for Soul. She stared at it, the book tempting her to take it out and gorge on its content. With one deep breath she accioed the book. Hermione had to suppress a shudder when the cold leather cover touched her hand.

She walked slowly towards the front of the room and sat down by the fire in her favourite sofa. Putting the book on her knees she slowly lifted the hard black front page and opened it. There it stood, black on white, those wards she was looking for. '_The soul, the intellectual and immortal principle in man'._

'It's only a book Hermione, only a book…' she told herself as she turned the page and started to read.

_The soul is an eternal part of a being. It gives sense to an entity called human body. Soul is a paradox of nature, believed to both die and keep on existing after death. Human body is wholly dependant on its soul, thus being unable to function correctly without a whole soul. A torn soul relies on the body it is encased in. _

'A torn soul?' Hermione asked herself as she read. She knew only about the general principle of – the only eternal entity, but it looked like there was more to it. As she read on she found exactly what a torn soul is and when she was in the middle of said book, she was slowly getting more and more disgusted. This book described death in its most brutal way, the effect a murder had on a soul, how it ripped, where it ripped and then the book was over, referring to another one, the one she recognised from the bookshelf, '_Secrets of the Darkest Arts'_. And that's how Hermione learned about Horcruxes.

She wasn't naïve. She knew that the book she was going to read was the foulest there ever was. But she couldn't shake the feeling that it was something very important, so she read it. This _thing_, she didn't dare to call it otherwise was against the Law of Nature. It was vile, repulsive, and abhorrent. She put the two books on the armrest and just stared into the fire.

She had no idea that something like that existed and she would gladly go back to ignorance. Oh sweet oblivion! Various images of what she had just read about played before her eyes. Spells, diagrams, the dissolution of the Witch circle, things one's mind should be never allowed to think about. Terror filled her when she thought about one thing. What if Voldemort knew about Horcruxes?

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><p><strong>AN: So how was it? I don't know when I'll have time to write again. The next chapter will be the Christmas goodbye. I'm sooo looking forward to writing that!**

**Thank you for reading and please review :)**


	39. Chapter Thirty Six

**A/N: Here's another chapter. Hope you'll like it :) enjoy**

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><p>Immortality. The eternal life. Not being subjected to death. Then insert Voldemort. The eternal wrath of the terrible Dark Lord, the never-ending struggle to stay alive. The unimaginable world full of pain and death. Hermione could go on and on, her endless list of reasons on why it would be awful life if that monster was immortal.<p>

In the beginning she naïvely thought that he couldn't have found such a book. Nevertheless, it had to be mentioned somewhere and the great amount of books that is in the restricted section in the Hogwarts library on the topic of dark arts would at least skim the subject, moreover, fifty years ago, the line between dark and black magic was much more blurry than it was today. Also, Hermione was aware of the fact that Knockturn Alley has an ample of books on the Dark Arts. So the question remained, did he managed to find out this secret of magic?

She took her journal and read again all those questions that were left unanswered.

_His diary led Ginny to open it again. How can a diary possess a young girl? Ginny got dependent on the diary, wouldn't let it out of her hands, why? How can you preserve yourself in a diary? Why did Tom Riddle from his diary vanish when Harry struck it with a basilisk fang - basilisk poison?_

_Blood came from the diary when Harry stabbed it with the fang_

She bit her lip so hard she tasted the copper taste of blood on her tongue as she recalled some passages written in the book.

_The fragment of a soul within a Horcrux behaves like any other soul. It is self-aware, with the traits of the wizard or witch it belongs to and there is always a link to the one who created it. Horcruxes can think for themselves, they possess many magical abilities of its creator alongside with the ability to influence those who get emotionally attached to it. It feasts on your soul, influencing you until you become a completely different person, very much alike the one the soul fragment belongs to. It feeds on your negative emotions and multiplies them tenfold while increasing its own ability to act independently. _

_To render a Horcrux useless, it must be destroyed beyond physical and magical repair. A destroyed Horcrux may be identified by blood gushing or screams coming from the animate or inanimate object chosen to carry the soul fragment. The means to destroy a Horcrux are as deadly as the means to split a soul. _

_There are three methods of destroying a Horcrux. The only possible way how to end the existence of a soul fragment placed in an inanimate object is by either Basilisk Venom or Fiendfyre. When intending to destroy a soul fragment placed in an animate object the killing curse 'Avada Kedavra' may be used. _

Blood, basilisk venom, influencing until you act like the one whose soul it is. Hermione felt sick. Really sick. 'It can't – It can't be true!' she thought again and again but she knew that it was the truth. All the facts fit in. She read pages upon pages about how to recognise a Horcrux, how it behaves. It was all there. She started hyperventilating and grabbing the offending book on this black magic she threw it across the room.

Tears streamed down her face. They were all doomed, because how can you kill someone that is practically immortal? Simple answer, you can't! She looked around for her journal wanting to close it so no one can stumble upon her notes and that's when she saw it, those five words she wished she had never written.

_Harry - Voldemort - Diary - Snake: Connection?_

Could it be? All of them sharing one soul? There was no written rule that stated how many times you can split your soul. There was only information about implications of doing so. Could all of those be Horcruxes of Voldemort? Diary, Snake, Harry… Harry… All of those emotions he said didn't feel like his own, those dreams he always had about Him and his ability to sense that Voldemort is in the near vicinity. 'Dear Merlin, this can't be happening!'

With a heavy heart, Hermione sat down again and put her head into her hands. She didn't want to give up, she so didn't want to give up but this situation seemed so hopeless, Hermione despaired. Suddenly, striving for knowledge didn't seems so appealing anymore. She was addicted to it, like a smoker who suddenly realised it is indeed not good for you to smoke. But you can't give it up can you? Hermione now realised that her need to know everything and practise everything would be her downfall.

She sensed someone at the door and quickly shut the journal, composing herself.

''Hey, there you are! You missed lunch!" excitedly looking Sirius strode into the room. Even though she was glad that he finally seemed somewhat happy, she couldn't answer him with more than a simple "Humph…"

"What's wrong?" he asked her concerned seeing her pale face. Her skin was always more of the paler shade but now she was as white as a sheet. "Nothing!" she hastily answered avoiding looking him in the eye. "Liar…" he said in a low voice as he strode towards her and sat on the armrest of her chair.

She sensed his eyes boring into her and in a moment of curiosity she looked up. His eyes searched hers and she knew he would find the agitation in them. She quickly looked away but not before he knew that something was bothering her to the point of going crazy from it. "What's wrong?" he asked her softly, knowing full well, that demanding anything from her was useless.

"Can you just leave it? Please?" she begged desperately, not wanting him to discover anything about what she just found out. It would crush him. Maybe with time, she would tell him when they finally decided to destroy the noseless monster once and for all. But now she knew that spreading her knowledge would lead to nothing but pain to those who were aware of it.

All of a sudden he stood up and she all but squealed when he took her in his arms and sat down on her armchair, but this time she was sitting on his lap, grinning like a fool. "See, I made you smile!" he gloated like it was the most difficult task in the world, which right then very well may have been. She hid her face in the crook of his neck so he couldn't see all those emotions that were showing themselves on her face.

"You know, whatever it is you can't tell me right now, you can. I'm sure it's going to turn out just fine" he added after a while. Her at least a bit joyous mood went back to dark 'Oh Sirius, how wrong you are…' she thought. 'If he thought that killing your best friend is being a fine result than I am a bloody unicorn.' But she couldn't hold that against him, he didn't know so she squished all of her angry thoughts.

"May I ask you something?" Hermione said, her head resting against his shoulder like it did many times while her legs were perched on one of the two armrests. His arm encircled her midriff while the other rested on her thigh. She had never thought of herself as the kind of girl that always had to be latched onto someone but she craved the feeling she got when her body was pressed against his.

"Of course you may, you don't ever have to ask" he murmured not needing to speak any louder. "Did you ever think of escaping all of this?" she mused "You mean like going abroad?" he replied unsure. "Something like that, just – I don't know, stop being a wizard, live as a muggle in China or something…" Hermione tried to clarify her question. He chuckled at that "China? Well, there's a thought!"

"But seriously and please don't joke about that word or I'll I don't know, blow your head off! Would you be able to throw this all away?" She said with a hint of scepticism. "There's not much to throw away is there…" he tried to lighten up the mood but failed miserably. Hermione knew he hated it here, and it pained her to think that what he just said was true, at least to some extent. He was the outcast of the wizarding world, hunted by Aurors, with a price on his head. For him, there wasn't much to throw away, apart from Harry that is…

"Don't say that" Hermione tried to object but her voice lacked the passion that always seemed to be there when she was defending something or other. "But it's true!" Sirius exclaimed and continued "You asked if I would ever be able to go away. Well, the truth is, I thought about it, I think more than enough times already. But you see, I couldn't just pack my things and leave... First of all, you're here" seeing her want to protest he quickly went on "Let me talk, you're here and you'll fight alongside Harry, don't try to tell me otherwise – I know you'd never leave him even when you're angry with him.

"And I owe it to James and Lily to continue their fight, our fight. And to tell you the truth, I would rather go down fighting than hiding here like a coward and outliving everyone I know!" he proclaimed.

"You can't joke about things like death!" Hermione croaked, her throat constricting as she tried to stay unaffected by his talks of dying. "Hey, no one's saying anything about dying" he soother her with his words and hugged her closer to him.

"Some news from the Order?" Hermione pried wanting to know about the latest developments. "Nothing important apart from the fact that the ministry's still claiming it's all a pack of lies and whatnot. Right now, they introduced the checking of all information that gets into Hogwarts and out. The post is going to be checked at random and if they find anything suspicious, doesn't matter what, they expel you."

"What?" Hermione screeched right in his ear and Sirius hissed at the sudden noise "sorry" she mumbled. "It's another one of those Decrees I think, the ones Harry told me about." Sirius said. Hermione rolled her eyes at that 'Of course the Pink Toad would think of something like this…' "She needs to be dealt with…" Hermione muttered and Sirius laughed out loud. She really did have a vindictive streak in her and he reminded himself never to get on her bad side.

"Have you thought about what Snape told you about those charms set on you?" Sirius inquired curiously. He knew that Hermione didn't have much time to think things through since Moody took upon himself to monopolise her time.

"I can't say I haven't because some of what he said is rather strange but most of it makes sense. I mean especially the one about the glamour charm. Sure, I don't understand why my mother – "that word left a bitter feeling in her mouth. In her mind, she had no mother, the mother that gave birth to her abandoned her and had no right to call herself that. But she still gave birth to her. Shaking her head slightly, she continued "why she had to use magic for that. Sure there are many glamour charms that would work…"

Sirius interrupted her then "You can't put a glamour on a baby Hermione, because that would damage their body. They grow and change, so a simple glamour would be completely useless. The only thing they could influence is your skin tone, your eye colour and maybe your hair… nothing more."

She looked at him in surprise. She never expected he would know about such things. He was much more knowledgeable than she had given him credit. She felt horrible because she underestimated him yet again. "I haven't thought about it like that" she retorted wanting to cover up her embarrassment. Unfortunately for her, Sirius caught on that rather quickly "Something you don't know? Impossible!" he chastised her and had to snicker at her mortified expression.

"Don't worry I won't tell" he whispered like this was the biggest secret. Hermione whacked him on the shoulder. "Ouch! Why do you always resort to such violent actions?" he asked her while he rubbed his shoulder with mock expression of pain on his face. Hermione chuckled "I'm not violent, only some things need to get through more – clearly" a mischievous smile adorned her face.

Seeing that he understood what she meant, she went on. "As for the one that freezes me at the age of seventeen, that is simply preposterous!" Hermione huffed. She didn't like the idea of someone wanting to look her best only so she could lure all those men!

"I remember that my father once told me that it was a common practise in my family till the beginning of the twentieth century, even though that most of the other families didn't know about it…" It was rare for Sirius to mention anything about his birth family so she listened intently to what he had to say.

"It sounds like you were close to your father" she observed but instantly worried that she crossed the line. Even though he knew about most of the things that happened in her past, she knew he still had to get to know her better as she him. She loved these moments he told her about his past even though she knew it was painful for him to think about.

"Yes, before I went to Hogwarts, we had a very close relationship. He always looked at things from above, believing himself to be better than others, but the truth is, he was. He was incredibly clever and cunning and surprisingly gentle in many ways. I suppose we had such a good relationship because of the fact that I was the first born, his heir. I never held my mother in much regard so whenever my father had some time to spare, we spent it together. It was like a safe haven of mine." Sirius gulped at the memory of those merry days he spent with his father in Diagon Alley and in their manor.

"But then some of the things my mother kept saying about me got through to him and he started to see me through her eyes, soon after I became a disgrace to the family and after being sorted into Gryffindor he completely shut me out. Those summers when I had to come back to Grimmauld place were hell. I began to escape to the Potter's home but I still had to spend some time here. After my fifth year my mother demanded I join the Dark Lord. Of course I would not. Let's say she didn't take that easily and I spend the rest of my summer recovering from that. I never saw her or my father again. The only thing I regret leaving behind is my brother."

Hermione was speechless. It must have been more terrible than she even dared to imagine. If she guessed correctly, his brother had to join instead and that may be the reason why Sirius kept blaming himself even after twenty years.

"He worshiped the ground Voldemort walked on and it reminded me of my mother's fanaticism. Before I left for my first year at Hogwarts, he begged me to take him with me. He knew of my wish to get sorted in Gryffindor, he even said he would go there with me. But when I returned, he was my mother's and father's boy and seeing what happened to me, he – I think it made him realise he had to choose between me and our parents. And Reggie chose them. I don't blame him really. I suppose if I was more like him I would chose the same. I should have chosen the same, to protect him, but I was a coward. So instead of me, he had to die at his master's wand."

Sirius's words broke her heart. He was persuaded that it indeed was his fault and he was determined to live with the guilt till the moment he died. What truly saddened her was that she could do absolutely nothing about it. True, she could try to tell him that it was not his fault, he couldn't have known that Regulus would be put in his place but she was sure that he would wave away all her arguments. So she only took his hand in hers and squeezed it tightly, giving him comfort in the only way she could think of.

"I think you need to spend time with Harry, he needs it. Tell him about James and Lily, tell him about the Marauders. Even though I'm extremely pissed at him right now, I can't help but notice how ill he looks like. Make him laugh…" she said after a long while of silence and Sirius knew she spoke the truth. He had to spend more time with his godson, after all he wouldn't be allowed to do so till the next summer.

Feeling she got across her point, she hopped off his lap and turned to look at Sirius who was standing already. He gave her a swift peck on the lips and left, leaving Hermione to brood.

She realised now more than ever that the terrible reign of the Dark Lord managed to break up more families than she imagined. Not that she felt any pity towards the famous dark families, but his slimy tentacles managed to reach even there. She felt an unbelievable need to destroy the monster. She went in search of the family tapestry she secretly admired, wanting to inspect it further. Maybe she would find something more about Regulus's death.

She already knew all about the deaths of the light side, now was the time to dwell into the reasons of deaths on the dark side. What a better way to understand their opponent than to find out what makes him kill his own…

But as Hermione stood in front of the tapestry, she couldn't see more than the dates of death. She saw his birthdate and counted in her head. He was sixteen when he joined the side of dark and eighteen when he died, such a terrible fate for someone so young. She called Kreacher, wanting to ask him if he knew more about this young boy's death. Many people used to confide in their house-elves because they could keep their secrets, Hermione included. There was a slight chance that Regulus had done the same.

"Mistress called?" Kreacher appeared at once. "Yes, do you know something about Regulus's death?" she asked him without any gentleness to her voice as she was used to. She spoke the same way she did when talking about the war. She needed to detach herself from the cruel truth of those dreadful years. What surprised her was how Kreacher cowered before her. "Mistress found out, Kreacher did not obey the order of his master, bad Kreacher" the house-elf muttered to himself and instantly started to hit himself with the hardest object he could get his hands on.

She had never seen him act like this, so out of his mind, it reminded her of those scenes she witnessed when Dobby was still owned by the Malfoy's. "Calm down Kreacher!" she said but that seemed to spur him on. 'What is it with house-elves and inflicting pain upon themselves?' she asked herself. Seeing as the small creature wouldn't end his punishment she ordered in a strong voice "Kreacher stop this at once!"

As soon as the words hit his ears his movements stopped and his hands fell to his side. He looked at her with pleading eyes and Hermione was taken aback by the despair they showed, the tears brimming at the corners of his huge eyes. "Now explain why you felt the need to punish yourself!" Hermione demanded to know aware of the fact that she was being cruel to Kreacher right now, but she knew from experience that sometimes he only obeyed the stern commands.

"I didn't obey the order Mistress" he said looking down, ready to start hitting himself again. "What order?" Hermione snapped. What was with people and talking in sentences that made absolutely no sense? Right, he was no people… She thought sarcastically, but scolded herself for thinking like that. Kreacher was one of the only ones she could trust and he deserved none of her mean behaviour towards him.

"To destroy the locket!" he said quickly and immediately his hand flew to his mouth while the other formed a tiny fist and started to bang against his head. "Kreacher, stop! What locket?" Hermione wanted to know. Kreacher gave up. Maybe she could help him in his task, maybe she would be able to destroy the vile peace of magic.

He popped out and in again, but when he appeared in front of her, he held a small golden locket in his hands. Hermione felt the dark magic of it and immediately took a step back.

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><p><strong>AN: So what do you think? I needed to bring the idea of Horcruxes forward sooner because it will change many things in the long run. Please don't hate me :D I won't post another chapter till you review so review :D Haha I'm evil... But no seriously, that's what keeps me writing dearies :)**


	40. Chapter Thirty Seven

_Previously:_

_Kreacher popped out and in again, but when he appeared in front of her, he held a small golden locket in his hands. Hermione felt the dark magic of it and immediately took a step back._

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><p>The locket that was hanging on a thick golden chain was an intriguing piece of jewellery. It was made out of gold, even though it wasn't as shiny as it once used to be. There was a snakelike ornament at the front, set with emerald green precious stones that glinted in the light.<p>

Hermione could almost see the tentacles of the powerful magic slithering out of this tiny object and had to force herself not to shudder. "How did you get this Kreacher?" Hermione asked, cocking her head to the side, still observing the locket he held in his hands. "Master Regulus gave it to Kreacher, before he made Kreacher go back here. Dead bodies took him. Mistress needs to destroy it, I couldn't. Kreacher failed."

"What happened Kreacher?" Hermione said gently and the old house-elf started to tell her a story, a story she wished she had never heard.

"After Master Sirius ran away, Master Regulus was very sad, but he - he wanted to be the perfect son so at the age of sixteen he joined the Dark Lord. He was so proud, so happy and eager to serve, Mistress Black was so proud!

And one day, a year after he joined, Master Regulus came down to the kitchen to see Kreacher. Master Regulus always liked Kreacher. And Master Regulus said - he said - he said that the Dark Lord required an elf."

"Voldemort needed an elf?" Hermione asked puzzled.

"Oh yes," moaned Kreacher. "And Master Regulus had volunteered Kreacher. It was an honour, said Master Regulus, an honour for him and for Kreacher, who must be sure to do whatever the Dark Lord ordered him to do - and then to c-come home.

"So Kreacher went to the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord did not tell Kreacher what they were to do, but took Kreacher with him to a cave beside the sea. And beyond the cave was a cavern, and in the cavern was a great black lake -

"- There was a boat - There was a b-basin full of potion on the island. The D-Dark Lord made Kreacher drink it - Kreacher drank, and as he drank he saw terrible thing - Kreacher's insides burned - Kreacher cried for Master Regulus to save him, he cried for his Mistress Black, but the Dark Lord only laughed - He made Kreacher drink all the potion - He dropped a locket into the empty basin - He filled it with more potion."

"And then the Dark Lord sailed away, leaving Kreacher on the island ..."

"Kreacher needed water, he crawled to the island's edge and he drank from the black lake - and hands, dead hands, came out of the water and dragged Kreacher under the surface -"

Hermione had silent tears running down her face and only after she tasted the saltiness reach her lips she realised she was crying. "How did you manage to come back?" Hermione managed to croak out with so much sorrow it surprised the house-elf that she held him in such regard

"Master Regulus told Kreacher to come back," he said. "Kreacher was told to come home, so Kreacher came home – "the small house-elf was trembling and Hermione felt that was not all he had to say. "There is more isn't there?" she asked him kindly. Kreacher nodded his head slightly.

"Master Regulus was very worried, very worried when I came back," croaked Kreacher. "Master Regulus told Kreacher to stay hidden and not to leave the house. And then - it was a little while later - Master Regulus came to find Kreacher in his cupboard one night, and Master Regulus was strange, not as he usually was, disturbed in his mind, Kreacher could tell - and he asked Kreacher to take him to the cave, the cave where Kreacher had gone with the Dark Lord -"

He then described how they got to the cave, how his Master Regulus made the needed sacrifice and how they got on that little island again.

"M-Master Regulus took from his pocket a locket like the one the Dark Lord had," said Kreacher, tears pouring down either side of his nose. "And he told Kreacher to take it and, when the basin was empty, to switch the lockets –"

Kreacher started sobbing now and it broke Hermione's heart to see him like this.

"And he order - Kreacher to leave - without him. And he told Kreacher - to go home - and never to tell my Mistress - what he had done - but to destroy - the first locket. And he drank - all the potion - and Kreacher swapped the lockets - and watched - as Master Regulus - was dragged beneath the water - and -"

"Oh, Kreacher!" wailed Hermione "I'm so sorry!" she knew better than to hug the small creature, he was extremely proud and would take no comfort in such a gesture.

"So you brought the locket home," he said relentlessly, for he was determined to know the full story. "And you tried to destroy it?"

"Nothing Kreacher did made any mark upon it," moaned the elf. "Kreacher tried everything, everything he knew, but nothing, nothing would work ... So many powerful spells upon the casing, Kreacher was sure the way to destroy it was to get inside it, but it would not open ... Kreacher punished himself, he tried again, he punished himself, he tried again. Kreacher failed to obey orders, Kreacher could not destroy the locket! And his mistress was mad with grief, because Master Regulus had disappeared and Kreacher could not tell her what had happened, no, because Master Regulus had f-f-forbidden him to tell any of the f-f-family what happened in the c-cave ..."

Hermione could clearly see that something snapped inside the old and loyal house-elf the minute he finished telling her his story. Gloom seemed to surround him and his shoulders were slumped in defeat.

"Why did you bring me the locket?" Hermione asked suddenly. She couldn't understand how he could part with what seemed the only item that reminded him of his young master. However, when she heard him answer, she realised just how far gone he already was and there was no way she could help him.

In the small amount of time she got to know Kreacher, she realised that he wouldn't let himself be consoled easily. He was a proud house-elf who wouldn't let himself be hugged or receive any kind of affection. That came with belonging to the Black family for so long. And who would wonder where this cool behaviour came from when they had stuffed house-elf heads hanging on the wall.

She may have thought that her relationship with Kreacher could go both ways but it certainly couldn't. He was still a house-elf and some things were simply engraved in his mind and it didn't matter if she told him the opposite was the truth.

"Kreacher brought Mistress the locket because Mistress is able to destroy it" That was the last sentence she ever got from him. He wouldn't look at her only bowed to her whenever she was in the room but otherwise, he was a completely different house-elf. Hermione sighed and picked up the locket off the floor.

It was a strange feeling, the notion of holding someone's soul in her hand. She was sure it was another one of his Horcruxes. It didn't make sense for Voldemort to go to such lengths only to protect something other than a piece of himself. And the black magic seeping from the object in her hand was only a confirmation. She didn't risk putting it on, she knew all about the danger of such an action.

Instead, she gathered her things, and with the locket still in her hand she made her way towards her room and putting the locket in a small jewellery box she had at the bottom of her trunk. She warded it with every spell she could think of and prayed it would work. Hermione knew of the consequences of being in such a close proximity to a Horcrux, especially when sleeping, and even though she didn't like the idea, she would have to live with it.

The night came soon after. Exhausted from a day with so much revelations she made herself ready for bed and fell asleep almost instantly. It was nearing midnight when something disturbed her from her sleep. She saw the door opening, letting a little bit of candle light coming from the hall inside. It closed again but she could tell someone else was in the room.

Hermione smiled as she felt her bed dip under the weight of the black canine who snuggled next to her. "Couldn't sleep without me, eh?" she gently teased him and had to chuckle when the huge dog yawned showing his sharp teeth and pink tongue. Hermione ruffled the fur on his head and laid back on her back, while Padfoot laid his own head on her belly. The both of them fell into a wonderful relaxing sleep.

Hermione had a strong feeling of déjà vu when she woke up the next morning with Padfoot snuggled next to her. She didn't have the heart to wake him up so she slipped quietly out of bed only to be started by a playful bark that made her turn around.

The black dog jumped off her bed and trotted over to her happily wagging his tail. He was so much like and unlike his human self it always seemed to surprise her. Hermione supposed that he was like this before he went to Azkaban, alas, she could never know that person. She bend down and kissed him in-between his eyes saying good morning. Then she turned around and went in search of a bathroom.

It always made her day better waking up with that mutt in her bed. The previously unknown feeling of safety made her sleep like a baby and with her strange dreams she was in a great need of sleep. Little did she know she had the same effect on Sirius…

Today was the last day of her training with Moody and she couldn't help but feel relieved at that thought. He wouldn't be here all day like on those previous sessions. They would practise from nine till three in the afternoon and that would give her enough time to pack. She surprised Ron this morning when she told him that he wasn't the only one that hasn't got things packed yet.

The twins then tackled her with their questions about whereto she disappeared for the last four days. She chuckled at their observation but didn't say anything to answer their questions. When they started to demand, rather loudly at that, what she was hiding from them, Moody came to her rescue saying she was training with him.

The twins, completely gobsmacked just stood there with their mouths hanging open. "Close your mouths boys! You wouldn't want to catch flies" She laughed and followed Moody to the ballroom. Unbeknown to her the twins started to interrogate poor Sirius who finally relented and told them he'll show them after lunch.

"She won't have lunch?" Fred asked in disbelief. 'How could one forego lunch?' the other twin thought. Sirius only shook his head no and continued reading the newspaper. The twins huffed and stormed out of the room in annoyance.

"Today we will try something different Miss Granger…" Moody said as he rummaged in his pockets. Hermione looked at him with curiosity shining through her eyes. She expected another round of ruthless duelling but today it seemed to be something different. Intrigued, she waited for him to find what he was looking for.

After a beat, he pulled out a scarf out of his pocket and Hermione looked at him with raised eyebrow. "Now don't look at me like that Missy. Come here" he commanded in his steel voice 'Here we go again with the orders' Hermione thought but obeyed non-the-less.

He wrapped the scarf around her head, covering her eyes so she could she practically nothing. 'Great' she thought as she felt the sticking charm take effect. 'And now what?' she asked herself as she stood in the middle of the room seeing nothing but darkness.

"Miss Granger, I know your magic is rather peculiar. You can sense when people are around you and even who they are. Now I want you to use your magic as different tool. If you sense a spell coming at you from any direction, throw a shield that way and retaliate. But remember, I'm a moving target and unlike you I can still see." With that he concluded his explanation of her task and began to circle her.

Hermione could still hear him moving but that did nothing to calm her nerves, quite the opposite. "Hearing where I'm going will not help you" Moody boomed and as if to prove his point he quickly jumped to the side which distracted her greatly and fired a spell at her. She hissed as it hit her hip and her hand immediately went to rub it. Despite his injured leg, he could still move swiftly.

"You're dead, again!" Moody growled.

And again and again he fired spells at her and again she got hit with his blasted spells. "If you want someone as a living target, be my guest and take it out on the Malfoy's!" Hermione yelled aching all over. "You will do as you're told!" Moody barked and his loud voice made Hermione cower. "C'mon girl. You know best how your magic works. Use. It!" he gritted out and fired another spell at her.

Hermione was more fed up than ever. They were at this for hours and she yet had to manage to avoid his spells let alone retaliate. Suddenly an idea struck her. "Could you stop for a minute?" she asked him quietly. She heard Mad-Eye scoff and she could clearly imagine his expression dark beady eyes and all… "Please" she begged him, which had become quite the usual situation here. She knew what he would answer before he even uttered the words.

"In battle you have no time to even think and you want me to stop? Not everything is as you wish Missy!" he ranted. Oh, how she hated his moods but she could see where he was coming from. "One minute!" he muttered and Hermione mentally squealed.

Taking deep breaths she calmed down the adrenaline cursing through her body. Then she started to push her magic out of her. True, she had problems when she tried to spread it throughout her body but this seemed to be different. She thinned it until it felt like threads of the most sensitive magic all around her. Her magic had become her eyes.

She could detect where he was standing, even where Tonks was standing. She turned to look in his direction and the slowness of her movement made it appear really creepy, even Mad-Eye had to admit that. A malicious smile spread over her face. Hermione was certain that this would finally work. But it was very exhausting so she hoped that their training would finally be over in a while.

It took her a little bit of time to get the hang of it. Pushing her magic out and using it at the same time was very complex and difficult. Moody kept changing sides going all around her as she stood in the middle of the room with her wand raised. To the onlookers it must have looked really funny.

Until finally she blocked his spell. Moody raised an eyebrow at her. He was sure she could manage it. She was a magnificent witch, way better than McKinnon whom he held in much respect. This petite witch was something else entirely and he was sure he wasn't the first one to think that.

He never cast verbal spells at her which made it even harder for her to find out from which direction he was coming at her. Then she asked him for a break and even though he was reluctant to give one, he was curious about which card she had up her sleeve. As it turned out, she had figured it out.

He heard the door open and his beady eye saw three people enter the room - the twins and Sirius Black. He saw their perplexed expressions as they realised she was blindfolded. Mad-Eye knew that wizards and witches without eye sight were as good as squibs. He should be glad he still had one of his eyes since the thought of having two objects made with dark magic inserted in his head was a bit unsavoury to him. So he understood their incredulous expression but they've seen nothing yet. 'Let's give them a show…' he thought and with a smirk he fired another spell at her.

Hermione felt a group of three enter the room and had to hide her smirk at who they were. She came to the same conclusion 'There's nothing wrong with showing off from time to time…' she thought and blocked the spell he cast at her from one direction and quickly whirled around to cast another one at him.

The three men looked at them with unbelieving eyes. The pair in front of them duelled with such ease, even though it were light teasing spells The girl managed to do it without her eyesight and still fared well. But after five minutes of this she suddenly rasped out "Moody, can't anymore!"

Using her magic both ways tired her out way quicker than she would have thought. She became clumsier with her spell, until her shield broke completely and Mad-Eye hit her again. "I think that was enough of a performance" Moody said in the direction of those three who stood by the door with bugged eyes. The twins got the clue and left promptly, however Sirius cast them a worried look. "You're not her babysitter Black, she'll be alright."

Sirius knew he was not wanted nor needed in there but that still didn't make him feel better while looking at the girl on her knees. With a sigh of distress he turned around and followed the twins out of the room. 'No wonder Moody wanted to train her' Sirius thought as he poured himself a glass of Firewhiskey.

"That was wicked!" the twins exclaimed sitting down. "Yeah, that it was" Sirius murmured low enough for them not to hear him. Sirius said he would take them to see her and he had to admit that even he was curious to get a glimpse of what the two of them did in there. He knew that Alastor was harsh and ruthless when it came to training, having personal experience with him, even though a rather short-lived one. Funnily enough, even the most feared Auror out there couldn't make James and him behave.

He was startled when he saw what Mad-Eye made Hermione do and even more so when he saw what she was capable of. When she finally came to her full power he was sure there would be only a few that would be able to defeat her, if any. Until she made a mistake that is. He knew people weren't faultless and that was what made them interesting. But in a battle even the tiniest mistake will cost you your life.

Finally at half past four Moody let her go. Even though he was supposed to stay only till three, it turned out to be a longer session as per usual. Hermione was sweaty all over and she was looking forward to having a shower or a very long bath. 'Hmmm, the latter I think' Hermione smiled a small smile. A gentle hand around her wrist interrupted her from her musings and Hermione looked at its owner.

Nymphadora Tonks was a sensible woman. Hermione came to the conclusion that she was exactly what Remus needed and could only hope that the wretched man would get over his complexes. He deserved love in his life and this woman was literally pining after him.

"What can I do for you Tonks?" Hermione asked the woman with a small smile. She could see the slight tension and nervousness in her eyes and wondered what this was all about. "I wanted to ask you about something, but I do not want to sound rude or that I'm sticking my nose into other people's affairs…" Tonks answered in a clipped voice.

This certainly was unusual behaviour of the otherwise bubbly and cheerful Metamorphagus. "Yes?" Hermione said with a furrowed brow having absolutely no idea what was Tonks talking about. That seemed to be the only incentive the woman in front of her needed and she was her bright self again. "You and Sirius, what's all that about?" she asked with a huge grin plastered across her face.

If Hermione had been drinking something she would have choked on it. "Pardon me?" she couldn't believe her ears. Did Tonks actually ask her that? The only one who ever made any comment about her 'relationship' with Sirius was Remus who was inebriated at that time. And even then it was an off-hand comment. "Oh c'mon, it's clear that you two care a lot about each other…" Tonks prompted her to complete what she started saying but Hermione only stared at her.

"What I wanted to say is - just don't hurt him." Hermione was taken aback by her statement, it was more of a plead really. "I can't promise you that" Hermione almost whispered. She sighed and palmed her face. 'Why did this Christmas had to be so emotionally draining?' she asked herself and said "Look, you're right, I care about him, a lot, maybe a way lot more than I would like. He gave me something no one else could or can… And that won't change. Ever. But I'm no saint, far from it…"

Hermione laughed sadly at what she had just sad. "Look Hermione, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything" "No it's alright, don't apologise." Hermione interrupted her with a gentle smile and Tonks turned around and went to leave. When she was by the door she said "Keep up with the good work" and with that she was gone.

Hermione pondered what had just transpired for a bit longer and then left the room, locking it as she went. Like the night before, Padfoot hopped on her bed again and the both of them relished in the last hours of peace they could share together.

When the sun woke her up the next morning, Hermione realised she wasn't looking forward to going back to school like she usually did. It started this summer when she wasn't excited like the many times before. But now, as she started at the canopy above her head she couldn't help but despair at the fact that she had to go back there, back to Hogwarts. She didn't want to deal with Umbridge as much as she didn't want to deal with Harry whom she was still avoiding.

However the both of them were very real and very much unavoidable. With a sigh she slightly shook the dog's body until he finally woke up. Padfoot yawned and licked her hand with care. She smiled at him with a sad smile and went out of bed, not really wanting to talk right now. Padfoot caught on her morose mood and went back to his room to get dressed.

When she descended downstairs with her trunk in her hand, she could see that everyone was in a similar mood to hers. Harry was pushing food around his plate with his fork, not really having appetite to eat such a hearty breakfast. Ron on the other hand was throwing the food in front of him in his mouth with such speed that Hermione wondered how he managed not to choke on it. But even he was unusually quiet as were the twins.

Mrs Weasley wondered if they were ill and prepared another plate heaping with food just to be on the safe side. The breakfast went by silently and sooner than they all wanted, the time came for them to depart to the King's Cross station.

Hermione was one of the few left in the dining room. The others went to pack the rest of their belongings into their trunks and prepare for the journey ahead of them. Remus stood up and left the room followed by fussing Mrs Weasley who was muttering something about cold cakes. Hermione would swear that woman was crazier than the Blacks and that was saying something.

The only ones left in the dining room were Hermione and Sirius. She knew this was coming since the moment she woke up in the morning and that may very well be the reason she avoided talking to him through breakfast. She didn't know why but saying goodbye to him sounded so fatal to her. She stood up and carried her plate to the kitchen, along with those all around the table purposefully ignoring the other person in the room.

As she went back Sirius, who was already standing, grabbed her hand by her wrist and made her turn around. She looked at the silk scarf wrapped around his neck and realised how short she was compared to him. "Sweetheart look at me" Sirius said gently and wished to know what she was thinking right then. But he didn't have to ask for all he had to do was look into her eyes.

"I –"Hermione tried to say something, anything but she had no idea what. "Will you come again for summer holidays?" he asked her hopefully. "Of course I will" Hermione answered without a question. It wasn't because of the fact that she had nowhere else to go. No, she genuinely wanted to stay here, with him and nowhere else. "Good" he murmured.

"I need to go" Hermione breathed "I know" Sirius muttered but that didn't mean he wanted to let her go. Half a year without her, half a year without the woman he would love till his last breath. He couldn't begin to imagine how he would manage.

"I don't want to go" she whispered and he felt her breath caress his cheek. Her hair was running in soft curls round her face. It was darker than it used to be, catching the tone of dark chocolate rather than honey brown. He stood so close to her then that he could count the freckles on her nose. Her hands came to rest on his shoulders as grey eyes looked into blue and slowly, ever so slowly Sirius inched his head towards hers.

Hermione felt the side of his nose brush hers and covered the distance between them with urgency previously unknown. She knew she wouldn't see him for half a year and she was terrified that he would do something reckless and get himself killed. Sirius, who was momentarily frozen from her unexpected advance quickly recovered and shuffled closer to her, if that was even possible. Their hands moving on their own accord explored each other's bodies while their lips met in a tentative dance of love and fear. They didn't want to let go of each other. Never ever.

Someone clearing their throat interrupted their moment of rapture and they quickly jumped apart, but still close enough for them to feel the other next to them. Remus was standing at the door with an amused but embarrassed expression while Sirius was staring daggers at him "Time to go Hermione" the werewolf announced quietly and quickly left the room again.

Hermione's cheeks were blushing the most beautiful shade of rose and as Sirius looked at her again he realised he finally found someone to share the rest of his life with. Hermione on the other hand was close to tears, even though she was still flushed from getting caught. All thoughts left her mind as she caressed his cheek, feeling the slight stubble under her fingers. Gulping she said those words she was so afraid of saying.

"Good bye Sirius" and with a feather light peck on his lips she left him standing there. Feeling the tears threatening to fall, she forced them back and grabbing her trunk she made her way to the door.

The twins were waiting there for her so they could apparite to the train station. "Good bye Mrs Weasley, Remus" she nodded at them as she said her farewell. She held on George's hand tightly as she was pressed from all direction as if wanting to be pushed through a tube. When she thought she couldn't breathe anymore, they appeared at the 9 and three quarters platform.

"Go look for a compartment Hermione, we'll wait here for the rest of them" And so she went, her mind completely black, her heart breaking. Why? She wished she knew…

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><p><strong>AN: So what do you think? Please review!**


	41. Chapter Thirty Eight

Harry tried to talk to her, he really did, but nothing would make her budge. Hermione had had enough of pretending that everything the boy did, would go without consequences. He was so used to people trying to protect him, trying to shield him from the real world that he sometimes needed to face the real consequences of his actions, not the cushioning Mrs Weasley together with Dumbledore provided. And that was precisely what Hermione decided on.

"Harry, I need some time" she snapped after he asked her again if she could forgive him. "That doesn't mean I don't care about you" she continued softly this time, but couldn't help but see the dejection in his eyes. She knew him so well and it made her feel bad to see him so heavyhearted. 'Stop right there Hermione! You need this, he needs it!' she scolded herself, turned around and went to her dorm room she shared with other two Gryffindor girls in her fifth year.

The journey back to Hogwarts was more than subdued due to the fact that everyone was leaving something behind. To the twins it were their freedom to do their experiments behind closed doors, to Ron it was the sapidity of his mother's meals, to Harry it was the feeling of home and safety, the only place he ever experienced such feeling away from Hogwarts.

And to Hermione it was half of her heart and soul. She would not torture herself with the thoughts of the Marauder in question, at least not yet. She needed to prepare for another six months of school and gather all the strength she could. Merlin knew she would need it.

The next two days were a blur to her and suddenly it was dinner and she would need to go see Professor Snape. She has thought about their coming session more than once during the past few days but couldn't figure out what he would make her do. 'Probably something similar to Moody…' she thought as she ate her dinner slowly.

Slowly, she made her way towards the potions classroom in the dungeons. The cold here chilled her to the bones and she pulled her school uniform cloak closer to her body. She should have taken her wonderful cloak she thought as she shuddered from the cold. Somehow, she made it there without anybody seeing her and gently knocked on the door. She managed to knock twice before the door flew open, her hand still in the air, ready to knock for the third time.

"Incredible, a Gryffindor actually managed to come on time. But then, what else is there to expect from the know-it-all." Snape's snarl welcomed her. She would need to steel her nerves if she were to survive this. And there is nothing she's better at than surviving.

"Good evening, Professor" she said loud and clear, her head held high. "No need to waste our time with chit-chat. This is how it's going to work. Every other day you'll come here after dinner and try to cast a spell of my choosing. I say try because it's incredibly advanced magic which I doubt even you are capable of" he barked at her. She wasn't sure he was aware of the fact he just paid her a compliment. However she would not give him a reason to reprimand her more than he felt needed so she just stood there and attentively listened to what he had to say.

He threw a book at her and she almost didn't catch it. "You need to improve your reflexes, Miss Granger. Page ten." She looked at the book she now held in her hand. '_Malefici Provectus Libro_'. She once read about this book. Some claimed it was lost, some claimed that it was exorcized out of this world, whatever that meant. None of that was of importance now since she held this particular book of spells in her hand. It was suspiciously light and small, the opposite of how she pictured it would look like.

The irritated voice of her professor brought her out of her musings "You're not here to question, you are here to do. Page ten."

Hermione breathed in deep, trying to hold her temper. Her face was calm but underneath it all, the never vanishing flame of passion still burned. She opened the book and quickly skipped the few introductory pages. She looked up and the number ten was written there. She had the right page.

The book seemed to be written in Latin and even though she knew a bit of French and Spanish, due to the many times she was bored during summer holidays when she was away from school, she couldn't understand what was written there.

The spell was obviously called '_Effingo ego prorsum' _and she could clearly see how the wand movement looked like, but that was it. 'You're not here to question, you are here to do' she repeated the words her professor said not too long ago. She studied the page completely, looking for any cues but came up with nothing. She made a mental note to herself to learn Latin. She gently put the book down on one of the many tables.

She noticed that Snape already moved those tables around so she had some space in the middle. When she did magic, she always knew what the effects would be and she was more than afraid to try this. She hoped that he wouldn't make her do something truly atrocious. Another advantage of doing a spell she already knew the effects of was that she could picture it and will it to comply. Now, all that was left was, well, say the incantation and hope for the best.

Doing all the flourishing waves with her wand she said the incantation and not so surprisingly nothing happened. Snape rolled his eyes and growled "Again!" And so she did. She did it again and again for nearly an hour before Severus ran out of his patience. "Stop this nonsense at once. You're supposed to be the brightest witch of your age and all you do is pathetically wave your wand in front of you. I think it's time to try a different approach" he sneered.

Taking out his wand he pointed it at her and said "_Saulor"_ and immediately a sharp pain erupted in her head. Hermione gasped and staggered. "And this is supposed to help me how exactly?" she snarled at him, her head full of now dull pain. "Who said anything about helping? Do you know nothing about magic? Use your emotions girl!" He needed to enrage her, make her feel strong anger. He could not make her feel any other emotion that would be powerful enough.

In the world of magic, there were only three, only three emotions that a wizard or a witch could use to make their magic react stronger. True, it was hazardous to play with emotions in any form and kind but this, this magic she was currently trying to accomplish needed all she could give to it. And even though he was a very accomplished wizard, he could not make her feel anything other than anger and loathing. The need and feel for revenge was the next emotion and the other was love. And he knew that there was only one person who would make her feel love. He was not sure how he could be so certain. But most wizards, if they were at least a little bit capable, should go with their gut and trust what it told them.

"I didn't give you time to rest Miss Granger, again!" he near shouted and the girl before him tried again. But it was not enough and that's when the insults started.

Hermione felt terrible. She was tired of hearing all of those foul words come from her teacher's mouth. Moreover her ire was rising and she didn't know whether she would be able to stop the outburst of emotion that was going to happen.

And then it was just too much. She got angry, very angry. True, she didn't know what the spell would do, but she hoped, she hoped so much it would hurt him the same way he hurt her tonight. She fuelled her spell with all the anger and loathing she felt for him in the moment and bellowed "_Effingo ego prorsum!"_ She felt the rush of power merge into her wand and a silver light erupted out of the piece of wood she held tightly in her hand.

She could see his eyes widen as he looked at her. She was confused. 'What was it supposed to do?' she asked herself and turned around to look around the classroom, trying to find something that might have changed. And she shrieked.

There, next to her stood she, an exact replica of herself to be exact. Her eyes would have fallen out of her eyes if they could. This was impossible. She raised her hand and the other Hermione did the same. It was like standing in front of a mirror.

And slowly a small smile formed on her face that eventually transformed into a wide grin. It was a bit eerie to look at herself. She laughed out but no voice left her doppelgänger's mouth. She arched her eyebrow at that and the doppelgänger did the same. Huffing, she turned around to face her professor who was currently smirking at her.

And in a rush it dawned on her why he behaved just like he did and couldn't help but exclaim angrily "You manipulated my emotions!" "Perceptible as ever, however I assure you there's no need to voice the obvious. Emotions are a powerful instrument. And all you needed was a little push."

"What does it do?" she asked him after she stopped sulking. "Surely you can figure it out…" he informed her uninterestedly and went to his desk to grade some papers. When he raised his head a little to look at his most accomplished student he had to stop the chuckle that wanted to escape him desperately. It simply wouldn't do for the cold-hearted bastard and dungeon master to chuckle.

There they stood, facing each other and Hermione tried the one thing that came to her mind. She cast an Expelliarmus and even though the trademark red light left the wand of her 'opponent' nothing happened. "It's just an illusion Miss Granger. It mirrors your movements exactly and spells do exit its wand, but only the light, nothing else. Its use is mainly as a distraction. A simple 'finite' will cancel the spell" and with that he pointed his wand at it and uttered "_Finite Incantatem"_.

"Leave the book here, good night Miss Granger" and with that he turned around, his cloak billowing around his ankles. Hermione stood there, staring at the spot her doppelgänger stood just a moment for a good ten minutes before she finally snapped out of it. She was tired, it took a lot of energy of her to create the replica. And that was exactly what they wanted all along, to exhaust her magical core so it wouldn't burst with power all on its own.

School and her lessons with Snape were enough to occupy her mind so she had no time to think about other stuff, like the Horcrux at the bottom of her trunk. However on Friday morning she was not so gently reminded of the fact that Voldemort was still out there and kicking.

It was during her winter holidays that she ordered the Daily Prophet. She got so used to reading it, looking for the tiniest of clues that she was not willing to part with the little contact with the magical world the newspaper provided her with. Even though it was strongly influenced by the Ministry of Magic, she could at least see what the majority of the blindly following wizarding folk thought.

This morning however, a terrible news made it to the first page and Hermione sucked in a breath as she read the headline 'MASS BREAKOUT FROM AZKABAN'. 'No, that can't be!' she thought but there was the proof right in front of her.

_We have confirmed that ten high-security prisoners, in the early hours of yesterday evening, did escape, And of course, the Muggle Prime Minister has been alerted to the danger. We strongly suspect the breakout was engineered by a man with personal experience in escaping from Azkaban; notorious mass murderer Sirius Black, cousin of the escapee Bellatrix Lestrange, Minister Fudge said… _

10 Deatheaters escaped and suddenly, she wasn't so glad she knew so much about them. Antonin Dolohov, who helped to murder Fabian and Gideon Prewett, Molly Weasley's brothers, Bellatrix Lestrange who together with her husband Rudolphus and his brother Rabastan tortured the Longbottoms till permanent incapacitation. As for the others, she didn't know much about them.

She felt someone reading the article from behind her shoulder and turned around, only to be met by Neville's face. There was so much determination in his eyes as she had never seen in him before. And she knew why. Three of those escapees are the reason behind his parents' permanent stay in St. Mungo's ward for patient whose minds had been permanently affected by spells.

"Hermione?" his words shook as he sat down beside her "Yes, Neville?" she responded gently "I need you to promise me something, if you come across any of them, kill them for me" he whispered. Hermione was taken aback by his request. She was no killer but deep down, she knew she had it in her to do what was necessary, and this was. "I promise Neville" she murmured and hugged him from the side.

The days of January passed very quickly. The DA was meeting twice a week now and all of them trained harder than ever. The most improvement was shown by Neville who had the image of his parents lying in their beds, insane, permanently etched into his mind. Also his new wand helped him immensely. He was surprised that his grandmother took him to Ollivander's but went along with it. What she then said to him would stay with him forever _"Step out of your parents' shadow, be the great wizard I'm sure you are. Make them pay…"_

He wanted revenge and he wanted to make his parents proud. Hermione saw it as her personal goal to prepare him and tried even harder to pull at his strings to make him do what he needed. She didn't know if he was aware that she was mildly manipulating him but she learned from the best.

Her evenings with Professor Snape were not so good right now. At the beginning of each session she would repeat the spells she learned previously and then she would try a new one. It was exhausting and soon, dark circles began to form underneath her eyes. She was having terrifying nightmares again, but this time it was worse. Because now, she actually knew who she was dreaming about. Moreover, those weren't her dreams, and she was ninety percent sure she knew who they belonged to.

Umbridge was growing restless. Her personal Inquisitorial Squad was completely useless, of that she was aware. There was a group of students meeting somewhere in the castle, all she needed to do was find them and they would get expelled. She rubbed her hands with a devious smile on her face, yes, that was all she needed to do.

However Umbridge's inability to find these violators of her Decrees left her sour and more mean than ever. By now, it was a common occurrence to see students rubbing their bloodied hands as they exited her quarters.

Hermione's sleep deprivation caused by her constant nightmares, the exhaustion because of Snape and Harry's constant nagging made her feel rather cranky. She couldn't hold her tongue as she was forced to endure one of Umbridge's rants about the 'Holy Ministry'.

"Professor Umbridge, could you please stop bothering us with such useless information?" She quite didn't register the words that left her mouth. 'Now you've done it Hermione' she thought to herself and prayed she would disappear. She had not death-wish, but listening to her utter one more word would certainly kill her.

"Ehm Ehm" Umbridge cleared her throat in a fake overly sweet manner. "Miss Granger, detention 7 o'clock tonight. However not with me, but professor Snape, I have rather full schedule" she announced airily and went back to her droning.

Hermione didn't know whether she should be happy or not. True, her hand would remain without hideous scars, but a detention with Snape, that wouldn't be good. Especially today as she was supposed to have another lesson with him and she was failing miserably with the spell he made her do.

Ignoring the pitying comments of Ron and Harry, whom she still tried not to talk to, she went to the dungeons.

"Since you were so frivolous and managed to get a detention, let's make it a little bit interesting. Moody told me about his experiment with blindfolding you. I think we should tap into that peculiar ability of yours." He snarled at her viciously and with a wave of his wand she was blind.

"Now Miss Granger, I'm no soft Moody." Not giving her time to prepare, he fired a spell at her which threw her off guard. "C'mon girl, we don't have all night."

Hermione, with all her might pushed the magic out and tried to retaliate in some way. But he was too good, and she was too tired. Minutes went by and after half an hour, Hermione was panting with terrible exhaustion. She didn't manage to hit him even once, and did all she could not to get hit herself.

She squeezed all that was left of her energy out of her wand and managed to nick the side of his cloak slightly. Sleep tried to overcome her but she stayed upright, even though her legs were trembling beneath her.

Severus, who saw this, quickly disabled the blinding spell and conjured a chair for her. She lasted longer than he predicted.

Hermione slumped into the chair he provide in a very unladylike manner, and put her head in her hands. Severus noticed that she was more tired these moths and decided to ask her about it. He was still her professor and he didn't want her fainting on him. How would he explain it if that happened?

Shaking his head slightly, he asked her "You've not been sleeping well, why?"

Maybe it was the exhaustion that made her talk, maybe it was her need to finally know how it was possible, that made her tell him about her nightmares.

"So you're saying that you keep sharing someone else's dreams. Whose?" Severus demanded even though he had his suspicion already, how many people were there that dream of Azkaban with deranged women?

Hermione looked at him reluctantly and he arched his eyebrow, silently commanding her to tell him. She breathed in and out slowly, trying to steady her pounding heart. "Sirius Black's, sir" she mumbled.

"Come again? I didn't quite hear you the first time." What was it about Severus Snape that made him want to torture his students Hermione asked herself as she looked him in the eye and this time she said it loud and clear "Sirius Black's, sir".

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><p><strong>AN: I'm sorry it took me so long to update but I'm currently working on a history project and have no time for my story. Next chapter will come next weekend, maybe sooner. Please review :)**


	42. Chapter Thirty Nine

When you finally realise that life will never be a bed of roses, your eyes suddenly open themselves to many opportunities previously unseen. There are many ways how to deal with this particular awakening. Nevertheless, it really doesn't matter how you deal with the way you see the world. No, how you deal with the situation is not important, because sometimes you find yourself in a place you want to have nothing in common with. And maybe, just maybe, you let things be as you found them. So no, it doesn't matter which way you choose to go. The only thing that matters is that you choose your way, be it good or bad, right or wrong, light or dark. You chose your way and unwittingly, irreversibly you change the course of your entire life.

We make decisions like this every day and if we were to measure every little consequence that stems from our decisions, we would not live at all. Perusing every possible effect a certain action would have on our lives would leave you nowhere. We could be sitting on our bed every morning, wondering if it would be more advantageous to stand up on the right leg, or the left leg. But even then, no one would wonder about the negligible decision to actually wonder about these things. You are living the consequences of things you do instinctively.

If you were indeed to wonder about everything, every choice, every word you say, you would first need to think about why you decided to wonder about such things in the first place and thus entering a vicious circle there is no escape from. So no, it indeed doesn't matter why we do certain things, it only matters that we did them. And even if we can't find a rational reason for our actions, we may at least feel better that we did make that one little step into the future.

_Previously: "So you're saying that you keep sharing someone else's dreams. Whose?" _

_Hermione looked at him reluctantly and he arched his eyebrow, silently commanding her to tell him. She breathed in and out slowly, trying to steady her pounding heart. "Sirius Black's, sir" she mumbled. _

"_Come again? I didn't quite hear you the first time." What was it about Severus Snape that made him want to torture his students Hermione asked herself as she looked him in the eye and this time she said it loud and clear "Sirius Black's, sir"._

* * *

><p>There was a choice before Severus right now. A choice he didn't think he would ever have to make, nevertheless, here he was, standing in his potions classroom with one of his most valued students sitting on a chair in front of him.<p>

Either he would choose to stay the snarky dungeon bat potion master. Someone without any sense of empathy or emotion, someone who's so good at his job (either of them) that there's nobody that could replace him and be of the same worth. On the other hand he could be someone who's just a little bit compassionate and understanding, someone he used to be a long time ago but was since then squished under the weight of his cold heart and the immense guilt he felt.

Severus was no fool. That couldn't be said for either of his two masters. Albus Dumbledore was naïve in thinking that he could manipulate everyone and everything he wished to. Of course that he was one of the many he managed to influence when he was young, and he still does, there's no question about that. On the other hand, is it manipulation if you know what's happening to you?

And yet, there was one person, one girl the old Headmaster didn't manage to ensnare in his game of puppets. Hell would freeze over before she would let herself be manipulated by someone, that he was absolutely sure of.

Then there was Voldemort, the Dark Lord, the feared monster… He could go on and on in giving him names that would fit. For a Slytherin, the Dark Lord was too impulsive, he succumbed easily to his anger. Severus wasn't sure to what extent that had to do with the fact that his 'master' was in form of a spirit for the last fifteen years. But still, the Dark Lord didn't have what it took to achieve his goal.

What not many of his colleagues knew was that he took great pleasure in observing what was happening around the castle. Snape sometimes wondered that he had a far greater knowledge of what was going on around the castle than its own Headmaster. While his students, which mind you, he still hated with all his might, brewed their terrible potions, he had the opportunity to observe each and every one of them.

So he couldn't help but notice the growing dark circles under Granger's eyes, her dull hair and eyes without their usual spark. He knew that she was currently having a feud with one of the thirds of their Golden Trio. He was counting the days Potter would come crawling and begging on his hands and knees, the boy was quite desperate. Then there was Umbridge of course, the doom of their existence. The High Inquisitor took it upon herself to stalk every suspicious individual and unfortunately for Hermione, she was one of them.

It came with no surprise that she was incredibly tired this evening. It would have to come eventually when she would be exhausted enough to almost faint. However when she started telling him about her dreams, Severus realised that he seemed to forget about the one unknown of the equation that was Hermione Granger, and that was her bond.

He knew, of course, that she was bonded to Sirius Black, even though he acted like he had no idea about it. Maybe, if he had enough of his emotions and feelings left, he would be repulsed by the idea. However, he had enough time to ponder about it since Christmas. Nevertheless, what he didn't do was tell her about it. He supposed she was clever, perceptive enough to figure it out on her own, but it seemed that he was wrong.

Severus Snape raised his eyebrow. By now Hermione knew that never meant a good thing. She didn't know the answer to her peculiar dreams nor the feeling of her heart slowly being squished by some unknown emotion. It was something on the pile of 'not so important, deal with later' stuff… She had enough on her plate already, she certainly didn't want to deal with all her personal issues. But now, as she looked at her potions master, she realised it might have been something not so trivial.

"And you decided to share this now?" He asked her and she glared at him. "I really didn't think it was so important… Even Harry shares someone else's dreams!" she snapped at him. As soon as she said that she realised her mistake. There was nothing normal about what was happening to Harry, far from it actually. So why did she decide to hold her tongue, why did she decide to sweep her problems under the rug and act like it was no big deal?

Hermione liked her secrets and this was one of the things, she didn't need to share with anyone else. True, most of the time those nightmares made out of memories left her sleepless and crept out for hours, but she got a glimpse, a secret glimpse into his life. And it made her understand why he was acting the way he was. It showed her the reasons for his near madness, for his affinity to drinking, for trying to see James instead of Harry.

"You know very well that Potter's dreams are dangerous, but I doubt that Black is a secret Dark Lord ready to decimate our world. But yes, it is important." He said slowly, trying to gauge her reaction. There really was only one explanation for sharing someone dreams. "There are many bonds in our world Miss Granger. Marriage bonds, sibling bonds… Nothing idyllic, nothing flashy. However, there are certain types of magic that binds you to another person in a more – dangerous, yes, dangerous ways. I'm sure you know about the Unbreakable Vow or the Wizarding Oath…"

Hermione listened to him intently and after his pause, she only managed to nod. This was the second time he talked to her like an actual person instead of a rabid dog, the first being the time he told her about the spells that were put on her.

"There is however another one, a rare one, which not many people talk about but is all around them. It's called the '_Natural Bond_'." Hermione frowned at that. The twins, she knew, had this type of bond. But that happening outside of a family? She read about it somewhere, but it just brushed upon the topic, making it seem like it was a myth. Having a '_Natural Bond_' with someone that wasn't your twin just didn't happen.

"In your case, a natural bond is in its rarest but purest form." Hearing Snape talk about her relationship, even though it was all a euphemism made her feel queasy, but seeing him describe something as pure was simple impossible. Those two words didn't go with each other at all, Hermione thought.

Snape, without having the slightest idea what was going on inside Hermione's head continued. Not that he would share this with anyone but bonds, especially this type of bonds fascinated him almost as much as his potions. Because it was one of the only things that couldn't be either created or destroyed by potions.

"Magic, as you probably know is in some form out of your body, even though for many people it's just like a mist, only a very thin layer, many people call this your magical aura. And when you meet a person who is figuratively speaking 'your other half', a person that completes you in every way, your magic touches and leaves an impression on the other. It doesn't push you together, not at all, but it remembers that somewhere there is another part of it. It is eternal, once they meet, they cannot be unmet. It's forever, cannot be destroyed nor unbound.

"What is peculiar about a Natural Bond is that someone's magic won't voluntarily touch another. That simply doesn't happen. Simply put, your magic loathes any other. However there are cases, very rare at that, when your magic is being drawn towards another. Those two cannot than be without each other. The bond then strengthens with every time the magic of the two people touches. Every little nudge, caress, contact of the magic will irreversibly strengthen the bond."

Hermione was lost in his description of the bond. For a moment she forgot about her worries, she forgot about her possible bond to Sirius and just let her imagination run wild. She could picture it clearly. The sensual dance of power when magic touches another, the swirl of rainbow of colours, the tingling all over her skin.

And then it hit her, why he was telling her all of this, what he was trying to say to her. She was bound to Sirius Black and he to her. She remembered his stormy grey eyes, the first time they met. She remembered how she was afraid he could look into her soul. She recalled the feeling of his mind inside of hers, all the pain of the ordeal forgotten. It was only them and their magic, humming in response to each other, wanting, pulling on their control.

Hermione opened her eyes, shaking herself out of her day-dream. "How did you know?" she asked him, almost whispering her question. "Don't take me for an idiot Miss Granger. I have known since Christmas when you asked me to check on the spells put on you. Maybe if you phrased your questions then a little bit better, you would have known by now" he snapped, letting a little of his old persona out to play.

Hermione, not having the strength enough to argue with him tonight just sat there, wringing her hands in her lap.

'Where was the passionate girl, no, woman he met during her Christmas break? Where was the spark that lit her eyes until they were midnight blue?' Snape asked himself. Hermione asked herself the same question. She was pathetic, really... The weight of all the things she now knew was taking its toll on her. She sometimes considered using the time-turner to at least give herself more hours of sleep, but with Umbridge breathing down their necks, she didn't want to risk it.

'Why did you choose to be a Gryffindor?' Hermione asked herself as she looked down on her hands. 'One word, fire.' Taking a deep breath she raised her head and looked him straight in the eyes defiantly.

Severus would smile if it didn't ruin his already tarnished reputation. "Ask the twins about their bond. I think it would be rather enlightening. However if you have any questions, you may come ask me. Now it's late"

Hermione sensed the dismissal but despite that, she smiled at him a little bit. If he was taken aback by her gentleness, he certainly didn't show it. She stood up on her shaky legs and went out of the potions classroom. No good night, nothing. By now she knew that he didn't really insist on all those meaningless formalities.

The journey through the castle back to her dorm was very quiet. That is until she opened the portrait that led to their Gryffindor common room.

* * *

><p>It was February now and Hermione still refused to talk to him. Well, to be honest she did talk to him, if you count a simple yes, no or his personal favourite, fine and whatever you think is best. He was feeling like he would jump out of his skin if this strangeness continued to grow between them.<p>

That's why he was waiting for her to come to the common room and as soon as he saw her curly hair he grabbed her hand and practically dragged her to his dorm room. Luckily, none of his roommates were there yet, they were all sitting in the common room and watched Ron play chess with Dean.

"What is the meaning of this Harry James Potter?" Hermione demanded to know in a shrilly tone that scared him out of his wits and suddenly all of his courage he managed to get together vanished in the matter of seconds. He swore he would take care of her, get to know her better.

Promises were just that, promises… and he realised why some people, namely Hermione never promised to do anything. Because if you promise something, there's always a slight chance that you would go back on your promise.

"I'm so, so sorry Hermione!" he blurted out and looked at her like a sad puppy after being scolded. Hermione sighed and rubbed her hands across her face. "You hurt me Harry…" she said after a while and he felt his heart sinking even further than it already was.

"I know, I'm so – " he wanted to apologise again but she interrupted him "I know you're sorry Harry, I do. But – but Harry I – ", sighing she sat on one of the messy beds and he beside her. He wanted to soothe her somehow but didn't know how. The time of hugging each other was over. He managed to exploit one of her most painful secrets and used it against her, without even knowing how.

"That wasn't me Hermione! I don't know how, but – it's as if there were two of me, one angry and one terribly guilty…" he tried to explain how he felt but she seemed she already knew that "Trust me Harry, I get it. But you can't go on like this. I'm not – I – I know it wasn't you. Only it was."

With hesitancy he took her hand in his and she leaned her head against his shoulder. It was clear to them that their argument was over. But there was almost nothing left of their already fragile relationship.

"You're my sister Hermione" Harry said hoarsely. "I know – "Hermione wanted to answer but he cut short whatever she was going to say. "No you don't, even though I love the Weasley's, they can't really understand. But you do, and - and even if you hate me forever… I'll always love and protect you... I'll always be there and you'll never get rid of me"

What could she say to that? She didn't want to cry, she didn't, but a small treacherous tear made its way down her cheek. "I really am sorry" he added and for the first time, she heard someone who really meant it, who was really sorry for what they did to her. "Me too" she whispered and entwined her fingers through his.

After a long while of silence, Harry spoke again "Something's bothering you"

'Would it kill you to tell him?' her inner voice asked her and she nearly jumped up. It has been a long time since she had the immense pleasure of hearing her other self.

'It's his godfather…' Hermione protested but her other part cut her off. 'Maybe you would be surprised…'

Sighing Hermione laid back on the bed that conveniently belonged to Harry. He went down with her, still holding her hand. "It seems that I'm bonded to someone." She whispered tiredly.

She expected him to throw a temper tantrum, to shout at her, to – she didn't know – demand to decapitate that special someone.

"Who?" he asked her after a while of silence, but she was already asleep.

Somehow the end of her feud with Harry gave her the energy she needed. She finally stopped being so bloody sentimental and was the brave and passionate woman she once prided herself to be. She now had all of the research on the first wizarding war done. All of the dates, all of the disappearances, she managed to create a magical timeline that clearly showed what happened when.

And she had to say it would be an immense help. As she found out, he started with gathering his forces and then he would slowly, but surely start to push through. Right now, he had his most trusted by his side and was taking advantage of the Ministry's propaganda against the idea that he was back. The only thing that was there to do now was wait for his first step. And Hermione didn't doubt that it would've got to do something with the prophecy.

Then there were her lessons with Snape (yes, they were lessons by now). Every other day, even on weekends, they met in his classroom and he taught her magic, such incredible magic she had no idea that existed. They only used one book he was still not willing to part with. He treasured it very much, that she could observe, but as for the reason why, she had no idea.

By far the most difficult thing he wanted her to learn was how to create a black cloud of smoke no one could see through, only her and those she wished to. It took her two weeks to master it and when she finally managed it all she got to hear was his grumpy "Again" and of course she couldn't do it the second time.

What made her feel slightly better was that Harry got the same experience as her, only in a little different field and in a smaller lesser doses. Snape got to teach him Occlumency and from what she could tell, Harry wasn't doing very well. Every evening he spent with their hated professor he returned depressed and broody. From experience, she knew very well that reliving your memories was no fun and if he had any half as bad as her, she really didn't blame him for his glum mood.

She would be glad to think that everything was alright, however, it wasn't. The antipathy between Harry and Snape was huge, often escalating into full blown fights during their potions class. Umbridge was, well, Umbridge… Meaning she was meaner than ever before.

To top it all, the Daily Prophet now had their very own scapegoat. Whatever happened, even the most absurd things were the fault of the well-known Azkaban escapee Sirius Black. She hated how they dragged his name through mud. Speaking of Sirius, she still didn't ask the twins about their bond. She was ashamed of herself to be honest. She kept finding excuses why she didn't have time to talk to them, why she seemed to avoid them when they asked her for help with their pranks.

Finally after Harry asked her why she always seemed to disappear when the twins wanted to talk to them, she found the guts to ask them at last.

It was the first week of April and the twins were putting finishing touches on their latest Weasley's Wizard Wheezes product when the only honorary member of their group decided to grace them with her presence.

"What do we here George?"

"I don't know Fred"

"It looks like – "

"- her majesty finally – "

"- found time to devote – "

" – to us, doesn't it?"

Oh how she adored them when they did that. But today, she was too on edge to study their queer way of talking. "I'm sorry, I had a lot on my plate recently…" she blurted out in a rush. "May I sit down with you?" she asked calmly after a while and the twins happily nodded.

"We missed you, and you missed some exciting work" said Fred and took out a small square box out of his pocket in his robe. It had a really nice design, red a gold spiral that looked like it was moving and above it written in blurry font '_Vertigo wobbler_'. She smiled fondly at yet another one of their skiving snack boxes.

Feeling the cold pendant around her neck she sat up straighter and in all earnestness she told them "I need you to tell me about your bond".

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><p><em>AN: I know, finally :D Thank you so much for reading! Please review :-)_


	43. Chapter Forty

_Previously: Feeling the cold pendant around her neck she sat up straighter and in all earnestness she told them "I need you to tell me about your bond"._

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><p>The twins frowned at that. "Interesting…" they both said at the same time. "Why?" Hermione asked.<p>

"No reason…" George murmured still deep in thought. Contrary to popular belief, the twins were not stupid. Whoever managed to pull such pranks as them and make a business out of it couldn't be stupid. "Could it –", Fred asked and his twin immediately answered "I think you're right Fred." With identical smirks on their faces they asked her "What exactly would you like to know?"

Hermione was quiet for a moment. She came to them expecting they would just start talking about whatever they thought important about the bond they shared. Because honestly, she was lost, she didn't know what it included – being a part of a bond. The thing is, in Hogwarts library there are many books, books she liked and books that according to her were there only to fill the space. Nevertheless, in-between that enormous amount of books, there were simply none that would describe a bond between two people.

From what she gathered while reading she discovered that writing about bonds in general was quite common, she even found lists that sorted all kinds of bonds. On the other hand, that was it, all she got was names and maybe sometimes that it was dangerous to carry out that particular bond or that it was a myth (in her case). She didn't know whether this kind of knowledge was being relayed in the pureblooded families who sometimes usurped the knowledge all to themselves.

Maybe it was a taboo, maybe wizards and witches exploited people with such bonds until it became too dangerous to even write about them. Who knew… So no, she had no questions she had to ask, or if she had to, there were millions of them, depending on which way you looked at it…

"I would like to know everything" she settled on that and leaned against the back of her chair. The classroom they were in was one of those dusty ones that nobody used nowadays. Somehow, Umbridge still hadn't decided to lock these up so the twins happily used them for their experiments.

She didn't know whether the teachers were so stupid as not to check the deserted classroom or if the presence of Umbridge made them to turn a blind eye so at least someone could have fun. Hermione was sure that at least McGonagall and Flitwick enjoyed some of the twins' pranks and if Snape knew what elaborate potions work those two had to put together, maybe he wouldn't sneer at them so often.

"That's tricky isn't it George?"

"I think it is, Fred"

"Remember what mum told us?"

"Aye, never to talk about your bond boys, was it?"

"Hmmm, so now dear Hermione, why would you-"

"- like us to tell you –"

"- about our bond?"

Well, she certainly hadn't expected that. So first option it was. It was indeed kept in the families, and as to why, it looked like it was something much too precious than she had previously expected.

Hermione bit her lip. Subconsciously she knew she could trust the twins with everything. The three of them always were close to each other, even if they didn't have time to spend together like they did in the first three years of school. But something was holding her back. She wasn't so trusting right now, with the pink toad running down the corridors of Hogwarts. However, they were the only ones except Snape that she could ask about the bond.

"Well, it looks like I'm bonded to someone." She said. "Looks like?" she glared at George. 'How many times do I. Have. To. Repeat. Myself? First Snape, now the twins' she thought to herself and snapped "No, not looks like, I am." "Well then, why didn't you say so in the first place?" Fred asked her but flinched when he saw the icy glare she gave him.

"So?" She wasn't patient right now. All she wanted was for them to describe it to her while she would be listening to as if it was a fairy-tale. "Do you want to do the honours or shall I Fred?" asked George more for the benefit of Hermione.

In exaggerated grandeur George stood up and Fred followed soon after. Hermione only raised her eyebrow, wondering what the two of them were up to now.

"Ladies and –"

"There's only ladies here Fred" George interrupted him and Fred stuck his nose up in the air in mock hurt.

"Ladies and ladies" George began in a tone someone presents a number in a circus "it's my great pleasure to present to you the most unimaginable of bonds. The _'Natural Bond'._" George finished his presenting. Fred still stood there offended, determinedly not looking at his twin. George elbowed him in the ribs but he still didn't say anything "Fred, you're ruining it" George whined.

"Oy! I'm not ruining anything! That was part of it!" Fred exclaimed and with a flourish he continued what his brother started. "You see, the natural bond is exactly what it says. It's natural so there's no chance it won't happen. There's no way of reversing it, as surely our acclaimed audience already knows." And George continued, but more seriously now.

"The bond is who you are and vice versa. It doesn't influence you because it was always there to begin with-", but Hermione interjected. That simply didn't make sense to her. "How can it always be there when I met him but two years ago?"

"It's there, only you don't know about it nor your magic knows about it – "

"Fred you're explaining it wrong. Picture it like this Hermione, you're born a witch, but it takes some time till you start manifesting the signs of being a witch, and it's the same way with the bond. It's always there only you start to notice it from the moment you meet the person."

"So it's like predestination..." Hermione mused aloud. "Yes and no. Everybody has their own magic, and that magic belongs to you and you only. Magic is like another person inside of you and you and your magic are merged together. You don't know when the one starts and the other begins. That's why it is such a huge punishment to strip someone off their magic. You take a part of them away."

That was starting to make sense to her but still the point eluded her. "Ok, so I and my magic are one, and nobody has the same magical signature as I do. But what does this have to do with the bond?" Hermione asked unnerved.

"We were getting to that" Fred exclaimed and George continued "There are never ever two people with the same magical signature, but there are those that have, how to say this – loose parts of their magic. And those parts need –"

"Anchoring, mum always said anchoring" Fred injected. "Yes, anchoring, so when you meet someone that is able to anchor your magic and has it loose at the same time, a bond is created. But there is only one person in the whole world of sorcery and time that can anchor your magic."

"Understand?"

"Yes, I think so…" Hermione answered. The twins were really good at explaining, she would give them that. "And how does it influence you, even though I'm not sure if influence is the right word for it…"

"Yes, influence is the right word for it. Well, you can't really say it influences you. George, I'm no good at the feely kinda stuff, you explain." And with enthusiasm George took over "You feel safe with the one you're bonded to, you can guess if what they're feeling" "Share dreams?" Hermione asked quietly.

"Yes, even that. Bonds, you can't describe them with words, because most of it is based on emotions. You feel the need to be close to each other, but that doesn't mean you don't fight or behave like you lost all your principles and values. We're twins, so everyone expects us to be together, be the same. It's easier, I suppose. And we were together since before we were born so our bond is really strong. Since you met him two years ago – "

"Hermione please don't tell me it's Krum!" Fred cried out "Merlin, can you count? Two years ago is, well, let me see… is TWO, not one year ago." Hermione retorted but couldn't keep the smile off her face.

"Fred, stop ruining my moment of being able to explain something to Hermione, who – as we know – always knows everything" George whined and Fred only rolled his eyes. "As I was saying" George began to say but Fred interrupted him yet again "That's not fair, you got to say all the interesting stuff!" he fussed

"What? You told me to talk!" George said in a shrilly tone that reminded her too much of their mother.

"Boys, calm down, is there anything else I need to know?" Hermione tried very hard not to giggle at them but couldn't help it. "What's so funny?" One of them shrieked which made her laugh even harder.

"I think we've driven her mad George"

"Nay, I think she just couldn't believe our magnificence!" That made her stop laughing and she retorted quickly "there's nothing magnificent about you what so ever!"

"She hates us now!" Fred wailed and covered his face with his hands so she wouldn't see his tears, which were really not there. "It's going to be fine Freddie. We'll forget her and she wouldn't be able to hurt us anymore" George mock consoled his twin as he patted his shoulder.

"Hey! I'm still here!" Hermione clamoured. The twins, still wanting to keep up the offended pretence straightened their spines and began to talk in haughty voice "Well, the bond needs to grow, needs to be treated with care. You can't rely on it taking care of itself. Yours is new, but it's still there. It's not healthy to part with someone you're bonded to so chop, chop, off you go find your prince charming!"

Hermione pursed her lips. She couldn't just go and see the one she's bonded to could she. "About that, it's not possible."

"What do you mean not possible?" George asked her, now worried. He couldn't picture being separated from his twin. "He's not exactly from Hogwarts…" "Not exactly?" It was Fred's turn to interrogate their fellow mischief maker.

"Well, he studied here, but not anymore." Hermione said evasively. But what she didn't count on was the twin's deduction skills.

"Two years. That would be either –"

"No, that one's pining after the bubble girl. Sooo, that would leave –"

"Did she meet him? We know Harry did…"

"Someone had to rescue him from the Dementors"

It seemed as if the eyes of the twins lit up as soon as they figured out their minor riddle. "So tell us Hermione, how long have you known you were bonded to Sirius Black?" The two of them asked her as one.

Hermione's eyes bugged out. "It's nothing to be ashamed of" George said gently as the both of them sat down around their table again. "I don't know, two months?" She answered them in a shaky voice, her hands palming her face. "Snape did some spell so I know…"

They didn't question why Snape did some spell on her. They didn't have the same temper as Ron, Ginny or their mother. Instead of being repulsed by the idea of her bonded to Sirius, they both hugged her. However Hermione still had one question she needed the answer to.

Standing up she started pacing the classroom and when she finally looked at the twins, her eyes were filled with so much sorrow that the twins vowed to do everything in their might to prevent whatever brought that on from happening.

"What – what would happen if – if one of us died?" Hermione asked hoarsely. Death was part of the war and even though she didn't want to admit it to herself, there was a slight chance that one of them wouldn't survive it.

"You would still live, however you would cease to be living a life. As the bond grows, your magic is being replace by the one of the other until it's in perfect balance, half of it is yours and half of it is from the other one. When one of the bond dies, the part of the magic that wasn't originally yours dies with it. The magic is still there, but…"

Fred couldn't keep talking about it. Even thinking about made him feel the gaping hole that would be there if George died.

Hermione understood what he was trying to say. She couldn't bring herself to even think about the possibility of… The only reason she asked was because her inner voice kept nagging and nagging. And she needed to know.

All the time she needs to know and it always leads her to knowing something she really didn't want to. There would never come a time when Hermione stopped looking for answers, when she wouldn't need to know the answers. The carer in the orphanage once told her that sacrifices needed to be made in order to move on from point one.

As she laid at night on her bed, she wondered about how many sacrifices would need to be made in order to survive this war. They were being forced to grow up at fifteen, and even though she was supposed to be seventeen already, there were times she certainly didn't feel like it. Then she thought of Harry. Poor Harry. He was one of Voldemort's Horcruxes and she had no idea how to rid him of that soul that was latched onto his.

'It's simple. Two words, twelve letters. Green flash of light. Surely you could do it.' Her inner voice whispered in her ear. She grabbed her pillow from under her head and tried to silence the voice that practically told her to murder her brother. 'I could kill his soul, not Voldemort's and then there would be two of them running around! What then?' she asked the exacerbating voice.

'Do tell what happened to your brain? You have a wand, you could kill him, if it was Voldemort who would prevail the spell…' the voice mused in an annoyingly sweet tone.

Hermione didn't get much sleep that night. When she finally gave up she hoisted up her trunk from under her bed and dismantled all the wards that kept the locket hidden. It was still there, the serpent S felt like it was looking at her, mocking her existence, saying 'I'm still here, and I'm not going anywhere!'

She stared at it for a long time. The indecision that surrounded her was almost palpable. Until she finally grabbed it with her bare hand. It made her sick to hold such a vile object in her hand. The golden chain the locket hung on seemed to tighten around her hand but Hermione paid it no attention. She hated the piece of jewellery with all her might and she felt how it feasted on her feeling. It needed to be destroyed. She threw it back on her bed and glared at it.

Hermione hid it in her trunk again and sat on her bed in exasperation. Lavender and Parvati were still asleep completely ignorant of what she just did.

She needed to get rid of the locket. It was one simple spell, which she was terrified of. The dark fire, Fiendfyre. That alone could destroy the locket, if she didn't want to make a trip to the Headmaster's office and ask him to lend her the Gryffindor's Sword. Another option was to go into the Chamber of Secrets. However to go there, she would need Harry's help and explaining why she needed fangs of that foul creature really wasn't on her to-do's list.

So that left Fiendfyre. She would need to ask Snape to teach it to her. She was more than certain that her professor knew very well how to cast it. What she wasn't sure about was whether he would teach it to her or laugh in her face. Well, there was only one way to find out.

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><p><em>AN: Oh my! Forty chapters done! I feel incredible. What do you think about the Weasley boys? I had a lot of free time during this weekend so I decided to indulge you with two chapters instead of one. Finally, the bond between Hermione and Sirius is explained. I only hope it makes sense :D if there are any questions, please ask and I'll gladly answer them. The next chapter will be another confrontation between Snape and Hermione, also time has come to discover the D.A. _

_Thanks for reading and please review! I always love to read your opinion :-)_


	44. Chapter Forty One

"And where are you going?" George asked her as she briskly walked across the Gryffindor common room towards the portrait door. "Hmm, let me see, there's this door, which looks like a portrait?" Hermione teased him with mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

The common room was still empty seeing most of the students were still having dinner. Hermione was just on her way to the dungeons where she had a lesson with Snape. Again. "So, Fred and I were thinking – "

"Nooo! How did that happen?" Hermione asked him mock horrified.

"Oy! You're not the only one who's capable of using their brain!" George exclaimed. "Now I'm hurt!" Hermione huffed and the corners of her mouth twitched upwards. George, noticing that, grinned at her like a lunatic "See! There's still some of that mischievous you we thought we've lost!"

"You know you'd never lose me, George!" Hermione said sweetly but George could see a bit of sadness in her eyes. "None of that! Now, 'Mione, we need – hem – help…" he whispered the end of the sentence and she had to strain her ears to hear him. Quirking an eyebrow she asked teasingly "And what do the oh-so-great pranksters of Hogwarts need my help with?"

"You would actually help us?" George was genuinely surprised. He certainly didn't expect her help, maybe after a day of begging she would eventually budge. True, she occasionally helped them with some ideas when she was pissed off with Harry and especially his idiotic younger brother Ron. When all the genius of his family went to him and his twin, what can you really expect?

"Weeeell…" Hermione drawled and leaned on the wall next to the portrait door. "Depends on what you really need… See, I'm very, very busy…" She said matter of factly. "Oh c'mon 'Mione!" George whined like a little baby.

"George, George, George" She reprimanded him "I can't help you if I don't know what you need my help with…" She could see that the tips of his ears went red. Fortunately George wasn't Ronald so there won't be any temper tantrum in the near future.

"It's got to do with Umbridge…" George started to say but Hermione interrupted him. "That's going to take long. After the next meeting" she gave him a pointed look and he immediately understood what meeting she was talking about "we can talk… Right now, I need to go" she said in a hurry glancing at the clock above the mantelpiece. Grimacing at the time, she swept out of the common room, leaving a confused George behind.

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><p>"I thought I'd never see the day when the Gryffindor know-it-all would be late. Fortunately you're right on time" Snape said, stressing the right. Hermione wasn't afraid of him anymore like she was in her first and second year.<p>

"Yes, well, I needed to discuss something with my dorm mates…" She didn't know why she was lying to him. Or maybe she did. Would she really tell professor Snape that the twins, and very likely even Lee were planning something to do about the pink menace, namely their dear High Inquisitor? No, of course she wouldn't tell him. She still had some common sense left.

"Truly, I do not need to know what those Gryffindor dunderheads needed again. Now, page thirty one will do for today." He expected her to open the page but she only looked at him strangely, even with some nervousness in her eyes, he would say.

"Professor… Sir, may I ask you to teach me something?" she wasn't exactly sure how to ask him so she decided on direct approach. There was no need for beating around the bush. Either he would say yes or he would say no and she would need to learn it on her own, which she wasn't sure was such a good idea.

"Yes?" He asked her, wanting to know what was all this shyness about. "Could you teach me to cast Fiendfyre, sir?" Well, he certainly didn't expect that.

Hermione would swear his face went even paler than usual. She didn't understand his aversion however, seeing as he was one of the Deatheaters and wanting to teach DADA for as long as she could remember. She knew, of course, that most people weren't what they made themselves to be like. Take her for example, she _could count_ on the _fingers_ of one _hand_ the _people_ that actually _knew _her.

"And why would you need that?" Snape demanded to know. She couldn't really tell him about the Horcruxes, could she…? She could lie, but then, why would she? She didn't need to hide her true intents with this teacher. She didn't need to strive to be the best of her class, always writing more than was assigned, always striving to know the exact textbook answer. No, with professor Snape, she was allowed to maintain at least some of her true self.

Sometimes she was afraid that she would actually become the person she made herself to be like. Annoying, teachers' pet, playing down her abilities in the D.A., always prim and proper, following the rules. She knew that some of that stayed with her, like her love of a good book, but that had more to do with the actual spells or potions she learned from them. Oh how she loved the feeling of magic rushing threw her fingers, curling her toes with excitement when she mastered each and every one of them.

"You know professor that some things are better left unsaid. And unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, this is one of them. I'm not planning on burning the castle to the ground, but it is important that I master it"

He wanted to snap at her, he really did. 'Impertinent girl, what is she thinking?! You can't decide to cast Fiendfyre, just for the heck of it! He needed to know the reason behind her request but he knew that Legilimency was out of the question. He remembered what happened to him when he tried that at Grimmauld Place.

He saw her as a highly intelligent person, he would even go as far to say that she was way smarter than him when he was her age. But when he was in his fifth year Malfoy was well on his way to become a Deatheater and he followed him soon enough. His need to be accepted and his love for the Dark Arts made him a suitable candidate for one of the followers of the Dark Lord.

So when a young woman comes to him and demands from him that he taught her how to cast Fiendfyre, the darkest fire, of course he's more than sceptical about it. Should he trust her? Should he trust her judgement? After all, she was the one who keeps the boy-who-just-won't-die alive…

Sighing, Snape pinched his nose. Either he would help her, which would mean that he would have at least some control over what she actually did with the fire, or he would tell her no, which would could end up with the tradition of burning witches alive, only that this time it would be a real witch. So the answer to her question was yes, but he didn't want to seem like he was ebbing…

"Well Miss Granger, you beat me in a duel, and I'll teach you how to cast Fiendfyre"

That wasn't what she expected of him, but she really shouldn't be surprised. He was a Slytherin through and through and simply agreeing to teach her on the spot didn't seem like the dungeon bat master.

Without waiting for her response he banished the book she had spent four months with and looked at her with gleam in his eyes.

'Okay, beating Snape in a duel… I've never really managed to beat any grown wizard… So that's going to be easy…' she thought sarcastically. During the summer she duelled with both Sirius and Remus, and then a few times with Mad-Eye, but she supposed that really wasn't that difficult. She remembered how she changed her opinion about her duelling the first time she came in contact with Moody's hexes. That was the first real eye-opener. But now she had to beat a Deatheater.

It wasn't that she saw him only as a Deatheater but it was a major part of his life and only a fool would claim otherwise. Moreover, he needed to be good at fighting, lethal is the right word for it. She didn't see it as a degrading term for him since without him, the Order would lose much valuable information. But could she do it? Beat him? She would need to. For Harry, she would do it. It is a funny thing, motivation.

Maybe she bit off more than she could chew. He just stood there, with his bloody shield up, and she could do nothing but try to tear it down. Which was not working. "Really Miss Granger? You thought you could just waltz in and beat me? I was trained by the Dark Lord himself, do you really think you could beat me that easily?" he taunted her.

One thing she learned from Lupin during the summer she spent in the Black manor was that intent and emotions were the basic of magic and the only thing she needed was to use them to her advantage. However what Snape was exceptionally good at was riling her up. She was convinced he was doing it on purpose – making her angry.

"Rule one Miss Granger, never ever let your opponent have the upper hand. They must never see that they won." And with that he cast some nonverbal spell that made her land on her bum.

'Why do I always have to end up on the floor?' she asked herself.

'I know! I know!' her other self-imitated her attitude during her first year at Hogwarts. Yeah, maybe she exaggerated that a bit than she had to… She would roll her eyes at herself if her butt didn't hurt so much.

'No surprise there, you see, that happens when you fall on cold hard stone.' Her inner voice lectured her and she didn't wonder why Ron hated it so much. It really was annoying.


End file.
